6.29.2009

If you took my right to vote away, I would kind of understand.

I'm going to go ahead and ask you to watch the following clip entitled once entitled "Paul Begala Schools Meghan McCain on Bill Maher's 'Real Time":


First of all, Joel Stein was also a guest on this episode, and to him I say: 1.) Me-ow 2.) I'm single and very much looking to mingle and 3.) I haven't asked her, but I'm 99.9% sure that your wife would be fine with you leaving her for me. Kthnx.

Next order of business: Meghan McCain makes me want to set things on fire. She makes me want to set things on fire and watch 'em burn to the ground. And then Country Line Dance on the ashes. That is how much she enrages me.

I could write a book on the many reasons why Meghan McCain enrages me (a book I call, "Meghan on Meghan: Did I Forget to Take My Pills This Morning, Or Do You Really Exist?") but the above clip illustrates one of the primary reasons why I hate the broad so much: whenever she gets busted for being dumb as a box of hair, she makes it all about how "the big, bad political pundit is beating me up because I've got blond hair and jugs-a-plenty! Poor me!" And I say fuck that noise! Because Paul Begala wasn't ripping Meghan McCain a new asshole because she's got giant hooters and pretty hair; he was ripping her a new asshole because she has no idea what the fuck she's talking about. There is a huge difference. I mean, honestly! She said she couldn't talk about the Reagan administration because she wasn't alive then! That statement is so mind-bogglingly stupid it's almost smart again! And frankly, I think Paul Begala went easy on her. If it were me sitting across from her, I'd run off stage, return with a roll of duct tape, tape her mouth shut and sucker punch her square in the ovaries so she can no longer procreate. YOU'RE WELCOME, PLANET EARTH.

And me wanting to punch Meghan McCain in the ovaries has nothing to do with how hot she is. However, it does have everything to do with how dumb she is. There is no correlation between looks and the ability to talk about politics, and for Meghan McCain to keep insinuating that there is brings us all down as a people and a nation. It's just such a cop-out. I also like how in that clip she's all "I'm just the blond at the table, so everyone is being mean to me!" Um. Hi. Kitty Kay is sitting across from you. What is she, chopped liver? No! She's got a nice little shape to her and—GASP!—blond hair! Funny how everyone treats her like an intellectual equal and you like a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot.

Also, Meghan McCain, you are not badass. I'm so sick of hearing her be like, "The Republican party doesn't like me because I've got a tattoo and listen to The Clash and use curse words! They can't handle how punk I am!" You, madam, are the Avril Lavigne of politics. You're about as badass as taking your Grandma to see Rent. Maybe the reason the Republican party doesn't like you is because you can't open your mouth without Swedish Chef-style nonsense flying out.

Stop trying to distract us from the matter at hand: you're not that smart.

I've decided that tonight I'm going to go on The O'Reilley Factor with a hook for a hand. And then when I can't keep up with the conversation and make the Democratic party look bad, I'm going to be like, "GAWD YOU GUYS! Everyone is being so mean to me just because I have a hook for hand! Why do you guys assume I can't talk about politics just because I have a hook! I know I'm just 'The Hook Girl,' but I know about politics too! God, can't we keep this conversation about politics and not make it all about my hook?! If you don't like me, you can KISS MY HOOK!" Then I'll become a "young political pundit," verbally assault a security guard or two at the White House Correspondent's dinner and write a book about my dad. FINALLY!

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

mwahaha. I saw the show and was hoping beyond hope that you would write a post about the stupidity of Ms. McBane of my existence. You did not disappoint.

Anonymous said...

Dear Meg McCain,
We need all the help we can get right now and you are just making things worse. Stop.
Love,
The Republican Party

Justin said...

Tots agree with you about everything here. Why agree to go on that show if you know nothing? That is just asking for punishment. At least she isn't as bad as Sarah Palin, but who is?

Pointus Cranus said...

i follow meghan mccain on twitter solely to watch her humiliate herself in a public forum on an hourly basis...all thanks to your past posts on the woman. what a mess.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Ugh, I miss her embarrassing Tweets. Blocking people on Twitter is not "punk," Ms. McCain.

Anonymous said...

Dear republican party. Use your A game. It is there in the mix. Megan McCain is like the Swedish Chef.

Anonymous said...

OMG, you hit the nail on the head. Tell me, you really DO plan on writing a book of some sort, right? I plan on buying it, so you have one sale!

Grant said...

Your obsession with this dumbass that I hadn't even heard of a year ago brings me endless joy. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

Wow. She really is horrible- Not only with that Valley Girl accent but her whole attitude . Begala was fantastic and I'm so glad she got schooled by him!

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I need like a "literary agent" before I can write a book or something. I don't know where to find one. I went to Barnes and Noble and asked around, but they were mostly just Gerogetown kids. Downer, right?

Anonymous said...

Yeah who made her a representative of Republicans? How embarrasing, she has no clue...and I am not even Republican! I think I am more embarrased for her acting like a stupid girl and blaming her stupidness of her being a girl and blond. Bad for women...

India said...

I'd forgotten what a great reference Swedish Chef is to make when you're trying to insult someone.

Great post.

grantstomb said...

Gawd, Meg McCain. Please GET OUT. I guffawed at this post per usual, but I can't remember the last time I regularly cringed at a wannabe political pundit. I think she's actually worse than Palin. At least Palin was funny in her nonsense and could take a hit (SNL appearance, for example). Meghan McCain drives me even more crazy because she thinks she is a representative for our generation, and I sure as hell resent that.

Good Lord, it is obvious that I am bitter as well. While she blocked you on Twitter, I REFUSE to follow her just because I do not think she deserves the number of followers she has to begin with. Ugh. Vom in the mouth.

Stephanie said...

Oh Meghan McCain...you big idiot. I hate when girls try to use being blonde and busty as a reason to be a moron. You are just dumb honey, they would still know it if you were bald and flat as a board.

PS- the video isn't working anymore due to some pesky copyright violations so here is one that does work!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB43uoD4R6Q

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Updated the clip, thank you Stephanie!

Anonymous said...

Hey hey hey...there's no need to be putting her down! I think she's doing an awesome job...at making a fool of herself that is! haha.

Heidi said...

Meg McCain you're right beautiful people with huge ta-tas can't be in politics...the smart people in my poli sci classes were all 200 lbs and uglier than Richard Simmons a la 1986. Pretty people can't be in politics, sure, sure. But i beg of you to explain this...why John Boehner is so pretty - and for that matter Connie Mack and Mary Bono. Gasp! They're all republicans too!

She annoys the crap out of me. You are 200% right when you say she's the avril lavigne of politics. Though I'd go a step further and say she's the ashlee simpson of punk. marrying a wanna-be punk star does not a punk rocker make. Perhaps meg should dye her hair black and pierce her tongue and rock out to fall out boy. It'd suit her just as well.

Anonymous said...

So...I read your post without actually watching the video. Loved the post. Then I watched the vid. My comment at the end of the vid: You are such a dumbass (in response to M. McCain). Maybe it was preset in my conscience, but you and I both know, no, it was not. Jesus. And I mean Jesus.

For all the blonds in the world, as a brunette, I apologize. All of my blond jokes are a step above what this shithead embodies. Yeah, she may be hot, but to each their own. I have learned my lesson. Mi dispiace.

Erin said...

Megan = Avril, FTW

Anonymous said...

just to put a cherry on top of your existing hatred (if you haven't yet read it)...http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/gatecrasher/index.html

Anonymous said...

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip
/gatecrasher/index.html

Big Red said...

It sucks that Meghan McCain is too hot for DC. If she were ugly enough to live here, I would beat her up on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

OK, so seirously, find a literary agent. Can't you google one? I mean isn't that what google is for? You've got talent, chick. I'd love to see it in hard back.

jen toppe said...

meghan mccain blocked you on twitter?? does that mean that she knows about your little old blog? i swear you get more and more famous every day.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Yeah, I sort of "harassed" her on Twitter and demanded that she apologize for her anti-DC comments. God she's horrible.

Miss you Jen, sorry we couldn't do lunch last week! :(

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