6.22.2011

Three Exciting Pieces of News:

- Piggybacking off of Chris' bucket list post from yesterday, I'm happy to report that I got to cross something off of my own bucket list the other day. I didn't stand in a cranberry bog or have sex in a hot tub (which I've seriously reconsidered since you guys pointed out the "Vagina on Fire" factor that I in no way took into account. I was going to amend it to sex in a bath tub, but then I saw the bath tub rape scene in The Moderns and decided that it looks too uncomfortable. And not just because of the whole forced entry thing, but also because it's like, ACK, small spaces. Nermal! So I guess my goal now is to discuss fiscal responsibility in a warm body of water with a member of the opposite sex while respecting each other's opinions, emotional boundaries, and personal space. Which, frankly, feels excitingly attainable!), but I did see Hall and Oates on Monday night. LIVE. In concert. I KNOW.

How was it? Oh, I don't know. How's breathing? How's walking into the Sistine Chapel and looking up? How's knowing the power of true love? Trying to put it into words won't do it any justiceyou just have to
experience it. That being said, I will say the following:

1.) I know my parents were the ones who actually purchased the tickets, but I'm going to take full credit for the majesty of this Rowland family excursion. When I saw Hall and Oates on Wolftrap's summer schedule, I immediately changed the homepage on both of my parents' laptops to the ticket order site and tiled their desktop with the following to remind them of old priority one:

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
This was especially funny to me because my mom had no idea how how to change any of it back to her defaults, so we were playing for keeps for a while there. Was it obnoxious? Yes. Was it effective? Yes. So, you're welcome, rest of the family.

2.) Becca and 
I got drunk and took a sloppy picture with "Wolfy" the Wolftrap mascot, which is now on their Facebook page. I've done a lot of things in my life, but I think that's what I'm most proud of. 

3.) H&O 
sound just as tight, if not tighter now than they did then. And normally I'd be horrified by seeing "tight" that many times in a sentence, but in this case I'm just aroused.

4.) Daryl Hall looks a whole hell of a lot like Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star these days, and againaroused.

5.) Being part of a 4,000 person amphitheater clapping along to "Private Eyes" kind of makes me understand the draw of megachurches.


6.) I bought a H&O t-shirt and I would just like to say that American Apparel's ladies tee sizing is wildly inaccurate. I got a large, walked all the way back to my seat, held it up, saw that it covered approximately one-tenth of my left shoulder and was then faced with the conundrum of do I waste 30 of my precious dollars or do I physically get up again? And oh, what a Sophie's Choice it was. I asked my dad to go back and do it for me because that feels like something a dad should do and he said no, which was as surprising as it was upsetting. (He also said no when I offered to wash his car for $10 the other day because apparently he doesn't trust me with it. I can't decide what's more depressing: the fact that my dad doesn't trust me to properly wash his car despite the fact that I'm a 26-year-old woman and not a 12-year-old neighborhood hooligan, or the fact that I genuinely needed that $10.) In the end I walked all the way back to the merch table and was like, "UM, EXCUSE ME MA'AMMY TITTIES DON'T FIT INTO THIS SHIRT" and got a more reasonably sized unisex one. In retrospect, I think I made the right choice.

5.) H&O's sax player. I mean, my God. We were in the balcony and I just had my iphone so I couldn't zoom in and get a good picture, but I wish you could have seen him. He was a "sturdy" gentleman in a blueberry blue three-piece suit with long, luxurious blond locks that ended just above his asshole. If I ever have to get really, really bad news, I want him to deliver it to me and then dive directly into a sax rendition of Jefferson Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now". I feel like I could handle literally anything after that, including but not limited to the world running out of lovers. And corporation games.

6.) I'm 99% sure I met my soulmate. I didn't so much "meet" him as gawk at him from afar, but either way, I'm glad he's in my life now. I don't really know how to say this gracefully, so I'm just going to say it: he was an incredibly large black gentleman with a gangbangery blue bandanna tied around his head who really aggressively wanted to hear "Sara Smile". He was standing in the back of the balcony one section over from mine and let me tell you something: that man likes him some Hall and Oates. And I get it.
Oh how do I get it. He was rocking the fuck out the entire time. Just gettin' down with it. At one point I looked back and he was doing the like, lean back, I'm-pretending-to-turn-my-steering-wheel-back-and-forth dance move normally reserved for The Rap Videos and the like. But you know what? Paired with "I Can't Go For That", it just made sense. I liked his innovation. I also liked that he wasn't afraid to let Daryl Hall and John Oates know exactly what he wanted to hear at any given moment from half a football field away. Overall I've just never been so close to walking up to a total stranger in public and offering to have intercourse with them in a courtesy tent. And I've been to Preakness.

7.) There is no human being I am more jealous of than H&O's tambourine player. He wore a jaunty little vest and stood directly behind Hall with a tambourine in each hand and his only task of the night was to
jam. And jam he did! I had this moment of clarity somewhere in the middle of the concert when I realized that the happiest I think I could ever humanly be is the following: on stage at a Hall and Oates concert wearing a big 'ole pair of espadrilles, cut-off daisy duke shorts, Confederate flag bikini top, aviator sunglasses, lighted incense sticking out of my high pony tail, a tambourine in each hand, just fucking feeling it for an hour and a half every night 'til death do us part. That is my heaven. I'm not saying it for LOLZ, I'm not saying it to be ironic; it's just truly the happiest I can imagine myself. Do I find it upsetting that the happiest I can imagine myself involves semi-racist swimwear, Hall and Oates, and a thick cloud of sandalwood? No. No, I do not. Frankly, I think it's pretty par for the course. My name is Meghan Rowland and I approve this fantasy.

- The next exciting piece of news is that we're having our first out-of-state District reader meetup this Thursday night in Omaha, Nebraska! Because I'm going to Omaha, Nebraska! In a few hours! My sister is going for business and she emailed me a few weeks ago being like, "Wanna go to Nebraska with me? We can go to the American Legion and get tacos and drink $5 pitchers of margaritas with grizzled Midwestern veterans and you can make it a solo 2b1b Investigates." And I said madam, you had me at American Legion and tacos. So, if you're in the greater Omaha, Nebraska area this Thursday night, my sister and I will be at Mr. Toad's in the Old Market at 10pm. And I know 10 is kind of late for a "school night", but we're going to see a College World Series game beforehand and I'm psyched. Not just because I like baseball, mind you, but also because I'm excited to see a collegiate sporting event when school isn't in session. My dad's company has a box at the Naval Academy stadium, so our family goes to a lot of Navy lacrosse and football games and I can't enjoy a single one because I'm too stressed out by the concept of handling a full course load
and playing a sport. I drive my sister crazy because I spend the entire game leaning over and being like, "...So do you think they do their work before the game or after?" I'm sure it's just the result of having an incredibly time consuming major, but it seriously stresses me the fuck out. I thought I was going to shit my pants at my first home Navy football game because the entire school has to march out onto the field and stay to watch the game. I was like, "WHATTHEY HAVE TO?! LIKE HAVE HAVE TO? IT'S SUNDAY! WHAT IF THEY HAVE TO WRITE A PAPER? WHAT IF THEY HAVE TOO MUCH SCHOOL WORK AND JUST CAN'T DO IT? THIS IS TWO SOLID HOURS THEY COULD BE WORKING!!!1" (Speaking of Navy lacrosse games, we were at a game a few months ago and my dad's colleague brought his daughter and her teammates who play lacrosse for American. I was like, "Oh, cool, I went to American." And they were like, "Oh, what year?" "2007. What about you guys?" "2014." WHAT??? 2014?!!?!?!? That is a class of flying cars and robot butlers and beach houses on the moon and it took everything in my power not to be like, "PSHH 2014? What's the use of getting a college degree at that pointwe'll all be dead by then anyway.") 

(Also, they asked me if I played a sport at American and I swear to God I responded, "Um, no, I was more involved in the literary magazine and that kind of...scene". They slowly nodded their heads at me and immediately went back to talking to Becca about Bucknell. ALRIGHT LISTEN YOU PRISSY LITTLE SHITS: a.) AmLit was the tits and I make no apologies for it, b.) YES, WE, AS A STUDENT ORGANIZATION, HAD EMOTIONS. And we chose to channel those emotions through poetry, prose, art, photography, and design and yeah, maybe I also listened to a fair bit of The Smiths at the time, but I played sports in high school so back off, butter; and c.) you can't legally drink until like 2045, and I could make a fort in my apartment out of boxes of wine right now if I wanted to and there's nothing Johnny Law could do about it, so what's up?)

Now I don't remember what I was originally talking about. OH! Yes. Reader meetup. You should come. Because obviously from the above story, I'm super fun. Again, Mr. Toad's, 10pm. We'll be the east coasters with the metric ton of free 2b1b stickers.
Email me if you have any questions!

- My third and final exciting piece of news is that I recently found out that there's a difference between base jumping and freebasing. And guess what? It's a biggie.

On that note, I will be in Nebraska until Friday night if you need me. GO HUSKERS!


34 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was at H&O on Monday as well...in the balcony no less...I'm pretty sure the sax player had white "Tales from the Crypt" style hair...and and and...he was introduced as "Mr. Casual." Fin.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

YES HE WAS!!! I want to be Mrs. Casual. Hard.

jenna said...

Ray bucknell!

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I wish AU had a cool catchphrase. Besides...wonk.

abbey said...

there's a difference between base jumping and freebasing.

Adrenaline junkies and regular junkies. Either way... WOOOOO!

toppe said...

you make me laugh! when are you going to 2birds1blog investigate charleston? you can stay here for free and drive here for almost free. i have internet access. you can blog from my couch. DO IT.

Anonymous said...

Apparently the British do not share your enthusiasm for tambourines. This article was passed on to me by a co-worker right as I was reading this post, so naturally I had to share: http://tinyurl.com/6yrtru9 The universe doesn't throw references to tambourines around without a purpose.

Becca said...

If any Omaha folks can confirm that it is indeed an American Legion that does the burrito and margarita Friday special, and can also provide us with an address that would be great. I am normally a passenger on this adventure and I'd hate for us to walk into the wrong military fraternal organization demanding Mexican food and cheap pitchers of booze.

BDiddyNoVA said...

Now THIS is the type of Meggles post I've been waiting for!!!

Bravo Madam. Bravo.

Please tell me the "Meg" pennant was inspired by HJS's many pennants.

Ann said...

SHIT yeah, thrilled you guys will be in Omaha. Go Huskers indeed.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Please tell me the "Meg" pennant was inspired by HJS's many pennants.

You know it was! @teewilts made it for me one year for my birthday. Probably one of the best gifts I've received to date.

erin said...

College athletes don't have to do their own homework. They have plenty of people willing to do their work in exchange for getting in with the athletes.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Well, why don't people do that with editors of literary magazines?

Becca said...

It's the American GI Forum! THAT would have been embarassing...

CourtneyP said...

For some reason, the fact that you love H&O makes you even MORE awesome (which I really wasn't sure was possible).

And I love the Dickie Roberts reference. I feel like I'm the only person who has seen that movie ... and owns it.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

It's the American GI Forum! THAT would have been embarassing...

1.) I say we just go to all sorts of war-related gatherings of peoples and demand tacos and discounted margs. What's the worst that can happen?

2.) You didn't respond to my last email where I called you a "Mothershucker"...Get it? Like corn? DO YOU SEE?! DO YOU SEE?!?!

Becca said...

haha sorry yes I see, you can untie me from this chair now. very clever.

Anonymous said...

Is that's Becca's Husband in that picture?! Wowsa.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

The Wolftrap picture? Yes. And I assume that's a good wowsa.

Anonymous said...

Please oh please oh please tell me you'll be attending the FREE Earth, Wind, & Fire concert on the parkway in Philly on the 4th of July?????

AnotherMeg said...

I went to Bucknell and my younger sister went to American, too!

And I am not at ALL surprised to hear that lax players acted like little shits.

Miss Blog said...

Don't suppose New Zealand is next on the list for a Reader Meet Up? I preach this blog harder than a Jehovah's Witness with a captive audience over here...

wagthedad said...

OK so I always thought Hall & Oates were lame, but now I realize I can't even hum one of their songs, so now I know I just ASSumed that they were lame, and now your post has inspired me to A) Get me some H & O and B) Stop being such a prejudgmental, stereotyping ASSumer.

So thank you for making me a better person!

KTP said...

Yea, i second the Anon who suggested EWF concert.... since TC is in Philly, and you frequent Philly.... let the Philly readers know so we too can meet the amazing Meggles!

Anonymous said...

Of course it's a good wowsa. I was trying to be respectful to Becca. It was difficult...haha. I should also probably learn to read over what's I's writes froms now on's.

Anonymous said...

The real question here is whether you would take you Hall and Oates love to this level:

http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2008/news/080901/travis_mccoy320.jpg

you're welcome for the idea.

John said...

I went to the Naval Academy. It sucks as much as you imagine!

Anonymous said...

I hate you because you live the dream, but you're writing just gets better all the time. This is what happens when I drink bloody mary's in the sun while trying to do my own work. Solidariety. And envy.

Anonymous said...

I just want you to know that I work at Wolf Trap and to this day, we still circulate this blog post around the office as the most hilariously written retrospective on a performance ever. Well done.

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