Preface I love my grandmother. Like older women she is a bit on the odd side. Her personality is not a function of old age, she was always delightfully ditzy.
Grandma: Hello Eddie, this is your grandmother. I am sorry were you sleeping? What time is it out there…are you three hours behind or ahead?
Eddie: (lying) I was not sleeping, and it is three hours behind. How are you doing?
Grandma: I am very good but your grandfather [insert 4 minuets of chatting about how he is a “stubborn Mick” and has a cold] that is not the reason I called.
Grandma: I met the most amazing young man at
Grandma: (with growing excitement) He used to work in
Eddie: Wow, he sounds like a great person.
Grandma: HE IS! There is a small catch, he is becoming a Catholic Priest. But I think he wants to be a husband and father. Eddie, you two would make a great couple. I told him about you and he sounded interested! You need to snatch him up before some other worldly woman gets him. It is match made in heaven, you two can save the world and I get great-grand babies!
Later on in the conversation I found out the “young man” is in his early forties. The future Priests’ last name is my mother’s maiden name meaning we are distantly related (than again aren't we all). My grandmother wants to have babies around so badly she would marry me off to a distantly related Catholic Priest who lives on another continent.
I wish I could quit you,