4.27.2012

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD


First and foremost, I have no idea why the last star isn't filled in all the way. Why don't you tell me? Second and secondmost, I wrote this really unnecessarily long introduction about how I discovered this on Netflix and how it was obviously a very emotional find for me, and it just kind of went on and on from there and somehow and my five-year plan came up, but you know what? Fuck it. Because sometimes a gif is worth a thousand words:

Photobucket

That is how I felt. And that is how I hope you feel when you play...

The Up in Smoke Tour Drinking Game!


Rules

I suppose you could switch things up and take a hit from your preferred smoking device instead of taking a drink, but I feel like that would lead to an award-winning panic attack or eating 10,000 calories in under 30-seconds. If you're me, probably both. So, please proceed with caution.

Pour one out for:
- Easy E
- Big Pun
- Roger Troutman
- Biggie
- Tupac
- Nate Dogg
- Chevy Chase Bank

Drink when: 
- There's an uncomfortable shot of a frat bro who clearly has alcohol poisoning being hauled away by security down a nondescript hallway during the opening montage...
- Pot leaf
- Hood rats
- Your eyes well up with tears because you'll never be able to turn back time and see this concert live
- Ice Cube has a farcically elaborate stage intro
- Ice Cube asks, "What the fuck is up, Massachusetts?"
- Ice Cube pronounces "Massachusetts" as "Mass-a-two-cents", which, if I were from Boston, would abso-fucking-lutely be my stage name and I would just go around rapping my opinions on various topics, whether you asked for it or not
- White girl in a halter top
- Ice Cube plugs Next Friday, and frankly, you don't mind
- Blue bandana (drink twice if it's being worn as, or incorporated in a shirt)
- UH, Ice Cube introduces you to the phrase "crazy as cat shit" and you feel like you owe him a steak dinner for such alliterative gold
- Crip Walking
- You watch a youtube tutorial on Crip Walking, try it because it looks like a good core work out, and then immediately feel like an asshole
- 2001 Eminmen makes you sad. Just really, really sad. Because 2012 Eminem exists and he looks like a heavily photoshopped/untalented cat.
- TITTIES!
- You wish Eminem would have a yard sale so his 10-foot inflatable stage middle fingers could flank your bed
- HA HA HA HA HA. "Stan".
- You feel conflicted:
- SEXUAL AND VIOLENT STAGE VIDEO INTRODUCTIONS
- The thought of Dr. Dre getting his dick sucked makes you incredibly uncomfortable because you view him as a sort of father-figure. But you'd totally have sex with him. It's just a very confusing situation with a lot of gray areas.
- "The Next Episode"
- It's just so good
- Call and response
- Tricycles
- Basketball
- You could deal with about 60% more Xzibit in your life
- Snoop Dogg demonstrates a very PETA-friendly attitude towards insects
- Conversely, you claw your own flesh off because watching Snoop Dogg feed a cockroach a french fry on a restaurant wall makes you feel like you just smoked an entire salad bowl of meth
- The stoner skull is honest-to-god terrifying
- Eminem really didn't like boy bands. It comes up a lot. Like more than it should.
- TRL reference
- Unfortunate flashback to eighth grade
- No disrespect to Snoop, but you kind of wish a little more of the behind the scenes action was devoted to Dre
- Again, Xzibit seems like the best friend you've never had
- Vag...
- Because yes, there's straight-up vag...
- You weep because it's over
- THE SHOW, that is. Not the vag. The vag being over felt like a win. A big, unkempt, unfortunate win.

Have a great weekend, son! <--- Love, Meghan "Incapable of Leaving on a High Note" Rowland

167 comments:

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I can not fix the spacing on this motherfucking blog post to save my life, but I have to go to bed because I have a big day of job hunting and application asking-for ahead of me tomorrow. I apologize for the eyesore. Blogger: you are a perpetual thorn in my side.

TGIF!!!1!

- Meggles

Ultraparadoxical said...

Meg, you're so black it's white.

ElectricDaisy said...

The spacing looks bueno on this end. Also, this post came .04 seconds after I was making a bunch of "...did you Forget About Dre??" jokes to my boyfriend who has, most decidedly, Forgotten About Dre. SIGH.

Also, hugsies on job a' huntin' tomorrow! You can do it!

Erika said...

I saw an ad for the new primetime Dallas and immediately thought of you Meggles. HE"S STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

OMG. I love y'all. This is some old school, straight up gangsta blogging shit. By which I mean: I missed you while you were away (not in prison...unless that's where you were), I'm glad you're back, and this was possibly the funniest thing I've read in AGES. Thanks for making me laugh at work and clearly illustrate that I'm not doing what my boss literally just asked me to do before she leaves for the day. Or making me look like I am doing what she asked, but am clearly insane, because it should not be funny.

Brittan said...

i don't want this to get weird or anything but i think i just connected with you on a DEEP level.

i was an unfortunate, socially awkward, very white preteen whose heart belonged to biggie and who just wanted the east coast and west coast to get along. no one understooooood, meg. i regularly preach the merits of "hail mary 2003" (fuck jarule) at dinner parties and the like. the way you feel about eminem's love for dre is how i feel when puffy tries to talk biggie out of killing himself. omgggggggg i can't. why can't 1994-2002 just repeat on a loop in which i get cooler every time?!

in conclusion, we should listen to music together. i just moved out of brooklyn or i would legit be trying to make this happen right now.

Mydancecardisfull said...

Not to get all Kevin Yang on you, but you're moving out of DC just as I'm moving back, which means my hopes of a DC Meg sighting are dwindling quickly. Cry about it? I will, thanks. Which is why I'm extending you guys a comments-section evite (oof) to my birthday party at Big Hunt on 5/11.

To mitigate (augment?) the creepiness, I promise you a mind eraser upon arrival. The bartender with the unkempt Santa/Hells Angels beard makes a mean one.

Anonymous said...

I WENT TO THIS CONCERT WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL! In fact, at this very moment, I have Chronic 2001 in my car stereo. (feel free to make fun of me for still listening to CDs in a vehicle)

love this.

LB

Becca said...

I just finally listened to the lyrics to "I Need a Doctor" - so sweet. Going to this concert was one of the more socially relevant things I've ever done. Proud to have been there. New School Swag.

The Genius Savant said...

One of my all-time favorite Simpsons visuals.

Anonymous said...

I will now think of Meg's time away as her prison stint...a la Meg Griffin in Family Guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ejvh43ogvg

Anonymous said...

I think you are Lena Dunham. Imma need you to check out Girls, she is you.

Ang said...

you guys were on a kick there for a minute...actually posting. wasn't too optimistic it'd last.

Anonymous said...

...that was a nice week....see you in about 4 months??

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Anonymous said...

You know there's no shame in admitting that you just can't do this anymore and packing it up.

Julie Malone said...

There are thousands of blogs and websites providing the same nature of information again and again, I guess they copy it from one another. Anyhow, the piece of information you have provided is something different and unique. Keep up the good work.

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Anonymous said...

the most optimistic commenter on this blog is the viagra spammer David Bone. He might be the only one who does 'truly intend on visiting the site in the upcoming days.'

Meghan said...

Meg. In the slammer AGAIN?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps they should just hand the reigns over to David and rename this blog "2 birds 1 bone." At least you know there be a post or 2 every day.

Anonymous said...

^ this.

Anonymous said...

Sad you guys stopped posting already. Meg, I go back and read your old posts with my coworkers and we die laughing! Please start posting the same caliber of the incredible stories you used to!

Anonymous said...

Next time you come back, just space it out a bit...maybe an entry every couple of days. Make it last longer.

Anonymous said...

i have absolutely no idea why i bother to check this anymore.

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Anonymous said...

I am the only one who feels a little insulted by the comment advertisement? As if we really think a real person would write that! Dear Lord!

Pandy said...

STFU and quit bitching about the posting frequency!

Anonymous said...

@Pandy

Why do you even come here anymore? The truly sad thing is that the only consistently new things on this site were the comments. Now even they have left.

Anonymous said...

agreed. i get so disappointed in the lack of comments!!

Anonymous said...

Crickets..........


That's all that's left


Crickets......................

A little birdie told me said...

that Meg is preggers and THAT is why she hasn't been posting!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I heard that too - just a month and a half along though, so too early to make it official.

Anonymous said...

shes pregnant?? is it tulane chris'?

Anonymous said...

someone had sex with her?

Anonymous said...

since when does pregnancy make you incapable of typing?

Anonymous said...

Ridiculous. Not pregnant. She was drinking a few weeks ago per her Twitter which has updates all the time. Go check that.

alix porreca said...

i know that this has nothing to do with dre or the chronic, but i think you'll like it anyway.
The first shows on this list, "TV's All Time Worst Rich People" are DALLAS and DYNASTY and SIMPSONS. #MadeForMeg

http://www.flavorwire.com/292302/tvs-all-time-worst-rich-people?all=1

Anonymous said...

No idea what is going on with you both right now but I hope it is good stuff. Any chance of an update though?

Anonymous said...

http://badbuffet.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Why does Bruce Jenner look like a retired lesbian gym teacher?

Anonymous said...

Meg and Chris- thanks for a great run that, well, fell apart at the end.

You were my favorite blog for the better part of 2 years. Sadly it is over. Best of luck to you both.

May 31, 2012- the Day the Music Died

Cadence said...

Am I the only person who thinks this Anonymous guy is annoying?

Anonymous said...

honestly Cadence, at this point the Anonymous posters are the only reason I check the blog.

Anonymous said...

^^^^amen

Kwas hialuronowy said...

Am I the only one not getting what this post is about?

Essay Writing said...

Screechy SCHOOL! In fact, at this real point, I possess Addicted 2001 in my car reproducer. (seem slaveless to micturate fun of me for solace perception to CDs in a vehicle)

eff this.

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Rock Star said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ankita Sharma said...

Great, informative post useful for me, many thanks
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