4.18.2011

A Humble Apology

For all of my faultsand there are about a baker's dozen of them in totalI'm not the kind of person who's afraid to admit when they're wrong or apologize if need be. Which is why, today, I'd like to do both. Because allergies: fuck. me. in. the ASS. They're horrible! For the first time in my life, I understand the plight of the allergy sufferer and I am drunk on guilt for spending the past 25 26 years thinking that you people are the biggest pussies on the planet.

To me, "allergies" have always been synonymous with "a nasty wittle case of the sniffles". Because in my experience, that's all allergies have ever been. Sometimes in the spring my eyes get a little dry and scratchy. Occasionally I'll cough. One time my right eye got puffy and I had to wear sunglasses to class and felt like a giant asshole. But that was really the worst of it. Washington, DC is a notoriously god awful place for allergies and it's all anyone ever wants to talk about. And if there's anything I hate more than small talk, it's small talk that involves a
pollen count. Your nose is stuffed up, good for you. My skin is slightly dry. I over-tweezed my left eyebrow last night. Despite just switching to a 36-dollar conditioner, I have a few split ends. If you'd like to have a conversation about minor body irritations, two can play at this game.

But really allergies are so much more than that. I feel sick all the time. I'm stuffed up, my nose is constantly running, my eyes feel like I'm wearing sandpaper contacts, my throat hurts, I'm tired all the time, I catch myself audibly wheezing in public, and the sneezing—MY GOD, the
sneezing! I've sneezed before (obviously, as I am a human being) and it feels good, but this kind of sneezing is on a whole other level. It feels so fucking good and I really can not stress that enough. My body isn't just sneezing for sneezing's sake; it's getting a job done. And it's such a process: there's this huge 30-second build up filled with wave after wave of —OH, I'M GONNA SNEEZE, —AH, HERE IT COMES, —HERE IT, —OH GOD, —I, and then BAM! I sneeze. And it lasts so long and feels so good and snot goes flying everywhere and it's dirty and it's wrong and it's amazing. It's essentially a nose orgasm and frankly when it comes to orgasms, beggars can't be choosers. I get legitimately excited when I know it's about to happen. I feel a sneeze coming on and I get down on all fours, shove a carrot in my mouth, whip my hair around like I'm in a Whitesnake video, sneeze, and fuck yes—afterglow.

On the less glamorous side, I woke myself up last week scratching the hell out of the
hives that magically popped up all over my arms. Now I'm left covered in these bruises that makes me look like I straight-up have the Bubonic plague. Seriously. This is a gentleman suffering from the plague:
Photobucket
A
nd this is my left arm:
Photobucket
Don't want to h
ave sex with me? PFFFF, fine! There's a "House Hunters International" marathon on and Lisa LaPorta just started following me on Twitter; my dance card is FULL.

The worst part about having allergies is that nothing helps. Nothing. Somehow the scientific community has figured out a way to make seedless watermelon and boner bills, yet there's not a single thing in CVS that can help me breath again. Also, when you're sick with a cold or something, it sucks, yes, but at least you know it's going to go away in a week or so. When is this shit going to go away? WINTER. It's fucking mid-April! That's insanity! Like, if I got pregnant today, by the time my allergies are feeling better, I could deliver my baby and it would be premature and the size of a Snickers bar probably, but odds are it would live. I don't know. That comparison actually wasn't as strong as it was when I made it in my head. My point is: shit's nuts. And I know the obvious answer is "go see an allergist, Meg!" but need I remind you that I don't have health insurance and my job is cracking fart jokes for PayPal donations. Remember when Carrie Bradshaw got her book advance and went on a shopping spree at Dior? Well, when I got mine, I splurged on name-brand toilet paper and I am in
no way saying that just to be funny. (I got Cottonelle. And it was worth every extra penny.) Alex swears by his neti pot but...it scares the hell out of me. Nothing in the world would surprise me less than if I panicked right when the water started going into my sinuses and I choked and drown on my bathroom floor. I'm tempted to ask Alex to be my "spotter". He's already coming over tomorrow for autoerotic asphyxiation night, so I guess two birds, one belt.

More than anything though, I want to apologize to Helena. Devotees will remember that almost exactly a year ago, I gave Helena a lot of shit on the blog because she said she would consume a parasite if it meant never having to suffer from allergies again. While I'm not conceding completely and saying that I'd eat a parasite for allergy relief, I
am saying that I can now see where she's coming from. I re-read that post and yeah, I had some good points, it was funny, I had a good laugh, I'm clearly a charming person, I'm stacked like a game of Jenga, good for me, blah blah blah, but I was wrong to judge her that harshly. So Helena, old friend and trusted confidant: I'm sorry. I hope you forgive me. Because I love you. And because we have plans to go to the DMV tomorrow and my license has been expired for three days now. And I hope that you want to go to the one in Georgetown and not Brentwood or South Capitol because I live in Dupont one of these things is closer than the other, WINK! I don't know how this apology turned into me being a giant selfish whore, and yet, here we are.

If it's any consolation, I think I know why I've always been so harsh to judge allergy sufferers. Growing up, whenever my sister or I complained to our mom about not feeling well, she always told us it was just allergies.
Always. Like, if I had a nickel for every time my mom has told me, "It's probably just allergies" and then walked away, I would have enough money to...afford...allergy shots. Well, this is ironic. It was always just so frustrating though because allergies weren't a legitimate excuse to stay home from school. And to my mom's credit, I'm sure nine times out of ten I really was just trying to stay home for funsies, but it sucked that one time when I was legitimately sick. Because she wouldn't even consider that it wasn't allergies.

"Mom, a moderate-sized demon just clawed its way out of my lower intestine, told me he was the son of God, and went cackling off into the darknes
s."

"It's just allergies. Gargle with saltwater and go set the table."

And it's not like I could prove that I didn't have allergies because really the only difference between allergies and the flu is a fever and who outside of the Oregon Trail gets a fever? So, I think it was ingrained in me at a young age to equate allergies with "HA HA, 
you!" So really, this humble apology has turned into I BLAME MY MOTHER! And I urge you to as well. Blame her! Or ask her for advice (AskYoMama@2birds1blog.com). Either way, I've sneezed at least six times since I started writing this and I've never needed a cigarette and a nap so badly in my entire life. Enjoy your Monday.

127 comments:

Sam said...

Apology accepted. If you do need some relief you can buy the behind the pharmacy counter allergy meds at CVS. They are like $1/pill, but they do help.

I actually went to a ENT Dr and she laughed at me when I asked for a prescription (used to have Allegra back in the day-- shit was awesome. You could walking to a grass and pollen covered dust ball and not have a care in the world) as I sat there all red, puffy, and sneezy and said to just buy the stuff behind the pharmacy counter. Except it's way more expensive than the generic prescription medicine. Sighhh. Here's to another allergy season.

Peter T said...

Maybe it is a psychological placebo effect, but I'll toss my hat into the ring as a Neti Pot advocate.

Also, whatever happened to your plan to marry someone for health insurance? May I say once more, that I have fan-fucking-tastic health insurance?

Flight Attendant Extraordinaire said...

So, there is erectile tissue in your nose. Same as what's in a dick. It's what causes a stuffy nose. I've been battling a bit of an allergy/cold issue if late, but last week I was particularly miserable. My boyfriend still wanted to have sex, so we did, and after I came, my nose has never felt clearer. For reals. Probably TMI but I figured you'd appreciate the anecdotal evidence. Also, my magic "Feel Like a Human" formula is OTC Allegra & Dayquil. Shit gets the job done.

toppe said...

meg, you have to get the allergy medicine thats behind the counter at the drug store. not the stuff they sell on the isles. and they have generic brands for it too. i tried the generic claritin and the generic of one other brand, and found which one worked better for me. the generic is WAY cheaper. but! if you aren't getting the stuff behind the counter you are literally wasting your money. its like they are selling sugar pills and slapping a claritin sticker on the front.

Sara said...

i'm sorry your allergies are so terrible--those of us who have had them for 26 years (aka THEIR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE) feel your pain. AND i actually developed new allergies when i was 18 and when i moved to virginia. Awesome.
in terms of the hives (cause i have a CHEMICAL allergy on top of the rest of the normal allergies!)i experienced terrible hives for years before i read an article about zyrtec and thought WHAT THE HELL i might as well try it, and lo and behold my hives are a thing of the past! In terms of the otehr allergy symptoms, zyrtec doens't do much, but not having the hives has changed my life. Good luck to you, and I hope they're just seasonal and things calm down when the seasons change!

Kristen said...

Forget allergies, TIM GUNN IS GUEST HOSTING WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE ALL WEEK! 12:30 ON NBC! My afternoons just got a little more adorable.

Heather said...

I love ya; but I have a few things I must say:
1. I am underwhelmed by your hives as I have had some which basically cover my body in itchy horror. (btw: if the hives are really bothering you take the benadryl (described below) along with some Zantac. It helps a LOT with the itch)
2. the "behind the pharmacy counter" pills are the ones containing psuedophedrine; this works as a stimulant for most people and is a key component to making meth. That is why it is behind the counter. The PE stuff (available in aisle) can not be used to make meth and is widely accepted to be less effective. The allergy-reducing component remains the same either way. I would double up if I were you. 1-2 benadryl at bedtime, and in the morning non-drowsy otc zyrtec (works better for skin), or claritin, and now they even have allegra otc. If you're stuffed up take the behind the counter stuff--that helps reduce inflammation and dries up the snot.
oookay, medical geek moment over. muah!

Wheres said...

Sudafed= God of life for allergy sufferers. Take it. Now

FoggyDew said...

I second Heather. The OTC Zyrtec is the shit. The BTC stuff will help with congestion, but if you're not congested, just go with the regular stuff and use it as a 12-hour med rather than a 24-hour. I've found it generally wears off in about 18 hours.

As to when will it end, I'd give it about three weeks. By then most of the crap will be gone.

Anonymous said...

Try bee pollen! I think it really helps.

http://www.amazon.com/YS-Organic-Farms-Pollen-Granules/dp/B00014I80Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303148292&sr=8-1

You have to start with a small dose and work your way up though.

Hoolia said...

Even if you had enough money for allergy shots you wouldn't want them. They're the devil's work and make me cry weekly as my arms swell up into gigantic red itchy welts.

I got for Claritin on the daily, benadryl when needed, and Sudafed when I'm really bad. And for some reason tea and a cold pack on my face makes me feel better.

Feel better soon!

Adria said...

I have a solution that ACTUALLY works and only costs $7, tastes delicious, and lasts WEEKS. Are you ready? Before you call me a crazy hippie witch, just know that I started getting allergies two years ago and my life was a living hell for a year and a half of it. Now, I live in Los Angeles and I don't have allergies here, but since I think a $350 plane ticket is out of the question I'll give you my remedy from the east coast:

Local. Raw. Honey.

Think about it. Bees pollenate flowers, flowers give you allergies. It's nature's vaccine. Eat a small (*small*) spoonful every morning and you're GOLDEN (pun intended). It has to be local though. Like farmer's market shit. Within a 50 mile radius of your HOME.

Go out and get some local Virginia or Maryland or whatever you've got down there, honey and thank me when it's all better.

Anonymous said...

NETI POT is the shit! yes its gross but I watched videos and stuff on it before I tried it and when I did....I could breath and it felt amazing...really really amazing...! plus it helps with the swelling inside your nasal passages and is essentially salt water so its not expensive and you can do it everyday. DO IT! you won't be sorry.

Anonymous said...

1. I think we must share a mother because I had the same problem with "it has to be allergies."

"oh honey, you look so tired, it must be allergies." To which I would yell: "I'm not tired!" and then run to my room and slam the door.

Truth was, I was fucking exhausted, but I will deny this to my mother until my dying day because I had to concede that sunblock was a good idea.

2.Once I got double pink eye that sealed my eyes shut with goop (caused by allergies), I realized I did, in fact, have allergies.

3. Like everyone has said, you really have to use the stuff behind the counter. I like Claratin D. It's really great fun to feel like a potential meth addict twice a month because, guess what? They won't sell it in larger quantities than 15, so no stocking up. Target even makes you sign a waiver to get it and they scan my license to make sure I'm not running around town buying up all the allergy meds.

Heather said...

Med geek here again...yeah, the local honey thing does work as well. But it is not immediate and like most non-drug treatments it is not a magic bullet. But it does help. Make sure it is local honey--that is key.
I could never get behind the neti-pot. I think because it is pot-shaped (?)--I use the plastic bottle sin-u-cleans or whatever it is called. works the same way. Yes, use it. So, you waterboard yourself a couple few times; you'll get it eventually.

Sarah P said...

Consider the neti pot the sex toy of sneezing.

Michael said...

The typo "dick bills" made my mind go to weird cartoon characters from something I'd call Freud's Fantasia.

Anonymous said...

You have got to get the Neti-pot. OMG it's fabulous. Last week got a sinus headache where it hurt to fucking blink!! Finally after years of looking @ my Allergist as some kind of hippie witch Dr. when he even mentioned the Neti-pot. Broke down over the weekend got one, felt a massive headache coming on & tried it. Yes you do waterboard yourself the 1st time but headache went completely away!! Love the blog & have pre ordered your 1st book! Good luck with allergies!

Katherine said...

i'm a neti pot convert. although for me it only has an immediate relief. i use a lovely ceramic tea pot my mom bought me (if she only knew where it was going....) i must try the honey remedy...

Anonymous said...

That was me a few years ago when i first moved to Austin. But, what sucks here is there is no relief in winter...thats when hay fever starts. ask chris.

Kelly said...

Scientists can't come up with an allergy med, but they also can't come up with this:

http://www.internetvibes.net/gallery/pug-dogs-dressed-as-famous-people/

Who needs medicine, honestly?

Lisa said...

neti pot!!! It totally works. If you can get past the 'i feel like I'm drowning' part, you're golden.

Ali said...

MY ALLERGIES ARE KILLING ME TODAY. And I'm currently broke as a joke, so no neti pot or behind the counter allergy medication for me. :(

Anonymous said...

I get bad spring allergies (same things as you--feeling sick and exhausted all the time) and have always taken Zyrtec or Claritin during the worst of it. They only worked a little, still not enough for me to feel like a functioning person. Then, I heard from an allergy doc that they're only really effective if you start taking them consistently (24/7) two weeks ahead of when all the pollen starts, and then continue this until pollen season is over. I did that for the first time this spring, and this is the first spring in years where I haven't missed work b/c I couldn't get out of bed. I still get minor symptoms when the pollen count is high, but nothing like before. Maybe if you start now, you might get SOME benefit while the pollen's still bein a bitch.

Anonymous said...

Skip the Claritin and the Zyrtec. Allegra is, as of March, over the counter. That's some (just-recently-not) prescription shit! You can get a 90 day supply at Costco for $35. That's less than when it was on insurance.

It actually works. I spent the first six month in DC miserable and sick--much better now.

-MC

Anonymous said...

The Neti Pot/nasal lavages are fantastic.

Rayanne Graff said...

Thirding the local honey thing! And not just because I love sugar. Also, piriton is THE BEST. And it works as a sleeping pill too, bonus.

I was also an "allergies? pah, you wuss" until, well, I got allergies. Apparently everyone can get them, but they need to be triggered -- sort of like the bomb on the bus in speed, once the pollen count goes above whatever your trigger level is, BAM, you got allergies and even when the pollen count drops, you still got 'em. Except the bomb doesn't explode. Or something.

Meg, your arm looks totally fine!

Kimberly said...

House Hunters International is the shit, but also the devil. That show sucks you in and before you knwo it you've "wasted" 4 hours. :)

Kristi said...

1. OTC Zyrtec. Get it. You won't be sorry. Zyrtec D? Also amazing.
2. I was so afraid of the neti pot, I couldn't look at one without getting hives. This year, my allergies were so bad, I decided it was now or never. DO IT. It is awful and sometimes you may swallow salt water, but it does help. Don't watch videos before doing it, there are some seriously disturbing youtube videos out there. They may have made me cry.
3. Hot wash cloth and lots of tea. Sinus Buster tea, sketchy as hell, tastes a little gross, but seems to help. Also, super cheap.

Cheese Seeker said...

Neti pot, girl. I was a hold-out myself for years, but then I started using it (after a ton of research and watching 50 million youtube videos to make sure I would do it right) and I will never stop. It makes my life soooo much better.

Also Meghan with an H said...

seedless watermelon. died laughing. can't breathe.

also: absolutely go for the neti pot. it's so fabulous, like a little shower for your nasal passages! BUT. don't use water that's too cold, it WILL freeze your brain AND your eyeballs AND your mind. i normally despise the temperature of "lukewarm" because it feels creepy to me but it does work best for one's temperamental and delicate sinuses. :) good luck meggles!

Anonymous said...

for the first 28 years of my life i felt i had superior sinuses and so like you mocked those suffering from allergies. however, then i moved from dc to atlanta and now i have to eat my words. i am living the land of pollen counts exceeding 4000! and so finally my sinues have given in. after flitting around with generic brand zyrtec, i tried neti pot (just do it. you'll be fine. think of it as a 2b1b investigates. you could call it "A survival guide to being almost 30: neti pot, 2 day hangovers, and dating whilst suppressing the ticking of your biological clock. get siked!) and Allegra D. that shizz is STRONG. but beware, the 24 hours version will keep you awake, alert and scratchy-throat free for 24 solid hours. buy the 12hr brand. good luck and godspeed, pb

ps, at lunch i walked in my breakroom to overhere some of my coworkers discussing "who shot JR" and thought of you.

dcjaime said...

I'm an Allegra convert. Benadryl worked but made me sleepy sleepy, Zyrtec and Claritin did jack. The new OTC Allegra is the awesome. It's made my days worth getting through again, though I may need to check out that Costco deal because 12 pills for 12 bux and change makes me sad. :/

Anonymous said...

Next time you're in Philly, try Community Acupuncture at 50th & Baltimore, right next to Dock St. Brewery. $15 a session and it works immediately!

Ryan said...

This has nothing to do with any of this, but I thought you'd like to know I've got to go to Dollywood for my company's annual picnic this year. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm trying to improve my attitude by thinking about how much you dig it. See ya.

Damien said...

this fucking blog. i know i shouldn't be pissed when you go more than a week without posting but i still am. are we honestly going to pretend that a guide to misanthropes is going to sell to anyone other than fans of this blog? of whom there are few left?

Anonymous said...

just think it's kind of funny that in the entire month of april there have been 2 posts.

Anonymous said...

Ugghhh MIA again??

Anonymous said...

seriously, a month ago I was super psyched to get the book. but now, not so much. I know its a free blog but the lack of posts has just made me completely lose interest and I don't really care about the book anymore. @Damien is completely right. No one that doesn't read this blog is going to buy the book. And the blog is losing fans RAPIDLY.

Anonymous said...

Last 4 posters echo my sentiments.

Hey, maybe Meg got a real job! Nah...

Anonymous said...

"Sucks if you're Colorblind"

It also sucks if you want blog updates.

"Mike" said...

Excellent! I love a good old-fashioned hatefest. Keep it coming so I can enjoy more 2b1b schadenfreude!

Lauren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. B said...

would have at least been nice if your mom was doing her advice column this whole time. I'm just sayin'....

attorney said...

I'd give it about three weeks. By then most of the crap will be gone.

Anonymous said...

I think its funny that after almost 2 weeks of silence that only a handful of ppl have commented on it....

Anonymous said...

@Anon 10:08 - thats because everyone else has lost interest! good luck selling books haha

Raquel said...

I, for one, am super stoked for the book(s) and all of your new adventures but will also be selfishly pleased when you return to regular blogging as I count on you to make my day. I also kind of want to hear your mom's thoughts.

Anonymous said...

How will the book work? You buy it, get 2 chapters, then have to wait 3 weeks for the next 2?

Anonymous said...

I think your "humble apology" should have been about NEVER FUCKING POSTING.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 10:45-couldn’t agree with you more! Funny how the only reason they got a book deal was because of the small people who read their blog in the first place. I guess we don’t matter so much now that the advance checks are rolling in.

Anonymous said...

might i suggest that you just announce that you are going on hiatus so people don't expect to see something? just a thought.

Anonymous said...

I guess Larry Hagman's dead?

Anonymous said...

You know what I love? This blog. You know what I hate? The people who comment on it.

I read a couple blogs and this is the only on where people find the feed to bash and THREATEN based on post frequency. They are working on the book - per the blog - it is due Monday. Take it easy.

lawyer said...

I will breath and it felt amazing...really really amazing...! its a good post.... thanks for posting...

Anonymous said...

anon @ 6:33 - i'm guessing that's because the other blogs you read post on a semi-regular basis

Anonymous said...

you are absolutely fucking hysterical. please write more!

Anonymous said...

omg why are you all with your panties in knots!?

1 - did you not read FAQ you like an animal? She's got a deadline! She'll be back!

2 - does your life depend on reading her blog? get a life! There are other things going on in the world!

3 - chill out. jeeeeez.

4 - the amount of laughter she has generated should be enough for you to be eternally grateful for all previous posts. period.

Anonymous said...

::yawwwwwn::

Alison said...

When are you guys coming back?

Anonymous said...

Hm. Book deadline was today, so next update should be sometime after the 2b's recover from celebrating the difficult manuscript birthing (episiotomy anyone?) and Cinco de Mayo...dos cervecas por las aves!!!

Anonymous said...

I have no desire to be a part of the "you suck for not posting/no you suck for being a jerk" fight but I do want to just say it's a bummer that ya'll haven't posted.
we're not looking for a pages long post, just a quick hey guys the book still needs some work but haha guess what tulane chris just said.
or post some questions/answers from your mom!

we miss you guys and it sucks to be a loyal reader who checks the site everyday to find nothing new.

Anonymous said...

best blog?
not anymore.

Anonymous said...

Agreed Anonymous @ 12:38.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOSH the only reason I care that you haven't posted is because I sense that your reaction to OBL's death would be just as hilarious as John Stewart's was...and I want to read it!

Anonymous said...

At this point, fuck your books.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit... just drop an excerpt from one of these hastily written books on here. That couldn't take but 30 seconds. Throw these fine, loyal readers a bone.

You know you are in trouble when even the most staunch Meg-defenders are not posting much telling the rest of us to "quit whining like bitches, this is a free blog, you are all so mean!"

Or else, yea, fuck your books! :)

Anonymous said...

THIS IS A BREEDING GROUND FOR IDIOCY. PLEASE DISABLE THE COMMENTS ASAP!

Anonymous said...

^ The comments shouldn't be disabled because then there would be nothing new to read here.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 11:19 AM

True!

Of course in able to disable comments they would actually have to check their blog.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I meant "in order to disable comments"

Anonymous said...

Miss you! I preordered your book and am already sToKeD for #2! Glad you're living the dream and are get a break from writing the blog!

L said...

Wow, this blog sucks. I haven't checked it in forever (cause there is never anything new), and STILL nothing. Definitely not buying the book. Weak sauce

Anonymous said...

freaking lame...chicago fan base is minus one now (if there are any left that is)

Anonymous said...

Let's take a poll.

Meg's BIG EXCUSE for still being MIA on the blog AFTER the deadline of the 2nd book will be:

A) Something involving drinking
B) Something involving drugs
C) Something involving a strange illness/physical malady
D) Not having Internet access
E) All of the above

Hudson said...

Reading these comments, I just don't get what the big deal is.

So she's writing a book. Or clapped out on Nyquil. Or whatever. She doesn't owe us anything.

I will just be waiting patiently over *hnyah*.

Anonymous said...

It's not that anyone who writes a blog owes anything to the audience... it's just that if you want to keep that audience it might be a good idea to post more than two times a month.

Anonymous said...

Anon at 936- totally agree. Especially if you're counting on them to buy the two books you're currently writing

Anonymous said...

I don't think it is so much of a personal thing, but more that it is really frustrating to watch some one become so successful with their blog when the blog world competition is so fierce... and then kind of watch them drop the ball...for no apparent reason? I mean book or no book, a lot of the great bloggers out there have babies and jobs so its kind of like meh... you could do it..why drop the ball now?

Anonymous said...

"A: Yes. After May 3rd, everything goes back to normal."

Weird, it's May 7th...

Rachel said...

Watching Meg apologize countless times for her lack of blogging while acting out some sort of neurotic ritual of shame with faqing, drawn out and superfluous excuses, and other methods that she thinks will get her back in her reader's' good graces has gotten tired.

I will still check from time to time if something has been posted (simply because it takes the effort of clicking a bookmark tab), but I am a disappointed reader.

Meg, get over the fact that people are pissed about lack of posts and just post. Don't treat this blog like an unpaid credit card bill that you guiltily shove under a pile of mail because you don't want to deal with it.

Anonymous said...

well said rachel

Anonymous said...

Dead on, Rachel. The readers don't want outlandish excuses and empty promises, they just want something to read every now and then. This is a blog after all. What's the point of its existence if it's so very rarely updated? Especially now when it acts as free promotion for the 2 books.

Anonymous said...

Really? Still no updates?

Shane said...

Always thought allergy sufferers were pussies, too. Until I got a cold that lasted for 2 months straight and a friend of mine was all "that's what I feel like."

Sorry about your arm. Does the rest of you look like that, too?

Lara Murphy said...

I saw on twitter that she got a deadline extension, so I think they're prob still working on the book and that's why she's still MIA!

Anonymous said...

It would be nice of her to take a whopping 5 seconds and post that bit of information, but I know how this blog doesn't believe in new posts.

Anonymous said...

Ok at this point if they might as well not post til the 18th, then at least they'll have gone a whole month. That would be an accomplishment.

Anonymous said...

Book extension or not, this blog is pretty much dead. Who's going to read the book(s) if no one wants to read the blog anymore?

Anonymous said...

But people do still want to read the blog. If you didn't want to read the blog, then why are you so pissed she hasn't posted? I think these comments are hilarious. All I can imagine is a fat computer geek sitting around eating cheetos getting SUPER pissed that his blog hasn't updated.

Anonymous said...

Any of the readers have any good stories to share? Looks like we've got to entertain ourselves from now on

Lauren H said...

iiiittts been a month. where you at ninja

Anonymous said...

Anonymous at 9:41: You just keep on thinking that. Report back with your opinions on the lack of posting at a later date.

Anonymous said...

One month later people are still coming back to comment on and be angry about the lack of posting...I would think that says a lot!! #smallvictories

Miss you Meggles!

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:06..."like"

Meg...fans will still be here when ya get back!!!!

mrb said...

anon@9:41 - Amen, sister. this shit is lols. getting angry about things on the internet is pretty much the dumbest thing you can do.

Lia said...

Come back!

Anonymous said...

Are the Meg fans done jerking off in the comments? I would like to get back to the bitching.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's a matter of being pissed; we are just disappointed because for a lot of us, this daily blog entry helps break up what is otherwise a monotonous workday.

Come back soon!

Anonymous said...

100!

Anonymous said...

101!!!

Anonymous said...

@anon 3:01 - haha for real!! I keep coming back strictly to read the comments. i dont even care if meg ever posts again, at this point, i just want readers to keep dueling it out in the comments.

Rachel said...

Anon 1:50 PM: "Amen, sister. this shit is lols. getting angry about things on the internet is pretty much the dumbest thing you can do."


Umm, I find it hilarious that this person is angry about people being angry on the internet. I myself am angry with people who are angry with people who are angry on the internet.

Anonymous said...

I am angry at Rachel for confusing me with her angry chain.

Lauren said...

LOL to Anonymous @ 3:01 PM and to Rachel, I couldn't agree more with you both. But really, what the fugg, in 6 more days it will have been an entire month! I'm bored to tears in this cubicle day after day, post something dammit!

Anonymous said...

So did someone erase some of the comments from yesterday? Well I guess there was some work done on the blog, just not actual blogging as per usual.

Elliot said...

I miss 2b1b. Is Hagman alive?

Anonymous said...

He must be.

Anonymous said...

Am I a tad bit disappointed when I check the blog in the morning and there's not a new post? Sure. Does it ruin my entire existence and cause me to lash out at someone who writes this for shits & giggles? Absolutely not. I have a life. I suggest you all get one too.

Anonymous said...

I don't get why Meg can tweet about watching random TV but doesn't update for weeks. Skip one episode and write something!

Anonymous said...

"Does it ruin my entire existence and cause me to lash out at someone who writes this for shits & giggles?"

What about that Donate button on the front page. I believe it says " bitches gotta eat"

In short, bite me.

Thanks have a nice day!

Anonymous said...

I hope there's no one dumb enough to still be donating money.

Tiffany said...

People sure have big ol' balls when a keyboard is in front of them.

Anonymous said...

Not always, Tiffany. I mean, Meg clearly has a keyboard in front of her, but doesn't have the balls to come on here and make a 10-second update.

Rachel said...

Re:Anon 1:46:

Yeah... some one deleted comments... one of mine as well. Didn't realize we lived in Communist Russia.

Anonymous said...

No one deleted your comments. Blogger was up and down all day May 12th. It was just a site malfunction. I know this because I tried to leave a comment that day too and I kept getting an error message. Simmer down.

Anonymous said...

@Anon 5:36, "I hope there's no one dumb enough to still be donating money."

...A.fucking.MEN

Crucial D said...

I was terrified of the neti pot but my husband insisted that it was awesome. I finally gave it a try and it does help with my nasal allergy symptoms but it is a very temporary fix. Give it a try!

kerry a. said...

haha, gotta love Crucial D.

Anonymous said...

http://gawker.com/5802154/texas-debates-harsh-catfish-noodling-law

Tiffany said...

It's a free country and a free blog. You can donate if you feel the need to, but I'm certain no one will hold a gun up to your head and force you to. I find it very disrespectful to come on someone's blog and write malicious statements just because it isn't up to par with what you want out of a blog. It is a free country and everyone has a right to their opinions, but what matters is how you state those opinions. People just need to learn to have a little respect. Fo sho. Anywho, now that I'm done getting overly defensive over a blog, I should resume with my busy work for the day until my shift ends. <('.'<) <----- Dancing Kirby. You're welcome.

Lady V said...

I can't use a neti pot effectively because it is impossible to use one while singing "I'm a Little Teapot" and chortling. Chortling and singing disengages your epiglottis. It's, like, science.

cm said...

Hey Meg

Have you ever read the book "Where do I come from?"? If not... it's a great read. Probably not so great when you're 5 years old and mistakenly ask your mom where babies come from and she decides to go all righteous and not want to lie to you. Sort of inappropriate... BUT ANYWAY.... in that book they make the claim that sex feels like a sneeze.. so clearly people are on the same page with you on that sneeze-gasm thing. Just thought I'd share the random story and gem of a book.

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