2.25.2008

...and Greg

Confession; I just started watching LOST. I used to mock people who were obsessed with this show. I decided—after viewing one episode—that the survivors were not on an island they were in purgatory. This all made sense in my little Irish Catholic head, and it made me feel awesome PURGATORY WAS AN ISLAND PARADISE. I was a TV champ and figured out the entire secret of a show I did not even watch. Now I realize I was very naive.
About two weeks ago I hit a boring wall. All my DVD’s had been viewed over 10 times, Netflix could only keep me busy 2 days a week, and the writers strike messed up TV. After poking around the Internet I found out every episode of Lost was streaming on ABC.com. Against my better judgment I decided to give it a click, and like that my weekend was booked. Because I wait a few hours between viewing episodes the suspense is killed and the show is not as powerful.

Good TV never fully answers our questions, and great TV will make us questions our existence. Some questions posed by TV will plague me for eternity. I will always wonder who won J.R. or the Devil? Are we all just living inside an autistic boy’s snow globe with Mr. Feeny? Is Ugg still at Camp Anawanna?

Like most viewers of Lost I have tons of questions. No, I am not wondering about the polar bears… I figure that will be answered at some point. I have only practical questions that distract me from really getting into the show.

1) If I was on the island who would I be?
I am lazy, I would not climb trees or go exploring. I would hang out in my little tent taking in the ocean. If I was on Lost you would never see me unless there was a meeting, I would be a pointless background character. Yet, I would be friends with Charlie. He is super cute and reminds me of someone I used to live with and is my type of boy. On the other hand my friendship with Charlie would make me a key player, it does not add up.

Eddie + Charlie= BFF (?)

2) Speaking of Charlie…does heroin ever go bad?!? I mean jungle heroin stuck in the Virgin Mary statues for years would go bad from excessive heat...right?! Do junkies care if drugs go bad?! Does heroin really look like sand?!? If you can only get the heroin out by smashing the statue how did Mr. Eko and his gang get the drugs in?!?Are these statues really Virgin Mary piggy banks?!? So many questions about the drugs...

3) Apparently everyone on the island has skin that naturally generates sunscreen. It really is amazing that no one on the island is burned by the suns harsh rays.. To top it off few people on the island are still pasty! If you put me on an island near the equator for even 3 hours without SPF 45 applications every 10 min I would look like this:

I hated having classes outside in college because in that hour I would burn, and I was in Washington DC. For me the most unbelievable thing on the island is not the monsters, it is not the random buildings, I will never understand the lack of sunburns.

Everyone who has watched Lost for years the is laughing at me, and I don't care. I am really watching because I am scared that this show says something about our post 9-11 society and if I do not watch I am missing out on cultural subtext about our current era.

In conclusion Oscar Wilde was a homo, and now I am just one of millions of viewing Americans of this random as show of sexy people trapped on a creepy island, Thanks ABC!

I wish I could quit you,

Eddie


6 comments:

2 birds, 1 blog said...

HAHA i totally forgot about "in conclusion, Oscar Widle was a homo."

Best concluding "paragraph" ever!

chris said...

You should watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is brilliant. You probably sneer, but so did my mom and now she's almost done with season 4.

We'll discuss it.

2 birds, 1 blog said...

Chris I will not watch Buffy. I have avoided it thus far and I will continue to avoid it. Now excuse me I must go watch "Quarterlife" which is a "My So Called Life" but the characters are in their mid 20's. But it is better then Buffy because there are no Vampires.

Golden said...

Death to Buffy.

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