12.26.2007

HISTORY NERD

I had to work today (the day after Christmas) and Christmas Eve. You might be asking yourself “Why Eddie, Why do you have to work?” The answer is simple, homelessness is persistent, and people don’t magically have jobs or homes or food or showers because it is the birth of some random baby. (I just made your job seem self absorbed and pointless right?!? GOOD THAT WAS THE POINT.) The reality is I hate using my precious vacation days on days that are easy to come into work. No one is going to call or be in the offices besides me so I can leave early and play around on the Internet.


In other news; I live across the street from a busy pub. In a relatively quite city this establishment is known for being a bit rowdy. But that’s what I get for choosing to live in the 20 something’s area of town. On Christmas Eve after the bar closed one man filled with holiday joy (and I am guessing the deadly whisky beer combination) he decided to make a priceless choice. The man stood in the middle of a traffic circle and yelled “HELLO NEIGHBORHOOD…HOPE YOU ALL WANT TO HEAR CHRISTMAS CAROLS” and started to sing shout several songs. For some reason I found his slurred drunken serenade adorably sweet.

Last but not least I present to you another round of “Eye Spy with Eddie”

You know you are in a redneck truck stop when you find the following items in the women’s bathroom.

How desperate are you when you are paying twenty-five cents for cologne in a truck-stop bathroom. And how exactly does this work? You put twenty-five cents in and pull the little lever on your pulse points? I am willing to bet several people have positioned their necks towards the nozzle where the cologne sprays they get a stinging eyeful of cologne.

Next to the cologne machine was this lovely item


NOW I am all for safe sex. And if you are getting highway lovin’ it is less embarrassing to buy condoms in the bathroom then from the toothless the 75+ truck stop employee. What cracks me up is the name. I bet Theodore Roosevelt thought when he picked out is team of Ivy League studs, farm hands and talented horse men to fight Spain he thought “I WILL CALL THEM THE ROUGH RIDERS AND ONE DAY A PROPHYLACTICS WILL BE NAMED AFTER THIS TALENTED TEAM OF MEN!” I wonder if anyone else thinks of the historical connection before thinking “hahah bathroom condoms in a redneck truck stop.”

The real Rough Riders. Who probably spread VD. I bet the sex workers they got with in Cuba, Florida, and New York wished they used their namesake condoms from the future.

I wish I could quit you,
Eddie

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