6.18.2009

Copping a Squat vs. The Go-Girl: A lesson in Recessionomics

2b1b reader @pdconnell tweeted me a link yesterday to a product called the "Go-Girl." What is a Go-Girl, you may ask?
"Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.

GoGirl is easy to use. Just lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and, well, pee. Pretty simple, huh?"
Photobucket

I'm sorry, but I just can't get behind the Go-Girl. I don't find it Tinge-worthy, but I'm fired up nonetheless.

First let me state for the record that I have nothing against female urination devices. Because I get it. God do I get it. The Go-Girl's website says it targets athletes, outdoorsy girls, travelers, road trippers and busy moms. They forgot a large portion of their audience: The Lazy Girl. I'm not going to lie, sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk and I've downed 3-5 cups of coffee, I just don't feel like getting up to go to the bathroom. There it is. The truth. How many times have I gchatted Co-Blogger Chris and whined about how I wish I were wearing a diaper? Too many times. That's how many. In high school, my friend Jen and I invented a little product we called "Urban Diapers For the Busy Girl-on-the-Go." And by "invented," I clearly mean we just wished it were socially acceptable for capable, yet lazy 18-year-old girls to wear adult diapers, but who's keeping score? So given my distaste for getting up to go to the john, you'd think I'd be all about the Go-Girl.

You would be wrong. Here's my problem with the Go-Girl: it's trying to make a ho into a housewife. It's essentially just a fancy way to cop a squat, and that seems exorbitantly unnecessary to me. Lord knows I'm willing to spend my money on tons of shit I don't need, but urination accessories? That's where I draw the line. Let's not pretend we're not going through a Recession right now. When you're considering workin' at the local strip club to make rent every month, I think you're officially not too good to cop a squat.

However, the Go-Girl people say their product is superior to copping a squat because it allows you to "avoid the usual contortions." Excuse me? Exactly what contortions are you performing when copping a squat? This isn't Cirque du Soleil; you're literally just bending your knees and lowering your ass to the ground. I feel like that sounds way less challenging than finding a way to discreetly shove a cup down my pants to pee in.

And why do we need to class up copping a squat in the first place? Sure it's rull country, but it gets the job done in a pinch. I'm not saying if I were given the option of using a toilet or copping a squat, I'd go with the squat; I'm just saying if it aint broke, don't fix it.

It might just be the Jew in me talking, but here's what it all boils down to for me:
Photobucket
Free

Photobucket
$18.99+s&h

(And by the way, why is that last Go-Girl picture is the scariest image I've ever seen in my entire life?)

The Go-Girl people actually address the issue of frugality on their website by suggesting that instead of throwing away your used Go-Girl, you put it in the dishwasher and reuse it. Now, I fully understand that urine is sterile and dishwashers can kill bacteria and blah blah blah, but if you have me over to your house and serve me a meal on a plate that shared real estate in the dishwasher with your piss-cup, I shall excuse myself from the table, pee on your child and/or most priceless possession and promptly exit your home.

Score:
Go-Girl: 0
Copping a Squat: 1

86 comments:

ashleigh said...

dude- we had one of these on our boat when i was little.

<3

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Travis said...

Q: Is GoGirl a collection device?
A: No. It's very much like a funnel, with an angle so the urine is
directed away from your feet. (We're working on a collection device)
Click to get additional detail on this question.


Gross!

jmk said...

My grandma got one of these after a surgery as she was going on a big "Tour DC" trip...Yeah, she totally just ended up pissing in the bushes. Multiple times.

Lately I've been inspired by Jon & Kate's strategy of keeping plastic potties in the back of their van. My husband and I are seriously considering it. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Now, this isn't a product I would ever purchase because if I'm in a situation that requires me to pop a squat I will hold my bladder with all my might. Kidneys be damned.

However, this would have come in mighty handy during a night of drinking where one tries to pee deftly behind the door of a small sedan in a public parking lot. A device to help aim would have kept a lot of pee off my jeans.

jen said...

hahahaha! we did invent the urban diaper for the girl on the go! among other things (brail, vending machines, wheel chairs). we never minded much that these things had already been invented, and thats what i liked about us as an inventing team. we never let anything get in our way.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Gah! I can't believe I'm seeing you next week for the first time in 2 years! Let's get drunk and invent things that have already been invented!

Rachel said...

ok. im gonna put it out there. I cant pop a squat. i pee all over myself every time. I dont know why. Im sorry. I want one for the camping/ hiking trips I do very very very rarely. please dont hate me

Anonymous said...

Have you seen the Cuchini? http://dlisted.com/node/31845

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liferehab said...

I have to admit, this would be convenient walking home from the bar. It would save me from doing a lot of laundry...

Anonymous said...

This is ridiculous. Has anyone thought of how you carry it around?? In your purse or something?

Then WTF do you do with it after? Put it back in your purse all wet?

I love it when I go to use my cell phone and it's soaked in pee.

Nice. I think I'll just keep my little packet of kleenex in there and keep poppin' squats.

skin-n-bonezz said...

I always thought it was "popping a squat?" Well, I guess you learn something new every day.

Mallory said...

I'm with Rachel. I swear to God, the proportions of my legs will not allow me to properly squat. Ask any of my friends: my femurs are absurdly long. Imagine trying to balance a looong plank (le femurs) -- with a torso on top of it -- on nothing but a little plank (the whatever-your-calf-bone is called). Proportions legit don't work. I once had a personal trainer tell me he could totally teach me how to squat, that that was his speciality. Then I demonstrated my "squat" and he was all "Errr, well, we'll at least get you closer to the ground." When I go camping, I pee in a cup, and anytime (say, while in foreign countries) that a squat toilet is involved, I have to just take of all of my bottom layers.

This is an exceptionally long comment, but the point is: I would totally use a Go-Girl. And then wrap it in several plastic bags and put it in my purse, I guess.

Caroline said...

i'm like you meg, i hate getting up to pee. it's so inconvenient. sometimes i avoid liquids in an effort to go the entire morning or afternoon portion of the day without having to get up and pee.

that being said, my bf once made me pee in a cup on a roadtrip because we were stuck in traffic for hours and it was something to entertain us. it's really hard to aim. i dribbled a little bit, but for the most part i was able to successfully fill up an entire wendy's biggie size cup with my urine. it was sooo gross, yet i felt strangely proud of my newly acquired talent.

so even if i was given a go-go, i would prefer to practice my squatting technique in the woods, dark alleyways, and moving vehicles. i feel like if you're really good at "popping a squat" it's totally brag worthy.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Oh shit, is it "pop a squat?" Do we have another "all intents and purposes" case on our hands?

God damnit.

ashkindred said...

I'd be one of those who'd buy this. I'll admit it. I have serious issues with peeing in anything other than a toilet, and this is because I WILL pee on myself or my clothes.

It didn't help that my this theory was proven while at a football tailgate after a drunk, unfortunate "hovering" incident in the porto-potty. There's nothing worse than having to continue the party in damp A-pockets...

Andi said...

It'd be gross like finding a diaphragm in someone's purse, but without the added bonus knowing there's a possibility of getting laid...

Anonymous said...

have you seen this as well? http://www.wearabletowel.com/

jordfallsmotet said...

so basically it's a prosthetic penis? just what I always wanted!

in a similar vein, one of my favorite devices is the Stadium Pal. it's more what you're looking for (being lazy and all). unfortunately doesn't apply to vaginas, but there is the Stadium Gal! it doesn't really go into details on how you use it, but even if it did I'm not sure how I feel about having a bag of pee strapped to my leg.

jen said...

yeah, i think it is pop a squat. you cop a feel, but you pop a squat. at least thats what ive always thought. and I CANT WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEKEND, by the way.

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