Let's Get This Over With...

Ugh, I have so many housekeeping issues to discuss with you and none of them are all that funny or interesting, but we can't move on and talk about the shenanigans Chris and I got up to this past weekend if we don't address them, so let's just get this over with:

1.) That was horrible sentence structure.

2.) As I'm sure you've noticed by now, we're trying out a new way to visually differentiate my posts from Chris'. From now on, both of our blog posts will be in gray text and the little bird icon at the beginning of each post will correspond with the author. (<--- I could not mathematically figure out how to word that so it made sense for a solid five minutes. That felt like taking a test for Autism.) We can always go back to the old format if you decide you really don't like it, but as with anal sex or a friendship with your dad's new girlfriend, I urge you to give it a chance.

3.) In updating the first page of the blog with the new formatting last night, I accidentally deleted the version of Chris' post from last Friday with all the comments. I 100% apologize and assure you that it was a complete accident and I wasn't trying to censor any negative opinions to protect Chris' fragile little ego or anything. Quite the opposite, in fact. I say bring 'em on! The more the merrier! I like watching him get riled up because it makes me feel slightly less crazy about that time I called him curled up in the self-help section of Barnes and Noble having a full-blown panic attack because someone left an aggressive comment saying that I was the most self-involved blogger they'd ever read. In retrospect, I may have overreacted slightly. Oh, me. Let's talk about my reaction to that comment some more. And then a lot more.

4.) Speaking of comments, I'd like to address this old one:
I mean, I get it. Times are lean. You're here to read about our awkwardness and flatulence and gentle love affair with Megan's Law jokes; not get harassed for money while taking a much deserved break from your day. I get it. (Specifically because I was BOMBARDED by kids trying to get me to donate to the Boys & Girls Club of Greater Washington the other day when I was on the metro taking my laundry to my parent's house to do it for free. I mean, don't get me wrong—the Boys & Girls Club is a very worthy cause. Let's not pretend like I've never had to use an ill-strung badminton racket or like I wasn't the laughing-stock of field hockey camp because I always had to use my sister's hand-me-down CranBerry stick when everyone knew it was all about STX® that year—I speak your jive, kids. I get it. But I got hassled by kid after kid after kid when we offloaded at Brentwood Ave, and it's like, look Junior—what part of me standing on this metro platform in 100-degree weather holding an Ikea bag stuffed with my dirty underwear makes you think I've reached a point in my life where I have disposable income? Was it the Chipotle-stained Hall and Oates t-shirt that just tumbled out and onto your shoe? Because that was a gift.)

The point I'm trying to make here is that I find the business side of the blog just as boring and irritating as you do. So much so, that I tend to just ignore it completely and cling to the hope that Scrooge McDuck will one day waddle into my apartment, quack, leave two sacks of gold coins on my bed, shine his monocle on my blouse, and waddle his way back out. That being said, I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that that might not happen, and every now and then we have to remind you how much it helps us when you follow us on Twitter, join our Facebook page, forward the blog to a friend, and "like" and buy our book(s) on Amazon. It makes me uncomfortable, but then again so does debt and having to snort fresh cracked pepper for $5 a line as my father's post-dinner entertainment. (True story.) (Sadly.)

We're also eager to schill our book because, well, we're proud of it. Writing it with Chris was probably one of the most fun things I've ever done in my life and as cheesy as it sounds, we're just really excited to share it with you. Because (and I know I'm biased here) it's a really fucking funny book. The following is from an email one of our editors sent us after her first read-through of the manuscript:

"Without sounding like a gushing dork, I have to say that I haven't read a manuscript that I've enjoyed this much in EONS. You guys pulled together one helluva book. You should be really proud. It was hilarious! [...] Again, loved the manuscript! I was laughing out loud and I think my landlords (who live upstairs) are probably wondering what kinds of drugs I've been doing...."

It's exciting! I also feel like it's a good sign that despite having analyzed, torn apart, re-written and slaved over pretty much every line in the book, Chris and I still found ourselves laughing-out-loud every read-through during the editing process. There's an excerpt available online on our publisher's website, should you feel so moved. It's the introduction and the first half of the first chapter, which we wrote first, so we were still in a relatively healthy mindset. I wish you could read the shit we wrote when it was three o'clock in the morning and we hadn't slept for a few days and suddenly helper monkeys, Cincinnati Bowties, and Rod Roddy's ghost were in the mix, as well as The Most Racist Joke We've Ever Written And Are Still Shocked (And Appalled, Quite Frankly) It Got To Stay In, and more thinly veiled Jessica Walter shot-outs than you can shake a stick at. I mean, you can read them. You just have to buy the book. Which I promise I won't nag you about every day, but try to keep in mind that this is our career and we need to buy pants 'n shit. (So much pants...)


5.) I think I caught the flu from Chris when he was here this past weekend because I feel completely God-awful right now. That's what I get for splitting a hummus platter with a homosexual.

6.) Also, if you buy the book for an e-reader, you get bonus material.

OK! We're all caught up to speed. Thank you for sitting through that. And if you have already made moves to support us, I would just want to say: thank you, thank you, thank you! We truly appreciate it. (I was going to say, "And so does Evie!" and post an adorable picture of her, but, frankly, she doesn't, and she really wasn't cooperating during the photoshoot:

But thank God her hinders are clean. Christ. Oh well, new 2 Birds Investigations tomorrow! ZIG-A-ZIG-HA!)


ksg said...

No big deal, but I just showed your excerpt to a colleague of mine and he plans to teach it to his Satire class. So...there's...like...sixteen orders right there!

Anonymous said...

Can't wait to buy it! Everyone I know who reads this (you're welcome) loves it and is so proud of you both! Feel free to shill when you need to :)

T | L | C said...

Love the new format! So professional looking - seems like your growing up! I Read the free preview and I'm excited to buy the book!!!

The Genius Savant said...

A Critic reference AND Evie (LONG overdue btw, ahem, ahem)? LOVE!!!

Like I've said numerous times, there best be a DC book signing slash meet-and-greet (see what I did there?).

Lexi said...

Love the new format. Love the excerpt. Just...so much love. It's overpowering my misanthropy. Damn you.

Leigh said...

Um, if you could have a book signing, rather than me trying to stalk you at the Big Hunt (unsuccessfully) that would be great.

toppe said...

yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! my little girls growin up so fast! im proud of you mrs c, sir.

Sarah said...

I LOVED the excerpt and I can't wait to read the book. I come from a long line of misanthropes that I plan on buying this book for. They will love it. I'm about to spend three hours in a car with my father in law who LOVES people and I'm trying to figure out how I can get away with fake sleeping the whole way, or sitting in the back and playing Angry Birds without having to talk about anything.

vickichristine said...

i like the new look. i'm also pretty sure i'm buying your book - though now i have to get a kindle so i can get bonus shizz. thanks for that extra push i needed to go out and get one!

Casey said...

I sort of don't want to read the excerpt before buying the book... it'd be like opening presents on Christmas Eve!

AnotherMeg said...

Whoever said you're the most self-involved blogger has clearly never read a single "healthy living" blog, where the bloggers post endless pictures of themselves, their outfits, their food, their homes, etc.

Anonymous said...

Meg - Are you saying that there IS an e-reader version coming out...it's just not available for pre-order? I would love to just buy both now so they hit my Kindle App when released...but it's saying it isn't available :( Help ME help YOU!

Anonymous said...

As everyone has already stated, you are amazing. Congratulations and I really do hope that you and Chris succeed. You have worked extremely hard and deserve it. Seriously, how many people claim they can be funny and write a blog? How many actually do it?

Also, I think you need to rally for Thursday. Sign of the Whale is having all kinds of J├Ągermeister goodness. They will have $4 shots, $6 bombs and $3 red headed sluts.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Meg - Are you saying that there IS an e-reader version coming out...it's just not available for pre-order? I would love to just buy both now so they hit my Kindle App when released...but it's saying it isn't available :( Help ME help YOU!

Hah! Sorry. Yes, there IS an e-reader version coming out, it's just not available for pre-order.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

No big deal, but I just showed your excerpt to a colleague of mine and he plans to teach it to his Satire class. So...there's...like...sixteen orders right there!

No way!

Nate said...

Not to be the lone design nerd here, but what typeface did you use for the links on the right side of the page?

Sarah said...

HI! Delurking to say I can't wait to buy your book! Don't let the haters get you down! Also, you guys are my heroes!

Langston said...

great new layout-really clean and professional

Becca ann said...

Just wanted to say that the new layout is really great.

Well done on the book as well.

Also Meghan with an H said...

Oh pschoff, no worries, I recall exactly what I asked for in my comment on Chris' post. I told him to forget the assholes, asking him to continue to be funny by telling that story he promised about his former roommate's ethnically Jewish mother, whom he said was the most interesting person he'd ever met. I can't wait to hear THESE stories!

I'd also like to add that the preview of your book was damn well funny.

Unknown said...

The only thing I find tiresome is when you guys don't post for awhile, then spend half-to-the-entire post apologizing for not updating sooner, that whole cycle. I'd rather the absence be quietly ignored... :)

And I think part of the reason people get upset when you talk about your book, is, well, our generation is one who thinks media just appears. That all the music we listen to, movies we watch, and the stuff we read just happens, that there is no creator who is trying to live. Eat food. Not be homeless.

To those people, I say this: how long have you received regular entertainment from this blog? For free? For fucks sake show financial support if you can. Meg and Chris can't pay the bills on LOLs alone.

Anonymous said...

I am behind on KATG and just heard them read your letter! So sweet and wonderful! And what perfect timing that it was read on a Patrice episode. The stars are aligning.

Anonymous said...

I like the new look except I did like the color differentiated posts. Love the new lil bird icon but I like the color coding too!. Just my two cents since you asked!

Anonymous said...

love the new format

Liz said...

I think there's another point to be made in talking about your book. Not to get all meta, but writing this book is a part of your life and your blog is, essentially, about your life and your take on things. To NOT talk about it would be weird. You've written countless entries about being broke, so clearly your financial situation is not out of the realm of acceptable topics, neither should "buy our book b/c I need more airbrushed hats and a new trike."

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