Meg & Chris Play MASH

Ah, yes. Here we are. Just another glorious day in the office. But today isn't just any other day, today is Co-Blogger Chris' birthday! He's graced this earth for 24 glorious years now, and good for him for making it this far (because Lord knows I remember a New Years Eve when a belligerently drunk Chris wiggled his way out of my talons and disappeared down a dark Brooklyn street and I thought, "Welp, that's the end of that kid. Guess we'll find him floating in the East River sometime in the next week or so.")

I thought it might be fun to play a good old fashioned game of MASH with Chris to see what year #24 has in store. (Plus we're both bored as fuck and MASH is L0LZ, but that goes without saying. Also, true or false: I frequently play MASH solo using this website?......True.)

CHRIS' FUTURE

M A S H

Job:
Doctor
Psychologist
Scientist
Payless Sales Associate

# of Cover Letters You Had to Write to Get Said Job:
0
1
2
489,628,300

# of Condescending Bosses You Have:
0
0, but your co-workers are assholes
1
489,628,300

Who You Talk to on Gchat All Day:
Matt
Corinne
Meg
Ramona from The Real Housewives of New York City

Fill in the Blank: Your Sex Life is ______:
Amazing
Satisfying
Exhausting
Questionable

# of Beers it Takes to Get Drunk:
6
8
10
0

# of AIDS scares:
0
1
2
69

Husband:
Matt
Jake Gyllenhaal
Cat Deeley
Rob, our ex Slumlord Naziaire

# of Kids:
2
3
4
1/2

Car:
Prius
Lexus
Jeep
Segway

Chris:
You will become a scientist, a job which you had to write 489,628,300 cover letters to get. At your job, you have 0 condescending bosses, but all of your coworkers are assholes. You spend your days talking with me on gchat, it takes you 6 beers to get drunk and you have an exhausting sex life. You have 1 AIDS scare before you quit dipping your wick in anything that moves and settle down in a nice little shack with your husband—Rob, our ex Slumlord Naziaire. Together, you have half a child whom you shuttle around in a nice American made Jeep. FIN.

And for good Measure...

MEG'S FUTURE

M A S H

Job:
Trophy Wife
Mattress Tester
Graphic Designer
Fluffer

# of Cover Letters You Had to Write to Get Said Job:
0
1

2
68 and 1 headshot

# of Condesending Bosses You Have:
0

0, but he's a sexual harrasser
1
3 and none of them know your name and treat you like a slave

Who You Talk to on Gchat All Day:

Chris
Alex
Anna
Every awkward hookup you've ever had

Fill in the Blank: Your Sex Life is ______:

AWESOME
Colorful
Satisfying
Perverse

# of Beers it Takes to Get Drunk:

5
6
8
1 sip of O'Douls

# of AIDS scares:
0
1
2

0 but you have the clap

Husband:
Cat Deeley
Hottie Caribou Coffee Barista
Michael Showalter
Craig T. Nelson

# of Kids:
1
2
3
18 and a real loose vagina

Car:
Jeep
Lexus
Prius
Huffy

Meg:
After trolling for several years on craigslist, you finally managed to land your dream job as a trophy wife after sending out only 2 cover letters. This job has all the perks including a mansion which you call home, 2 beautiful children, and your loving husband Hottie Caribou Coffee Barista. You have 0 condescending bosses, but he is a sexual harasser, but it's cool because he's your husby. When you aren't being inappropriately groped, you spend all day on gchat chatting with every awkward hookup you've ever had and unfortunately, HCCB only lets you drive a huffy when you leave the house. After 8 beers, you start to feel a bit tipsy, so you and HCCB go up to the bedroom for some of your satisfying sex life, which was marred only slightly by 2 AIDS scares throughout your life.

My MASH life is infinately better than my real life will ever be. (Minus the AIDS scares.)