11.23.2010

My Top 5 Emotionally Scarring Childhood Movies

Yyyyyyyeah...so I kind of opened a Pandora's box of emotions yesterday with that whole Charlotte's Web rant, didn't I? Sorry about that. (Sorr about the bag...of emotions? Nope. Damnit. I'm horrible at this game and will never be as good as Chris, which is infuriating because I'm technically the one responsible for its creation.) Although, you have to admit, it's kind of nice to know we were all traumatized together, right?? Right. So I say we keep picking that emotional scab until we bleed to death or ask the homely co-worker in the cubicle next to us for a hug, shall we?! I present to you now, my Top 5 Emotionally Scarring Childhood Movies!

5.) The Lion King
THE STAMPEDE, YOU GUYS. The Stampede. Johnathan Taylor Thomas killed James Earl Jones. Way to go, asshole. If I were Tim Allen, I'd be shitting hammers right now. Or back in 1994, technically. And looking back, "shitting bricks" probably would have sufficed. If you consider bricks to be tools. Which after a lot of soul searching, I've decided I do. I don't really know why I insist on writing these posts at 3:45 in the morning. ANYWAY, although I was probably around 10 when my parents bought this movie, I to this day have never watched it on VHS without fast-forwarding through the scene where Mufasa dies. And you know what? That's a point of pride. I was old enough to take control of my destinty and chose not to subject myself to Disney's cheap torture. Unlike with...

4.) The Fox and the Hound
FRIENDS NEVER SAY GOODBYE! And Goonies never say die! Ah, the sage life advice of woodland creatures and Sean Astin. On a scale of one to soul-raping, I'd say The Fox and the Hound song, "Goodbye May Seem Forever", is a forced fingerblasting. The song on its own might be depressing, but what makes it really emotionally scarring is that we're forced to listen to it as the Widow Tweed abandons Tod in the forest. You know, after his mother was tragically killed by a hunter, thereby making him an orphan. (Down two mother figures in one movie? You, Mr. Disney, were a Nazi.) This scene is also uniquely cruel in that it taps into the pain of both being left behind and being the one forced to leave. "And now I findwe're both alone [...] But in my heart is a memory, and there you'll always be." Not to mention that foxes, animated or otherwise, are just god damn adorable. Wanna see something truly horrifying?

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"Oh, hey best friend!"

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"This feels like a lot of emotions for a woman who I know for a fact isn't raggin'..."

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"Dinger."

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"This feels premature..."

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"So...so I'll just follow you, or did you wanna meet back up at the house or...?"

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"You are aware that there was a recent death in the family, right? I kind of feel like I shouldn't be alone right now."

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"K, well I'll just be slicing wrists in the forest if you need me..."

HORRIFYING.

3.) The Land Before Time
Now why did I think this movie was so traumatic again? Hmm...uhhh...OH, I KNOW! Because Little Foot's mom dies directly in front of him after promising that she'll always be with him, even if he can't see her. "What do you mean, 'if I can't see you'? I can always see you! Mother?...MOTHER??" Christ. I saw this at a friend's house, was immediately traumatized, and vowed to never watch it again. Then one day, by a cruel twist of fate, my elementary school randomly combined the AM and PM kindergarden classes, plopped us down in a room, popped in The Land Before Time and shut the door. I was like, "OOOF. Shit's about to get real." I can still feel my throat burning as I looked around the classroom, desperately trying to concentrate on anything but the TV because I was too embarrassed to cry in front of everyone. Looking back, I'm honestly baffled why they would ever play that movie for us in a group setting. I'm going to become a kindergarten teacher and force my students to watch The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas in front of their peers. Why? Two words: character building.

2.) Dumbo
Look, I spent a large part of last night on the phone with my mom harassing at her to sing the "mother-related torch song" from Dumbo to me. Am I proud? No. Will I call back and ask her to do it again later this afternoon? Probably. It's also worth noting that during said call, my mom made the excellent point that whereas Fern from Charlotte's Web was a bitch because she became a fast, dirty whore who abandoned Wilbur to explore a world of boys and partial-birth abortions, Christopher Robin callously abandoned Winnie the Pooh when he went off to school and left all of his toys behind. This enraged me in a way that makes me somewhat uncomfortable to look back on, and in the heat of my anger, I googled "Christopher Robin is an asshole" and found this Facebook group:
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It's appropriately called, "Christopher Robin is an asshole", and the description is:
"Pooh thinks you're his best friend, but do you ever take the time to hang out with him. I don't think so. Pooh's always trying to find you, and going to look for you. Stop being such a dick and give Pooh the respect he deserves you cock."
It has one sole member: its founder, Bob Lowe, of Madison, Wisconsin. Mr. Lowe, if this Facebook group was your subtle way of proposing marriage to me—YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES!

1.) The Chipmunk Adventure
UH, remember this fucking movie?!!?!?! Laura and I watched a fair bit of it last night on youtube and I'm going to go ahead and make a bold statement: this movie has stood the test of time, if not gotten better since 1987. Is one of its songs currently my ringtone? No. But give me a few hours and it will be. Because the soundtrack is absurdly awesome. ALTHOUGH, can we talk about the musical number, "Getting Lucky"?
First and foremost, The Chipettes were 100% sold into sex slavery. BOOMthere it is. Second, I know this has become one of the most cliché sentences in the American lexicon, but Britney: you look like a whore. Finally, upon closer inspection, this song is grossly innaproprite:

Verse 1:
Honey, you're a sweet thing 
and you look so fine
all I ever wanted
is to make you mine

Chorus:
Give me
a clue
tell me what I need to do
to get lucky with you

Verse 2:
Boy I really love you
with my heart and soul
honey won't you take me
where I want to go

Chorus:
Give me 
a clue
tell me what I need to do 
to get lucky with you

Hook:
Getting lucky
hmmm getting lucky
is what's its really all about

getting lucky
hmmm getting lucky
its something I can't do without

Verse 3:
Honey I've been waiting
waiting patiently
let me unlock you're heart boy
I think I got the key
To get lucky with you

Right. Now I could analyze this song, the whorish outfits, the fact that in order for the girls to acquire diamonds and cash, they have to tame phallic snakes and "get lucky" with you, boy, and interpret what all of this says about our society, but at the end of the day, the four-year-old girl inside me and the 25-year-old woman that is me really just wants to strut around my apartment in a spangly, spangly Arabian Princess outfit and croon to a baby penguin. So there's that.

Speaking of crooning to baby penguins"My Mother". That song crushes my soul every single time. You'll note, actually, that pretty much all of the movies in my traumatic Top 5 deal with mother/parent abandonment. One might assume that perhaps I have parental abandonment issues, right? "Where might that have come from?", you may be asking yourself. WELL SIT RIGHT DOWN AND LET ME TELL YOU A TALE. A TALE OF ABANDONMENT AND LUXERY VACATIONS.

On my sixth birthday, my parents abandoned me to go on vacation to Monte Carlo for two weeks. Yeah. I know. TWO WEEKS. On my birthday. (#uppermiddleclassproblems) And during those two weeks, I was shuffled back and forth between my aunt, my grandparents, and our freaky Evangelical Christian neighbors. ON MY BIRTHDAY. To say the least, I did not handle this well. If we're going to get specific, I went on a hunger strike and locked myself in my room for a few days. This has since become a staple McBlogger family inside joke. "HA HA, remember that time we went on vacation and old Meg freaked out and went on a hunger strike?? What a weirdo." Oh, I'm sorryI was six-fucking-years old! My parents left me on my birthday! And I had to spend it with freaky Christians who wouldn't let me read my Simpsons comic books because they were "blasphemous" and "disrespected Christmas"! I was miserable and have never felt so alone in my entire life. And that pain has since been, and continues to be, a huge joke to my family. For example, I was out to dinner with my parents last week and told them that I wouldn't be in town this year for my birthday because I'll be in Charlotte for a friend's wedding. This opened up the door to a whole slew of "UH-OH! You won't be here for your birthday?? Looks like we all better go on a hunger strike! BAHAHA!" jokes. Assholes. 

Now, I know I only got a three on my A.P. Psychology exam and my current occupation is "Executive Fart Joke Broker", but I can't help but think that maybe part of the reason I was so hesitant to be separated from my parents for a long time at the tender age of six-years-old was because I had been conditioned from an early age to think that, oh, you know, they were going to DROP DEAD at any given momentwhether at the hands of hunters, wildebeests, circus workers, earthquakes, the ice age, tar pits, volcanic eruptions, evolution or a Sharptooth attack. Frankly, I can see why I didn't like those odds! So, fueled by this breakthrough and desperate for a little compassion, I tried to broach the topic with my mom again last night. This was the resulting conversation:

Me: I think I have abandonment issues.

Mom: I understand why you would, sweetheart.

Me: Wait...you do?

Mom: Well of course! All your friends are leaving and it must be very upsetting!

Me: Oh, no no nowhat I meant to say was, I think you gave me abandonment issues.

Mom: Oh, Jesus Christ. I gave you abandonment issues because of one birthday in Europe? You wait until I die! That'll make me missing your birthday in Europe seem like a day at the beachwhich it was, by the way.

And then she burst into uncontrollable laughter. 

...I wish I had studied slightly harder in A.P. Psych. Now if you need me, I'll be in the fetal position somewhere not eating.

63 comments:

Anonymous said...

love this, and love 2 posts in a row, meggles. keep on keepin' on!

PS- a movie that scars me regularly each holiday season? RUDOLPH. everyone is so mean to the little guy :( and makes him run awayyyyy.

Katie said...

My brothers and I love the Chipmunk Adventure and watching it regularly. That being said a) "Getting Lucky" is wildly inappropriate- why did my mother let me watch that? and b) "My Mother" is so sad and when my roommate watched this movie for the first time this summer, she was brought to tears.

Another movie that is both emotionally scarring and wildly inappropriate?
All Dogs Go To Heaven

The gambling addict dog breaks out of jail, dies and comes back from heaven, kidnaps a little girl, befriends her, only to die again.

And while in heaven the angel dog describes life on earth as:

"Down there's a world of used cars
And singles bars, broken dreams
And out of reach stars"

I'm going to go cry in the corner now...

Sarah said...

I just bawled my eyes out at this post (thanks a lot Meg!)

Land Before Time would be my number one, it gets me every time. That shit is fucked up! Just reading that quote made me scrunch my face up and cry from the memory of that scene.

How bout "don't step on a crack or you'll fall and break your back"? Who wrote this movie for children?!? I couldnt walk on tiles properly for years...

Good post but!

Kathryn said...

Not only did my mother let me watch the Chipmunk Adventure regularly through out my childhood, last Christmas she gave it to me on DVD. I literally screamed with excitement when I opened it, proceeded to watch it twice in a row, once for nostalgia, and once to confirm that it does indeed stand the test of time. Well played Meg McBlogger.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

IT'S ON DVD?!?!?!?!?!11111

Anonymous said...

so I looooove how much you are posting. but not gonna lie the disney death things are kinda a huge downer. i may or may not have almost cried in yesterday and todays post. So after the third emotionally scarring one i just zoomed on down to the end... and honestly its only because they are animals... but if you're gonna do emotionally scarring movies can you do them with people? because the animal ones are too damn depressing. lovvveeeee the blog and keep writing!!!

Jessie said...

Bless you Meg. Bless your little heart right up the wazoo and then some for this magical post.

raquel said...

I love the catharsis of a good cry early in the morning - keep up the posts! Though clearly I need to start reading them only in private- yesterday's Charlotte Webb post made me almost lose it in a crowded Starbucks.

Jocelyn said...

OK wait a second...your parents went to Monte Carlo on your birthday???? Isn't this part of the plot in Troop Beverly Hills when Chica is left home alone because her parents are in Monte Carlo and they didn't even call for her birthday and that's why she is acting like a huge B to Phyllis Nefler and the rest of the troop so Phyllis comes by and has her Latina housewife fix her a hash brown and ketchup cake!????????!!!!!

So did this really happen to you or did you just watch Troop Beverly Hills one too many times like I did?

And scene! Love you Meg!

Anonymous said...

"but at the end of the day, the four-year-old girl inside me and the 25-year-old woman that is me really just wants to strut around my apartment in a spangly, spangly Arabian Princess outfit and croon to a baby penguin."

I thought I was the only one who felt that way!

Laylapalooza said...

Chipmunk Adventure is a great movie but "My Mother" ... man. I always forget about it. But then I'll see movies with penguins and feel really inexplicably sad, navel-gaze for a few minutes, and remember that fucking song.

Also, for more The Land Before Time related sadness - the actress who voiced Ducky & that little girl in All Dogs, Judith Barsi, was murdered by her father when she was ten. Which will never not be incredibly upsetting to me.

So, there's that.

Meredith said...

So... am I the only one so emotionally detached from life that I have never been scarred by a Disney movie? Not that I don't enjoy the posts, but I'm wondering if I was a weird kid for thinking they were just, you know, movies.

Allison said...

MEG.

Can I just vent about my Lion King experience? 1994. My mom, her three sisters and my grandmother (Grammy) took Mikey and I to the Annapolis mall to go shopping and we were all "BORRRRING." Turns out they had secretly planned a surprise trip to the movie theater to see THE LION KING. We were SO pumped. I also remember thinking that we were such BADASS eight-year-olds because while Grammy and Co. sat together, we pimp limped two rows up to sit by ourselves. So, movie starts, Masai Mara sunrise, music, having fun, stacks of animals, singing birds, ha ha ha...BAM. Mufasa gets trampled. So, this was like a month after my grandfather had died suddenly of a heart attack. It would have been fine, except that Grammy, his wife, was THERE. I don't even think I watched the rest of the movie after that. I just kept looking back at Grammy, expecting her to be causing a scene, breaking down with emotions, throwing her body to the floor, everyone around her trying to hold her back because this was SO MUCH LIKE HER STORY. Really, she couldn't have cared less - it was a Disney movie. She probably wasn't even paying attention. But in my young mind, I just remember being so stressed, looking back at her, looking at the screen, looking at her again, thinking "My GOD, SOMEBODY GET HER OUT OF HERE." That's trauma.

Love and miss,
Thunder Cunt

Anonymous said...

I'll see your All Dogs Go To Heaven and raise you a The Brave Little Toaster. BOOM.

Anonymous said...

i cant believe you left out the secret of nimh and all dogs go to heaven. but especially the secret of nimh

Anonymous said...

Oh. Em. Gee.

I used to hate spending the weekend at my grandparents house because their movie collection consisted of a 1980's readers digest collection of knock-off disney cartoons and then the 3 saddest. movies. ever.

E.T.
Bambie
and.. wait for it..

TURNER AND MOTHEREFFING HOOCH

i dont want to talk about it..

Rachel said...

Anon at 10:35.... I am so with you on Brave Little Toaster. Oh. My. God. Too many traumatic moments to even talk about.

Oh and Meg I completely agree with all of yours.... Also, did anyone else ever watch those animated Winnie the Pooh movies? There were a whole bunch of them but the worst was definitely this one where Rabbit befriended this little blue bird named Kessie, and then at the end she left him and flew south for the winter and oh my God I cried EVERY TIME.

...and weirdly, I was able to find a plot description online, and just reading this part about after Kessie learns to fly makes me so sad all over again: "The others are excited, but Rabbit is sad. He sits at home, cradling the toy bunny he made for her,. Kessie comes to him and asks him to read one last bed time story. He leaves, sadly saying she doesn't need him for anything. Kessie sits in front of Rabbit's fire and cries as Rabbit sits sadly on his bed." Holy fucking depressing!

Laura said...

My brother and i used to recite the entire Land Before Time movie on long car rides. The scene where Littlefoots mother died was always left out. I hated ET as a child...still don't really like it. But my mom loved it and made me watch it all the time as a child. Scarred for life.

Tine said...

I went to Disneyland this summer, and their new nighttime show is this water show with colored lights that kind of reminds me of Vegas, but they also play clips from Disney movies on the water. It's pretty much awesome. Anyway, most of the show is your standard Disney dreams-come-true crap, and then they played the scene from The Lion King where Mufasa gets trampled, all of the lights go out, and all you can hear is a little pathetic Simba calling out, "Dad?" The entire audience gasped in horror, and I'm pretty sure the kids next to us were crying. Way to be, Disney, you were a Debbie Downer for your own show.

BF said...

Oh man, this was simultaneously hysterical and tear jerking at the same time. I watched every sad clip but had to stop before the actual sad part happened!

Also, that Chipmunks song with the snakes is insane. Parents definitely weren't paying attention when we were watching that!

Fran S said...

newish to 2b1b, but hot damn you've dented my heart. i <3 the chipmunk adventure and often have felt like it was only me keeping the chipettes alive, both in my heart and my commemorative drinking glasses... but then this post. and yes, that song is effed up to crazy town, but the concept of smuggling diamonds inside miniature doll-versions of your protagonistic characters... genius.

and re: the disney widowing complex/resultant abandonment issues, i don't mind this post one bit - it's in naming the sadness/screwed-upness that there is healing.

Anonymous said...

You had me until Chipmunk Adventure, Meggles. Never heard of it. Never seen it. Therfore, never cried at it.

Ok, this one is a little bit outside of scarring for sad reasons and more HOLY WEIRDO JAPANAMATION scarring: Unico.

Anyone? Unico?

Anonymous said...

I used to make my parents rewind the part of The Land Before Time where the mother dies just so that I could see her alive again, not realizing this would make me have to watch her die again and SOB. My dad would always be like "are you sure?? do you really want me to rewind it??" and i'd be like YES PLEASE JUST GO BACK TO WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE through my 6 year old tears.

Issues....

Kelley said...

And those Disney bastards are still at it, but now, they're teaming up with Pixar and their adorable animation! Um..."UP" anyone? I watched "Up" on my first anniversary (right after watching our wedding video) cuddling with my husband on the couch just SOBBING and blubbering "that's like US!!"...emotions!

Courtney said...

Jocelyn, I thought the same thing! I shamelessly love Troop Beverly Hills - what a thrill. Own it on dvd.

I was also freakishly disturbed by the Hunchback of Notre Dame when Frollo was singing about sex with Esmerelda and fire. It was beyond creepy.

thanks for the awesome post Meg (and some tears over the fox the hound....) Happy Thanksgiving!

Blake said...

How did American Tail not make this list? I think you should expand into a top-10.

Also "Sorr about the bag of emotions" was perfectly funny!

kt said...

...sigh. the never-ending story when the horse goes down in quicksand? it left a horse-shaped hole in my heart. i never. watched it. again!

Jenna said...

My throat is on fire, my head feels like it's in a vice, and my research advisor wants the impossible done before tomorrow. So I'm stressed and pissed, but then I read this post and was bouncing up and down in my chair all, "ME TOO!! ME TOO!" 'cause I feel the same way about those movies, and now I feel a little bit better. Thanks Meg!! You're working better than my Tylenol. :)

Lolo said...

OMG KT!!! That was what i was thinking while reading through this--never EVER again will i watch that movie. I was 3 years old the first time i saw it and now i'm officially scarred for life.

Emily said...

YES! Why all the movies about parental abandonment?? Do adults not realize how terrifying that is to children? Is it the only thing they knew would make us put down the Gameboy and listen?

Has anyone seen Follow That Bird?? Where Big Bird has to travel cross-country to make it back to Sesame Street and there's a woman chasing after him the whole time?? And at one point he ends up in a CIRCUS CAGE??? God, that one was scary.

Anonymous said...

" my current occupation is "Executive Fart Joke Broker""
outstanding.

you're the best meg!

Francesca said...

I am a HUGE fan of the 80s Disney movies especially the ones in the "fat box" VHS covers. the ones with the excessive plastic overuse.

I loved this post so much. I think the trauma I feel about the Lion King is that my niece used to make me play "elephant graveyard" with her, which is probably just as fucked up as it sounds.

I feel like this could be a top gajillion years since disney has been all about freaking out kids since snow white and shit.

Francesca said...

meant a top gajillion list. i clearly use the phrase gajillion years too much.

Anonymous said...

totally agree with all these movies and the post on "UP" I have never balled like a baby so much and I love that movie! I mean Karl, I would marry that cute little nugget in a heartbeat If I had met him when I was younger!

I had just lost my last living grandma when this came out and It was whole lotta traumatic.

My parents literally would not let me watch ET and then Bambi because I would cry so hard I would make myself sick!

I remember loving Chipmunk adventure and now I am going to see if I can find it!

Hugs Meg, we're all in this trama together!

Kathleen said...

I FUCKING BAWLED during the Fox and the Hound. Just now, I mean.

There are interesting parallels between that movie and my life. I guess. Fuck, that was SO SAD MEG WHY

Jennifer said...

I am on board with all except the chipmunks, add on BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER.

Old Yeller?

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

OK wait a second...your parents went to Monte Carlo on your birthday???? Isn't this part of the plot in Troop Beverly Hills when Chica is left home alone because her parents are in Monte Carlo and they didn't even call for her birthday and that's why she is acting like a huge B to Phyllis Nefler and the rest of the troop so Phyllis comes by and has her Latina housewife fix her a hash brown and ketchup cake!????????!!!!!

You're my new best friend for knowing that. I was going to reference it in the post but thought it would be on lost ears. Or eyes. More to the point: it absolutely happened to both of us.

Love and miss,
Thunder Cunt

I could read about the adventures of Allison, Mikey, Grammy and Simba forever. Will you be home for Thankers? I don't know why I'm asking you this via blog comment. I should probably email you. K. Well, I know what I'm doing next.

And per everyone else: We weren't a Bambi/An American Tale/Brave Little Toaster/Old Yeller Family. WAMP, WAMP.

ohnoa.com said...

I'm too fucking freaked out by "Getting Lucky," and the horrifying sexual fetishes and terrifying implications such a song has to even think about a witty, observant comment.

Fuck.

Anonymous said...

This blog consistently makes my day, even though it did so yesterday by making me cry at my desk a la Charlotte...oddly enough it wasn't weird, as our paralegal cries daily for non-animated (yet ridic) reasons. I probs would have cried today if I wasn't anticipating a Brother Bear reference...I watched it for the first time BABY-SITTING a first grade student of mine...he went back and told his (our) class what a blubbering teacher they all had. And don't even talk about Follow That Bird...I so remember poor Big Bird in that cage. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your globetrotting family, Meg! A million thanks to you!

Anonymous said...

The fox and the hound scene sent me on a downward spiral. I thought I had overcome that trauma- wrong- and that old lady is a cunt.

Anna said...

OMG...LITTLE FOOT! dont even get me going...

oh, and diane wonders why we are in a completely platonic lesbian relationship!!!

Anna said...

AND ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN! jesus christ...the scene in hell?! orphans. scarred. 4lyfe. :/

Kelly said...

ahhhh All Dogs Go To Heaven...I just imdb'd this one because i was searching for a certain "memorable quote". HOWEVER. first, I gotta copy/paste the tag line for the movie: "A dog returns from the dead looking for revenge on his killer using an orphan girl who can talk to animals."
seriously? what part of that looks like a movie parents should purchase for their kids?
dude....when she sings that song in the tower after charlie takes her to meet his gf and puppies? BREAKS. MY. HEART.
and then he saves her from Carface, and she puts the smackdown on him for gambling?

Sweet Sooz said...

i have SO MUCH enjoyed these hilarious yet sad comments i especially was scarred for life after POLYANNA anyone?? old school disney where the chic breaks her LEGS in the last 5 minutes of the movie... also milo and otis one of the very 1st scarring lost pet movies along with homeward bound!

sincerely,
that ass who is cackling to tears in the library while everyone else is studying for law school finals :)

Stephanie said...

Wow. I did not expect this to be a big deal. But when I watched the on Fox & The Hound and Dumbo clips, shit got raw real fast. My boyfriend is sitting on the couch across from me with headphones on so he luckily didn't notice me completely losing my shit and bawling until I was on round 2 of Fox & The Hound (who doesn't love a good cry?) and it went something like this:
BF: "Oh my god, you're crying, are you okay?"
Me: sniff "I just-" gulp "found a blog post-" unattractive snort of snot "full of traumatic clips from Disney movies and-"
BF: "OH MY GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP" while covering his face in disgust

so thanks babe, glad you're here for me. I can't believe how much that brought me back to being 6 years old and totally fucked up from both of those movies. Fox & The Hound is the saddest film ever made. Real talk.

Stephanie said...

Wow. I did not expect this to be a big deal. But when I watched the on Fox & The Hound and Dumbo clips, shit got raw real fast. My boyfriend is sitting on the couch across from me with headphones on so he luckily didn't notice me completely losing my shit and bawling until I was on round 2 of Fox & The Hound (who doesn't love a good cry?) and it went something like this:
BF: "Oh my god, you're crying, are you okay?"
Me: sniff "I just-" gulp "found a blog post-" unattractive snort of snot "full of traumatic clips from Disney movies and-"
BF: "OH MY GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP" while covering his face in disgust

so thanks babe, glad you're here for me. I can't believe how much that brought me back to being 6 years old and totally fucked up from both of those movies. Fox & The Hound is the saddest film ever made. Real talk.

Anonymous said...

omg just watched the lion king scene and literally burst into tears. poor mufasa!

cal ;) said...

holy flashback...all of these movies absolutely devastated me (for the exact same reasons) when i was a child!

Idle Wife said...

Awesome. I just wanted to sit and eat my grilled cheese and read something funny and I'm assaulted with this. I've never even seen The Fox and The Hound, but not even a minute into the clip, I was bawling like a baby. I'll at least thank you for letting me know I should NEVER see that movie EVER. Sad movies are always on the top of my hate list.

Steph said...

Can we discuss that The Chipmunk Adventure still stands as one of my favorite childhood movies, and I may or may not have bought it last year on DVD, re-watched it and had the exact same thought about the Getting Lucky song. Talk about things you didn't get when you were younger but holy inappropriate batman now that I'm an adult. I have forced many a friend to sit through that movie with me and I'm happy I know at least one person who appreciates it as I do. Thank you Meg!

Also, I've watched both The Fox and The Hound and Dumbo once, never again. I can't handle that much emotional turmoil.

Cassidy said...

Willow. Did anyone have to watch that terrifying movie as a child?!?! Scarred for life.

And I completely agree about all of the movies on this list. What the hell were our parents thinking?!

Sarah P said...

ALSO?? Jackie Paper is a fucking self-centered douchebag. All that shit Puff did for him, and then he goes and abandons him for the riches of adulthood? You know what? Fuck Jackie Paper. Fuck him in the eye. That guy sucks, and if I ever met him, I would kick him HARD in the crotch.

Is all I'm saying.

Jocelyn said...

Hi Meg!

I just thought that I should respond and set the record straight about my comment. I read your blog last week and was so pumped by the parallels of your life to Chica from Troop Beverly Hills that I had to comment just to see if was one of your fabulous pop-culture references or a true story. There was no mind-fuck meant behind it. I'm just literally obsessed with Troop Beverly Hills and hash brown and ketchup cakes (which coincidentally also make an appearance during a Full House episode when Kimmy Gibbler's b-day is forgotten). So I commented and then forgot to check back because my day at work got busy. I haven't checked the blog in a week b/c I went on Thanksgiving vacation to parent's house for the last week. So imagine my surprise and embarrassment when I opened your blog this morning to see that my comment had frosted your cookies. If I had seen your post back about being new biffles I would have jumped on that so fast. We could have been having a Troop Beverly Hills lovefest all weekend. Plus I hate it when people write mean shit to you on this blog b/c you are awesome; trust me I'm no hater on the 2b1b.

In conclusion, I hope you can forgive me because I love you, Chris, and the whole McBlogger family! And if not, I might just have to move to Monte Carlo...

Stephanie said...

Ok #1 --- I will seriously run screaming from any tv that ever plays The Fox and The Hound around me ever, ever, ever again. I can NOT watch that movie. I fucking HATE that movie. EMOTIONAL TRAUMA.

#2 --- THE CHIPMUNK ADVENTURES IS THE GREATEST THING EVERRRR!!!!!! I have the soundtrack!!!! "We are the girls, we are the girls, we are the girls of ROCK-N-ROLLuh!" Oh man. nostalgia. The song "My Mother" can consistently make me cry a face full. I usually have to skip it.

Creme Brulee said...

I own the Chipmunk Adventure on DVD and it's probably the greatest purchase ever...aside from the animated Robin Hood which has also aged incredibly well.

Andrew said...

The death scene in the Lion King was rough, no doubt, but hand down the most scarring thing was the death scene in Tarzan. Yes Mr. Clayton was the villian, and a jerk, but to see him fall, watch his shadow get tangled up in the vines, and then just... stop. Ugh. I need to lie down.

pook555 said...

Thank you Meg, I'm pretty sure there is some sadist who Disney hires to write its movies. The Fox & Hound? Gah, don't get me started. And someone else mentioned "Puff the Magic Dragon." Seriously, had me bawling when I was 3. BAWLING! WTF?

Oh, and every year in my elementary school we had to watch the animated (and extremely sad/depressing) "The Hobbit." Every. Single. Year. And not cry and look cool in 6th grade. Gah.

Anonymous said...

In 2nd grade my class watched Land Before Time and I had to be removed from the room because I was sobbing uncontrollably. I still cannot watch that movie at 26 yrs old!

Stephanie said...

I just thought you should know that I have this post bookmarked so that whenever i am having a bit of a "time" and I need a real good cry/I am already crying about something else and really need to make it happen so it turns into a catharsis-type-situation, this is my go-to. I have also shared it with like 5 friends. We watched it together and bawled hysterically.

Writing this down makes it sound so much weirder than it actually is. I swear I don't cry everyday

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