6.25.2009

De-bunking "The Kush"

Have you heard about this newfangled product called "The Kush"? I have. Because you keep emailing it to me being like LOLZYAHHAHAHA YOU NEED THIS, YOU FREAK! Now, while I always love getting emails from you fine people, I'm slightly offended so many of you insinuated I need The Kush. What is The Kush, you may ask? Well...
"The Kush is designed to fit between the breasts to maintain a more natural shape while resting on your side. No straps, no underwires, no constraints, no adhesives and no garments needed - the slip-resistant surface and contoured shape help keep Kush in place as a woman rolls from one side to the other during sleep. Providing millions of women with the opportunity for a more restful and natural sleep, Kush Supports Like A Dream"



Photobucket


Here's my beef with The Kush: it, like so many other things, is trying to make a ho into a housewife. The Kush acts like it's a helpful product for big-hootered girls. But it's not. And that offends me. I can only see two groups of people for whom The Kush would be helpful:

1.) Old Saggy Tits McGee
2.) Women recovering from breast enhancement surgery who can't sleep on their side without experiencing pain

For both of these groups of women, I'm sure The Kush is super helpful. And to them I say mozel tov! But I don't appreciate the insinuation that girls with boobs bigger than a C-cup need to sleep with the aid of a boob separating device. I already feel like a freak. Life is hard with monster boobs: dresses are hard to zip; you can't wear button-up shirts without the middle button looking like it's clinging on for dear life; they don't make hot lingerie in size "circus freak"; bathing suites look pornogrpahic; your friends always try on your bra at sleepovers and stuff 'em with grapefruits and strut around and everyone has a good laugh but secretly you're crying on the inside
it's hard, OK?! It's not all giggles and motorboatin'. So thanks Kush, thanks for telling the world that in addition to these every day struggles, I also have to sleep with my arm between my boobs:
Photobucket

Who are you? Steve Carell? Boobs do not feel like sandbags. When you lay on your side, they don't stack on top of each other and cause you discomfort. They just kind of chill there. Now I know you're saying, "Well your boobs just chill there Meg because you're a young 24-year-old. When you get older they're going to turn into sandbags and drop to your knees and then who'll be buying a Kush?!" And to that, I say FINE! GREAT! GRAND! WONDERFUL! But advertise accordingly! Don't show a young, pert chick attempting to fist her boobs to sleep, when you really should only be showing this:
Photobucket

Because that is your target audience. That is who this product is made for. And yes, of course no one wants to see their grandma tittie-fucking a purple god-knows-what, but guess what? That's not my problem! Stop making me look like a freak! Just advertise your product using the person who should actually be using it! Like are we really supposed to think this product is the new, hip way to wipe your ass?

No, of course not! We all know this is for comically obese people who can't wipe themselves. Why are we dressing it up and pretending it's something it's not? Everywhere I look, I see false advertising and this American consumer will not stand for it!

In order to properly debunk The Kush's dishonest marketing campaign completely, I did a few experiments last night.

Exhibit A:
Photobucket
Here I am lying on my side. I assure you that I am not wearing a bra and I am in a comfortable sleeping position. Notice that once in a side-sleeping position, my boobs do not stack like giant cinder blocks crushing my spine and everything else that stands in their way.

Exhibit B:
Photobucket
A Jesus candle, the shape and width of which is comparable to The Kush. It fits perfectly betwixt the bosoms and it's holy iconography reinforces that this is a good, clean, Christian experiment.

Exhibit C:
Photobucket
Notice that when the Jesus candle is placed between the bosoms, it does not rest comfortably, but rather falls out of place. Now this could be because I'm using a large, heavy Jesus candle and not a slip-resistant Kush, sure, but it could also be because in reality, younger breasts don't stack like painful human bricks on top of each other when one lays on her side. And yet, this is exactly what The Kush asks us to believe. The Kush shows a young, pert woman using their product and promises to, and I quote, "fit between the breasts and maintain a more natural shape." To which I say SHENANIGANS! How can the breasts in question maintain their natural shape, if they are already in their naturally separated shape to begin with? Ah-hah! They can't. The young woman in the video is just a rue to glamorize the product and distract you from those who really need it
the old and the surgically modified. Which are both a fine set of people. God willing, I'll be both old and surgically modified myself one day. All I'm saying is, I'm neither old nor surgically modified yet. So stop advertising my body type as your product's average user because you're making me look like a sandbag-breasted über freak.

Oh Kush. Your tangled web of lies has turned you into yet another stupid and useless product that somebody somewhere (who's not me) is profiting from, much like The Snuggie, The Tinge, The Peekaru and the Go-Girl.

Therefore, Jesus and I proudly proclaim this myth: BUSTED.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

while reading todays entry at work a co-worker very quietly walked up behind me to ask a question as i was looking at the picture of your pornographic jugs...i have a feeling this little story will spread like wild fire...and now...just so were clear...the odds are fairly high that i will now be refered to as the office lesbo.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

MWAHAHAHA...my secret plan is working perfectly...

LaraWarmanToothbrush.ai said...

Soooo, are there any shots of you doing this nude? Purely in the name of science, I assure you.

Anna said...

i really hope you werent offended at beach week when i weighed both of our sets with the palm of my hand...it was pretty accurate though, remember?!

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I mean, isn't that the official standard of measurement in the US?!

Justin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Justin said...

Haha you have officially converted me from an ass man to a boob man. Well done.

Casey said...

Ugh first I was only jealous of your cunning wit. Now I am also jealous of your boobs.

I kind of hate you right now. (But not really. I'm still coming to your drunken monument tour.)

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Damn right you are.

g_love said...

I totally love you right now.

Nate said...

This might be my favorite post ever because:

1.- BOOBS!!!
2.- Pictures of things between BOOBS!
3.- It' an excuse to write BOOBS! as much as I want to.
4.- Now I can google "Putting things between boobs" with the legitimate excuse of trying to find out more information about The Kush...

... Man I need to get laid.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Right? I'm trying to get Chris to post a picture of his balls tomorrow so we can keep this XXX theme going.

...So far he's resisting.

Anonymous said...

I hate the snuggie (and it is a divisive issue with my friends as it is with you and your sister) but this Kush is USEFUL!. I also have large tittays (though all trauma from them ended after my junior high flatten with a sports bra stage, once my sister's got even bigger than mine). I also sleep on my side. And your scientific experiment has a major error- who the hell sleeps with their arms along their side/ slightly behind them like in the pic? NO ONE. When I sleep on my side, I shove a stuffed animal between my precious babies because my arms (on top of my boobs with my hands under my head like sleeping beauty) squish them together and it feels gross. I urge you to reconsider Meg!

Matt D said...

receiving tittyfuck :: kush
injecting heroin :: methodone

India said...

Not only does the Kush make people with big boobs feel uncomfortable, it makes us with freakishly small boobs feel pretty bad too. That would never stay between my breasts...so there must be something wrong with me. Fuck.

Strangely enough, I just wrote a post about boobs. Bloggers think a like?

India said...

Plus, with this logic, boobs would be flip flopping all over the place, even when standing. Like as if we turned around a little too quickly, they would whip us like a ponytail or something.

Julie said...

just a few things I felt very strongly about on this post:

1. holy SHIT that ass-wiping device is borderline OFFENSIVE. how embarassed must that moderately hot spokes-chick be that she did that commercial? the answer: VERY.

2. I also have "the jugs", and while they may not be *quite* as large as yours, for some reason mine lay all flat/saggy if i lay on my side?! Sorry if that's a little TMI- but seriously! the women in these commercials AND yourself, Meg, have these amazing tits that sit all perfectly round and shit?! wth?! maybe i should take photos and upload for comparison.....??

totally. kidding. (i'm not a lesbian, in case there were questions)

3. Granted, the Kush is in fact, a myth. And upon reading about this product and just glancing at the pictures, I thought it looked totally dumb as well. But then I watched the infomercial and discovered their asking price; $55!!!!!!! HOLY BALLS ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I could be buying a steak dinner for myself for that price?! that's just lunacy.

And those were my points. Sorry for the rants. I'm with you on this one.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Holy shit! I never even thought to check the price! It's fifty-five dollars?! American??! I got the Jesus candle on sale at Urban Outfitters two years ago for $5. Just an idea.

John said...

I love your blog. And now I love your boobs. They should be a stop of their own on the monument tour!

joe said...

i am a relative newcomer to your blog, via a girl who is perhaps your biggest fan (and i do not say such things lightly). a few thoughts:

1. are you seriously trying to complain about having big tits? because, on behalf of men everywhere, i would just like to say: you are awesome, and please do not complain.

2. $55? i mean. we don't really understand those things, just like you don't really understand balls. but that seems excessive.

3. again, please, in the future, refrain from any suggestion that having big boobs is somehow a bad or burdensome thing, as it is in fact awesome and a gift from the holy jeebus involved from him to you and, in a larger sense, the world. amen.

poelondon said...

1. You've got young tits. Sorry, but you do.
2. As a fellow d-cupper, one well over the age of 24 but still under the demographic you perceive needing the Kush, I can say that yes, the sandbags stack together. HOWEVER, so f-ing what? What's the big damn deal? It's not disruptive or uncomfortable. I'm way more offended that this company thinks I need to separate the jugs, who are clearly more comfortable hanging out together.
3. I wonder where the name the Kush came from?

Wiggs (The Beholder) said...

Okay, wow, I can't believe I missed this post the first time around. I blame my pre-wedding whirlwind of insanity.

Anyway: I have D-cups, but they're technical D-cups, meaning that I went and got professionally measured at Nordstrom and the lingerie slinger told me that I was a D, and not the full B I'd been wearing since I was 10. So whaddya know - I tried on a 32D and it fit better than my 34B by a LONG shot.

All of this is to say that I have big boobs, but I don't consider them to be circus freak big. And when I'm on my side, they DEFinitely sandwich together because there's always something pushing the bottom one back up - either the bed, or my arm, or whatever. Either way, though, who gives a rat's ass? My husband loves it because he gets to stare at cleavage, and it doesn't cause any physical discomfort for me...

Anyway, nice tatas unite! We should come up with a special boob handshake that involves clapping our boobles together.

-B- said...

Daaaaamn you have nice tits. I know this post is ancient, but still. Gotta be said. I'm a fan of my own, which are probably around a C if measured properly (since leaving AU I've put on ten pounds and a cup size), so I'm not really in the same league, but...man. My friends with huge boobs are all jealous over here of how shapely yours are.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to tell you that I am highly jealous of your boobs... Mine pretty much deflated two sized when I was forced to stop taking birth control, and it's been a little depressing. So please, be proud of your beautiful breasts!

Anonymous said...

I seldom leave comments on blogs, but you really impress me, also I have a few questions like to ask, what's your contact details?

-Johnson

Qing Cai said...

ralph lauren uk
louboutin pas cher
fitflops sale clearance
ray ban sunglasses
mulberry handbags sale
louis vuitton handbags
longchamp pas cher
toms shoes
longchamp outlet
mulberry handbags
true religion outlet
rolex watches
coach outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
lululemon pants
tory burch outlet
adidas trainers
beats by dre
ralph lauren pas cher
rolex watches
oakley sunglasses
coach outlet online
tiffany and co
longchamp solde
ralph lauren outlet
tiffany and co
michael kors uk
mont blanc pens
oakley sunglasses
omega outlet
cai20160411

方松腾 said...

TEN0411
babyliss flat iron
mulberry handbags
longchamp handbags
mulberry handbags
michael kors uk
mulberry handbags
hollister uk
tiffany jewellery
oakley sunglasses uk
fitflops uk
fitflops shoes
ralph lauren outlet
ralph lauren pas cher
tiffany and co
oakley sunglasses wholesale
hollister shirts
tiffany outlet
hollister shirts
coach outlet store
mulberry sale
oakley sunglasses
oakley sunglasses wholesale
ray ban sunglasses
oakley sunglasses
hollister clothing
kate spade handbags
burberry outlet online
coach outlet online
true religion jeans
burberry outlet

Gege Dai said...

jianbin0630
cartier watches
nike roshe run
prada sunglasses
air max 90
kate spade uk
swarovski crystal
kate spade uk
longchamp solde
toms shoes
nike air max 90
true religion jeans outlet
timberland shoes
air max 90
michael kors online
michael kors handbags
longchamp handbags
ralph lauren outlet
true religion outlet
michael kors outlet
nike tn pas cher
beats by dr dre
coach outlet
tory burch outlet online
herve leger outlet
rolex watches
polo ralph lauren
lululemon uk
lululemon pants
nba jerseys
beats by dr dre
links of london jewellery
oakley sunglasses
beats by dre
christian louboutin outlet
michael kors outlet
ferragamo shoes

tanki online said...


Thanks for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further write.
Thanks for sharing !
five night at freddys 2 | five night at freddys 4 |
2048 game online| fireboy and watergirl | tanki online 3

Unknown said...

michael kors handbags
ferragamo shoes
cheap michael kors handbags
giants jersey
new york giants jerseys
jordan shoes
chaussure louboutin
christian louboutin shoes
jets jersey
michael kors handbags outlet

 
Clicky Web Analytics