4.02.2008

The 20 Male Poses of Facebook

For reasons that I’m not going to explain because it makes me look like a giant loser, I was recently looking through all of the guys named Ryan in New York City on Facebook. First, let me say that there are a lot of gents named Ryan living in this city. Although I didn’t find the Ryan I was originally looking for, my quest became a truly interesting study of facebook photos and faux pas.

The Facebook Photo— a bitch and a lover. As a girl, I choose my facebook photo primarily by how unrealistically attractive I look in it. It’s narcissistic, but you can’t deny that you do the same thing. I’m not going to lie, sometimes when I’m getting ready to go out, I’ll evaluate whether or not I’m lookin’ “Facebook-worthy” that night. In other instances I’ll even attend certain events just because I think I’ll get a cute Facebook pic out of it. Overall, it’s accepted that girls use their Facebook pic as an outlet to display their “Oh my Gawd I look HAWT!” pictures. What about guys? With guys it’s harder. It would be a little gay for a guy to display a nicely cropped photo of himself trying to look as cute as possible, workin’ all the right angles and sucking in like the world is about to end. While I was searching through the Ryans, I discovered that there exist 20 different standard shots that guys use for their Facebook picture. It’s like guys got together and agreed that these 20 poses will make them look good without trying to hard because that would be gay dude. The best part is that most of them are a hilariously horrible call. Let’s do a little study, shall we? I present to you, The 20 Male Poses of Facebook!

#1: The High Contrast/Photoshop Filter/iSight Shot

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This is the equivalent of walking around wearing a half mask and a cape like the Phantom of the Opera. You’re hiding something. And there’s a large possibility that something is a skin problem.

#2: The Prepster at a Function Shot

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He could be at a wedding, cocktail party, engagement party, sailing team reception, whatever. Either way he inevitably graduated from Wake Forest and now works for Ernst & Young.

#3: The Just Hangin’ with my Bros Shot

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Whereas girls have an odd ability to quickly line up in cute formation, hug and make a kissy face to the girl to their left, guys have the ability to stand next to their bros, look awkward, barely touch each other and look stoic. SMILING IS FOR PUSSIES BITCH! NOW GET ME A NATTY LIGHT!

#4: The Too Much Party For One Picture Shot

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Dude, I was so fucked up that night. Who were those girls?

#5: The I Love my Girlfriend Shot

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Awww you love your girlfriend! Sadly 9 times out of 10 the girlfriend withheld sex or whined uncontrollably until he put this as his pic to ward off evil sluts and give his bros something to laugh at him for. There’s nothing like forced love.

Speaking of couples…#6: The Me & My Girlfriend Support a Team! Shot

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I was surprised at how many of these there were. I actually find this less offensive than The I Love my Girlfriend Shot. It’s less forced and involves beer.

#7: The THIS GUY! Shot

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One of my all time favorite poses. It always makes me wonder, what is it about that guy? That Guy always seems kind of lame and bro-like. What is it about him that makes you not only like him enough to share your Facebook profile pic real estate with him, but also point directly at him? This kid man…this guy…

#8: The Drunk Guido Shot

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There’s beautiful consistency in these shots. Ingredients to make a Drunken Guido Shot: year round tan, gelled up hair, groomed eyebrows, designer suit, shirt open, expensive mix drink in hand (optional: slutty girl named Alexa on your arm, name of the lounge’s website at the bottom, usually containing “Nite Life” somewhere, proving that you’re so hot, you’re a local celebrity.) Now aggressively point to the camera like the photographer just insulted your mother’s lasagna.

#9: The I Don’t Know if you Know, But I Work Out Shot

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This is an extreme version, but I had to share. Usually this shot is of a guy who just happens to have his shirt off and who just happens to have a 12 pack and just happens to be flexing at the moment someone randomly took their picture.

#10: The Wacky, Fun Guy Shot

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I would date this guy and then be surprised when it turns out he has a drug problem and treats me like shit.

#11: The Babby Daddy Shot

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When I have a kid, I think I’m going to retire all of this Internet socializing. Know why? Because I’ll be too busy actually raising my kid and not virtually poking people. (That’s a lie and we both know it.)

#12: The Just Jamming with my Band Shot

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So emo, I’m not even mad.

#13: The Seasonably Inappropriate Shot

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God knows you looked good in that James Bond costume, but it’s June, time to switch up the photo. I have to admit, I have been victim to this shot myself. I have this one picture of myself in my sophomore year Halloween costume where I look ridiculously cute. It’s sort of blurred, I’m wearing Playboy bunny ears and I was caught at the best angle ever. I think I rocked that picture for like 8 months straight before I finally had to retire it. But, all good things must come to end…so let’s retire all Halloween costume pictures, sitting on Santa’s lap shots, and maybe even drunk St. Patrick’s Day pics. Look forward to Earth Day on the 22nd!

#14: The Self-Photographer Shot

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Not to be confused with…

#15: The Self-Cell-Photographer Shot

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The shittier version of an already shitty action. But then there’s always…

#16: The Accidental Self-Photographer Shot

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God Damnit I love these. You can crop a photo all you want, but the telltale elevated shoulder will always give you away. I love these because the photographer/subject truly believes that we will believe he was just caught by someone in this moment of pensive thought. But this isn’t even the height of social retardation and self-photography! We still have…

#17: The Future Pedophile of America Shot

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What the fuck? Are you trying to tell me that you don’t have one friend who could take a picture of your creepy ass? Not one person? You’re just forced to sit there in a dark room, creepily lit up by your computer monitor and take it yourself with your web cam? And are you so into your porn and/or Myst game that you can’t be bothered to look in the damn lens and smile? These make me want to take a shower immediately…

#18: The Fuck You Shot

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So, let me get t his straight— you’re too cool for Facebook, yet there’s calculated effort to seem badass and aloof. And every Fuck You Shot I found was of a fat little middle schooler like this one. Kid, get a friend and let your hair grow in.

#19: The Throwin’ a Hand Sign Shot

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A classic. I understand the need to be doing something with your hands when taking a picture; it’s a little awkward. But a good gang sign or shocker is much better than the middle finger (you little Columbine-esque freak). I don’t know how many pictures exist of me throwing the shocker (not because I enjoy it, just because it makes people uncomfortable and is badass.) However, what is that sign this guy is doing??? It’s…

#20: THE MYSTERY HAND GESTURE SHOT
Ok. What’s going on here? Seriously, what is that? A consistently sideways peace sign? That has to mean something. 20 points to the first person who solves this mystery.

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I saw it countless times during my photo-research.

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It’s like the carrot sign thingy you use when you’re coding something. Is it slang for something? I thought I knew all of the cool ghetto hand signs! Did I seriously just use a coding reference in trying to prove that I’m cool?

Wow. I’m out.

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Sha la la!
Patsy

220 comments:

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Minky said...

you have done it again Patsy....this one was good, damn good.

2 birds, 1 blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
2 birds, 1 blog said...

thanks minky! :)

i'll be in dc the weekend before my birthday! come sunday night and get a diane rowland dinner!

DC said...

I loved this! Without even looking through facebook I could pretty much put one of my guy friends to each of these poses...except for the self-cell shots and creepy pedophile one..ew.

Anonymous said...

thank you! i just realized i have a friend who has a bonafide creepy pedophile shot...i'm hoping he'll read this entry...

<3 P

Blair Waldorf said...

that was the best thing i've read in at least twenty four hours.

and though i'd like to think i don't fall into any of the aforementioned categories...since my fbook picture has run the gamut from me as a small child to a seasonally appropriate picture, i know i've been guilty of at least a few of these. namely, the drunken guido shot.

someone takes out a camera and i suddenly have on a designer suit. it's a bizarre phenomenon.

Anna said...

you should wall post the link to your blog on every guy whose picture you used. it wouldn't be creepy at all AND they'd learn a valuable life lesson.

also, blog well done. it's your best yet. peace and love, your #1 fan

laura said...

oh meg, your posts always make me think...

So apparently the sideways peace sign runs the gamut from being just that, a sideways peace sign, to being a gang symbol, a greeting or farewell (referred to as “chunk a deuce” at urbandictionary.com) or an obscene gesture referencing the vagina in England, to something Lindsay Lohan started doing in every single photo of her leaving-reentering rehab… Oh sideways peace sign, you do get around.

rachbrandon said...

Personally I think the sideways peace sign is the only thing they can throw up without getting shot

Joshua said...

wow, that is thorough and impressive. I was happy to see my facebook picture only sorta falls into one of these categories, but at least it's not the "I'm a guido with no friends looking at porn" one. That's a bad, super category.

Anonymous said...

Well done, but you clearly overlooked the "spirit animal" shot as evidenced by this, and other profiles .

Anonymous said...

Seriously... You are like fucking 50! What the hell are you on FB for

brookem said...

i love this. how freakin true. dudes and their silly poses. they think we don't know this shit? that they're being stealth? suave? think again buddy, we're on to you!

Ailie Calhoun said...

Holy Cow, I just laughed out loud 20 times.

stealthnerd said...

Wow...that was frighteningly accurate. And hilarious.

Heather said...

couldn't be more proud of my brother, save the best for last!

Anonymous said...

Too funny! ... aaaand I know couple #6... small world! Although I think you forgot one... "action barbie Ken" - Mid-Beirut shot!

Dizzy Steinway said...

I feel you on number 10. I kinda want him too. And then I'd make you sit on my couch for hours and console me, like we were "trying to figure it out". And then we'd watch... The 10. Do you feel my pattern?

Vanessa said...

I'm looking forward to the "girls in New York City named Christina" photo break down. Please don't let me down.

Illuminati said...

Funny stuff..well done.

Going to take my picture down now.

t.La Monster said...

Oh my freakin hilarious. That, that was awesome reading.

thank you.

frau sally benz said...

This was absolutely awesome. My co-worker and I were having a very crappy day. We now can't stop laughing.

Dallas Diaries said...

This is hilarious!

TS said...

You are SO cool!

:)
And I'm GLAD that my facebook profile doesn't fall into any of the 20 listed. Phew!

I'm still cool, too. Gosh I hope.

jewels said...

I love this column ladies! you inspired me and I added a few to your list.

http://techromance-jewels.blogspot.com/

LG said...

Yup, sounds right!

kenny said...

the lovely anna h. turned me onto your blog and this post is so shareworthy everyone at my work is now a fan.

Anonymous said...

hysterical! I think you should continue with your research and it match.com!! You will find a scary consistancy!

Morally Casual said...

God damn good woman, god damn good.

Carl said...

Gee, I have about 80 pictures of myself on FB, and I don't have a single one like any of these!

Tyler said...

hahahhahahaahahha
omg
all of those are so true
what a classic one
if you could Digg this I would!!
if you get time, please check out my blog!
http://tylerstunna.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Decent! You should post your logo or some other photo on this collage: www.decentcollage.com

Max said...

This was hilarious, but I really think you should put in at least 3 or 4 examples for each of the types. For one thing, if there really are THAT many... prove it! But mostly, it would just be way more hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Umm sadly I was looking for Ryan too on facebook the other day..yes, the very cute Ryan from the Glamour blog. I couldn't find him either.

Clair Bear said...

Hahah. That was fantastic. I spent the last twenty minutes trying to think of one you missed...but I think that not only have you solved facebook, you've gained a good chunk of insight into the male psyche. Creepy.

Ryan said...

I have about 15 of those in my my facebook photos. The only one that I slightly disagree with is The Guido Shot. It would make more sense if you were searching for Tonys and Salvatores. Very few guidos named Ryan.

Anonymous said...

stop looking for dudes you shagged named ryan in NY, you dirty bird

Greg said...

"So emo, I’m not even mad." Great article. That line alone, converted me to a fan.

Anonymous said...

negativity is cheap

Willyum said...

The line "So emo, I'm not even mad" is redundant. "Emo" is short for emotional. Now follow me here, if something or someone is "so emo", then this means it is very emotional. Thus making your already stupid line even more retarded. Check your shit before you post something such as that. By the way, this has been done before.

Dean said...

"Sideways Peace" sign = scissors. They're touting their favorite from ro-sham-bo...

Anonymous said...

This was an awesome list. L'dMAO

Anonymous said...

very funny!!! The other day a girlfriend of mine was so insistent on her boyfriend changing his profile pic because she claimed to dislike it, then MADE him replace it with a pic of them on new years all kissy! Before she confronted him she told me she was pissed at his ex posting on his 'wall'!!

You're 100% dead on! LOL

a. said...

i just found this on a forum and had to fully read it. omg it's soo funny and so true!

Joe said...

20 male photo varieties beats the 4 or 5 girls do, most of which have identical facial expressions.

Anonymous said...

"20 points to whoever solves this mystery" had me cracking up, mind if I use that one?

Anonymous said...

I sense a lot of bitterness in you :P

megan said...

Sideways Peace Sign obviously means that the person displaying it only wants to "end gang violence."

suzi said...

I don't get much time to surf the net, but when I came across this post, I absolutely LOVED it! - by far, the BEST I have seen in months! VERY creative and whacky like your blog title! Thanks for the fun and the laughter here in my little office! I am going to bookmark this and add you to my next post to share. You are a hoot! Have a great weekend, Suzi

Mike Hunt said...

Haha! I've been throwing the Shocker since highschool.

Brian and Kim said...

This is hilarious!!

Anonymous said...

Hi-lar-i-ous!

Anonymous said...

you forgot the 'just so you know, i travel around the world' shot. this happens to be my go to.

ps. the wake forest jab was appropriate, but washington and lee out-chach us every day of the week

SARAHSPY said...

this is GREAT. so accurate

johnathan said...

which one is this?

a.non.y.mous said...

Can't wait for the 20 female poses of facebook

Mad Cow said...

I just found your blog, and I love this. Funniest shit ever.

Ace Harmon said...

Hilarious post. Hooked off of @georgesmithjr on Twitter.

I have to admit, you either missed one or got a little specific. #9 could be expanded to "I'm just that extreme," featuring pictures in extreme places, playing extreme sports, and catching big air on your latest half pipe run. Of course, I'm from Colorado, so perhaps people around here are a little more outdoorsy and extreme than most places.

Lotta said...

Excellent post!

melange muse said...

bahaha...this is so true and so funny!

Waldo said...

Ya, pretty much those are them. I guess I fall sort of under the same title as the guy with the balloon penis, because I am wearing ass less chaps. Well, pants that someone ripped the back pockets off of while I was wearing them.

Thoughts of an Ezoteric Mind said...

First, that Wlllyum fellow is obviously a fan, and more certainly than not an avid user of numbers 1, 3, 7, 14, 16, and CLEARLY 18. So much EMOTION that this bloke is EMOTING out the ass ...

Anyway, I wanted to compliment you on the blog. It was a very interesting and entertaining read, and even though I don't agree with it in its entirety, (I love 14-16 to death) I am mature enough to give credit where credit is due. You have just found yourself another reader.

Take care, and keep writing/typing.

Anonymous said...

That WAS Hillarious!
Just made my day! XD

Swistle said...

Okay, LOVE IT?? YES!!

Swistle said...

Also, just thinking it over, not even looking, I have one male friend in a Halloween costume, one in too much party, two baby daddy, two love my girlfriend, one who wants to let us know he participates in adventure sports, and two sneaky self-portraits.

jake said...

AMAZINGLY well done.

stuffbykate said...

What a great post! Two points! :)

Brenny said...

bahahhahah OMG this is jokes.

Anonymous said...

Too true.

Joey said...

I would say every guy has been through at least 5 of those, if not more lol

The Bertis said...

So funny! My only amendment to this would be to combine the two "self photographer" and replace it with "I know your taking a picture but I am acting like I don't know your taking a picture so I can look like I am not posing...but I am posing"

Anonymous said...

Scissor Gang Mafia Holmes!
get hip.

charity said...

I am a total stranger, surprise! you're blog entry is totally being passed around the world wide web because it is rad! congrats!

Charlie G said...

Brilliant! A couple of potential additions:

the "look where I went on vacation, bitches" shot, usually taken right in front of a Pat O'Brien's or Joe's Stone Crab sign.

the "check out my sweet ride" shot, invariably leaning against (someone else's) BMW.

dante hicks said...

The sideways peace sign is a show of maledouchary. see: http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com

Anonymous said...

20 points says he suffering from "Farfrompoopin" syndrome. German term for constipation. It's obvious he took laxatives and is performing #2 turtling poopy dance.
Hilarious!!! Good job...

Thirty-Nine said...

Totally true and totally funny.

Another one: The "I look introspective" photo. Looking out the window at something, or something. Yes, mine is like that. I need a new profile pic. Maybe I'll throw up some meaningless hand signs instead.

Anonymous said...

Hi, there's a blog that has the same idea, but from a male perspective; apparently there are only 20 different kinds of breast on women, and you can see all the varieties here; www.whyisitokforwomentobesexist.com

(forgive the anonymous comment-I don't need any more misandrist abuse)

erynchandler said...

so funny! Thanks so much for that study! my fav was the douche bag guido shot! all slutty italian girls are named Alexa!

Royce said...

This is great...I think I have had two and know people who have had the rest. The sideways peace sign is the gang sign for the scissors gang mafia (SGM). See: http://thedirty.com/?cat=26

メイ said...

you are so funny...

Schaufenster said...

Hilarious! You put all those NYC Ryans in their place....

darkrenown said...

Excellent, and the amount of work that went into it is......actually it's pretty scary.
The V-Sign (reversed peace sign), if you're in the UK anyway is an alternative to the middle finger.
History says that in one of the numerous wars with the French, our British Longbow men would taunt the French Knights (shortly before slaughtering them from a long way away) by waving their two bow fingers (the V Sign)

Tallulah Joe said...

Oh Lord. There are too many 19's on my Facebook. I believe British guys are extremely unimaginitive and lazy, that or seemingly aware of their stalker-like mug shots, and proud of it. Kudos ladies. :)

メイ said...

i have a friend whose profile pic doesn't fit in any categ. you oughta add a 21st pose

Anonymous said...

I'm a Ryan in NY, and my profile pic doesn't fit into any of these categories! HA!

Dave Bessom said...

The "That Guy" pic bears an unhealthy resemblance to the cover photo of Tucker Max's book, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell."

w. said...

wow, that's hilarious great post!

Anonymous said...

what about "cartoon character version of guy" ?

Taryn said...

I need to repost this on my FB... it's hilarious!!

mrobinson said...

This reminds me so much of the classic website, http://myspaceisgay.com/
so much angst can be derived from these tiny photos.

Katie cat said...

lol, might you have been looking for a cute Ryan in NYC with a last name starting with a K?

jess said...

hahahaha

oh and fyi the unidentified hand gesture in #19 is the "superfinger" made up by dane cook.

lucky me...my bf put up our only kissy picture without my knowledge or bitching :)

Bill said...

what about "I'm a porn star"?

Weatherly said...

Hilarious! I think you truly captured them all except the "I'm a real estate agent/ new attorney and this is my professional business shot so that I can try to fool you into thinking I'm legit and not the clown you remember" shot.

raymi lauren said...

HAHAHH YES

LISKULA said...

fucking brilliant.... nuf said...

Anonymous said...

Your observations and photos remind me of the style of writing over at HotChicksWithDouchebags! You're funny and good to see you include a new broader range of guy photo hilarity!

boz said...

haha very good. Unfortunately I've often been lured into a number 5 - the warding off evil sluts shot. But it's all for love right.... right?? :)

Tiffany Anne said...

hilarious and fantastic!

Anonymous said...

Damn. I went to wake, and that picture looks just like me.

Anonymous said...

Great Job! We all are really a whole bunch of dorks just trying to seem important on Facebook. Men and women alike. Really, so incredibly funny.

Anonymous said...

lol, so true.

www.whyweprotest.net

peace out.

Janine Falcon said...

Damn. I think my girl crush just tipped a little into stalking.

Anonymous said...

you forgot childhood photo.

bonafidesassy said...

dont forget the, "i'm-still-single-but-have-a-lot-of-hot-sexy-girlfriends-shot!" You know, its the one with the guy and all his super hot female friends. He;s saying, "even though I've got such a wide variety of sexy women to choose from, I am still available and single. Catch me while you can!" Probably doesnt even know the girls in the shot, but his myspace/facebook pictures include at least 10-20 pictures of him with different women. haha

Rebecca said...

Lol that entire thing made me lol! Keep up the good work! Do one on Myspace next :P

Anonymous said...

You forgot to add a picture with a male posing by his sport car ;-) Peter Paindemonium

diva said...

funny funny ha ha ha!

Anonymous said...

I think you nailed the nail right on it's head! Pictures were perfect and completely true! Funny

Anonymous said...

crap, I am a guido loser.

chaosoutoforder said...

This is stellar work.

The peace signs in the photos are the visual equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.

I have good mind to chop their fingers off with a cigar cutter.

Anonymous said...

When I was much younger, my then-boyfriend (now husband) & his friends used the sideways peace sign to denote some guy was cheating on his girlfriend..."a little piece on the side"

Anonymous said...

When I was much younger, my then-boyfriend (now husband) & his friends used the sideways peace sign to denote some guy was cheating on his girlfriend..."a little piece on the side"

Anonymous said...

In australia, another one would have to be "this is me and my bro's/cousins/randoms at a music festival where we all took pingers and didnt see any bands... with my shirt off."

Chad said...

I don't think my picture fits into any of those 20 categories.

http://profile.ak.facebook.com/v222/1416/82/n80402671_925.jpg

How wuld you describe it?

Dom Mogavero said...

This is hilarious. okay, it's time for one of us guys to create the same for all the girl shots too!!
Dominic

Rizzo Tees said...

Brilliant! What about the "kid takes my place in the shot" picture? hahahaaa

Anonymous said...

Excellent post! reminds me to change my profile pic.... :)

DIM! said...

sow cool..I am gonna make a post like that on my blog about HYVS (dutch biggest networdk site)

Anonymous said...

You don't have permission to copy and re-publish these shots.

sergio said...

I resemble several of these at once.

Eileen said...

this is brilliant. Now please go on Match.com and do it again! Guy with computer! Guy with car! Guy with car behind door (probably hiding gut)!

guy. said...

Brilliant. However, I think you have more research to do, as my photo doesn't fit any of these.

Sean said...

I think I can most closely relate to #10, but am also glad I cropped the phallic prop out of mine and just got the mischievous smile >:)

great post!

Anonymous said...

The top female poses:

The "pose with my niece" shot: I'm not married, don't have kids, but I wish I was/wish I did so baaaadly that I'm posting this lame photo with my kid sister's kid.

The sports shot. On a bike, on skis, running a marathon - users choice. The message: my boobs haven't hit the floor. Yet.

The picture of me as a kid. This is a picture of me at age 9/10/12/16. You don't want to see a picture of me today. My boobs have hit the floor.

The professional headshot. I'm so important, that people take professional headshots of me. And I don't even notice how lonely I am!

The family-on-the-beach-in-khakis-and-white-shirts. See? My husband posed for this. He wouldn't cheat on me. Would he?

The Obama Whore. Holding a sign that says "Yes we can!" Yes, she did. All of the interns. Male and female.

The world traveler. In front of the Acropolis/a desert/Macchu Picchu/etc. Bonus points if indigenous people are in the pic.

The fun party girl. Bonus points if you are holding a cosmo.

The hanging with my BFFs. As if having pretty friends makes YOU pretty.

The oversmile. Smiling sooo hard, you can't even notice how desperately lonely I am.

The "kids" shot. My boobs have hit the floor, so I'm posting pics of my ugly kids instead.

The with-my-hubby shot. He's handsome and a good earner. he wouldn't cheat. Would he???

The dog shot. total capitulation. I'm so ugly, look at my puppy instead.

The horse shot. Horses, people. If she had to rank 'em.

The distance shot. Bonus points with indigenous people or a recognizable landmark in the background. She's so far in the distance, you don't notice that her boobs have hit the floor.

Tish said...

Hilarious!

Braided Diva said...

This gave me such a good chuckle!!

Jazzy said...

I am tired of seeing these damn poses....great post!

DJ Wax On said...

Awesome. you're on the money there.

Garden Chick said...

You are so right!

Leonora said...

I would love to see a counterpart to this article about the 20 -- with the 200 or so variations -- poses of women on Facebook. The three quarter Paris Hilton angle would definitely be up there in the top 5, along with the pursed lipped mirror face.

Anonymous said...

You must be in high school because you still use the term "gay" as if it is a derogatory term. Thanks for offending us.

Irv said...

Nobody cares if you're offended for christ sake get over it. To straight guys inferring that they like to suck dick and take a shot in the mouth is derogatory. You choose to be offended. (response to previous comment) Also you missed the posing with an award shot. Maybe less common in some crowds, but I admit I always have me posing with a gold medal from a grappling touney, and you better believe a title belt will stay up for eternity should I ever win one

Irv said...

Also to the guy who says you don't have permission to repost these shots. If you post something on the internet yourself, don't bitch if it turns up somewhere else....you yourself put it on the public forum and released it to public eyes.

Mango said...

Just one quick comment.... Myst is actually a really fun game! XD

Anonymous said...

what is this a fucking circle jerk? bet you people spend all your lives telling each other how awesome your blogs are, when most of them are full of bullshit like this.

get over yourselves, get out a bit, and maybe then you won't be so bitter about how people portray themselves on facebook.

I suppose the author has either a 100% perfect photo that doesn't fall into any of the above categories, or simply avoids posting photos because she's too cool for that shit. give me a fucking break.

I hate stumble sometimes, especially when the article is goddamn awful I feel compelled to try and raise awareness of such shit.

honestly the world would be a better place if blogs were never invented.

Anonymous said...

Someone obviously falls into one of the categories...

Anonymous said...

that was stupid

Grandpa Ramo said...

ouch, i was laughing at all these people until I scrolled down to #10. n boy was she surprised.

Konraden said...

I'm so awesome, I don't even use my own picture. I've got my brother on mine (we look like twins [but really aren't] so it's okay).

I've agree with you on pretty much everyone of these. Most of these I would write off as "douche bags" and be on my merry way. Others I would say are complete idiots. If you can't figure out how to make the auto-timer work on your camera, you deserve to look like a fool.

Stumbled onto this. Good read, enjoyed it.

~K

Marein said...

I say, the negative reference towards Myst was completely uncalled for.

I liked the rest though ^^

Anonymous said...

#19: The Throwin’ a Hand Sign Shot<-------It's the Scissor Gang Mafia!! Run while you can!

Anonymous said...

the hand sign is prob. this :
The V-Sign: This is a distinctly British gesture that other nationalities may fail to recognise. One story of its origin is that the at the Battle of Agincourt (1415) the Deputy of the French king, Constable Charles d'Albret threatened to cut off the fingers of the much feared British longbow archers after he had defeated them. It was not to be. The outnumbered archers slaughtered the French, won the battle and then waved their two (drawstring) fingers at the retreating enemy. This story ties in with its common meaning of "Piss off". Its origin is actually more likely to have been from the act of double penetration masturbation.

Hiral said...

Oh my god, I know two of the guys on this list. In fact, they know each other. How weird is that?

D. Kendall said...

Well, no joke but picture #3 in the green shirt - that's my ex from high school. Hilarious that he's on this blog. Thanks for making my day with the description.

Anonymous said...

The i look at other people's facebook photos and analyze them because i have no life shot! looks like u!

Call me Fitz. said...

I think #19 is saying "I am less of a man than that dude, but more of a man than...this chick." Well, congrats.

A friend of mine just wrote a post about poses: http://blommit.com/?p=1784.

Cheers.

I'MOKURFUCKINGOKTOO said...

Yo! This is hiliar-fucking-ous but you left out the HEY IT'S ME STANDING NEXT TO A CELEBRITY shot!!!! >:-P

Anonymous said...

You missed the "guy poses with girls at a bar pose" - you know, the one where there are two girls wrapped around his arm that he either A) partied with twice B) have known them since birth because they're his sisters or C) just happened to be standing close to him while the photo was being taken

all of which amount to one main purpose - to be the chick magnet.

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for writing it! :-)

Anonymous said...

Touche, once the giggling subsided, I checked my profile pic just to make sure aand what do you know...f-ing number 20. You're good...oh, you're good. haha

Anonymous said...

side way peace sign it like saying" peace"... It feels kinda wierd doing it straight up, like your part of a 70's peace rally...lol

Kelsey said...

SOOOO good. I kept trying to guess what the next would be. I scrolled through the comments though, and I must agree. You left out the "I've traveled to/helped out in more third world countries than you have" and the "I'm really adventurous and extreme (on days that start with the letter "S")"

Keep it up. I LOVE your blog.

silver_aria said...

haha, this was so good!

akeorlando said...

Absolutely hilarious!

MJCorder said...

Great post, first time to your blog...

MJCorder said...

Great post, first time to your blog...

Stiletto Sports Jen said...

That was freaking hysterical! By far the best thing I've read all week---and I've read (and written....) A LOT!

My fave part is you talking about your own pics because it is soooooo true. My photo I have up barely looks like me anymore but I look super hot. And I had just friend requested my first crush from high school---he had to see me at my finest!

He doesn't need to see the 50 takes it took to get that shot :)

First time here but I'll be back daily now! Thanks @tommy_landry! I was on his twitter page and he had RTed you!

Anonymous said...

A few other people mentioned that you forgot the "baby pic" shot..the "look how cute i was/am" thing that most tools of either gender do on fb. Id say most women just go for that one: look how cute i am!! yay!

the baby pics make me really horney. If i ever make a fabebook profile, ill know exactly which shot to use.

thanks!!!

Baby Tiger said...

this is cool!
:P

linkemphraigh said...

Probably the most entertaining blog post I've ever read.

Anonymous said...

hilarious observations coupled with excellent writing, had me smiling and thinking of guys I know in every shot. Thanks!

Amanda Lee! said...

I LOVE this!

Mikey said...

Holy Hell! I wish our blog got that many comments (But this is funny, so you definitely deserve it). Keep Bloging!
Mikey

Anonymous said...

#17: The Future Pedophile of America Shot
My fav...purely for referencing Myst...really? Myst? the obscure references are wonderful!

Peter said...

I'm happy to say I've avoided all of those generalities in all of my facebook profile shots!

Anonymous said...

So there is NO pose that is justifiable. Your spot on, but I guess the only thing that might pass is your HS photo?...

Anonymous said...

You totally forgot the "I'm so hot in my car" shot. This is when a guy is sitting in his car, standing near his car, or simply just posts a photo of his car because he thinks his car makes him the shit.

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE A SAD FUCK!!!

Anonymous said...

you have done it again Patsy....this one was good, damn good.

April 2, 2008 4:50 PM
Comment deleted

This post has been removed by the author.

April 2, 2008 4:58 PM
Blogger 2 birds, 1 blog said...

thanks minky! :)

i'll be in dc the weekend before my birthday! come sunday night and get a diane rowland dinner!

April 2, 2008 5:01 PM
Blogger DC said...

I loved this! Without even looking through facebook I could pretty much put one of my guy friends to each of these poses...except for the self-cell shots and creepy pedophile one..ew.

April 3, 2008 9:34 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you! i just realized i have a friend who has a bonafide creepy pedophile shot...i'm hoping he'll read this entry...

<3 P

April 3, 2008 10:00 AM
Anonymous Blair Waldorf said...

that was the best thing i've read in at least twenty four hours.

and though i'd like to think i don't fall into any of the aforementioned categories...since my fbook picture has run the gamut from me as a small child to a seasonally appropriate picture, i know i've been guilty of at least a few of these. namely, the drunken guido shot.

someone takes out a camera and i suddenly have on a designer suit. it's a bizarre phenomenon.

April 3, 2008 12:31 PM
Blogger Anna said...

you should wall post the link to your blog on every guy whose picture you used. it wouldn't be creepy at all AND they'd learn a valuable life lesson.

also, blog well done. it's your best yet. peace and love, your #1 fan

April 3, 2008 3:11 PM
Anonymous laura said...

oh meg, your posts always make me think...

So apparently the sideways peace sign runs the gamut from being just that, a sideways peace sign, to being a gang symbol, a greeting or farewell (referred to as “chunk a deuce” at urbandictionary.com) or an obscene gesture referencing the vagina in England, to something Lindsay Lohan started doing in every single photo of her leaving-reentering rehab… Oh sideways peace sign, you do get around.

April 29, 2008 12:00 AM
Blogger rachbrandon said...

Personally I think the sideways peace sign is the only thing they can throw up without getting shot

May 20, 2008 10:23 PM
Blogger Joshua said...

wow, that is thorough and impressive. I was happy to see my facebook picture only sorta falls into one of these categories, but at least it's not the "I'm a guido with no friends looking at porn" one. That's a bad, super category.

July 16, 2008 5:21 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well done, but you clearly overlooked the "spirit animal" shot as evidenced by this, and other profiles .

July 17, 2008 8:51 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously... You are like fucking 50! What the hell are you on FB for

July 17, 2008 10:10 AM
Blogger brookem said...

i love this. how freakin true. dudes and their silly poses. they think we don't know this shit? that they're being stealth? suave? think again buddy, we're on to you!

July 17, 2008 12:21 PM
Blogger Ailie Calhoun said...

Holy Cow, I just laughed out loud 20 times.

July 17, 2008 2:32 PM
Anonymous stealthnerd said...

Wow...that was frighteningly accurate. And hilarious.

July 17, 2008 3:29 PM
Anonymous Heather said...

couldn't be more proud of my brother, save the best for last!

July 17, 2008 6:38 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny! ... aaaand I know couple #6... small world! Although I think you forgot one... "action barbie Ken" - Mid-Beirut shot!

July 18, 2008 8:42 AM
Anonymous Dizzy Steinway said...

Unrefined Sentiments said...

O.K. so this an older blog, but I just found you a few weeks ago and was reading through them. Hate to be the one who really knows the answer to this, but the side ways peace sign is from the lil john and ludacris song "yeah" It's peace up a town down. If you live in Atl. and you are "representin" it's what you do. No I don't do this, though I do love livin in Atl. Love your blog by the way!

scenestirz said...

very funny blog! we've added you to our favorites immediately.

scenestirz.com

Staci said...

You forgot my favorite!!

#21: Guy trying to look like a playa with 2 girls shot.

Tons of my guy friends on Facebook have up pictures with 2 hot girls... this means they are A) Single and B) Trying to look they aren't.

Awesome Blog :)

celeb gifs said...

I'm in there quite a few times actually...

8junebugs said...

I'm late, but appreciative. :)

#22 Look! I have a puppy! I am undoubtedly sensitive and nurturing!

Which is not always untrue...just funny.

abby jenkins said...

And what's with the "I just filled my mouth with Lemonheads" shot. Purse it.

Anonymous said...

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Melanie said...

With the "That Guy" shot, I get confused with whether the guy who own's the profile is the one pointing or the one being pointed at.

James Robert said...

HA I so guilty of the I love my gf shot, except I've never used it as my main pic.

Anonymous said...

I know the guy in picture #2!!!!!!!!!!1 Pretty sure that makes me important somehow...

Anonymous said...

This is freaking hilarious. Well done.

Anonymous said...

This is great but do the same search in the south and instead of the drunk guido you will get the photos of guys showing off things they shot (deer, birds, etc). Keep up the good work.

GoCarlo said...

we're missing one more - the baby/little kid photo of themselves.

Anonymous said...

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Veronica Ludwig said...

This just made me a subscriber. Awesome.

Mike Thornley said...

Love it!. Few generalisations though (in fairness you could attack anyones profile picture really) but an entertaining read all the same!. Good job.

deron said...

中高年 結婚
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aki said...

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Catskinner29 said...

Grandparamo......Ouch!!! It must really suck to know that perfectly describes you.

Anonymous said...

hilarious! spot on.

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Meghan Laurin said...

Don't forget about the guy who only posts pictures of landscapes or famous people... so then you really don't know what he looks like

Amy said...

Love it.

Must add: the hipster wearing ray-bans sitting on a park bench on a dirty street solo shot. (commonly found in san francisco, venice or brooklyn)

Anonymous said...

yeah i'll admit, i pretty much laughed my ass off at this.. and then shared it on facebook :D

Anonymous said...

I am curious just what Booker has to say about this..

Anonymous said...

trying too* hard.

SAHL AHMED SHAIKH said...

hahahh really these people do gve nly these shots..nyc 1 //

www.humortechblog.co.cc

would u like a link exchnge !!email me @ sahlcoolio@gmal.com

Anonymous said...

Obviously nobody here is an immature sixteen year old with irresponsible and/or "haha ur so random" friends. Dude's throwing up a deuce. It means bye, seeya, peace, I'm cool

LOL

Amber said...

Oh, this is too funny...because it's true. Nice!

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