AND SIDE NOTE: I'm listening to the radio and "Airplanes" by that "B.O.B." character all the kids love just came on and I want to set everything on fire re: these lyrics:
Yeah, somebody take me back to the daysBefore this was a job, before I got paidBefore it ever mattered what I had in the bankYeah, back when I was tryin' to get a tip at Subway
There is nothing more fucking condescending in the entire world than a successful, wealthy person whining about the perils of having money. You miss those days, asshole? Welp, I've got an idea! You go to your room and slam your door, I'll plop down at the kitchen table frustrated and then on the count of three, we'll simultaneously think, "I WISH WE COULD JUST TRADE PLACES!" and Freaky Friday our way out of both of our problems. How does that sound? Ever been a blogger who just had her credit card declined by Pizza Boli's? OH, REALLY? I HAVE. You'll love it. It's so...honest.
It's like this mug we sold at work:
That's not funny. That's not funny at all. There is absolutely nothing funny or adorable about not being able to sustain your own livelihood by doing what you love. In fact, it's the most depressing think I can think of. And you know what the most absurd part is? That mug costs $13.99. $13.99! If you can afford to spend $13.99 on a novelty mug proclaiming yourself a "starving artist," you should automatically be ineligible to buy it. And then automatically be kicked in the crotch. Do you know what $13.99 can buy? A 12 pack of Ramen noodles, $5 on your SmartTrip and two Schlitz's at a bar plus tip. So basically whenever someone buys that mug, they're spending my entire budget for the week in one fell swoop on office irony. Must be nice.
I've decided that if my Freaky Friday plans with B.O.B. don't work out, I'm going to launch a line of jaunty mugs featuring depressing visual puns, sell them at quirky gift shops across this great nation and make a babillion dollars. So far I have:
BAHAHAHAHA! One day I'll be Pizza Boli rich. One day...