6.04.2009

Things That Blow My Mind:

- There are four seasons worth of Sweet Valley High episodes on You Tube. Word. The fuck. Up.

- I was out to dinner with my parents the other night, discussing the social impact of the classic 1982 film Grease 2, as you do, and mentioned how smokin' hot I find Max Caulfield aka Michael Carrington:
Grease 2 Pictures, Images and Photos

I was then informed by my parents of the following:
1.) Maxwell Caulfield was on Dynasty as playboy Miles Colby (who later went on to marry Fallon Carrington aka the namesake of my future unborn daughter) in the 1987 spin-off The Colbys. Full. Circle.
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2.) Maxwell Caulfield is married to Juliette Mills aka TABITHA THE WITCH FROM PASSIONS.
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=

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The fuck?!

3.) Juliette Mills aka Tabitha the Witch from Passions IS HAYLIE MILLS' SISTER.

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My mind is thoroughly blown.

- Speaking of Maxwell Caulfield, this is quite possibly the most homosexual photograph in existence:
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So there's that.

- Praying mantids can eat small vertebrates such as tree frogs, small lizards and mice. That's fuckin' insane to me. That means in the battle of praying mantis v. mouse, the praying mantis would win. Insane. This keeps me up at night, and I am fully aware of how pathetic that is.

- Sometimes I feel completely cut off from the world because I work alone (like any good superhero) and given my anxious tendencies, I don't watch the news or read the newspaper. I figure if something major happens, someone will eventually tell me or I'll read about it on Gawker. Last night my sister was over and mentioned "the airplane crash." My reaction: what crash? The look of pure horror and judgement in her eyes was astounding. She asked if I was being serious. I said yes. She asked again, but not in a buddy-buddy, oh girl, you so crazy! kind of way, but more in a genuinely concerned about my well being kind of way. Oh, I'm sorry! I watch Dynasty all day, what do you expect? It's perpetually 1981 in my world. The most newsworthy thing in my mind is Reagan getting shot.

So yes, I'm pathetic and slow and way late on the ball and blah blah blah, but holy shit—the Air France crash: WTF?! This is blowing my mind. Not only is it completely disturbing because the plane vanished, but they had like an hour of turbulence in the air leading up to the crash. That gives me the chills and makes me want to vomit all at once. AND THERE WAS AN 11-YEAR OLD BOY ON BOARD FLYING ALONE BACK TO BOARDING SCHOOL! I can't stop picturing him as Harry Potter! It's breakin' my heart! What do you think those people were thinking during that final hour? And they say the plane went down 1-3 miles under sea. MILES. Like that timed thing I didn't run in middle school. MILES. This is blowing my mind in the worst way possible. ALSO! The plane hit a wall of thunderstorms? Now I haven't flown in a year or so, but don't planes have radar? Alex's iphone has radar for Christs' sake. It was able to tell us how long we had to stay outside at happy hour until the rain hit the other night, I'm sure it could tell when you're about to hit a wall of thunderstorms. You know, so you don't plummet miles into the sea.

...'Eh...this is why I live in 1981. I'll be watching Sweet Valley High and gently rocking if you need me.

34 comments:

Tara said...

I still think his crowning achievement was Rex Manning.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Why don't you all just fade away.

Tara said...

And to that I say (without fail, every time I watch), "Gladly, Rex. Gladly."

Cat said...

I don't know you and I've never commented on here before, but I can't hold out any longer. You are hilarious and your daily blogs add a bright spot in my otherwise chronically dull work days. A friend of mine from DC forwarded me one of your blog entries several months ago and I've been reading regularly ever since. You should write a book!

Anonymous said...

alright, i'm about to sound like a total creeper, but it's a risk i'm willing to take…
this blog was in my dream last night!! and i freaked because you posted pictures of yourself and your mom. you had just robbed a CVS and you were so proud that you decided to show us all pics of the "action" and you and your mom were all LOL!!! look at us robbing this ghetto CVS! AHAHa!!
but for some reason i wasn't weirded out by that, it was that you didn't look anything like i expected you to.
ah, okay, just had to share that.
(btw, i read your blog like everyday. love it! and i'm moving to dc next year and will totes take your dizzy tour…so get on it!!)

dontgetsentimental said...

I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. MAXWELL. CAULFIELD. I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE. I WATCHED GREASE 2 ON HULU AT WORK YESTERDAY. I HOPE MY CAPS INDICATE THE INTENSITY OF MY LOVE.

Anna said...

i was OBSESSED with sweet valley high...the books AND show! i thought i was the only one!

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

RE: Anonymous' Dream: BBBBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA! That's the funniest thing I've heard in quite some time. Today is my mom's birthday, so tonight at dinner, your dream is my present to her. Thanks!

Maxwell Caulfield & SWHS 4 lyfe bitchezzzz!

Anonymous said...

OMG. All day in my head and occasionally aloud I've been singing...

"So Stefanie- Don't forget me"

"I Promise."

Remember- I love you.
You won't be far away"

And then I open the blog and its staring me in the face.

Oh Rexy, you're so sexy.

Nate said...

Thanks to whomever for mentioning Rex Manning. This just made my day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szvt8iWJ0oo

Anonymous said...

i had the sweet valley high board game. yes, a classic. players included: jessica, elizabeth, enid, and damn, i can't remember the fourth one. i'm a bit sad it's not gently resting in my parents' attic beside my dream phone game. your writing is hilarious, nicely done as always.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure the 4th one is Lila Fowler.

Wow, the information I've retained.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Nate, I'll see your Rex Manning video and raise you this gem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YvwbmXV7bo

Tara said...

Re: Nate:

This video is pitch perfect in every way. Lapping waves. Sand dunes. Ruffled shirt. Choreographed dance routines. Love love love.

Brady said...

Ok, FIRST of all, "Oh Rexy you're so sexy" is a line I use on the daily.

Second, I also did not know about the plane crash until the day after it happened when a friend bbm-ed me saying "I can't stop thinking about the vanished plane." and I was like "Uhh... TWA's flight 800??" So you're stuck in 1981 and apparently I'm in 1996. Whatevs.

Third, I didn't know about the hour of turbulence until I read it on your blog just now. That is going to be life changing for me. And by life changing I mean I will just double the amount of Xanax I take before flights. The Xanax I have my insomniac grandmother sends me in the mail... And she includes post-its that say "hope they don't get crushed!"

Yup.

Wiggs (The Beholder) said...

I've been avoiding the news about the plane crash, since I already have to take a barnyard animal's worth of tranquilizers before I fly. It scares the shizz out of me. This is just reason #34590345098 that I'm glad I have no overseas flights on my schedule.

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