Now the world is ready for you, and the wonders you can do

Daily Chris and I bond with each other over our lack of love life our struggles being relatively normal and yet homosexual. We decided our conversations are too priceless to keep between us; it is time to start sharing.

The other night during a phone chat I was reflected on my boycott of the term boyfriend or girlfriend by saying: “Calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend is so banal.” In the same starlight pillow talk conversation Chris confessed his dislike of many straight people, he said, “I like to call them straighty it is funny because it is so close to whity”

This is the first installment of what I hope to become a semi-regular feature. We are here, queer, and look just like you!

Chris: I HAVE "I LOVE LUCY" CHECKS
Eddie Sometimes you are a homo and it’s not just when you put your dick in a guy
Chris: I feel like that's when I shine, though.
Eddie: Btw we are the best gays ever can we reflect on that, like legit award winning gays…us and Ellen!
Chris: Wonder Gays.

I will find any excuse to use MS paint, it is a problem, I am on step one, HI MY INTERNET NAME IS EDDIE AND I AM A MS PAINT ADDICT.

Here is my MS Paint artist rendering of Chris and I as “Wonder Gays.” CLICK IT, it is better when it is bigger (wow that is sexual.)

Turning the world one straight at a time.

I wish I could quit you,
Eddie

US News and World Report’s

We here at 2birds1blog support higher education. If you like to torture yourself and are a tad crazy, you have spent some time filling out graduate school applications. Or, as I would like to call them, "putting off life with useless education" applications. I and my BFF over at Kosher Eucharist have been living this horror for the past few months. Early on we both realized this processes begged to be turned into a game because we are drunks because we are awesome.

If you are like us, join us and drown your sorrows of waiting for the answer by once again reviewing your sent in application/the whole application process and play the

APPLYING TO GRADUATE SCHOOL DRINKING GAME*

Take one sip…

For every grade lower than a "B" on your transcript.

Every time you have to write your social security number.

For every line you have to sign.

Every time you obsessively check your mail for a response, reference, or transcript.

Every time you lustfully look at the school or programs website.

Every time you wistfully read the course catalogue.

Take Two Sips…

For every person you ask to proofread.

Every time the personal essay/statement uses the word "experience".

When you check the USPS delivery-certifier thing to make SURE it got there.

When you check the schools website to make SURE they got everything.

Misc…

One sip the first time you remind a reference, two sips the second time, three the third time...

Take a shot…

When the school of your choice finally receives all your references.

When you make an absurd backup plan,
“If I don't get in, I'll move to Valencia and open a surf shop.”

After every interview.

*This game is deadly if played retrospectively. If you fail to get into the program of your choice because of poor life choices (i.e. drinking and filling out grad school applications) 2birds1blog and Kosher Eucharist are free from blame. However, if drinking helps you to loosen up and get into the program of your choice we take full credit for awesomeness (if your program is impressive.)

I wish I could quit you,

Eddie

Lovely Dovey

There have been no updates recently (as you can tell). I wish I had a quality reason but really I am lazy that and my family flew across the country to visit me.

Patsy has a much better excuse seeing as she is consumed with the outrageous deadlines and demands brought on by he horrid mistress that is her employer in the magazine industry.

Luckily a dear friend of ours decided to step up to the plate and take over today. Our guest blogger this week is the very sexy Chris. Chances are if you actually read this blog you have stumbled upon his comments. Chris and Michael run a little cohabitation piece of the Internet kosher eucharist which is a DELIGHTFULLY HILARIOUS READ.

I trust Chris’ drinking game making abilities for he was my co-developer in the first drinking game we featured on 2birds. Our guest blogger enjoys the company of others sexually from time to time, as much as he enjoys the company of the drink. These loves are combined in the (soon to be famous)…

The Bad Sex Drinking Game

Take one drink when:

You start justifying the sex before it even happens. "I'm drunk! And bored. And lonely. And none of my friends are going to see this. And there's nothing on TV."

You start editing the story as it unfolds. "Okay, definitely not going to tell my friends I had sex with a homeless guy. I'm gonna say... astronaut. From Brazil. Who was in the Olympics."

You take a drink specifically to steel yourself.

You have to pause to suppress laughter or nausea.

Take two drinks when:

You go back to someone who was bad sex for more bad sex, because at this point it's marginally better than being alone. Also, that nerve in your hand that gets sore when you jack off too much is visibly swollen.

There is a condom mishap - anything from "Can't get it open" to "I seem to have left something in your, uh... let me just get that."

Someone stops to pee.

You're more concerned about the sheets or an article of clothing that you are the other person's pleasure. Or your own.

Take three drinks when:

You realize the other person is sweating. A lot.

Someone has to switch hands.

All pretence that the situation is not incredibly boring is dropped. "Sigh. Okay. What do I need to do?"

Someone tries for a facial... and misses.

Finish your drink when:

You search for a reason why "it doesn't count." Drink more if you spurn common excuses like "I was drunk" or "I pulled out" in favor of something involving the full moon, parallax, and the different between Orthodox and Roman Easter.

You have an STD scare several days later. Sure, it could be hay fever... or it could be gonorrhea.

You admit it to your friends, who refer to it as the time you got syphilis from a homeless guy, even though he wasn't homeless but in a halfway house.

You realize halfway through a subsequent one-night stand that you have failed to learn a valuable lesson.