Charlie Brown's Statutory Thanksgiving

Although Fall is always a very nostalgic time for me, this Fall in particular has made me incredibly nostalgic for college. Everything these days reminds me of it. The change of the seasons; the smell of the cold; cozy sweaters and Ugg boots; vomitting Goldschläger and wondering how many papayas in Zimbabwe those real gold flakes dancing around my toilet bowl could buyit all just puts a little lump in my throat and makes me wish I could go back and do it all over again. Which is kind of odd, considering I spent a good 60% of my college experience hating life and wishing it was over and done with. But now that I've been out of school for three years and the Quarter-Life Crisis' claws have a vice-like grip around my life, I can't help but think, it wasn't that bad...was it?

I have a very complicated love/hate relationship with my alma mater. On one hand, I never actually wanted to go there in the first place. AU was my safety school and I guess nobody's really like, "HURRAY!!! WE'RE GOING WITH PLAN C!!!!" On the other hand, once I actually got there, I slowly realized that most of my new friends were smarter than me and it felt like maybe I should pipe down, feel lucky to be there, pick up a book and learn some shit. But then again, the giant bureaucratic circle jerk that is the AU administration made my life hell, and I loathed the average AU kid; or "WONKS", as I believe they're called now. (We just called them "ASSHOLES" in my day, but those were simpler times, weren't they?) But on the other hand, I met most of my favorite people at AU. Alex, Helena, Laura, both Andrews, Ex Co-Blogger Eddie, Ashleigh, Lara, College Roommate Danielle, Rachel, Dan, Jenna, Carlall AU Eagles. But do I feel like I got an education there that I couldn't have gotten for significantly less money at UMD? Not really. See? I waver. But god forbid I hear someone talk shit about AU or I'm all up in their face with more glowing statistics about our academics and rankings than an admissions counseler on crack.

A few months ago (I think?) I was at a party or something talking with some friends of a friend (I know this intro sounds incredibly vague, but then again I don't remember an entire week of October. During these trying times, you're just going to have to bear with me,) and one of them asked me where I went to school. "Oh, I went to AU," I replied. Two of the girls instantly turned to each other and burst into laughter.

"Sorry, we don't mean to laugh, it's just we have this inside joke with our friends that AU is a fake school." That's when I gave her a look that clearly conveyed, "I have a liver full of three glasses of Robert Mandovi and a hot Irish tempershall we dance?" and the other started to back-peddle.

"Well, I mean, we know it's a real school. It's just we used to drive by it on Mass every morning on our way to work and we never saw anybody walking around there. So we had this joke that nobody actually went there and it was like just some big conspiracy or something."


And then six hours later and I was back to making "the Harvard of Spring Valley" jokes. 

But there's one aspect of AU that I have never, and will never waver on: the food. (Slightly predictable, I know.) The food at AU is deliciousand it certainly made those four years more do-able. I remember when I was a senior in high school looking through Princeton Review books, the little "at-a-glance" survey for AU was always like:

Campus Life
Liquor is popular
  Drugs are popular
       Most students smoke
                 Most students are unhappy
                                                  The food is amazing. But like, stupid amazing.

And that's when I said, "Sign this girl up."

Helena was over one night a few months ago and we started talking about how much we missed college and how our sophomore year was the best year ever, and we miss the food and OH MANREMEMBER TDR THANSKGIVING??!!

TDR Thankgiving was the pinnacle of our year. (Or my year, at least.) Every year, the week before Thanksgiving break, TDR (or, the Terrace Dining Room, if you will. Basements are called "terraces" at AU. It's kind of like how White Town calls being unsigned, being "an independently financed band." It just sounds more dignified. American Universitypolishing that turd since 1893.) holds a big, delicious Thanksgiving dinner and it was always the best day of TDR food evz. Suddenly Helena and I had hatched a plan to figure out the date of this year's TDR Thanksgiving; find a freshman who'd obviously have a shit ton of meal blocks leftover because when you're a freshman, your parents are like, "GET THE 5,000 BLOCK MEAL PLAN! MY BABY WILL NOT GO WITHOUT!" and then the next year they wise up and send you off with a pack of Luna bars and their best wishes; get them to swipe us in; and FEAST  slash relive some of our old college glory days. It was an amazing plan. But where to find that freshman...?

And that's when fate came a-knockin' on my door. Or blog, as it were.

And Bingo was his name-o. Well, Meaghan, actually. AND GOD BLESS HER HEART. Because last night she and her friends swiped me, Helena, Laura and Andrew of the Great Juno Debate into TDR Thanksgiving and then into our old dorm to let us wander around and reminisce. And the results were...mixed.

First and foremost, homegirl and her friends were friggin' adorable. I should really meet up with readers more often because I never don't like them. Although it did freak me out that they were all class of '14. '14! What's even the point of going to college at that point? We'll all be dead by then. But, really. Adorable. She took a picture with me to send to her mom. I mean, really.

Second and secondmost, TDR Thanksgiving did not dissapoint. Being in TDR felt like being home again, and I mean that in the least morbidly obese way possible. It's just whereas the rest of our newly renovated Mary Graydon Center now looks like a discarded set from a "Saved By the Bell" episode heavily centered at The Max, TDR looks exactly the same. And there's something oddly comforting about that. Come, take a walk down memory lane with me:

The old Salad Bar! This takes me back to four years of meals spent with Ex Co-Blogger Eddie being like, "Did you know that colleges wash their lettuce in sugar water so that the girls with eating disorders who only eat lettuce get some amount of sugar?" And me being like, "That's the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard. Because if that were true, how could diabetic students eat salad?" And her being like, "No, it's true." ...I don't really know why I told that story, except to point out one more time that I think I'm right.

The old Comfort Zone.

Truly the finest zone of them all.

This image is pretty much all I think of when I think of TDR. That queer little bin full of chicken and the vat of queso and hot dogs. 

And the french fry station and how the quality of my day was dicated by whether or not they had curly fries. This, clearly, was destined to be a poor night.


That, again, has nothing to do with TDR. That's a picture of my freshman year Understanding Mass Comm professor, Daryl Hayes. His class came up in dinner conversation and I remembered what a huge crush I had on him. He had this absurdly soothing voice and he was always flicking the front part of his hair away with this graceful little -swoop!- and it was hypnotizing. He was also brutally honest that he was never going to remember all of our names, so on the first day of class, he took a picture of each of us holding a sign with our name on it in front of our chests. Just think, he has that picture somewhere...

Which is why I don't feel awkward that he's now my phone's screensaver.

So, yes. Dinner was magical, the reminiscing was magical, but then we made the mistake of asking if we could tag along and come back to the dorm with them. And eesh. Shit crossed over from, "OH HA HA REMEMBER WHEN?" to being curled up in the fetal position, weeping, and harrassing young students as they tried to study and/or go to bed.

Before I go into this, I just need to express what a poignant year of my life sophomore year, living on the second floor of Hughes Hall was. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. That year, by the fate of the Housing and Dining gods, a motley crew of 40 of the most random, off-beat, and fun people you'll ever meet were gathered together to live on the same floor and the results were, in my mind at least, epic. I would love to write a short story about said experience and the characters involved. Maybe I will. Good. Done. Goals.

Anyway, because I associate Hughes Hall with all of these powerful memories and because I hadn't been there there since moving out, being back there last night was an incredibly bizarre experience. Like the smell of it. It smelled like all of these random, yet oddly specific moments that weren't necessarily important to me, but are clearly still floating around my subconscious. I can only imagine what Meaghan and her friends thought of the four of us, barging our way into their dorm, wandering around, frantically sniffing the air and alternating between shouting, "THIS IS WEIRD," "I'M NERVOUS," and "DO YOU MIND IF WE GO SMELL THE FORMAL LOUNGE?!"

After we thoroughly sniffed out the lobby, we went upstairs and Meaghan showed us her dorm room, which is when Andrew got sufficiently spooked and bailed. Laura, Helena and I, however, wanted to press on and go downstairs and revisit the old second floor. To me, this seemed like a completely reasonable thing to want to do, but apparently to a bunch of 18-year-olds, it's kind of "weird" when three 25-year-old women come up to your place of residence at 10 o'clock on a Wednesday night to wander around all, "NO, IT'S COOL, WE LIVED HERE IN 2004!!!" 

Although, we did run into one kid who was actually pretty cool about us being there. (AN single kid.) He gave us the skinny on the floor's 2010 shenanigans and was even up for listening to us talk about how it was in our day, even if it was just because he didn't want to do his business homework. Although I did appreciate this conversation:

Kid: So where do you guys live now?

Me: I live in Dupont.

Laura: Cleaveland Park.

Kid: Oh, wow, that's cool!

Laura: Yeah. We moved slightly further down the red line. It is really...cool.

Things could have ended there and I suppose it would have been fine, but I got it in my head that I really wanted to see inside my old dorm room. (Remember: so much happened there.) In my head, this is how it would go: I'd go down to my old room, the door would be open, two kids would be listening to music and browsing the 'nets, I'd be all, "Knock, knock. Hi, I used to live here back in the day. Just thought I'd shoot down and take a gander." "Oh, that's cool." "Welp, thanks!" "Later." But of course, nothing in my life is ever that easy.

First, our new Hughes Deuce ambassador advised me that given who lives in my room now, he didn't think it would be a great idea if I asked if I could go in and see it. And look, I liked this kid. I trusted him. I was willing to abandon my dreams and let that be that. But then suddenly, a kid who looked pretty much like The Bee Keeper from Wet Hot American Summer, if he took a shower, walked off the elevator and into the lounge, and my new friend nodded in his direction and gave me a, "That's him!" look. Ok. Point taken. He looked sufficiently weirded out that we were even standing in the hall, nevertheless trying to get into his room. But I was still undecided. I asked Laura what I should do"Let it go." I turned to Helena"I say do it." Damn.

Suddenly, The Bee Keeper walked out of the lounge and started heading for the stairwell. My chance to see my old room was about to slip out of my hands. And that's when one of Meaghan's friends we went to dinner with, Alyssa, walked onto the floor and said hi to The Bee Keeper. WE HAD A MUTUAL FRIEND! Now it wouldn't be weird if I asked him if I could see his room! But he was about to leavetime was of the essence.

Thus, feeling the pressure, I lunged towards him and shouted, "CAN I SEE YOUR ROOM!??!?!"

OK, that wasn't quite the way I had originally planned on asking, yes, but the moment was slipping away from me and I had a goal. You would have done the same. DON'T JUDGE ME.

That being said, he looked at me like I had just asked if I could check him for ticks.

"Uh...you want to see my room?"

"Yeah. I used to live there and we're back tonight and I just was wondering if I could see it for old time's sake?"

After some cajoling, he begrudgingly agreed to take me down and show me the room. We walked down and he opened the door wide enough so I could see in, but not quite wide enough so that I'd feel invited to physically enter.

"Well, this is it," he said. 

"YES. IT. IS." A flood of memories, some good, some bad, came back to me. That year man. That fucking year. I was a bit caught up in my emotions while simultaneously trying to carry on a conversation with this kid who obviously didn't trust me or what I was doing there, and as we all know, multi-tasking is not one of my strong suites.

"So, which side of the room is yours?" I asked, somewhat absentmindedly.

"Uh, that one," he said, awkwardly nodding towards the far side of the room.

"That was my side of the room too!" I said. My eyes went up to the curtains and I imagined the star-shaped twinkle lights my roommate had put up hanging over them. My gaze wandered to the wall where I hung all of my pictures, down to the heater, and stopped at the bed. I imagined my navy sheets and the white and navy toile duvet cover I bought at Ikea the summer before on the bed where his blue rumpled sheets were currently wadded up in a ball.

"Yep, I used to sleep in that bed," I said. Except I didn't really say it like that. And he didn't know that I was thinking about my navy sheets and toile duvet cover when I said it. And when I feel awkward but am trying not to be, sometimes the tone of my voice auto-pilots onto: FLiRt! mode. So it came out sounding a little bit more like this:

"AHHH. Yyyyyep. I used to sleep...in that bed. Wiiiiink!" The Bee Keeper immediately backed into the hall, forcing me out of the doorway, and slammed the door.


"No, wait! I didn't mean it like that!" I yelled after him, as my friends, Meaghan, Meaghan's friends and our newfound Hughes Deuce friend stood there laughing at me. "Well, thank you for letting me see your room!" The door to the stairwell slammed.

I think our original plan was to stick around and have a drink with the girls, but after that I just felt insanely creepy and wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as I could. A line had been crossed. Well, I think a few lines had been crossed (some by accident) but it was definitely time to go. 

We said our goodbyes to our new AU friends and ran across the street just in time to catch the shuttle bus. As we rode to the metro, I got more and more fired up about what happened with The Bee Keeper. I mean, first of all, I was obviously not trying to pull anything with that kid. And if I were to pull anything with anyone, it would have been with that Hughes Deuce kid because he wasn't horrible on the eyes and seemed to have a considerably more open mind. Second, you should be so lucky that I physically come to your person, ask you to take me to your room and pull something with you. My ex-gentleman friend from New York texted me, "text me something raunchy" last night, and I didn't solely based on the fact that I couldn't reach my phone without raising my torso and I was watching Netflix. YOU. SHOULD. BE. SO. LUCKY. Third, just be cool about shit, kid. That situation would have been infinitely less awkward had you not been so awkward about it in the first place. I wasn't asking to give you a colonoscopy with my beak; I just wanted to see my old room. React accordingly.

When we got to the metro and it was time to say goodbye to Laura and Helena, I was livid. "I MEAN, I'M NOT CREEPY, AM I?" I asked them.

Laura responded first, "I mean, I don't think you are, but then again I've fallen asleep with you before."

I don't know why, but that statement completely hit the spot. I think it's because it's just such an ass-backwards way of saying, "I don't think you're creepy, but then again we're friends." Oh, Laura.

I think all in all what I've learned is that although it was fun and meaningful at the time, it's probably a good thing that we're not in college anymore. Procuring the money to buy alcohol is hard enough, nevertheless having to go that extra step and hide it. Not to mention the actual work involved in going to school, which is an aspect I always forget about. I mean, nowadays when I have a hard day at work, it's generally because "Night Court" isn't available on Instant Watch, Subway doesn't deliver and I lost a few Twitter followers. Can you imagine if a group meeting was somewhere in that mix?? Although my (unemployed) lifestyle may suggest otherwise, adulthood can be pretty cool. 

Plus, those college guys are fuckin' prudes.


Into the woods said...

love this post LOLLGASM!!

Morgan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Morgan said...

HOW DID I MISS YOU AT AU!!!!!!!! Some days are bigger fails than others.

Anonymous said...

"I wasn't asking to give you a colonoscopy with my beak; I just wanted to see my old room. React accordingly."

Haha- love it.

Rachel said...

I am so jealous you got free dorm food...BTW speaking of living in Dupont I wanted to just tell you that I found your contract about never ever living in VA yesterday. So funny. I should send you a copy.

Alison said...

This one time, when I was a senior and it was move-in day, I wandered into my freshman dorm, and up the stairs to my freshman suite. The door was open, and my old door was open, so I poked my head in, only to see a flat screen tv, a bed, and my old RA who was creepy as hell and had dated my roommate while I was LIVING IN THAT ROOM sitting on it. I awkwardly said something about being nostalgic and he was like oh that's cool, have you talked to 'old roommate' lately? I haven't.
And now my old room memories are ruined forever.

This post is awesome!

Anonymous said...

I have to take issue with getting the same education at AU and UMD. Sure, you would have paid less money, but unless you got virtually NO education at AU, you're better off than you would have been at Maryland.

I briefly attended the University of Maryland and realized rapidly that they didn't believe "academics" to be an important part of the college experience. So be proud of AU and remember why UMD wasn't good enough to be your safety school!

Anonymous said...


I miss his sexy hair flip.

Meredith said...

I am so jealous of the food. I kind of wish I had found a way to mooch into AU's dining hall for TDR Thanksgiving. UVA's food was... atrocious. And I'm not sure if that word is strong enough.

Btw, I like how I read through the ENTIRE post and the thing I take away from it is "Food is good at AU" and it's like I can't even focus on the rest of it. Fatty McGee here.

Anonymous said...

Love this post!

But like you and AU, I will not stand for any UMD bad mouthing. I want to go back!

Anonymous said...

Love this post!

But like you and AU, I will not stand for any UMD bad mouthing. I want to go back!

musicfairie said...

My ex-gentleman friend from New York texted me, "text me something raunchy" last night, and I didn't solely based on the fact that I couldn't reach my phone without raising my torso and I was watching Netflix. YOU. SHOULD. BE. SO. LUCKY.

HILARIOUS. and so true. great post!

Sara said...

!! love it meg

Corina said...

I think I'm unique in that I absolutely LOVED AU. Yes, the administration is a ridiculous cluster-fuck of complete morons, but I felt like that was at least a healthy target for my anger. College students love to Damn The Man, and I took every opportunity I could to make those people's lives a little more difficult.

TDR! My favorite part about TDR was that they don't seem to mind if you blatantly steal food. I moved off campus but convinced my parents to buy me a small meal plan. I would go twice a month with bags and tupperware and literally walk out with whole loaves of bread, bags of salad, and entire cartons of soy milk. It was great!

Anonymous said...

new to the blog, and love it. Have read almost every post in the past 2 weeks, which is why when I stumbled upon this gem today, I immediately thought of you: http://www.ustream.tv/sfshiba

Yes, it is a live shiba inu aka fox dog puppy cam. and yes, you were the first person I thought of when I found it.

JP said...

This was hilarious. I appreciated the level of detail you provided in comparison to what I got from H last night. I wonder though, what was going through prudey-mccolonoscopy's head. He was probably high...

Blake said...

Ah, TDR grilled chicken, curly fries and do-it-yourself pizza. Pure bliss.

I'm insanely jealous. Did you see Singh at Tenley Liquors? That guy is the shit!

Laura said...

Love this post.. when I moved off campus I used to make the pledges in my sorority swipe me into TDR. On my last night of class at AU, I got some random freshman to swipe me in and it was the most disappointing meal of my life, so sad. But I have to say I really miss mac and cheese Wednesdays, nothing cures a hangover like TDR mac and cheese.

Did you visit the Eagle's Nest on your trip down memory lane? How can we forget Sonya, the most amazing Eagle's Nest employee. Sadly, Eagles nest is super lame now with weird to go sandwiches, but I'll never forget stealing pounds of gummy bears and assorted candy from the bins.

Greg said...

I met the girl who lived in my freshman dorm room the year before me. She sent me pictures via AIM of her sitting at the same desk as me and told me where she left all the extra 3M Command removable hooks as a "present". She was also dressed like Minnie Mouse in the pictures she sent. Clearly, she's wackadoo.

Anonymous said...

ohhhh man, reminds me of the time I was visiting schools and my dad insisted we check out Ohio University. And then he tailgated some kids into his old dorm and barged in on his old room.

Anonymous said...

That was so many shades of flashback I got a little teary eyed. Oo ee. Gosh I miss TDR. But unlike Thanksgiving, my friends and I idealized brunch, especially omelet man!

Also, the comment about sugar water salad reminded me of this girl in TDR who used to fill her tray with only broccoli and cauliflower, but not like just the plate, THE WHOLE TRAY. That's all she ever ate. We were at AU at about the same time, so maybe you witnessed this. Freaked me the heck out.

Anonymous said...

OMG SONYA! Totally forgot about that. Free food and dance parties at 2 a.m.

Katie Hanson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie said...

I go to AU now and reading this post made me feel significantly better about my situation here. It was my back-up as well, and as much as I make fun of it, I can't help but defend it either (also, everyone here hates the wonk campaign too)

My friends and I were ecstatic about TDR Thanksgiving last night, and had I known you wanted to go I would have definitely swiped you in! Anytime, just let me know! Being a student, I have no qualms about knocking on doors for you to sniff their room either.

Anonymous said...

@Gcal - the person who lived in the room before you sounds ADORABLE and you sound like an ungrateful bitch.

In Meg 's words: YOU.SHOULD.BE.SO.LUCKY.

Anonymous said...

how does gcal's roomie sound ADORABLE? negative. sounds like a weirdo and so does the previous commenter.

Anonymous said...

Meg, I was sitting at my desk tearing up because I'm getting laid off and I have NO FREAKING CLUE what to do with my life. Then you reminded me about TDR Thanksgiving and suddenly my life sucks substantially less. Thank you.

Helena said...

OMG BROCCOLI GIRL. I can't believe in all the random people we remembered yesterday we forgot her.


Lolo said...

This post made my life. To be honest, TDR disgusted me. I'm pretty sure i had the Moose Tracks ice cream and a biscuit for dinner 5/7 nights.

Also remember the V-room? The one that they decorated w/ all of those Georgia O'Keefe pictures!?

ALSO one time my frosh year me, a girl i didn't really like but somehow wound up with because i was drunk and lost my friends and my phone, and 2 strangers who three years later wound up living downstairs from me at the Albemarle broke into TDR via elevator (it took 3 separate elevators, but finally we got to one that let us out in the kitchen) and stole a loaf of bread and a bunch of bananas. Ohhh college...

Big Red Stalker said...

megggg i love you! i am currently a sophomore at Denison university, and our campus was designed by olmstead too! andd we just had our thanksgiving dinner on tuesday, and it was honest to god the best food they serve all year.
this comment doesnt really have a point, but i love you and the blog.

Unknown said...

Seriously. My first thought was, "That dude should BE so lucky a girl asked to go to his room!"

Liz said...

My friend linked me to this and I'm freaking out because:

1) this is hilarious
2) I was obsessed with Prof Hayes. OBSESSED. That voice! The hair sweep! My roommate and I called him Hazy Dayes. We'd walk by him on campus and proceed to freak out like a pathetic pair of Beliebers.

Anonymous said...

I need to send this to my work study. He asked me the other day "who likes TDR?" and I know when I said I do, his immediate thought was "yeah, but you're a fatty, no one else does," cos he's a little prick. C'MON, PEOPLE LOVE TDR.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! Meg, I would swipe you into TDR and let you wander around Letts any day. :D

Sarah said...

Asher Rothw

The Real Post Grad said...

This sounds a lot like what we have been going through as post grads. We've been very nostalgic lately.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

My roommate and I called him Hazy Dayes.
That really struck a chord with me.

Guess what's in my coat pocket, you guy? TDR MINTS!!!!

Deanna said...

Oh my GOD. This was amazing. TDR was the tits, yes, but I also had Prof. Hayes for a Comm class and he was the nicest guy. He once let me turn in a paper late because I missed class and told him my roommate's boyfriend turned my alarm clock off. He was the man.

Also, I'm going to make my husband read it because the beginnings of our relationship were based on me using the remainder of my meal plan to feed his broke grad student ass at TDR.

Anonymous said...

really loved this post. i lived on hughes 3 back in the day (virgin vault anyone?) and had a similar experience trying to go check out my old room. gotta love the awkwardness that comes with a lot of AU kids.

Anonymous said...

When my sister was moving into the dorm I went in my old room and sniffed a lot and got so overwhelmed I had to lay on the floor. And I kept shouting things like "that is where my phone was, A LAND LINE" and also said things like "Don't worry I lived here four years ago" like that was an okay reason to be laying on the floor smelling things and getting over emotional.

Blake said...

Was Trenita still working there?

Maeve said...

I don't know what to say other than thank you. This post was amazing.

milquetoastsab said...

Amazing post. It brought all sorts of second floor memories back that I have not thought about in years.

The one that came back to me most recently was when I made a giant sign out of butcher paper that said "ALOHA!" on it. The O had a smiley face inside of it. I managed to squeeze myself out of the window onto the roof of the connecting conference room between Leonard Hall and Hughes, and put the sign on the window directly across from Hughes. It has its curtains drawn.

Back in those days, when Facebook was first around, people were pretty open about their profiles, so it was easy to look up "Leonard Hall Room 312", find the person's AIM screen name, and IM them with a weird anonymous screen name to tell them to "open their curtains."

As creepy as this all sounds, it was. But it was also pretty funny. Unfortunately, what I had not counted on was that Leonard hall's third floor was having a luau party, and the girls in this room were wearing coconut bras.

So that's how I ended up locked in my room with the lights off as security guards examined the window I shimmied out of, praying that my friends who witnessed me do this would not sell me out. In the end, what saved me was the security guards concluded no one could have fit through the window on our floor because of the suicide bar in place.

Anyway, thanks for bringing back memories. Also, it's worth noting that I used to think that SENIORS who hung around our dorm were creepy, much less 26-year-olds.

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