And my god, it is far too early in the morning for my spam filter to fail. I generally don't like to be confronted with the phrase "lick a chick out" until noon. If ever.
Next, I had the most coked-out dream ever last night. But it was one of those really realistic dreams you have right before you wake up, so as you get ready throughout the rest of the morning it's still fresh and weird and you remember all of the weird details...if that makes any sense? Anyway, I dreamt that I was at Eastern Market shopping for a Halloween costume when I saw two blinged-out characters in tuxedos walk by me carrying boxes of cupcakes. They looked somewhat familiar so I stared at them for a few seconds until I realized, "...Is that Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg??" Obviously, I flipped out and followed them for a few blocks and as it turns out, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg were at Eastern Market getting cupcakes for Dre's daughter's wedding. I freaked out all, "BLO-MY GOD, I'm at Dr. Dre's daughter's wedding!" and tried to stealthily sneak around the venue to find Dre, but instead managed to stumbled into a private Eminem concert. Now, I don't generally like Eminem, nor do I find him sexy in the least, but at the time I was rull, rull into it. I was dancing my face off, a-makin' eyes at him and he totally ended up pulling me on stage during the last number and we started making out. Hardcore. And I'm not going to lie, it was kind of hot. Which again is confusing because I really, really don't like Eminmen. ANYWAY, after the show, Em lead me backstage to his dressing room and was like, "Yo, what the fuck you wearing?" And I looked down and I was wearing a comically over sized black cable-knit sweater and Eminem was like, "Damn girl, those sleeves too long," and took out a pair of pinking shears and cut the sleeves off. He tossed my sleeves to the ground and I was like, "OH MY GAWD I FEEL SO SEXY AND LIBERATED" and we started making out again. That's when things get a little hazy, but the next thing I remember is everyone telling me that I was just a groupie and he was just using me and I freaked out and started screaming, "EMINEM LIKES ME FOR ME! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS US!" I went to his next private show and truthfully I was really nervous he wasn't going to remember me and my friends would turn out to be right, BUT, not only did remember me, he pulled me on stage again and took me backstage after the show. Except once we got to his dressing room, he pulled me in for a kiss and said, and I quote, "You smell like a fucking Cosi." To which I said, "No! It's just because I ate a bag of salt and vinegar chips!"
And then I woke up. Fifteen minutes late. And all cracked-out of my gourd.
Ok, well that was special. Hope you enjoyed that little tour of my subconscious. Now onto today's drinking game. And on a day like today, did you really think DGF would be dedicated to anybody else?
Oh Pay-Sway...RIP, my tiny dancer.
The Dirty Dancing Drinking Game
(Before I get 900 emails reaming me out for not picking Point Break, I would like to state for the record that I fucking hate that movie for the following reasons: 1.) Lauren Petty. Period. 2.) Keanu Reeve's invisible acting skills 3.) HE THROWS HIS BADGE INTO THE OCEAN AT THE END!!! The fuck?! I get that he lets Pay-Sway catch The Great Wave because they were bros and Keanu apparently has the heart of a surfer, but really?? Was it really necessary to chuck your badge into the ocean too?? Garey Busey was viciously gunned down trying to catch Pay-Sway! And not only does Keanu not avenge said death (which, by the way, is what I thought all FBI partners do for each other, asshole) he goes and shits on everything he learned from Busey in the process by dramatically throwing his badge into the ocean! So Busey died for nothing. Because in the end, Pay-Sway gets to catch his Great Wave and Keanu decides, fuck it, I think I'll quit my job and work at the fish taco stand for the rest of my life. And it's bullshit. But, you know, still, RIP Swayze.)
Rules:
Drink When:
- A voice comes over a loudspeaker
- Watermelons
- Neal patronizes Baby
- You can't stop looking at Jerry Orbach's eyes and thinking that some random schmo in New York City is currently walking around with them
- Someone receives a monetary tip
- Anyone says the word "lesson"
- Anyone says the word "summer"
- Someone counts off
- Baby and Johnny practice the lift
- Anyone lip syncs
- Baby says "daddy"
- Anyone goes a-slummin'
- She's like the wind
- 15 years later you finally understand that Penny got a back-alley abortion, not the flu
- Baby sneaks off to Johnny's cabin
- Lisa talks about doing it with Robbie
- Somebody puts Baby in a corner
- Somebody takes Baby out of said corner
Sadness...welp! Have a terrific weekend! You know, I bet if you told five friends about 2birds1blog, Patrick Swayze could rest a little easier in heavan. And shouldn't we all do our part to make sure Pay-Sway's eternal soul can rest a little easier? You know, after all the joy he's given us over the years...don't be selfish guys. Tell five friends. K, love you, mean it!
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