1.) Guess what?! It's that time of the year again when I harass you to vote for us for best blog/blogger for Washington City Paper's Best of DC awards! Although, I'm going to be real honest: I'm not going to push for it this year. I'm aware that we didn't post nearly enough in 2011 to warrant my typical obnoxiousness, so I'm just going to say that if you'd like to vote for us for best blog/blogger, you may do so here (People & Places), and I thank you.
DAMMIT. Why hasn't the Internet made a gif of the woman saying "I want that", re: the free mini sailboat with the 24-piece set from Napoleon Dynamite yet?? Fuck. Youtube videos never work as well, but, because:
Well, that didn't work. And it's the wrong size. I want it, OK? That's why. I'm aware that DC is a town of movers and shakers (and candlestick makers) (Meg, please), and typically, the people who win Best Twitter are city councilmen, activists, and people generally "in the know" who actually tweet informative things about the District, and respect knuckles all around, but come on! I tweeted a picture of myself in an exam gown at the gynecologist's office because I was surprised how good I looked in salmon!
Would Vincent Gray do that? I think not. (And Lord knows that man could pull off a coral, blush, or peach if he wanted to and, frankly, I dare him to try.) But I argue that tweet is informative and DC-based! a.) Salmon: who knew? Now you do. You're welcome, and b.) Dr. Stephen J. Horowitz is located at 2141 K street, God bless his heart! Does Eleanor Holmes Norton tweet a disturbing number of photos of her parents' aggressive show cat? Not to my knowledge. But guess who does? This guy.
So, that's pretty much my entire argument for why I think you should vote for me for Best DC Twitter account. Because I'm a narcissistic cat lady with paradoxically low self-esteem and awards make me feel better about myself/my horrible life choices. VOTE FOR ME! Like last year, if I win, I'd be proud to take one of you fine readers as my hot date to the WCP Best Of party. I don't really know how we'll pick this year. Email me, or pick/nominate amongst yourselves. I don't really know how that would work, but you guys seem to always be infinitely more on the ball than I am, so go with God! Polls close March 1st.
3.) Speaking of calendar dates and not being on the ball, next Tuesday is Valentine's Day! What better way to say "thank you for being a friend" you "motherfucker", than with a 2birds1blog Dr. Dre/Eminem "What's the Difference?" Valentine's Day card???? Devotees will remember that I made these cards last year to send to my friends, immediately felt awkward because not everyone knows obscure Chronic 2001 lyrics off the top of their heads, oh wait—yes they do, and they were a total hit. Now you can buy a pack of six A7 (5" x 7") flat cards with six red A7 envelopes for the completely reasonable price of $12, plus a flat $2 shipping fee. Each shipment comes with a free 2birds1blog sticker and a little love note from yours truly. HOLLER! Considering I just got my Internet turned back on yesterday, I didn't have a ton of money to front for supplies and I might get sued by Interscope/Aftermath Records, so these are extremely limited edition. Act fast. But like, REAL fast.
OK, well I have a night of printing ahead of me because I want to make sure these are DTF for tomorrow morning (or right now, if you will), so I'm going to cut this obnoxiously short. Vote, vote, vote! Tweet, tweet, tweet!