6.04.2012

Fuck Work, Unless You’re Hiring

Weeeeeeeell, I’ve got some good news and some not-so-good news. And then some more not-so-good news. Let’s go in reverse order:

I did not get the job I thought I was going to get. During my interview, it was strongly implied that I would get a second interview. Instead, they’ve elected not to acknowledge my emails. So, there’s that.

So now, having run through all my friends who have friends who might be hiring, I’m ready for the next rite of passage for this generation: I’m moving back in with Dad after Giant Camel’s and my lease in Philadelphia is up at the end of July. So, there’s that. I’d talk about how I feel about all of this, but since most of our readers are within five years of my age, I’m going to assume you know how I feel.

Now, the silver linings:

-       I’m going to keep looking for jobs, mostly so I can say I’ve been looking, BUT having already mentally processed the defeat of having to move in with family I’m going to concentrate on writing during my last while in Philadelphia. I have my eye on a couple of moneymakers (greeting cards and the much-discussed romance novel), but I also plan to do more blogging, and I have a few more projects in mind. This will be good for me, in that a) I won’t go crazy, b) one of these might make money, and c) then I can hold my tattered little manuscripts out to my father, stepmother, readers, and potential employers and declare, “See? I wasn’t just playing Playstation and crash-dieting and crying! I created.”

-       I get to go to the Texas State Fair in the fall, and to the Chickasaw Indian Casino for my birthday. I’m pretty sure that for my eighth birthday my father took me to an arcade and gave me some money to feed into loud machines covered in blinking lights for a minimal shot at reward. Twenty years are as an evening gone…

-       I get to dish about the crappy temp job I had last winter. I withheld it because I didn’t want prospective employers to find the blog, read me aggressively sassing a job, and decide I was unfit. Now I am exponentially less sanguine about prospective employers even looking at my resume, let alone my cover letter, let alone checking to see if I even HAVE a blog and wrote three books, so what the hell. For months I’ve had little bits of paper floating around with notes about that job, and now I can throw them away.

So, as you might remember from my post about Dawn Davenport being my spirit animal, I worked at a large, poorly run tech company. To cover my ass I won’t name it, but the name is as stupid as “CompuCom,” so should you draw any conclusions from that… My job was to load mobile phone apps onto mobile phones, see if they crashed and were in the correct language, rinse, repeat. Theoretically, this might have been a fun job, but. Most of the apps weren’t in English, resulting in a lot of “fun” with Google translate trying to find the keyboard shortcut for those letters only one language uses, a la “Ѭ.” Even before I began, random layoffs raged – the guy who trained me went a week before I did, which is incomprehensible. So there was a strong slasher-movie aspect – every day you’d show up and someone else would be gone. And most of the remaining people were either assholes, lunatics, or some new and exotic combination. So imagine me getting up at 4:30, taking a two-hour bus ride, then sitting quietly in a freezing office writing up, in extreme detail, why an application (we did not test APPS on PHONES but rather APPLICATIONS on DEVICES) to find a nearby bus station in Stockholm didn’t seem to work, but I couldn’t be sure because it was all in Swedish, all the while having no job security and the worst English-speaking coworkers I’ve ever had. Also, we had to flag things that might offend Islamic sensibilities or annoy the Chinese government. I can honestly say I find both of those things extremely difficult to predict. So you can see why I needed to try to mine it for humor.

Some of the best apps:

-       A body mass calculator that, if you typed in the information wrong, gave the reading “INFINITE BMI LOL YOU ARE OBESE”

-       An ovulation tracker that you could set to text your husband when your eggs were ready: “Honey, get home quick!” I got in trouble for not flagging this as potentially offensive to Islamic sensibilities.

-       A numerology “thing” that told me that, according to my name’s numerical value (verbatim), “looks like you should be peep-year-old aunt bath bar next door.” No clue about Islamic sensibilities, as usual, but this offended the hell out of me.

-       I plugged something in wrong and got an error message reading “OPERATION ATTEMPTED ON SOMETHING THAT IS NOT A SOCKET.” Of all the metaphors for my sex life…

-       A soundboard of clips and sound effects from “Young Frankenstein.” I thought I had my headphones in while I was testing it – turns out they weren’t pushed in all the way and Madeleine Kahn was just screaming away for fifteen minutes. The fact that no one mentioned this to me tells me all you need to know about that office.

And my co-workers: One guy wore a purple-and-leopard-print Santa hat around all day, indoors, in January; on guy ostentatiously backed into a parking space in a VOLKSWAGEN JETTA (if you’re parking in a LOT, your car isn’t good enough to do that); and my supervisor typed interoffice messages in this font. Everyone was queer for sanitary wipes and used them many, many times daily – on their hands, on their workstations, on each other for all I knew – as though they knew I was deliberately not washing my hands after I peed. A poster in the breakroom (it had no chairs in it, but hooray for posters!) advised us that we could donate blood at the nearby Fluid Processing Center.

Fluid. Processing. Center. That’s a slippery slope, isn’t it? Crazy John’s Discount Fluids. Flow-n-Go EZ Fluids. Fluids r’ Us. And then when it gentrifies: the Fluidry.

So in short: fuck work, unless you’re hiring in the North Texas area. I’m available August 1st.

122 comments:

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Yessss. Fuck work, indeed. After months of humiliating rejection I'm about to get balls deep in dirty books research and look forward to using the phrase "lustily thrusted". Not for a sex scene mind you, more like "he lustily thrusted the envelope into the mail slot."

spiceweasel said...

Well, I'm sad to hear the news, but thrilled that you're going to blog more! What is going to happen with you and Giant Camel? Long distance? Is he moving with you? You must tell us! (And by must, I mean please.)

Meg @ write meg! said...

Sorry to hear about this, Chris. All the cliches are true: it's tough out there. Hope Texas is ready for you!

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On the plus side, I hear Texas has a great economy!

Lex said...

I will buy several copies of your upcoming romance novel. Yes.

MH said...

With the limited number of posts from you guys over the last couple months, I've mostly been reading cooking blogs. Which I love to pieces. But no blog makes me laugh loudly while sitting at my desk then look furtively around to see if anyone is giving me the stink eye the way 2B1B does.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, I'm moving back in with my parents too!
WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!! Though you have no idea who I am, because I don't have any "accounts"/am too lazy to sign in to them.
But good luck to you (&me). This could lead down a path you never expected! Hopefully a nice one!

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You know you are losing followers when they don't even post to tell you how much they hate that you are not posting. I just wanted to point that out.

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على الرغم من و
يحة؟ هل لديهم أحدث الأدوات والمعدات؟ هل الموظفون ودودون وهل لديهم موقف إيجابي في العمل؟ إذا كانت الإجابة بنعم على كل هذه الأسئلة ، فهذا يعني أنك في المكان الصحيح.
الأسعار - سواء كنت بحاجة إلى صيانة سيارات في دبي أو إصلاح هياكل سيارات في دبي ، فأنت بحاجة إلى الحصول على أفضل قيمة مقابل نقودك. يجب أن تقدم ورشة السيارات التي تختارها تقييمًا صادقًا لسيارتك ويجب ألا تقدم أي رسوم خفية.
خدمة العملاء - لا شيء يتفوق على خدمة العملاء الممتازة لأن هذا سيجعلك تشعر بالتقدير. هذا صحيح إذا كنت في حاجة إلى خدمة إصلاح رينج روفر. يجب أن يتأكد الموظفون في ورشة السيارات التي اخترتها من معالجة مخاوفك وحل مشاكلك في الوقت المناسب وبطريقة فعالة.
سواء كنت بحاجة إلى صيانة السيارة أو إصلاحها لسيارتك الفاخرة ، فإن Premier Car Care هو مركز خدمة السيارات الرائد الذي يمكنك الوثوق به.


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al-wabel said...


هل سمعت عن المضخات الشمسية؟ تعمل بمساعدة الطاقة المتولدة من الألواح الشمسية. لا تختلف الألواح المستخدمة لتشغيل هذه الغطاسات ولا يتم تخصيصها خصيصًا لتشغيل المضخات. في الواقع ، تشبه هذه الألواح الكهروضوئية تلك المستخدمة في أسطح المنازل أو المثبتة على أعمدة. تستخدم مضخة المياه بالطاقة الشمسية المصنعة أو المستخدمة في أحمد أباد بولاية غوجارات نفس اللوحة لاستخدام الطاقة لتزويد المياه.

توجد ألواح شمسية بأحجام وأنواع مختلفة. تمتص الألواح كبيرة الحجم طاقة أكبر وتولد المزيد من الطاقة. الآن ، هناك حاجة لعدد من الألواح لتشغيل الغاطسة ويعتمد عدد ونوع الألواح تمامًا على المضخة المستخدمة ولأي غرض. تساعد معرفة هذه المعلومات بشكل صحيح في تقدير استهلاك الطاقة بشكل صحيح واتخاذ قرار بشأن الألواح الشمسية.

أنواع مختلفة من المضخات - سطحية وغاطسة

هل سمعت عن مضخات غاطسة؟ هذا نوع من مضخات المياه التي تستخدم للمياه السطحية والآبار العميقة. ستعتمد الألواح الشمسية المستخدمة لهذه الغطاسات على عمق البئر. إذا كان العمق أكبر ، فسيتم استخدام عدد أكبر من اللوحات.

ليس لديك مضخة؟ لا داعي للقلق! قم بإجراء بحث للتحقق من نوع المضخة المناسبة للغرض. الآن ، هناك فوائد وعيوب معينة للمضخات الغاطسة والسطحية. يمكن للمرء أن يعرف عن هذه من أي مصنعي الغاطسات الشمسية في راجكوت ، جوجارات أو أي مكان آخر.

مضخات عاطسة


هذه هي الأنسب للآبار العميقة وكذلك مصدر المياه السطحية. يمكنهم سحب المياه من أعماق كبيرة وليس لديهم أي قيود على سحب المياه.

مضخات سطحية

هذه الغطاسات مناسبة لمصادر المياه الموجودة على السطح. المضخات السطحية لها قيود على سحب المياه. يمكن أن يصل ارتفاعها إلى 6 أمتار تحت السطح. أفضل جزء من هذه المضخات هو أنها تدفع الماء في وضع تصاعدي.

مرة أخرى ، تحتوي المضخات السطحية على مجموعة متنوعة من المضخات الغاطسة. المضخات الأخيرة باهظة الثمن بعض الشيء من المضخات السابقة. بشكل عام ، تعمل مضخة التيار المباشر أو التيار المستمر على لوحة شمسية واحدة. يمكن لمصنعي المضخات تقدير وإخبار عدد الألواح الشمسية المطلوبة للحصول على الإخراج المناسب من الغطاسات. عند الحاجة إلى مزيد من الطاقة ، تتم إضافة عدد أكبر من اللوحات.

لا تعطي طاقة زائدة لمضخة لا تستطيع تحملها. هذا هو السبب في أنه من المستحسن الاتصال بالتجار أو المصنعين للحصول على مشورة الخبراء.


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al-wabel

alshamelwarsha said...


مع الزيادة السريعة في أسعار الوقود والتأمين على السيارات EMI ، أصبح خفض النفقات الأخرى المتعلقة بسيارتك حاجة الساعة للكثيرين. تشترك هذه المنشورات في 5 طرق مجربة لتقليل نفقاتك السنوية لصيانة السيارة.

ابحث عن مرآب جيد لعنة

من المنطقي حقًا ترجمة بحثك في Google أثناء البحث عن مرآب جيد في المملكة المتحدة. بالتأكيد سيكلفك المرآب المحلي أو مركز خدمة السيارات في منطقتك أقل من علامة تجارية كبيرة مع امتياز في جميع أنحاء البلاد.

علاوة على ذلك ، عندما تبحث حولك بحثًا عن مرآب جيد في مدينتك أو بلدتك ، يمكنك الوثوق في توصيات الأصدقاء أو الجيران بسهولة. وإذا كنت تأخذ سيارتك للخدمة الكاملة بعد فترة طويلة ولديك قائمة كبيرة من الأشياء التي تحتاج إلى إنجازها في سياق خدمة سيارتك ، فقد تحصل على آراء من 2-3 مرآب مختلف.

الحصول على رأي ثانٍ أو ثالث فكرة جيدة ، حيث ستمنحك فرصة للمقارنة بين جودة الخدمة والأسعار التي يتقاضاها ، حتى تتمكن من اختيار أفضل صفقة هناك.

قم بفحص دليل السائق الخاص بك

نعم ، هذا هو أفضل شيء يمكنك القيام به للتأكد من استمرار عمل مركبتك بثمن بخس وبكفاءة على مدار العام. فهي لا تتيح لك معرفة الضغط المطلوب لإطارات سيارتك وكيفية ضبط محطة الراديو الخاصة بها فحسب ، بل ستعطيك فكرة أفضل عن الوقت الذي تحتاج فيه إلى استبدال قطع غيار سيارتك.

على سبيل المثال ، يجب استبدال حزام CAM في سيارتك بعد 80000 ميل ، ولكن قد يختلف عدد الأميال قليلاً من طراز إلى آخر. إذا لم تفعل ذلك ، فقد يؤدي ذلك إلى إلحاق ضرر كبير بمحرك سيارتك أو وقوع حادث كبير أثناء السير على الطريق.

تصفح الدليل الخاص بك وهي فكرة رائعة أن تدون متى يجب استبدال الأجزاء والقيام دائمًا بزيارة مبكرة قليلاً إلى المرآب لتجنب الهبوط الاضطراري وفواتير إصلاح السيارات الكبيرة.

حفظ تاريخ خدمة سيارتك

أثناء صيانة سيارتك سيكلفك مبلغًا ثابتًا كل عام ، ولكن صيانتها على فترات منتظمة طوال العام سيقلل من التكلفة السنوية وسيقضي أيضًا على فرص حدوث العديد من المشاكل المحتملة. في بعض الحالات ، تعد صيانة سيارتك الجديدة بانتظام أمرًا ضروريًا إذا كنت ترغب في الحفاظ على صلاحية الضمان الخاص بك. ولكن في جميع الحالات ، تأكد من تخزين تاريخ خدمة السيارة بشكل صحيح.




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alshamelwarsha

target4media said...


التصميم الجرافيكي مقابل. تصميم UX - الاختلافات في خطوات بسيطة للغاية
في البداية ، كان المقصود من "التصميم" هو جعلك تفكر فقط في الرسم. هذا يعني أنها تتضمن إعلانات ، تغليف ، لافتات ، كتيبات ، شعارات ، مجلات ، أغلفة كتب ، وتصميم مواقع الويب وما إلى ذلك. ولكن الآن يتم الخلط بين الناس حول جميع التعيينات الوظيفية الشائعة في صناعة التصميم. في أيامنا هذه في عالم من الشاشات المتوهجة والهواتف الذكية ، يستمر تعريف التصميم في النمو في واجهة المستخدم وتجربة المستخدم.

من الناحية الفنية ، هناك فرق بين الاثنين ولكن 99? من الوقت يعتبره الناس نفس الشيء. تصميم الجرافيك وتصميم UX هما مجرد فرعين لشجرة متنامية من الأعمال والمنتجات.

في حين أن مصمم الجرافيك ومصمم UX لديهما بعض الأشياء المشتركة ، يجب أن يكون لكلاهما تفكير إبداعي ولكن هناك فرق كبير بين كل من المسؤوليات والأهداف النهائية.

لنبدأ الآن بشرح لتصميم الجرافيك وتصميم UX وما يدور حوله تصميم UX وكيف يختلف عن تصميم الجرافيك

تصميم جرافيك VS UX
التصميم الجرافيكي

إنه يعني ما يعتقده الناس في التصميم لأنه أسهل ملاحظته. تصميم الجرافيك هو أسهل طريقة لفهم مصطلح التصميم الجرافيكي والتواصل المرئي. يقوم مصمم الجرافيك باختيار الألوان وتحديد الصور وتصميم الشعارات والقيام بمهام بصرية أخرى. يستخدمون الخطوط وأنظمة الألوان والخيال والطباعة. يمكن استخدام تصميم الجرافيك لمواقع الويب وتطبيقات الهاتف المحمول وكذلك في المواد المطبوعة مثل: أغلفة الكتب والإعلانات واللافتات والكتيبات وما إلى ذلك. يعتبر معظم الناس التصميم الجرافيكي بمثابة "فن". يمكن تسمية مصممي الجرافيك بحل المشكلات لأنهم يجعلون حياتنا سهلة من خلال إنشاء منتجات مذهلة لنا لاستخدامها.

المهارات المطلوبة لمصمم الجرافيك:

المهارات اللينة

الاتصالات
الاستماع الفعال
حل الصراع
الشعور بالإبداع
إدارة الوقت
إصرار
مهارات تقنية

مهارات تكنولوجيا المعلومات مع تصميم البرامج.
الإبداع والابتكار.
مهارات إدارة الوقت
الدقة والاهتمام بالتفاصيل
فهم آخر التحديثات
تصميم تجربة المستخدم (UX)

UX تعني تجربة المستخدم: تعني كيف يشعر شخص ما عندما يتفاعل مع واجهة جهاز أو موقع ويب أو برنامج سطح مكتب أو تطبيق جوال أو تطبيق ويب.

نظرًا لأن التكنولوجيا أصبحت أكثر تقدمًا أكثر فأكثر ، فإن امتلاك واجهة وظيفية ليس كافيًا لسبب ولادة UX. لا شك في أن مجال تصميم UX يحدث بشكل كبير ومتزايد.

UX هو جزء من تصميم الجرافيك. يركز UX Designer على منطق وبنية العناصر التي تراها بالفعل وتتفاعل معها. لا يركز مصمم UX على إنشاء منتجات قابلة للاستخدام ، فهو يركز على جوانب أخرى مثل: المتعة والكفاءة والمرح وما إلى ذلك. يوفر مصممو UX الإطارات السلكية والنماذج الأولية والمخططات الانسيابية وعناصر UX الأخرى لفريق واجهة المستخدم.

يستخدم مصممو UX أدوات وعناصر مختلفة لإعطاء نتيجة مرضية لمستخدميهم. يقوم مصممو UX بتصميم تطبيقات لـ IOS و Android و Windows. ليس هناك شك الآن في أن مصممي UI / UX هم الأكثر طلبًا في الصناعة.

تتضمن بعض المبادئ الأساسية ما يلي:

تلبية الهدف من خلال مراعاة حاجة المستخدم.
اتساق التصميم
يجب أن يكون التصميم سهل التنقل والاستخدام
يجب أن تكون بسيطة في اللغة والتصميم.
بعض المهارات المطلوبة لمصمم UX:

المهارات اللينة

حل المشاكل
مهارات التواصل
مهارات العرض
مهارات التفاوض
مهارات الكتابة
مهارات تقنية

بحث المستخدم
تصميم تفاعلي
هندسة المعلومات
اختبار قابلية الاستخدام
التصميم المرئي



تصميم شعار

تصميم هويه تجاريه

تصميم مواقع الكترونيه


خدمات التصميم والتسويق

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