First Grade Frustration

As you all can tell I have writing issues. Spelling and grammar mistakes are just a tip of the iceberg; I also have horrid handwriting.

When I was in elementary school I was pulled out of “normal” class to work on my handwriting/spelling. Twice a week I walked myself to a small room behind the cafatorium. Once there I was greeted by a sweet young teacher who would fill my time with arbitrary therapeutic tasks such as pulling pegs out of clay.

I was not the only student in my class; there were other “special” kids. A set of mildly inbred twins would join in on our fun! And there was a girl with an IQ below 65 who had a drooling problem. Occasionally drooling girl would have a fits that required physical restraint and transfer to a padded room.

My “issues” team decided my love for crafts could be combined with therapy for optimum results. On Fridays I would bring home potholders, paint by number projects, coasters, and crappy spelling tests. I was a frustrated perfectionist child with a major flaw. I wanted a normal well adjusted childhood; I was already a chubby kid so having classes with the weird smelling farm boys did not help social prospects. After one grueling spelling test I decided to give up, I resolved to fight fire with cheating.

To understand my method a visual is necessary.

I hid my spelling list (aka crib sheet) in the desk slot. Due to the desktop overhang my secret was hidden from the world. I knew getting every word right was not a wise move, a kid was could not fail for years and magically start pulling 115% (ahh bonus words.) I decided to gradually increase my cheating to curb adult suspicion.

To this day I am surprised none of the adults in my life caught on to the scheme. I was praised by everyone; it appeared all the hard work paid off.
- The educators were happy. The system worked another kid saved!
- I was happy! Goodbye friendship with farm twins and drooling girl!
- My parents were happy because Thursdays no longer consisted of Eddie sobbing at the dinner table for hours trying (with no luck) to spell words correctly!

I know my flaw is hard for several of you 2birds readers. The world is not perfect, and I am no exception. You might be thinking to yourself “Well Eddie, if you just kept trying and did not take the easy way out with cheating maybe you would improve.” Well readers (all two of you) turns out that is not true. Later it was discovered I have a nice little disorder with a fancy name that makes writing very difficult.

I have embraced my failures completely. Unlike most people I do not avoid things because of my weakness, I would not be blogging if that was the case. I ask for y’all to dig deep and find it in your hearts to love me, visible flaws and all.

I wish I could quit you,



Anonymous said...

That was a highly touching post! I'm sorry I called you on your grammar/spelling problems. I mean, God knows I'm not perfect (I mean sometimes I volunteer too much...or I give my lunch away to a homeless person without asking if they're vegan or vegetarian first. Oh, and I think we're up to 3 readers, not 2! WE'RE AN INTERNET PHENOMENON!


Anonymous said...

I forgot to make use of an end parenthesis after "vegetarian first."...I fully recognize the irony.

- Patsy

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

You did what any blogging buddy would do!



Anonymous said...

Nice blog. Will you still read lj entries even if you aren't posting your own anymore?

I never noticed you leaving the classroom for spelling help, nor did I have any idea how bad you were at spelling until livejournal. Were the "farm boys" twins? Do you remember in 3rd grade when we caught someone cheating on a spelling test and everyone turned her in?

- la_jaconde

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

la_jaconde I will keep up on others posts.

I do not remember the cheating incident, which was before my time of cheating. The farm boys were twins, and they did smell.

And in true OUR PRIMARY SCHOOL SUCKED mode they pulled me out of math class for spelling help...might be the reason I am also bad at math.

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