Copping a Squat vs. The Go-Girl: A lesson in Recessionomics

2b1b reader @pdconnell tweeted me a link yesterday to a product called the "Go-Girl." What is a Go-Girl, you may ask?

"Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.

GoGirl is easy to use. Just lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and, well, pee. Pretty simple, huh?"

I'm sorry, but I just can't get behind the Go-Girl. I don't find it Tinge-worthy, but I'm fired up nonetheless.

First let me state for the record that I have nothing against female urination devices. Because I get it. God do I get it. The Go-Girl's website says it targets athletes, outdoorsy girls, travelers, road trippers and busy moms. They forgot a large portion of their audience: The Lazy Girl. I'm not going to lie, sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk and I've downed 3-5 cups of coffee, I just don't feel like getting up to go to the bathroom. There it is. The truth. How many times have I gchatted Co-Blogger Chris and whined about how I wish I were wearing a diaper? Too many times. That's how many. In high school, my friend Jen and I invented a little product we called "Urban Diapers For the Busy Girl-on-the-Go." And by "invented," I clearly mean we just wished it were socially acceptable for capable, yet lazy 18-year-old girls to wear adult diapers, but who's keeping score? So given my distaste for getting up to go to the john, you'd think I'd be all about the Go-Girl.

You would be wrong. Here's my problem with the Go-Girl: it's trying to make a ho into a housewife. It's essentially just a fancy way to cop a squat, and that seems exorbitantly unnecessary to me. Lord knows I'm willing to spend my money on tons of shit I don't need, but urination accessories? That's where I draw the line. Let's not pretend we're not going through a Recession right now. When you're considering workin' at the local strip club to make rent every month, I think you're officially not too good to cop a squat.

However, the Go-Girl people say their product is superior to copping a squat because it allows you to "avoid the usual contortions." Excuse me? Exactly what contortions are you performing when copping a squat? This isn't Cirque du Soleil; you're literally just bending your knees and lowering your ass to the ground. I feel like that sounds way less challenging than finding a way to discreetly shove a cup down my pants to pee in.

And why do we need to class up copping a squat in the first place? Sure it's rull country, but it gets the job done in a pinch. I'm not saying if I were given the option of using a toilet or copping a squat, I'd go with the squat; I'm just saying if it aint broke, don't fix it.

It might just be the Jew in me talking, but here's what it all boils down to for me:

Free


$18.99+s&h

(And by the way, why is that last Go-Girl picture is the scariest image I've ever seen in my entire life?)

The Go-Girl people actually address the issue of frugality on their website by suggesting that instead of throwing away your used Go-Girl, you put it in the dishwasher and reuse it. Now, I fully understand that urine is sterile and dishwashers can kill bacteria and blah blah blah, but if you have me over to your house and serve me a meal on a plate that shared real estate in the dishwasher with your piss-cup, I shall excuse myself from the table, pee on your child and/or most priceless possession and promptly exit your home.

Score:
Go-Girl: 0
Copping a Squat: 1

Drinking Game Friday has a firm handshake

Happy Drinking Game Friday kidos. I started to write a “It’s a Recession Bitchez!” drinking game but got unbelievably depressed about five minutes in and decided to take it in a different direction. I had a job interview every day this week, so I felt inspired to write:

Meg’s Week of Painful Job Interviews Drinking Game!

Drink When:
- You are inevitably late because you have the sense of direction of a drunk chick 30 seconds away from blacking out.
- You forget your resume.
- You realize the cashier at Loehmann’s left a security tag in your skirt and you look like a total clepto.
- You can’t stop thinking how the woman interviewing you looks like Kimora Lee Simmons with a lazy eye.
- You get asked a bunch of stereotypical interview questions you know the interviewer googled five minutes before the interview.
- You answer a question fully knowing that the person who asked it isn’t really listening and you could say “I fucked dinosaurs in a kiddie pool full of lima beans and kool aid at my lost job” and they wouldn’t bat an eyelash.
- You can’t stop stifling your giggles and urges to squish the interviewer’s cheeks because he has an adorable lisp.
- The interviewer asks you what your parents do for a living, how much your father makes, what your sister does, if you were in a sorority and if you have a boyfriend and you can’t help but feel like you need to take a shower immediately.
- You concentrate so hard on making professional eye contact that you realize you have no idea what this guy has been yammering on about for the last three minutes but you’re pretty sure he just asked you a question and he’s waiting for your answer.
- You’re asked what you do for fun and you answer with “uhhhh…God…good question…” while shifting your eyes around the room because you don’t feel comfortable answering with “sleeping, drinking, shopping and making fun of people like you on my blog.”
- You realize you’re going to get this job not based on your portfolio but because you have a convincing courtesy laugh and DD circus boobs.
- You get asked, “Why did you leave New York?” for the billionth time and have no idea what to say.
- You answer the question “What do you want to do with your life?” by sighing deeply and mumbling something about new media because “farm during the day at a hippie commune and do lots and lots of drugs at night” isn’t a good answer.
- Blatantly make up an answer to some inane question because they’ll never know the truth, you need a job in a serious way and it’s a recession bitchez!

Have a great and relaxing weekend and we’ll see you Monday morning!