4.06.2020

From the desk of Christopher Turner-Neal

First of all, Meghan, I was going to go to the DMV in Mandeville across the lake which I expected to be generally less plague-ridden. And did you tell them I needed a new driver’s license because I got mugged in February? No, of course not. I cannot explain why I thought I needed a driver’s license to be quarantined.

I… was also alive the past seven years? You missed:

- DRAMATIC weight fluctuations

- Bedbugs

- Me leaving my boyfriend (who is now married, lol/gross)

- I moved back to New Orleans

- Turns out dating in your thirties is b-b-b-bleak, these men be going off warranty

- I don’t know, work stuff

- I got into an intensive drag workshop that I have to do over Zoom now so I’m spending a lot of time trying to figure out how eyeshadow works while thinking about death (which I guess is Meg Rowland cosplay [too soon?] [not soon enough?]) (I'll allow it.)

I guess I’m having a good pandemic so far, as these things go? I’m not fired (YET LOL) and I like my apartment. I have an mouse which I resent largely for being bold enough that I SAW it, so like now I have to try and kill it so it doesn’t shit in the corner and give me hantavirus and I die of the “wrong plague.”

I’ve gotten real into foraging (stealing) loquats, which grow well around here. I found a straight-up BLaCkBeRrY BrAmBLe the other day out by the park and went ham.

I’ll write something actually funny (well, I guess we’ll see) about my quarantine diet and/or eyeshadow later this week. MEG, TELL THEM ABOUT MY TRIP TO MARYLAND. I’m happy to see y’all. (It's on the docket!)

5 comments:

rose said...

Loquats are one of my favorite foods, and my tree died so oh boy do I steal them from every tree hanging over the street or sidewalk. Sometimes by parking my car and standing on the roof to fill a grocery bag with them. No one else eats them! It's me and the birds, and fuck the birds.

Monica said...

AN mouse. AN mouse. AN mouse. Do you know how many times I made that joke in the past 8 years and everyone just thinks I don't know how noun indicators work? It's nice to be back.

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