11.22.2011

I've been trying to craft a PUlitzer/PUbic hair joke for 20 minutes and it's not happening. So...hey.

Chris and I finished editing! Woo hoo! (Or BOOYAKASHA!!!!!!!!1!!, as I’m obviously thinking. God I hate myself.) Here’s a list of things we were “gently scolded” by our editors for saying:
- Referring to the miracle of conception as “squirting your wife up a keeper”
- Every single cannibal joke (and there were a lot of them)
- A reference to the world’s economy locking itself in its room and cutting its arms while listening to Morrissey
- Countless, countless masturbation jokes
- Referring to intercourse as “getting your gears stripped”
- A reference to all homosexuals burning in hell, which was considered quote, “potentially homophobic”
- The phrase “a semen-stained Halston gown away from being the human embodiment of 1976”
- An imaginary Roseanne blooper reel where John Goodman calls Laurie Metcalf “six cunts in a five cunt basket”
- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many Asian jokes
- The phrase “little kids can’t cross the street without getting molested six-ways-to-the-weekend”
- The phrase “with a honker like a Jewish anteater”
- Numerous references to fingerbanging and/or fingerblasting
- A fictional yoga pose called “The Senator’s Erection”
- A non sequitur about Hilary Clinton being a lizard person from beyond the moons of Saturn
- The sentence “I’m an octoroon, but the bad part isn’t black—it’s German.”
- A Bennington girl drinking an unpretentious little Pinot out of bowls made from human skulls
- Even more fingerbanging references, frankly
- The imaginary newspaper headline: “Weirdo Dies in France, As Usual”
- A joke about how it’s not incest if you and your cousin went to different middle schools
- A joke about urinating into a slot machine and still managing to win $200
- A joke about joining the army expecting to be in Gryffindor, but it turns out you’re more of a Slytherin
- The concept of shoveling a sundae into your mouth like a “gravedigger with the squirts”
- Too many Dress Barn jokes
- Too many ghosts
- Referring to a sex scene in a serious novel as “classy, but still totally functional, if you know what I mean.”
- The phrase “jive cracker”
- An imaginary Abercrombie & Fitch graphic tee that says “Fat Girls Give Good Head”
- An imaginary government-themed gay porn movie called “The Department of Health and Homo Services”, in which a freshman Tea Party representative is ordered to separate his powers and get ready to see what big government can do to him
…I now understand why Chris’ grandmother’s review for our last book was simply: “A mite racy, but funny.” Truer words were never spoken, Grandmother. Truer words were never spoken.

25 comments:

Michael said...

Best tag ever?

Anonymous said...

You guys should release a "director's cut" of the book, with "deleted scenes." Self-pub ebook or something?

Anonymous said...

You guys should release a "director's cut" of the government-themed porn you speak of.

A non-related Becca said...

I agree with the first anonymous suggestion (November 22, 2011 6:20 PM) entirely but I am not sure I could ever look your blog in the eye again if you did the second directors cut suggestion.

I realise I'm admitting that I'd probably watch it. At best I could then suggest it to friends and increase your revenue. At worst, well there is no way it could be the worst porn I've watched, no way at all.

Maybe you should just write the script and produce it, or not, what ever pays the bills I guess.

Sarah said...

I'm loving the daily entries!

P.S. I live in New Zealand, and your book is meant to take 8 - 17 days to arrive!! TOO LONG!

Anonymous said...

“I was going to tell you not to put that on the blog, but I’d feel like a bad sport because there are so many pictures of baby best essay writing service Meglet. Note that I’m already worried.”

Unknown said...

Very impressive publication here. Moreover as I see, this question is very actual for many people indeed. Personally I totally agree with author opinion about this subject and I think that it would promptessay be really interesting to create such discussion with other this website visitors. Anyway thanks a lot one more time for the great and informative publication

Unknown said...

Fine information, many thanks to the author. It is puzzling to me now, but in general, the usefulness and trustwebsitehostingreviews.com/
importance is overwhelming. Very much thanks again and best of luck!

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas on this one. Please keep posting about such articles as they really spread usefulhttp://www.iessaywriting.net/

information.Thanks for this particular sharing. I hope it stays updated, take care.
))

Unknown said...

thanks=))and go on!http://www.top7webhostingservices.com/ =))

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing (essaymarket co uk) this info with us!

Anonymous said...

Hello my friend! (www masterpapers com) I want to say that this article is awesome, nice written and include almost all vital info. I would like to see more posts like this.

Miya said...

This is something there. Something extraordinary and very interesting! online-essay-writer.org Thank you for presenting stuff =)!!

Anonymous said...

Excitement Shop presents superb selling prices for camping outdoors, climbing, plus open-air brazilian hair, supplies plus devices year round during its natural regions plus internet. You simply will not obtain improved selling prices for superb companies with leisurely devices - and the would make all of our prospects joyful! Fail to remember the ones will be incorporated with the notebook computer. Have a fine journal travelling bag that is definitely well-padded either for it has the load-bearing secure, plus 100% within the journal on its own. Will not be all of journal baggage made precisely the same? The right formula is not a. There are actually innumerable travelling bag styles plus adaptations. Never they all currently have a person's relaxation plus safeguards of your journal on its own under consideration. The majority of potential deterioration design and style to get ingredient, that is certainly more intense as compared with without needing your journal travelling bag from the beginning. Simplest way to identify which will journal travelling bag is a a person for yourself will be to get down a person's journal when browsing. Stuff it while in the travelling bag plus guarantee that getting older flow plus move all over. Kind gaps never signify improved safeguards! You wish them that they are cosy. Transport a travelling bag with the journal in buying it. Emulate your lumination run. The key reason why? Practical experience informs me brazilian hair uk the best way you might most probably go in the throughways with flight terminal nightmare. In case the secure get started digging around all those back, start looking to get other possibilities.

Unknown said...

12 months loans for bad credit are absolutely free from any kind of credit check. In general, all those who had been hesitant to apply for a bad credit loan scheme.

£1000 loans for 3 months
weekend loans online

Unknown said...

Taking a 1000 pound instant decision loans is not a bad thing at all. Several people take it when they have cash shortage and they can't live without having money. For further information about loans please visit us:-
http://www.1000poundstillpaydayuk.co.uk/

Unknown said...

12 month direct lenders,Marcel open his vision sweet-shop a little over a year back. His amass is the solitary one of its kind within miles, and all and sundry goes to his shop when they need to please a sweet tooth. For further information about loans please visit us:-
http://www.12monthloansdirectlendersuk.co.uk/

Unknown said...

ninest123 12.20
louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, air max, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, rolex watches, louis vuitton handbags, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, uggs, longchamp handbags, nike free, ray ban sunglasses, burberry outlet, longchamp outlet, ray ban sunglasses, gucci outlet, prada outlet, tory burch outlet, louis vuitton outlet stores, uggs outlet, louis vuitton, louis vuitton outlet, cheap uggs, polo ralph lauren, louboutin shoes, nike shoes, michael kors outlet online sale, louboutin, burberry outlet, tiffany and co, oakley sunglasses cheap, michael kors outlet, longchamp handbags, replica watches, ugg boots clearance, jordan shoes, louis vuitton outlet, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, prada handbags, air max, polo ralph lauren outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin, tiffany and co, ugg outlet

Unknown said...

new balance pas cher, nike roshe, oakley pas cher, nike blazer, ralph lauren, converse pas cher, sac burberry, nike trainers, hollister, nike free, lululemon outlet online, replica handbags, true religion outlet, nike tn, michael kors uk, nike roshe run pas cher, hogan outlet, timberland, north face, abercrombie and fitch, vanessa bruno, sac hermes, louboutin, nike free pas cher, michael kors outlet, true religion jeans, air max pas cher, coach outlet store online, polo ralph lauren, mulberry, sac guess, ray ban sunglasses, hollister, air max, north face, nike air max, nike air force, longchamp, true religion outlet, michael kors, ray ban pas cher, true religion jeans, sac longchamp pas cher, air jordan, polo lacoste, coach purses, air max, michael kors pas cher, vans pas cher

Unknown said...

iphone 6 plus cases, s6 case, celine handbags, beats by dre, instyler, wedding dresses, birkin bag, p90x, nike roshe run, ferragamo shoes, vans shoes, abercrombie and fitch, iphone 6s plus cases, iphone cases, ipad cases, soccer jerseys, iphone 6 cases, mcm handbags, lululemon outlet, soccer shoes, reebok outlet, ray ban, oakley, air max, mont blanc, herve leger, ghd, ralph lauren, babyliss pro, valentino shoes, north face outlet, mac cosmetics, north face jackets, timberland boots, air max, abercrombie, louboutin, jimmy choo outlet, nfl jerseys, new balance shoes, vans, iphone 5s cases, iphone 6s cases, giuseppe zanotti, bottega veneta, insanity workout, asics running shoes, baseball bats, chi flat iron, hollister clothing store, gucci, converse

Unknown said...

moncler, marc jacobs, canada goose outlet, ugg, swarovski, ugg boots, ugg pas cher, canada goose, ugg, doke gabbana, moncler, sac lancel, canada goose, moncler, ugg, louis vuitton, rolex watches, swarovski crystal, links of london, converse shoes, pandora charms, moncler, canada goose, barbour, canada goose uk, louis vuitton, barbour, toms shoes, thomas sabo, sac louis vuitton, supra shoes, montre homme, pandora jewelry, coach outlet store online, hollister, pandora charms, wedding dresses, moncler, sac louis vuitton, louis vuitton uk, moncler outlet, canada goose, canada goose, moncler, canada goose jackets, pandora jewelry, karen millen, juicy couture, juicy couture outlet, moncler
ninest123 12.20

Hill said...


LGBT TRAVEL | Australia's NO#1 fully dedicated LGBTIQ travel store

DISCOVER WHAT'S HOT DOWN UNDER for Travel - Accommodation - Events - Clubs - Pubs - Eateries and Saunas



cairns gay club

cairns gay scene

gay accommodation cairns

Metthew said...

Hello, I log on to your blogs on a regular basis. Your writing style is witty, keep it up!MenmyshopTouch Hypersonic Double Din Player MirrorJ3L Touch Double Din PlayerHypersonic Double Din Player MirrorJ3L Double Din Player Mirror
CBSE open schoolcbse privatebanzaraonjourneyMalhotra law house

แทงบอลออนไลน์ said...

แทงบอล sbobet เว็บไซต์เดิมพันที่สามารถจะทำให้คุณลุ้นรับเงินรางวัลจากทางเว็บไซต์ โดยสามารถทำการ ฝาก-ถอน ได้แบบไม่ได้จำเป็นต้องมีขั้นต่ำ นอกจากนี้แทงบอลออนไลน์นักเดิมพันยังมีสิทธิ์ลุ้นรับโปรโมชั่นและโบนัสดีๆ ได้ตลอดการเข้าใช้งานอีกด้วย

Hằng VT said...

Well, i will share the article with friends and people around me, it is really necessary for everyone to read it at least once, wish you success in the following articles. Anyone who reads this post will find it great, me too, I will continue to follow your posts.
abcya online, jogo io online, friv Games online 2019, cá koi mini

 
Clicky Web Analytics