2.11.2011

The DILF Hunter 5000

OK, look. I’m going to be REAL honest with you: I’m fully aware that a heaping tablespoon of our readership is pissed at us right now because we took two weeks off to, you know, write a book. Because someone gave us money to. Versus this little venture. Which we do for free. Actually, that’s a lie; Lexie Briggs gave us a donation yesterday. So Lexie Briggs: I’m sorry I disappointed you…but mostly, I’m sorry I disappointed myself. You let me know when you’d like to get drinks and they’re on me. (And by drinks plural, I mean one for me and one for you. Reasonably priced. Preferably domestic. This isn’t prom.) ANYWAY, the point is I’m buckling under the pressure of winning your hearts back and now I have writer’s block and can’t think of an introduction for this post and Chris isn’t answering my text messages. To add insult to injury, there’s a crack in my Brita pitcher and I’ve been fucking parched all day but don’t trust unfiltered DC water, so I just chugged four random Stellas I found in the back of my fridge from Halloween in under five minutes and am surprisingly drunk right now.

So here I am, accidentally drunk, playing with “novelty borders” in Illustrator, and trying to think of a way to be non-offensive and charming when it’s like, fuck it—just like these novelty borders, someone’s always going to think I suck, so I might as well just be the best little novelty border I can be for the people who appreciate novelty borders. Which, I might add, certainly has never been me, but you know what? I can’t fly in the face of an 8.5 x 11 piece of computer paper flanked in picnic ants and paw prints. I would go to that block party and I’m not even trying to front like I wouldn’t. So what I’m trying to say is: I recently discovered is that I’m a total DILF hunter and I think we should talk about it. But first:
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As of February 11, 2011, Larry Hagman is alive! And here’s a quick story about him before we move on (“We suuuuure did Blanche…”): I found out some disturbing health news Tuesday afternoon and was just generally really down, so I came home and cracked open the Larry Hagman autobiography, Hello Darlin’, which 2b1b super-readers Anna and Sarah were wonderful enough to send to me. Within 19 pages, I was hysterically laughing because a.) He dedicated the book to his liver donor, which I know isn’t “funny”, but also isn’t not funny; b.) The first time he did acid (or a “turn on”, if you will) it was a gift from David Crosby and he did it in a tiny little brown terry cloth robe that his wife, Maj, made for him; c.) He was raised by a “extremely loving” black woman who, if little Larry wouldn’t stop talking at bed time, would blow out the pilot light in the gas heater and let the gas fill the room until he got drowsy and passed out. His grandparents made her stop doing it though when they came home from a church barbecue once and found both of them passed out, “gas still flowing.” Instead she would let little Hagman suck on a bourbon-soaked sock until he got buzzed enough to fall asleep. The concluding sentence of the introductory chapter is, “Was this the start of my alcoholism? Who knows.” Larry Hagman, Lexie Briggs, Anna, and Sarah…you keep me hangin’ on.

So, Chris and I were watching an episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip last week, per his dad’s recommendation, and I got all oddly hot and bothered by Matthew Perry. It started innocently enough when I remarked that he looked good in a suite, and then somehow turned into me full-blown rapping the “spicier” portions of Ludacris’ Fantasy while grabbing my invisible dick with my left hand and uncomfortably caressing my breasts with the right.

Chris didn’t understand my attraction to Matthew Perry at first but eventually admitted that he could see the being attracted to him circa the “Friends” years. And I could NOT disagree more. I like post-rehab Matthew Perry. I like that he looks poofy and a little waterlogged. I like the worry lines across his forehead and the bags under his eyes. I like that you can tell he was once a pretty boy who’s now a little weathered and clearly has a story to tell. And that’s when I connected the dots that Studio 60 Matthew Perry looks disturbingly like a lot of guys I’ve hooked up with over the years. Up until that moment, I never really thought I had a “type” (or, I considered my type to be whoever wanted to have sex with me at that given moment, which I don’t think is really having a “type” more as it's having "low self-esteem”), but standing there in Chris’ apartment, clutching my left breast and pointing to the television screen with a shaking finger, I realized that I do have a type—I’m a total DILF Hunter.

Chris was quick to point out that this must mean I have some serious daddy issues, but the thing is; I don’t. I have an excellent relationship with my dad; we’re friends, but that’s where it ends. My dad could be Steve Martin’s doppelganger and every time I watch that scene in Shop Girl when he gets into bed with a naked, whorish Claire Danes, I want to run a cheese grater over my eyes and jump out a plate glass window. That and I don’t think there’s anything “daddy issues-y” about being into DILFS. Sure it stands for “Dad I’d Like to Fuck”, but since when does that mean it’s my dad? My father is a distinguished older gentleman, and a distinguished older gentleman does not a DILF make.

Let me paint you a picture of what I consider a DILF to be: a man in his mid to late 30’s; typically brunette; classically handsome; exquisite bone structure; maybe married right out of college and got saddled down with the wife and kids a little too early; works an unfulfilling, but decently paid corporate job; perhaps has a wee bit of a drinking problem as a result and has put on a few pounds; maybe he’s looking for a young blogger with dwindling popularity to escape with for a few hours and remind himself what it’s like to be alive, feel a little dangerous with, I don’t know?; but most importantly he’s wearing a crisp Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up three-quarters of the way, top button undone and just slightly exposing his undershirt, haphazardly loosened tie, and a-reeking of musky cologne and a decade of disappointment. BOOM. I’m into, you guys. I’m into a big, big way. The highlight of every single one of my Monday through Fridays is when the guy I’m currently into text messages me a detailed description of what he wore to work that day. Sound a little gay? Well there’s nothing gay about it when the end result is me wanting to jump your fucking bones. (Sorry. Four Stellas. Getting a little defensive. Throwing hard F’s around.) And while I’m fairly certain all of this says something unfortunate about me, I don’t think it’s that I have daddy issues.

That being said, I did bring it up with Laura to see what she thought when we were out getting drinks this past weekend. After I finished my little schpeal, her eyes widened and I could see the pieces fall into place. She stammered, “Like…like Timothy Dalton!” PLINKO. We then spent the remainder of our night sitting in the window at Big Hunt comprising a list of the DILFiest men we could think of—a list that has now become known as The DILF Hunter 5000. Which was awkward when it got crowded and we agreed to share our table with another group of people and frequently interrupted their conversation with things like: “MICHAEL VARTAN?!” “DILF. ME. UP. AND. DILF. ME. DOWN. YES.”

Official rules of the DILF Hunter 5000:

1.) Must be attainably attractive, not too pretty or too exotic. Because that really is the majesty of the DILF. I don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell with Ian Somerhalder, I realize that, but something deep inside of me truly believes that given the right amount of alcohol and a dimmer switch, I could probably get Ray Liotta to go home with me.

2.) Doesn’t necessarily have to have kids. Jude Law has three kids but is way too pretty to ever be considered a DILF. Conversely, George Clooney doesn’t have any but aesthetically fits the bill. DILF is a state of mind, not a lifestyle.

3.) Of a certain age, but not of another. Which is just another way to say—

4.) DILF ≠ Distinguished Older Gentleman

5.) We recognize that every rainbow has a spectrum. George Clooney, to me, is a DILF, but he’s also in that age range where he could just as easily be a Distinguished Older Gentleman. Likewise, Joseph Gordon Levitt is going to be a great DILF someday, but that day is not today. The age range can get a little ambiguous, but all we can do is try our best.

6.) He has to put the F in DILF. Laura was quick to put Steve Carell on the list, but does anyone really want to fuck Steve Carell? I’d shake hands with Steve Carell and buy him a beer, maybe even have a sweaty make out session with him in a sports bars commode; anything else just seems…overkill.

Over the course of this past week I challenged myself to pare down the DILF Hunter 5000 to what I consider to be the top 10 DILFs of all time. Screw writing the manuscript—that was a challenge. But thankfully after a lot of soul-searching, reordering, and revision, it’s done. I proudly present to you now, Meg McBlogger’s Top 10 All-Time DILFs:

#10: Alan Ruck
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Or Alan “Ruck Me Harder”, if you will. Baha. I know what you’re thinking: “PSHHHH, seriously, Meg? He hasn’t been in anything since Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and he was like 25 in that.” Oh, really? Allow me to point you to a little slice of the human experience called Cheaper by the Dozen and episode four of “Stella” entitled “Coffee Shop”. He played an emasculated, down-on-his-luck DILF in both of those and need I mention those blue eyes?? (Plus in CBD he wore a tux. Netfix it immediately. Or just come over because I own it. It’s a genuinely funny movie. Don’t judge me.)

#9: Will Arnett 
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Knock, knock? Who’s there? I’d lick that receding hairline. That’s my entire joke. ‘Sup?

#8: Timothy Dalton circa 1987's The Living Daylights 

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Look, we can go tit-for-tat all day about whether or not he was a respectable Bond (Lord knows I’ve got the time) (and four years of 007 Days of Christmas marathons under my belt) but I think we can all agree that in his prime, Timothy Dalton was a DILF and he made no apologies for it. I mean, that noble mane of hair! Those suits! Eyebrows that could make Peter Gallagher blush! And my god—the cleft chin. I, personally think cleft chins are sexy, but I think that’s mostly just because I have one and spent the majority of my youth being told it was a butt chin and developed a self-deprecating sense of humor and semi-serious self-mutilating problem as a result, but DALTON! Dalton made it look good.

#7: That Correspondent From The Daily Show who Kind of Looks Like Timothy Dalton if you Cross Your Eyes and Squint

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Which I do. Frequently. It gives me terrible headaches and I might be developing a lazy eye, but Timothy Dalton looks like a decrepit vampire these days and Jason Jones? I. SAID. GOD. DAMN.

#6: Justin Kirk
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I dated a guy who looks like Justin Kirk once and we both know I was in no way the one who ended it.

#5: Jon Hamm
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I mean, “Mad Men” and “30 Rock” reruns basically just serve as softcore pornography at this point. Reasons one and two to get my cable turned back on…

#4: Clive Owen
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I just…he’s just so…and he makes me feel…and I could…and he…and I…I have to go.

#3: Jason Bateman
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There’s no one else I’d rather make sweet Pop-Pop with.

#2: Paul Rudd
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As I obnoxiously shouted over the head of a perfect stranger a mere six days ago: “LAURA!!! PAUL RUDD—THE ORIGIONAL DILF!!!! THE DILF THAT LAUNCHED A THOUSAND MINI-VANS!!!! FUCK. YES.”

#1: Jeremy Piven
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First and foremost: I don’t have to explain anything to you people. Second and second most: Fine. Let’s just all acknowledge that Jeremy Piven is a douchebag, OK? Jeremy Piven is a giant douchebag and I, Meg McBlogger, recognize that. He’s a “Jewish Buddhist”, whatever the fuck that means; he pussied out of a play with an excuse only applicable to 19th century hatters; he might actually think he’s Ari Gold after the cameras stop filming—I get it; he’s a douchebag. But that doesn’t mean when he shuts that pretty little goddamn mouth of his and stands perfectly still, he isn’t the sexiest man in the entire world. Yeah. I said it. I honestly think that Jeremy Piven is the sexiest man in the world. I pitted him against every single other member of the DILF Hunter 5000, and he came out on top every time. And am I embarrassed to admit that on a blog where I’m already on thin ice? No. No, I’m not. I’m proud of myself for being able to be that honest. Because originally I hid Piven at #6 and put Rudd at #1, but it was with Alex’s emotional support in the basement level of a Panera that I learned to be proud of my feelings for the Piven and not care what other people think. I’m sorry that I can actually look past people’s personalities and inner selves and judge them solely on their physical appearance and you can’t. I’m a
lso sorry I didn’t get tickets to Burning Man this year, hippie.

Also,you don’t think that Jeremy Piven has contributed anything to society or even to your life? Uh, let me remind you of a little motion picture called
PCU, and a line that’s not only my personal mantra, but is what inspired Ex Co-Blogger Eddie to write her senior history thesis on "Dallas", thereby introducing her to Larry Hagman, thereby introducing me to TGI Hagman, thereby introducing you to TGI Hagman:


Tom: What is he doing?

Droz: He’s finishing his senior thesis. Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV.

Tom: That’s his thesis?

Droz: Yes! That’s the beauty of college these days, Tommy! You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit.

And bullshit we did. And continue to! Well, not Eddie. She’s an upstanding member of society who counsels America’s youth about doin’ it with condoms. I…made this list. And got drunk alone tonight because I couldn’t afford Gatorade. Well. Remember to use a condom! There. Now we’re even. 

Welp, that’s going to do it for us! Good riddance to this god-awful week and here’s to shit getting better. If you find yourself sitting around this weekend coming up with some quality DILFs, shoot them my way. 
Remember, there’s no “I” in “DILF Hunter 5000”. Except for the one in “DILF”. That literally stands for I. Good. Glad we’re friends again. See you on Monday.

111 comments:

TessaKaye said...

So happy you're back. And, I share your sentiments when it comes to Jeremy Piven. He can be a jerk as much as he wants, I will still find him sexy.

Anonymous said...

I think you're great. I'm glad you're back and back with a bang!

Beth said...

Yes x10! Thank you for justifying everything I always thought was wrong with me. Solidarity in DILF hunting, sista!

Anonymous said...

I love DILFs too, and those Official Rules are spot on. "DILF is a state of mind, not a lifestyle" - truest statement upon which I have ever. laid. my eyes. So glad you're back, phew.

Anonymous said...

Meg, haters can suck a dick. Don't worry about it. You're hilarious. Glad you're done with the book, congrats, that's a big feat.

Meghan said...

This really was eye opening, and made me realize Jude Law really is too pretty. Also, totally with you on Paul Rudd!!

Brooke said...

So glad you're back with such a bang and brought a bunch a DILF's to bang. Perfect comeback, my friend. Well done.

Anonymous said...

uhh the sole reason my male companion is still around is because hes 30ish (and i am NOT) and wears sweaters and khakis. everyday.

i hear you girlfriend.

Philby said...

My house in college was named "The PIT" after PCU. And one of our fave lines was from just after your fave line, when he rises from the couch only to fall to the ground screaming "PINS AND NEEDLES! PINS AND NEEEDLEES..."

Anonymous said...

Don'tchu worry about the haters Meg. The people who are upset that you didn't post for so long need to get lives. You don't owe them anything!

That was a perfect return. BAM.

Anonymous said...

MMM Clive Owen ... I have to go now too.

Stephanie said...

Alan Ruck. YES! Super sexay in Three for the Road. Totally stole the show from Charlie Sheen.

Anonymous said...

Your second rule is retarded. Why did you even bother calling this a DILF list if it has nothing to do with DILFs?

Anonymous said...

you are fucking awesome girl. great post and the pics were greatly appreciated..loved your response under the pic of clive-just what i was thinking ;) much love to you from all of us who adore you!

Anonymous said...

"Let me paint you a picture of what I consider a DILF to be: a man in his mid to late 30’s; typically brunette; classically handsome; exquisite bone structure; maybe married right out of college and got saddled down with the wife and kids a little too early; works an unfulfilling, but decently paid corporate job; perhaps has a wee bit of a drinking problem as a result and has put on a few pounds; maybe he’s looking for a young blogger with dwindling popularity to escape with for a few hours and remind himself what it’s like to be alive, feel a little dangerous with, I don’t know?; but most importantly he’s wearing a crisp Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up three-quarters of the way, top button undone and just slightly exposing his undershirt, haphazardly loosened tie, and a-reeking of musky cologne and a decade of disappointment. BOOM. I’m into, you guys. I’m into a big, big way."

Let me just stop and say right here: you should write erotica. Ready to jump the next DILF I see.

Nina said...

TOTALLY REDEEMED!!!! This was great. But I'd like to reserve the right to take Alan Ruck off the DILF list and replace it with Mark Harmon from NCIS (have you not seen what he looked like when he was younger-yummy). Also, I will keep PCU Jeremy Piven but not 2011 Jeremy Piven, so I'm replacing him with Hugh Jackman. I would break up his happy home without hesitation. :)

Aly said...

HIlarious. I have been trying to explain my affection for Mark Ruffalo to a friend. May have to forward this post onwards. Thanks!

Jill said...

YES! Meg, you did it again. Will Arnett/Jason Bateman/Paul Rudd is the trifecta of DILF. Love.

Anonymous said...

Mark Harmon has to be on the list. To some he could be considered a distinguished older gentleman, but he's honestly just so badass that I can't possibily consider him to as "older".

I definitely agree with the top 5 though - great post!

Anonymous said...

M,
I just want to say that I was made that you were gone. But I am so NOT anymore...I'm over it. This situation will not be in My Top 5 All-Time Grudges. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Christian Bale and John Corbett, anyone? Anyone?

Anonymous said...

Christian Bale is totally not a DILF. Hot, but not DILF.

emilie sarah said...

you more or less had me until piven. he's just so nasty.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god. i thought i was the only one who --EVAR-- thought that jason gordon levitt had potential. i love it and shall continue to love this blog.

Blake said...

(a) Timothy Dalton *was* a perfectly respectable Bond even if The Living Daylights was a steaming pile of Bond shit. Doesn't mean I still won't watch 5-10 minutes of it when it's on Spike.

(b) PCU. What an underrated little gem. Jessica Walters as the Dean! David Spade in perhaps the role he was born to play! John Favreau with weird stoner short-dreads! Throwing raw meat at vegetarians and obnoxious feminists. This movie simply has it all.

(c) I'm a little offended at your offer to buy your latest donor drinks. I offered to buy *you* drinks before the whole donation thing even started then donated TWICE! Weak Meg, weak.

(d) Sounds like you're feeling better and not going to die (this time). Sighs of relief across the DC metro area...

CourtneyP said...

OMG. PAUL RUDD IS MY FAVORITE!

And it's so funny that you put Jason Bateman on the list because when I was reading the beginning of your DILF description, my first though immediately went to his character on Juno.

My dad's doppelganger is George Clooney AND Billy Bob Thorton. Makes me both uncomfortably attracted to my dad and repulsed by him at the SAME TIME. I cannot watch Bad Santa ... I REFUSE.

Anonymous said...

Ok, Jason Bateman is my number one. But what about Alan Rickman?

Also Meghan with an H said...

I'm just gonna address something really important about this otherwise hilarious post... I really hope you're okay, Meg! :(

Anonymous said...

Glad you're back, I think we're all just hoping you don't quit the blog once the book comes out! Any word on if Larry Hagman has signed on to the new Dallas remake yet?

comogirl said...

omg i LOVE Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip!!! I have never met anyone other than my parents and myself who have watched a single episode...

And while I agree with you on the Matthew Perry crush, don't you have a crush on Bradley Whitford too?! HE'S SO CUTE!!

Anonymous said...

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Meg!





FUCK EVERYONE WHO SUCKS!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your early morning trudge to an internet connection, to provide me (and your 2b2b army) with Paul Rudd fantasies and other luscious DILFs on this craptastic Friday. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

But what about JOHN STAMOS?

Sam @ SSB said...

Hello, Edward Norton! I too love the DILFs and felt somewhat ashamed, but thankfully you had the guts to just put it out there. I also have a few business cards from DILFs that I just can't part and I can't understand why.

Anonymous said...

@comogirl - Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was awesome and I was devastated it was cancelled. I cannot get enough of Matthew Perry's wit and Bradley Whitford is on the DILF list.

LL&L said...

Luke Wilson has been looking awfully DILF-y to me lately.

I DON'T HATE IT.

Rachel said...

Meghan....Oh Meghan. I have once heard you tell me your "typpe" was a Seth Rogan-Jonah Hill type. Which made me vomit a little.

Secondly, I know we (what I thought to be)joked about being sister wives but when you described your DILF, Um. thats my husband.

Awkward. Stay away from my man! ;)

Michael said...

I disagree with this brunette thing.

Why? Because my go-to-DILF is a silver-fox Sheriff who is the dad of a college friend (think Anderson Cooper meets the Brawny Man, but with the gentile Southern Accent and a penchant for smirking at you).

Is it weird that I have an agreement with said friend that if the situation ever arises, she supports and fully consents with me Fing the D? "Because if it makes him happy, she's okay with it"

Anonymous said...

Ewan McGregor all day. Total DILF, even the father part!

Sara said...

um I already emailed my DILF addition to you, but I feel it must be posted here as well.

Liam Neeson. Boom. After watching Taken I am officially smitten.

Anonymous said...

Colin firth!!!

Casey said...

Totally agree with Mark Ruffalo! I'd like to submit Timothy Olyphant for consideration, but I may just be in love with his character from Justified.

Sam @ SSB said...

Also Guy Pearce, Jonny Lee Miller, and James McAvoy- all DILFs from across the pond.

Francesca said...

Thank GOD you're back! Also, Paul Rudd and Jeremy Piven .... fine choices. That pic of John Hamm... rough...

Anonymous said...

DILF = Aaron. Eckhart.
http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lc/love_happens_premiere_3_160909/aaron_eckhart_2576082.jpg

Yes, even in Erin Brockovich with the long hair and ponytail and loud motorcycle. Actually, especially in Erin Brockovich.

LoLo said...

Sara, I totally second the Liam Neeson! You don't get any better than him in Love Actually...

SarahDee said...

I would do Vince Vaughn at pretty much any point in his career, but especially now with the salt and pepper scruff and the few extra lbs...yum

Anonymous said...

Is it weird that I think some of these DILFs are actually a smidge too young to BE a DILF? Or do men really just age that well, which is why I can't tell if Paul Rudd's a day over 30? Because if they do, then a)fuck., and b) fuck?

Also, Jeremy Piven is totally cute, so no need to feel alone on that one!

Anonymous said...

Yes Yes Yes to Colin Firth and Christian Bale!

kristin said...

SO not mad at you. Anyone who's mad at you for trying to make money should be shot.

Clive Owen wins.

cassie said...

http://tv.msn.com/larry-hagman-desperate-housewives/story/feature/?gt1=28101

You probably already know, but I thought of you immediately.

rebecca said...

Also, I completely forgot about this until now!!!

I happened to be drinking at The Looking Glass in Petworth last weekend, and I sweaaaar I saw a flier in the bathroom with the bar's calendar for the upcoming week - including that, on Thursday the 17th (or somewhere around then; again, I was drinking), "Meg and Chris from 2birds1blog" would be visiting/hosting some sort of event ... IS IT TRUE?????? Legions of DC fans need to know!!!!!

Ali said...

My DILF is definitely Ralph Fiennes (because of The Reader, not Harry Potter).

He just looks like the kind of man who would make sweet, sweet love to you whilst whispering sexy sweet nothings in your ear...oh god, I've turned myself on.

What's creepy is I'm 20, and I'd totally do a DILF. Not ashamed.

Jamie said...

Second Timothy Olyphant. I watch the movie Catch & Release just to drool. Also second Mark Harmon (and if we're going to talk NCIS-- Michael Weatherly. Sex.)

Anonymous said...

What about Rob Lowe?! Disappointed he did not make the cut... Or what about Chris Pratt (the guy who plays Andy on Parks and Recreation)?

LAT said...

I just sent you an email about Rob Lowe but someone in the comments totally NAILED another DILF which is Aaron Effing Eckhart. That dude is the god of all DILFs. And Bradley Whitford can West my Wing anytime he wants.

Mrs. Bill said...

Meg McBlogger you are a woman after my own heart. I adore Jeremy Piven. I always wondered if I was the only one that found him attractive and I'm glad to know that I am not the only one. I seriously gasped when I saw he was number one on your list because I wasn't expecting it. I find him so attractive I actually follow him on Twitter.

kristyn said...

Anyone who doesn't support you and Chris going on hiatus from the blog in order to make some skrilla is a Communist. Pure and simple.

tobetti said...

This is so great. I knew you'd be back with a bang!! Although i do have to say, Mark Ruffalo & Adrien Brody would def be in my top 5. Yum.

Jordon said...

Where is Hugh Jackman on this list? He's my ultimate DILF....

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but where is Christopher Meloni aka Det. Eliot Stabler on SVU. Good gosh: http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Christopher-Meloni-law-and-order-svu-260963_775_1024.jpg

tobetti said...

Wait wait wait. I will retract my previous two nominees for Bill Maher. Oh lord. The things I would do... The. Things. I. Would. Do.

mandi said...

Congratulations on the book deal and, more importantly, book completion!

We can double team Piven, girl. He's so fucking hot, I cannot even. Every time I watch Entourage, I feel a little like tent revival christians must. Except...in my pants.

Anonymous said...

In case you were wondering what good ole Larry Hagman was doing these days...

http://tv.msn.com/larry-hagman-desperate-housewives/story/feature/?gt1=28101

Rosy said...

The fact that you call making love with Jason Bateman "pop-pop" tells me you're not ready for it.

Casey said...

GOOD LORD MICHAEL VARTAN

he tops all my lists, not even the dilf-themed ones.

happy you're back, good job finishing the manuscript!

Stephanie said...

Rosy: YES. Perfect. hahahahahaha

Also, I would do horrible things to just make eye contact with Paul Rudd until he grinned at me. He is so fucking cute. I can't even.

Caitlin said...

God this was amazing. Jason Bateman, Paul Rudd, but you forgot one.

MARK RUFFALO.

Santa Chiara said...

I think all the gentlemen of "The West Wing" would fit into this category. Specifically my boyfriend Richard Schiff as Toby Ziegler. Don't get me wrong, Rob Lowe can wear a suit like nobody on earth can wear a suit, but I was always FAR more smitten with Toby, the stocky Jewish curmudgeon whose clothes were always rumpled and who was always mad about something. He MIGHT be my #1 TV crush of all time.

Brittan said...

Can we please talk about the greatest Jeremy Piven moment ever?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzpcZCwwMnA

You're welcome!

Sarah P said...

Justin Dilf looks sweaty and hairless in that bad gay porn way.

You forgot Timothy Hutton and OMG Tim Robbins circa "Nothing To Lose."

But, I love Steve Martin more than is probably normal, and I'll put at least $7.50 in your paypal account for nudes of your Dad. Inappropriate? Sorry.

Thank you for releasing Hagman. The funds will be released.

Anonymous said...

agree with everyone abt mark ruffalo! what about jon stewart?

Anonymous said...

I'm only a little way into this post ("bourbon soaked sock") and it's awesome and yaaaay you're back!

I'm only gonna say this part because I think it may help you fend off the angry mob in the future (meaning, it'll be easier on you)... it's always best to under-promise and over-deliver. So, say you planned to take a 2 week blog hiatus to work on the book... you should tell your readers it'll be 3 weeks. Then, when you return after 2 we're all thrilled with our unexpected luck rather than sharpening our pitchforks. And the added bonus is that if you run over and take longer, we're still expecting 3 weeks so nobody gets pissed. You can either do this, or send all your readers some forgetmenows.

Anna said...

I am so glad you liked it and probably didn't think we were creepers.

Anonymous said...

Craig Ferguson. I'm just saying. Plus, he likes ren fairs

Sarah said...

THANK YOU to whomever mentioned Christopher Meloni. The things I would do to that man. . .

Since there's ALWAYS a Law & Order SVU episode on somewhere in the world, I can always get some hot, angsty, tackling bad guys action.

Excellent.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else think of Adrien Brody just a little?

Anonymous said...

I laughed a little too hard at "the DILF who launched a thousand mini-vans"

Anonymous said...

How can you bring up Studio 60 but leave off Bradley Whitford. Joshua Lyman I love you.

Lauren said...

I love how unapologetic you are when talking about Piven...I was distraught when I read today that he thinks Miley Cyrus is his friend soulmate "...there is something refreshing about someone who is exactly who they are." Thanks for the gag reflex US Weekly. I prefer to remember him as the adorable obituary writing friend in Serendipity or the bowling pal on Family Man...or just that dude from Ellen. He's the rich man's John Favreau (who I hope missed your list by just a few...). Congrats on the book and so glad y'all are back!

Anonymous said...

I second Colin Firth and fourteenth Mark Ruffalo...and does anyone else remember Jason Bateman on It's Your Move? I think I may have just showed the (way older) age range of your viewers, Meg.

Anonymous said...

Writer's block, my arse. This was gold.

Cara said...

Oh man. Can I add Kyle Chandler as the FNL DILF?

Anonymous said...

Yes, Michael Vartan, YES!!!!!!!!!11

Anonymous said...

OMG, Bradley Whitford? as Josh Lyman? or even as the father in those Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies? Um, yeah.

Anonymous said...

Or... how about Tom Cavanagh? Sorta unknown, but played Ed on NBC's "Ed" back in the early 2000s. Hot hot hot DILF, I say.

Rebecca said...

Paul Rudd x a MILLION!! I'd do such bad things to him...

Anonymous said...

IRA GLASSSSSS

Anonymous said...

How did Robert Downey Jr. NOT make this list? For shame...

Some Girl said...

Alan Rickman for the win! He may be a little too old to make your DILF list, but I would DILF him all night long, as long as he never stops talking to me in that amazing voice.

pook555 said...

Yay, so glad you're back Meg! And TGI Hagman!! Love the DILF list - but yep, should have included Mark Harmon (how can you not want to jump agent Gibbs, just sayin').

Liz S said...

I heart Jeremy Piven. If you haven't already seen it, immediately The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard to your Netflix queue. You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

OH GOD KYLE CHANDLER, totally agree Cara!!!!! He is the hotness. And Ruffalo... Ruffalo Ruffalo. He is a dreamboat.

rammi said...

I'm ashamed, but I'd do anything for Alan Dale.

Anonymous said...

Tim Roth. Mmmm.

Anonymous said...

Christopher Meloni is my DILF!! I would drink his bathwater and let him pull my hair, a lil. Much to my chagrin, I discovered these Valentine's Day cards that captures the adoration I have for my DILF of choice, the day after. http://brandonbird.com/svutines.html

Random Girl said...

This really is spot on! Bravo! I go back and forth between boy toys and DILFs but the DILFs definitely have some marketable skills. I must say, since we are sharing and all.. ANDERSON COOPER. Can I get an AMEN??

KTina said...

Kyle Chandler! Jon Stewart! PIVEN! You'll have to excuse me now...

McKinzie said...

Javier Bardem - enough said.

McKinzie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McKinzie said...

Gerard Butler - Yepppp add that hotties to the list as well.

Bridget said...

#1: "There’s no one else I’d rather make sweet Pop-Pop with" is my new favorite quote. For life.

#2: Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd every time.

Anonymous said...

GOD MOTHERFUCKING DAMNIT. Apparently, I too am a DILF Hunter 5000. Thanks for naming my malady.

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree. The whole point of MILF and DILF are the M and the D of the acronym...and so very much why women (mothers) for some reason have found the MILF phrase so offensive. At first, I was dazed and confused, because the whole MILF thing came along with porn.

But now that I've had time to think about it and been called one myself several times, I, personally, am happy to hear that men think I'm a MILF. LOL

But, if the DILF isn't a Dad, it defeats the whole purpose of the acronym, though. Donchathink? I mean, there's supposed to be a taboo type of "You can look but you can't touch" when it comes to MILFs and DILFs...

Whatever, it's your post. If you wanna make a list of guys you wanna fuck who aren't truly DILFs, thats on you.

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نور القمر said...



تعد المدينة المنورة من ارقى مناطق المملكة و تتميز بالطابع الدافئ والتواصل بين سكانها واجتماعهم في المناسبات المختلفه من هنا جاءت اهمية شركة تنظيف منازل بالمدينة المنورة لتقديم خدمات التنظيف للبيوت والمنازل والفلل والقصور والشقق والمدارس
ولاننا ندرك بان الفلل تحتاج الى عمالة مدربة على تنظيف الاماكن الواسعة ولديها القدرة على تنظيف المسابح وواجهات الزجاج او الحجر للفلل فالاول لمهارة عمالها تعد افضل افضل شركة تنظيف فلل بالمدينة المنورة تتميز بسرعة اداء عمالها في تقديم خدمة شركات تنظيف فلل بالمدينة المنورة نتميز باننا افضل شركات تنظيف الفلل بالمدينة المنورة
وكثيرا ما تحتوى الفلل على عدة خزانات فلابد من الاستعانة بافضل افضل شركة تنظيف خزانات بالمدينة المنورة فهى تستخدم افضل منظفات الخزانات والمطهرات نتميز باننا احسن شركة غسيل خزانات بالمدينة المنورة نغسل كافة انواع خزانات مياه الشرب بالمدينة
ولاننا افضل شركة غسيل شقق بالمدينة المنورة نقدم افضل خدمة تنظيف شقق بالمدينة المنورة بالاعتماد على افضل منظفات الكنب والستائر بالبخار
____________________________________
ولارتفاع درجات الحرارة في المدينة تنتشر العديد من الحشرات وخاصة في موسم الصيف فلابد من الاستعانة بافضل افضل شركة مكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة تقوم بمكافحة كافة انواع الحشرات والآفات
وكثيرا ما يحتاج سكان المدينة المنورة الى شركة نقل اثاث لنقل الاثاث من المدينة المنورة الى اى مكان داخل او خارج المملكة من هنا جاءت اهمية شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة تستخدم افضل سيارات نقل العفش المخصصة لهذا الغرض من هنا استحقت الاول افضل شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة

شركة نقل عفش بينبع -
شركة تنظيف خزانات بينبع
______________________________________

تعتبر تسربات المياه من احد المشكلات التى لابد ان نقوم بحلها على الفور لان تسربات المياه تؤدى الى عدد كبير من المشكلات نحن فى غنى عنها فالاول شركة كشف تسربات بالمدينة المنورة تعتمد على افضل الاجهزه والالات المخصصه باعمال الكشف عن تسربات المياه فلا داعى للقلق من شان التسربات على الاطلاق فتذكر عزيزى العميل ان افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالمدينة المنورةعلى اتم استعداد للوصول الى اى مكان بالمدينة او خارج المدينة للقيام بالكشف عن تسربات المياه

نور القمر said...


تعد شركة البيت الافضل افضل الشركات العامة في الخدمات المنزلية تقدم افضل الخدمات باعلى جودة وباقل الاسعار
شركة تخزين عفش بالرياض
شركة نظافة بالرياض
شركة غسيل خزانات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة الحشرات بالدمام
بالاضافة الى خدماتنا الاخرى مثل :
شركة شراء اثاث مستعمل بالرياض
كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيوت بالرياض
ونتميز في جميع الخدمات بان اسعارنا تعد ارخص الاسعار بالمقارنة مع الشركات الاخرى
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة الحشرات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف كنب بالرياض

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خدمات تنظيف بالمدينة المنورة said...


شركة نقل اثاث بالمدينة المنورة


شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة



شركة مكافحة حشرات بالمدينه المنوره


شركة مكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة



شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالمدينة المنورة



شركة تنظيف خزانات بالمدينة المنورة


شركة غسيل خزانات بالمدينة المنورة


شركة نظافة خزانات بالمدينة المنورة


شركة غسيل شقق بالمدينة المنورة


شركة تنظيف منازل بالمدينة المنورة


شركة غسيل كنب بالمدينة المنورة


شركة شراء اثاث مستعمل بالمدينة المنورة


تسليك مجارى بالمدينة المنورة


التقوى اسطول الخدمات بالمدينة المنورة 0550617882

شركة تنظيف خزانات بالمدينة المنورة

شركة روائع للخدمات said...

شركة روائع

شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
نقل اثاث داخل الرياض
نقل اثاث خارج الرياض
ارقام شركات نقل اثاث بالرياض
شركات نقل اثاث بالرياض
افضل شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
افضل شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
شركات نقل عفش
شركات نقل عفش بالرياض
نقل عفش داخل وخارج الرياض
نقل عفش خارج الرياض

 
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