Snowflakes in the air

I secretly enjoy the holiday season. I have already decorated my apartment with a small tree, bells, bows, and the scent of the holidays (Christmas smells like gingerbread and Goldschläger.)

There is something magical about this time of year. Like a sucker I feel the need to watch every TV holiday movie. These poorly made classics are staples on my television. A Charlie Brown Christmas is arguably the best.

A Charlie Brown Christmas shows a simple world where children run everything. With bit of talk about the Big J and speeches against commercialism it has touched the hearts of the American Public. If you hate this movie you ARE THE DEVIL.

In light of the upcoming holidays (and the recent biography of Charles M Schulz) I decided to spice up this holiday classic with a drinking game!

Take a Sip When…

* Charlie Brown says something that is ridiculously EMO.

* Every time a non-white character comes on screen.

* Schroeder rebuffs Lucy’s advances. (Finish your drink if anyone in the room suggests that Schroeder is gay…or if you think it.)

* Every time Schroeder’s piano produces the sound of some absent instrument. (Finish you drink if his piano magically sounds like a full jazz quartet.)

* Every time someone makes fun of Pigpen’s appearance. (Kids are horrid rude creatures. Shouldn’t the Christmas sprit extend to all people, including the dirty kid?)

* The relationship between Snoopy and Woodstock confuse you.

I wish I could quit you,


Anonymous said...

What's funny is that the only instruments in the Vince Guaraldi trio are piano, bass and drums, and the animators elected to represent that with piano, bass and guitar. Apparently if you are small child and you boogie hard enough, stage floorboards sound like a ride cymbal and brushes on a snare.

But yes, even I, a Jew, a Jew who cannot hear Standard Christmas Music without blanching, love A Charlie Brown Christmas. I even have the very tasteful soundtrack on vinyl, jazz fiend that I am.

I also propose a drinking game addendum: every time one of the small child actors, who could not read their lines and had to be verbally coached, delivers a line with an utterly bizarre rhythm and cadence, take a drink. I'm thinking here particularly of Sally, who deadpans the best line in the entire show: "All I want is what is coming to me. All I want is my fair share." Which she renders sort of as "All I wantis what is Coming to me all I wantis is my FairShare."

Also, apparently, Schroeder 'n' Lucy's relationship is based on that of Charles M. Schulz and his first wife, which kind of adds a whole new weird dimension to that dynamic...

Anonymous said...

Mmmm, Christmas. Tonight several hopeless optimists tried to drink ourselves into a sufficiently vegetative state to endure Love in the Time of Cholera, which of course proved impossible. Somehow afterwards we ended up walking home singing Good King Wenceslas - to which only the departmental Jewess knew all the words (though not, in my opinion, the tune) - under foliage that I can only describe as 'implausible' in an Aristotelian sense. Seriously, the palm tree has to be atheism's most decisive proof. By which I mean that I miss December.

By the way, the crazy harridan in charge of my life has regrettably decided that the solution to my year's crop of classicists not understanding Lacan is lots and lots of French feminism. I actually had to walk into the Women's Studies library in pursuit of Cixous today, and there was vagina everywhere. It grossed me out, of course, but it also made me think of you and how much I miss your pale, pale face.

You should visit your grandmother this Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Michael- I enjoy the addendum and it is noted (in the comments...). I am shocked such an intense Jew has seen A Charlie Brown Christmas more than myself.

Chris- PLEASE FIND A WAY TO CONTACT ME SO I CAN GET YOUR REAL MAILING ADDRESS. I lost it, I am horrid. My family is coming to visit me this holiday so I will be unable to see everyone.

P.S As I living in an plagued by snow I do not feel pity for your warm weather.


Anonymous said...

Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passadinha lá no meu, que é sobre frases e poesias, espero que goste. O endereço dele é http://mil-frases.blogspot.com. Um abraço.

Anonymous said...

Seu primeiro Spam em português. Eu sou muito orgulhoso. Um grande mazal tov.

Anonymous said...


Can you fill an Irish Catholic girl in?

Anonymous said...

SPAMMER SEZ: I really liked this post and your blog is very interesting. I always come through here. Afterwards give a look at mine, which is about sayings and poetry. I hope you like. The address is blah blah blah. Hug!

MICHAEL SEZ: Your first spam in Portuguese. I'm very proud. A big mazal tov.

אדי, בדרך כלל פורטוגזית לא נחשבה שפה יהודית


Anonymous said...


I AM ONE OF THOSE AMERICANS THAT ONLY KNOWS ENGLISH (aside from a few German phrases.)

Please keep loving me.

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I guess I'll let the fact that you don't speak a language spoken in only a handful of countries (Spain's Canada, that one in South America with all the kidnappings, and a few of those perpetually famine-stricken, vaguely defined national entities in Africa) slide...but you're going to be SOL if you ever find yourself in Sao Tome and Principe, young lady!

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