5.16.2011

Worming my way back into your hearts with a little help from CJ Fam

Well, we're done writing the manuscript for book #2 and we're back from hiatus! Or at least I'm back from hiatus. Chris is vacationing with his dad in Maryland this week to celebrate finishing grad school. I'd like to say they should have aimed higher and picked a more exotic travel destination, but then again, my stance on Maryland is and always will be: Maryland—DON'T MIND IF I DO, AND DON'T MIND IF I DO!






So how did writing the book go? Um. Not "well", per se. Chris and I apparently wrote this manuscript on an ancient Indian burial ground because everything that could have gone wrong did. My laptop broke, Chris got strep throat, we had to get three extensions, Chris' apartment exploded in mice, I developed a really painful style on the inside of my upper-right eyelid. I know, A STYE!!! How the hell did that happen?? I really can't stress enough how irritating it was. Blinking was excruciatingly painful. I tried writing with my right eye closed for a while, but it threw off my depth perception and I just ended up getting car sick. It was a weird couple of days. But we're done (thank Christ) and I'm so, so happy to be back. We love writing for Adams because: 1.) they give us money and 2.) our editor is delightful, but writing for someone else really makes you miss writing without restrictions. Adams doesn't even restrict us that much, they just asked that we not write jokes about two subjects: abortion and suicide. Which is problematic because if there's anything funnier than abortion and suicide, it's child molestation. Now we have an entire binder's worth of aborted abortion and suicide jokes that just sits on a shelf marked "irony" in my apartment and collects dust. Therefore this needs to happen:

SUICIDE! SUICIDE! SUICIDE!

ABORTION! ABORTION! ABORTION!

SUICIDE! ABORTION! ABORTIONY SUICIDE! SUICIDAL ABORTIONS! ABORTICIDE! ABORTION! ABORTION! ABORTION!


KNOCK, KNOCK.

WHO'S THERE?

ABORTION.

ABOR
TION, WHO?

SUI
CIDE!


God, that felt good. Glad to be back here at the old 2b1b where the bar is set low. Really, really, embarrassingly low.

So remember when you were a kid and your dad would go away on long business trips and bring you back something nice to make it up to you? Or in my case, both of your parents would
go to Monte Carlo on your birthday and then come back and give your bike to your sister to abandon in Malcolm X park, not replace it, and after years of not letting them live it down, you delude yourself into thinking that maybe they've learned a lesson, but then your dad gives his car to your sister, sells your car, and uses the profits to help buy himself a Porsche, and when you ask what you get out of that deal, he hands you a jar of baby gherkins and everybody laughs really hard?............Goddammit, I have no idea what my original point was. Oh, yes. Dad/business trip metaphor. So I know Daddy had to go away on business and now you're all mad at me, but I brought you back a little prezzie to make it better. (For the record: I feel like I just molested each and every one of you and I apologize profusely.) It's a privilege and an honor to start the 2b1b engine back up with our interview with C-C-C-C-CJ FAM!

I'm totally not making this up. Chris and I sat down on Easter Sunday and interviewed my new BFF #1, CJ Fam. It turns out after I wrote "
In Defense of CJ Fam", CJ's mom (Brenda, she's a doll) found it and reached out to us because she and CJ thought it was funny. Which is awesome, because whenever I write about someone not in my immediate circle, I'm aware that it's going to go one way or the other, and it always tends to go the other. Like the time I wrote that really flattering piece about my ninth grade crush and within an hour of it being up, his cousin emailed me to tell me to take it down and his best friend called my best friend to be like, "Meg wrote some gay shit about Steve on her blog or whatever and Steve's like, really weirded out now." God, that was disappointing. It was like watching a magician empty his sleeves, or Santa take off his beard. Except once Santa's beard is off, it's not upsetting because he's just some random guy—it's upsetting because he has the sense of humor of a foghorn. SighAnyway! CJ Fam is promoting her new single "Show Off" and we had the pleasure of chatting with her about it. (Side note: we did the interview over Facebook chat because it was just easier for transcribing purposes, however, because my Facebook photo is of Carl Winslow, the entire interview felt more like watching a fantasy version of "Inside the Actor's Studio" starring Carl Winslow instead of James Lipton and CJ Fam instead of James Franco. So, basically, a 5,000% better show.)
2birds1blog:
Hey CJ, Thanks again for taking time out of your Easter to chat with us.


CJ Fam:
Sure, anytime.



2b1b:
First and foremost: Ark Records: what was behind that decision? It seems like an unusual decision for a girl of your talent.



Fam:
Well, I wrote a song and they offered to produce it because every one has to start somewhere.



2b1b:
So did they find you, or did you already know about them?


Fam:
They were trying to launch a girl band and we submitted a video of me singing and they wanted to launch me as a solo artist.


2b1b:
That must have been flattering! I was hoping they were going to do that with our book deal. And yet. Here Chris is.

So are Patrice “Bizarro Usher” Wilson and Clarence Jay as creepy as the world collectively decided they are?


Fam:
Absolutely not, Clarenece was so down to earth and supported me and he is very spiritual.


2b1b:
Sounds about right. Are you still working with them at all?


Fam:
No, I moved on from Ark but still keep in touch with them.


2b1b:
Who are you with now? And what made you want to move on?


Fam:
I am with Famous Teen Traxx. Ark had suddenly broke down after the whole Rebecca Black situation. I moved on I could prove that I could sing because I have been under attack. I just recorded a new song called "Show Off" and made a video behind it so the song should be out soon. The producer's name is Ramone and we were in LA for a week.


2b1b:
Well, as Chris just said, judging from "Show Off", there's no doubt you can sing.


Fam:
I still have a long way to go.


2b1b:
Going back to Ark briefly, I know that you read my blog post about how I VERY MUCH thought “Ordinary Popstar” deserved to go viral over Rebecca Black’s “Friday”. Let’s rap about that. Are you as peeved as I was (/am)?


Fam:
I'm not angry because she has to deal with all the negativity and I would rather have less hits but they are mostly good then going viral in a negative way.


2b1b:
That's an incredibly good and mature point. It’s crazy that you’re only 11-years-old. When I was 11 I failed Earth Science and wore a fair amount of baby-doll tee/boardshort combos. Are you having fun or is this work?


Fam:
I think of it as fun and not work because you can express yourself in a different way.


2b1b:
So what can you tell us about "Show Off"?


Fam:
It is a jazz type song from the 1940's, they were looking for a singer for over a year, and they knew nothing about my song "Ordinary Popstar".


2b1b:
Does this mean you have a contract with Famous Teen Traxx?


Fam:
No they want to take me to different labels to get signed but my parents don't want me to grow up too fast. And I love going to school and having friends.


2b1b:
I know what you mean. [That comment was followed by an awkward 30 seconds of silence. I really expected a fair amount of HAHAHA's because I thought it was obvious that I was referencing the line in "Ordinary Popstar", "I want to have a regular life again, like going to school and having good friends. You know what I mean?" And when you've out CJ Fam-ed CJ Fam, it's time to get out of your fucking apartment.]

I’m going to be real honest with you: I went to a very performance arts heavy high school with lots of girls pursuing pop stardom and I usually describe them with words that I’m not going to use in front of an 11-year-old girl. Please tell me that you’re nice. As your #1 blog supporter, this is oddly important to me.


Fam:
I feel that I am very humble and I don't like talking about my popstar life at school so my friends can think of me as just a good friend. I enter these contests for myself to improve. My dad says that being a good person is the meat and potatoes and having good grades and being able to sing is just gravy. We all like gravy but we don't need it.


2b1b:
Ooo...my dad pushed grades. But in the end I'm just a blogger, so I guess I showed him. I have a question on behalf of my friend Andrew (who introduced me to your music, by the way). In all of the Ark videos, including yours, are those your real friends or extras that Ark hires?


Fam:
They hired extras, but I took one friend and she was in the video too.


2b1b:
How fun!


Fam:
And I wonder sometimes who are my true friends and who aren't.


2b1b:
I feel like that's normal for middle school (or at least in my experience) but I imagine it's even harder if you're a public figure.


Fam:
Well, being in Elementary School is even harder.


2b1b:
Oh, just kidding then. Middle school is a breeeeze!


Fam:
Good, can't wait.


2b1b:
Well, look. As I've written about on our blog, elementary and middle school sucked for me, but every day I came home and ate a box of cookies and watched "Mama's Family". At least you have this amazing project.


Fam:
Do have any words of wisdom for a girl like me?


2b1b:
GIRL, I could write you a novel.


Fam:
Well, I'm up for reading it! Do you think I should stop what I am doing?


2b1b:
I'm genuinely rooting for you, so any time you need advice, you come straight to me, missy. I guess my overarching advice is that grades 5-7/8ish can be rough, but it gets considerably better. And if not, just start a blog!

You totally should not stop what you're doing. You're a genuinely good singer! I think bowing out of the reality show was a good call though. [Fam was cast in a reality show about assembling the next tween pop group, but left when she was allegedly encouraged to be more competitive and start dramz with other other members of the group].


Fam:
I'll take that, good advice. I didn't want to target anyone out of the group, you know? I would never stomp on anyone's dreams.


2b1b:
I think that was a good move. It would have painted you as this fame-hungry tween and clearly that's not who you are. 
Well, I'm pretty sure we just became best friends, but I have one last question for you...I see that one of your biggest supporters is Sean “Barney Rubble” of Death Row Players fame. Can you, or can you not help me attain my personal life goal of meeting Dr. Dre? I am not too big to beg an 11-year-old girl.

Fam:
Well if you could write a blog on Famous Teen Traxx, maybe we can make some arrangement...


2b1b:

Muhaha...consider it DONE. Well thank you so much for your time, Ms. Fam! We can't wait for the release of "Show Off"!

Fam:
And we are rooting for you. Thanks!


2b1b:
PSHHH, stop. If you need any more advice from my anthology of middle school meltdowns, just holler.

Carl Winslow + CJ Fam = BFF4LYFE, OBVS


CJ and Carl

48 comments:

Anonymous said...

I predict that CJ Fam gets crazy famous and that this becomes a Steve Nardone situation all overrrr again. Meg is just a trendsetter for opinions. Hahaha.

Kristina said...

Welcome back!! Great post and sorr about the stye.

Anonymous said...

What a classy 11-year old! Great interview, and go CJ!

Anonymous said...

My new fave joke.

KNOCK KNOCK

WHO'S THERE?

ABORTION.

ABORTION, WHO?

SUICIDE!

Kristen said...

Shit, I'm going to use my student loan money to buy her C.D. which means in 2013 I'll really be paying about $200 for it when you consider interest. But this interview made it real.

Anonymous said...

Worth the wait.

Monica said...

Awesome post - made my day!

And if you still have the stye you need to do hot compresses like a million times a day...or like 4. It's a pain in the ass to sit around with a steaming hot washcloth on your eye for 15 minutes (and then your eye and surrounding skin is all red and blotchy), but it works.

Lolo said...

Brilllliant. Just what i've been waiting for! Glad you guys are back!

Casey said...

The days that include new posts are considerably brighter and more tolerable than those days that do not. And a day featuring CJ Fam is better than any day I ever thought possible! Good to have you back!

KT said...

Oh man I missed you guys. Great post. Congrats on finishing the 2nd book!

Anonymous said...

welp, that sucked. that little girl sure is adorable, though.

Anonymous said...

You totally just wormed your way back into my heart, anyways. I hope you get ridiculously rich with your two books. Welcome back x

Anonymous said...

Well, that wasn't worth a months wait.

Anonymous said...

Now that you got paid are you gonna refund the money people on this site gave you?

Anonymous said...

Great post!

rachielove said...

MEG!!! So glad you're back. :-) And I hope that you can look at all these comments saying "you made my day" and they'll help you ignore all the negative nancying from the past couple weeks.

Anonymous said...

Copying and pasting a lameass interview? Wow, GREAT NEW POST!

See you in another month.

Amanda said...

Loved it, glad you're back Meg...xoxo

Anonymous said...

I seriously doubt that was CJ Fam herself, probably one of her entourage or handlers. In fact I suspect it was Anonymous 10:55 am.

Katie said...

Yay!! So glad you guys are back!!

I mean not to be the buzzkill on all that seems to be CJ Fam but have you seen the movie Catfish? This post sent me back to a ruulll uncomfortable period in my life that followed watching that movie...like when I watched Black Swan and almost threw up everytime I noticed someone had goosebumps... I won't be a plot spoiler but you should probably check it out...TODAY.

Can't wait for the book(s)!

Anonymous said...

Wow. This is really bad. I like this blog and I want it to be good, but I don't know how much longer I'll keep coming back here if this is the quality of the posts. I'm not saying it as a threat, nor as someone who feels they "deserve" something, but I think you may have lost sight of your audience.

Remember when you learned the term "jump the shark" and you applied it to Gossip Girl? This post is a teen-magazine-style interview with CJ Fam. I don't think it would be completely out of line to say this jumped the shark.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for that!! I'm glad you're back!

Anonymous said...

bleh.

Anonymous said...

*something mean and spiteful because i'm too much of a pussy to be asshole AND tell you who I am*

Anonymous said...

*you suck because you have TWO book deals, i have none, and no one reads my blog*

J said...

Not my favorite post, but so glad you're back! Yay!

Juliet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

lame-o-rama.

Anonymous said...

Outlandish health problems/scenario excuses to regain readers' favor? Didn't see that tactic coming.

And I love how you can't even get writing done in the promised time for your books. Three extensions? It's not like you have a job taking up your time.

Anonymous said...

There is so much to be angry about in the world already. Like, legitimate, 'this is the worst' type stuff. Does the frequency with which a blog is updated really require all the negativity? A little perspective, please...

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 8:26 AM

So why are you wasting your time defending this blog when there are so many other "legitimate" things to work on? Don't you care about the world?

Don't you care?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @ 1:51: Game, Set & Match.

user@host.com said...

Anonymous @ 1:51 - I come here to try to escape the stress and drama of the big "legitimate" stuff, so I'm thankful there are people like Meg who are willing to help me to do so every once in a while. Am I going to jump down her throat for not providing this FREE service on a regular basis? Nope. Am I judgemental of the people who've decided that crucifying her for not posting is the contribution they want to make? Ya, I am. I just think it's shitty that people would put the time and effort into being so negative to someone instead of something doing something positive like, say, writing a hilarious blog or two books in one year.
- Anonymous @ 8:26

Anonymous said...

I think this was a great article. I have seen interviews with CJ on tv and heard them on the radio. That interview was sooo CJ. She is an ambitious, hard-working young lady with great morals (not to mention a great voice) and great parents to keep her straight. If you don't like something a child is doing, please just walk away quietly without trying to damage egos. Thx!

CupcakesOMG! said...

LOL!! i used to watch mama's family all the time!!! i keep wondering when that shit's gonna be available on DVD.

www.cupcakesomg.blogspot.com

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