2.22.2010

And with that, Meghan McBlogger had fallen in love

You know what I appreciate about Ex-Co-Blogger Eddie? She's always had this oddly specific vision in her head of what the perfect guy for me would be like and is always on the look out for him. I just really appreciate that fact. Because if you asked me to describe the man of my dreams, I'd probably mull it over for a solid three minutes before concluding, "Um.............he should have...legs?" which is infinitely less helpful than Eddie's vision. And Eddie's vision really is oddly specific. Every time I tell Eddie about some new dude I've been crushing on, she'll stop me and be like, "No, no, no Meg. I see you more with a guy who wears jeans that are slightly too big for him but in an adorable little boy kind of way who will probably get drunk and sing 'Brown Eyed Girl' to you at your wedding and he'll mess up the LA LA LA LA TEE-DA's but it'll be really endearing and he's the kind of guy who's lazy and never wants to get out of bed and you guys will have matching Gopher Grabbers but it's okay because you still get shit done and you take lots of naps together and you'll have hip funny kids named Henry and Maybelle who go to Montessori school and watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 when they're home from school sick." And shit! That sounds pretty awesome to me. Thus, you can imagine how excited I was a few weeks ago when Eddie feverishly gchatted me to tell me that she had finally found the man of my dreams. She was so excited all of her messages were rapid-fire, one-word-at-a-time thoughts because sentences are too hard to construct when it involves matters of the heart. Allow me to share:

Eddie: meg
i was watching anthony bordain
and his special effects guy MIGHT be your soul mate

me: please shut up and tell me everything

Eddie: this guy is like
funny
cute
in that
scruffy

glasses
way
he puts on a motion suit for no reason
and makes jokes about eartha kitt
Eddie: and then at some point goes
"we have bloopers too oh no my hand fell off"
and there's this horrid graphic
of like a cartoon hand falling off with blood giving him a stump shows up
he also got in trouble for giving stick figures to show 'evolution" a penis
and the network wouldn't air it
and he goes
"we've seen the tribes
they wear nothing
I figured i was doing historical justice but it made the network brown their shorts"
THE PHRASE
BROWN THEIR SHORTS"
HE LICKS A BATTERY MEG
SOUL MATE
you
are made
for this man

you two
would crack each other up
be artsy
you also know he is the type that would be like
MY GIRLFRIEND IS A BLOGGER
iI'M AWESOME
we will find a way

i think it must happen
fer reals
i felt magic
when i saw him meg

Now, you could have stopped her at "motion suit" and "jokes about Ertha Kitt" and I would have been sold right then and there. The fact that he licked a battery, made the network "brown their shorts" and apparently wouldn't be embarrassed of my blogging only makes me that much more interested. So I watched the clip. And holy. Crap. He is the man of my dreams. (Skip to 8 minutes in, then watch part 2.)




By the time I had watched both clips (repeatedly) (with wide eyes) (heart a-fluttering) (girlishly giggling) (on a fainting couch) Eddie had already found his name, his Twitter account, his Facebook and 9,000 other creepy fun facts about him. Meet Adam Lupsha!

Eddie: HE WEARS HATS
http://www.travelchannel.com/static_files/tc/imgs/show/bourdain/Season5A/photojournals/manhattan/bourdain_ss_nyc_0577.jpg
dude the internet
is lovely
found his twitter
http://twitter.com/adamlupsha
I'M SO CREEPY AT THIS
he doesnt really tweet
but his like 5 are gems
he also makes weird funny or die movies with friends
his blog for the show http://no-reservations-crew-blog.travelchannel.com/read/the-grill-of-my-dreams
OK I'M ENDING THIS
B/C I'M CREEPY
he grew up in hawaii
HAWAII
omg
your in laws would live in paradise

me: HAHAHAHAHA
Eddie: HE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL IN PARADISE AND WAS A MINORITY WHITE KID
He was a minority in paradise
me: can we please make a band called "minority in paradise"?
Eddie: he is your soulmate
me: i feel like throughout our entire friendship, you've always know exactly what type of guy i'm going to end up
like you've always had this vision
Eddie: look
the kind of guy you need is you with more motivation
sorry if that was harsh
but you need you
with a better desire to stick it out with the man so you can do things like blog in your pjs
a guy that makes jokes about trust falls
and is a tad nerdy
but in a "it makes him a funny love able guy" way
the type of guy that can hold his own
and this kid? this kid is you.

From your mouth to God's ears, Eddie. From your mouth, to God's ears.

Now, if you've been keeping score at home, so far Mr. Lupsha has the following going for him:
+ Embodiment of Eddie's oddly specific fantasies
+ Scruffy
+ Glasses
+ Motion suit
+ Ertha Kitt jokes
+ Licks battery
+ Abstract salad metaphor
+ Rachel Ray joke
+ Has a Mr. T bobble head doll (True or false: my computer's name is Mr. T?.......True.)
+ Created the Over-Anatomically Correct Caveman

BUT GET THIS! It gets even better. He's a "fan" of three things on Facebook and one of them is a bar in Brooklyn called Bar Reis. BAR REIS WAS OUR CHEERS WHEN CO-BLOGGER CHRIS AND I LIVED IN BROOKLYN! It was our default, "What do you wanna do tonight?" "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" "Meh, I don't know." "........Bar Reis?" "Bar Reis," bar. I mean, is that fate or what?!?!?!!? Lord knows I've still got my white dress from high school graduation. I say we slather that thing up in some Crisco, squeeze me in, zip up, pop on down to city hall and make this thing legal. Right? RIGHT?!?!!

God. I just wish it were socially acceptable to send someone an email saying: "Hi. You don't know me and I don't know you but my best friend from college saw you on No Reservations, shamelessly stalked you down on the internet and all evidence points to you being my soul mate. And by evidence I mean you licked a battery and seem to have a sense of humor. (My standards are uniquely low, yet completely unattainable at the same time.) I'm going to go ahead and ask you to just trust me when I say I'm a moderately attractive 24 year-old writer and graphic designer from Washington, DC who is available to marry you whenevs whenevs. The sooner the better. KBAI!!!!"

But that's not acceptable...or is it?


God damnit, I'm creepy.

68 comments:

Elliot said...

The "i made love to cheese fries" tag puts this one over the top

Kara said...

Do it. I mean, why not?

Juan Don said...

I agree with Kara. Do it.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Cheese fries were my first love. You know this.

TinyDancer said...

He seems like such a fun fella! You catch that beautiful butterfly, Meg. I'm thinking he won't mind the stalking. Perhaps dont bring it up until date 2 or 3...

Meredith Travels said...

Think maybe he reads your blog and is secretly in love with you and this is finally the moment when he realized that you are meant to be? And he's going to do some sort of nerdy happy dance when reading this post?

Totally going to happen.

Macncheese Lunch said...

Seriously, you should follow him on twitter, his curiosity will be peaked, he'll google the blog, read the post, then you won't actually have to ask him but you will still be in love and married by next week :)

karly said...

DO IT.

Anonymous said...

OMG DO IT!!!!!!!

Ushma said...

You say creepy...I say AMAZING.

Emily S said...

One of my friends just gchatted me for the soul purpose of telling me that Russell the homophobic co-worker quit.

Great day!

Wendy said...

There is something borderline Rainn Wilson about this fellow... and I LOVE IT.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Seriously, you should follow him on twitter, his curiosity will be peaked, he'll google the blog, read the post, then you won't actually have to ask him but you will still be in love and married by next week :)

I thought about that but then decided it would be even creepier and thus didn't follow him on Twitter. I don't know. And it doesn't help he can now read my entire thought process via this comment. That I'm still going to leave.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

One of my friends just gchatted me for the soul purpose of telling me that Russell the homophobic co-worker quit.

He did! I'll give you guys the details tomorrow.

Lynn said...

Do it. Do something. Nothing to lose, I mean after the ex hook-up at the hospital thing, does it get any worse? No. Pretty sure not. He can only be flattered.

Just start following him on Twitter.

Anonymous said...

send it! Do it for us!!

Anonymous said...

Think of it this way: how would you feel if he contacted you with a "this might be creepy but I think we're meant to be" message? If the answer is positive, and he really is your soulmate, then chances are he will be delighted. Or get a restraining order. Either way...

Susan said...

so this guy's mind is going to be BLOWN when he gets 80 new twitter followers this afternoon.

DO IT.

Em said...

First time commenter so I'll get the obligatory "I love your writing" etc. etc. out of the way. So: I love your writing!

Now, here's my idea. Currently, if one googles "Adam Lupsha" your blog shows up on page two of the google results. If all of your readers google him and click on the link to your blog, I have faith that we can get you up to page one in no time. And then, when he inevitably googles himself (because, duh, who doesn't), then -- EUREKA! -- Love Connection!

Sarah P said...

"God. I just wish it were socially acceptable to send someone an email saying: 'Hi. You don't know me and I don't know you but my best friend from college saw you on No Reservations, shamelessly stalked you down on the internet and all evidence points to you being my soul mate....'"

And that is why you have loyal blog readers to do this sort of thing for you. Off to find Adam Lupsha.

Sarah P said...

ABORT! ABORT!

Pretty sure Lupsha has a girlfriend serious enough to give him a blog nickname.

Do you or do you not want details?

Anonymous said...

DO IT. Please. PLEASE!

Wiggs (The Beholder) said...

Oh, my god, I'm in love. For you. Um...yeah...I guess that makes sense.

He's dreamy, Meg! I'll dedicate my book to him if he finds you.

Anonymous said...

Sarah p you need to explain that immediately.

Anonymous said...

http://www.nipperknits.com/

thats his gf's blog - stalk his twitter.

Kori said...

Another sign: He works for Anthony Bourdain! My boyfriend and I met because of Anthony Bourdain and we've been going strong for more than 2 years! True story!

Bourdain = LOVE

Anonymous said...

God, his girlfriend's knit creations are no match for Meg McBlogger. Go for it anyway. The "Young Man" will surely realize that the two of you are soul mates and he will leave her in an instant.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Pretty sure Lupsha has a girlfriend serious enough to give him a blog nickname.

Do you or do you not want details?


Well fuck me.

Sarah P said...

The jelly of the month club and jelly tastings with her friends put me over the edge.

I really think this requires an intervention. No way she is any fun at all.

Leigh said...

Blogging > Knitting. It's in the bag!

Sam said...

Hi, I love love love your blog. You should try to get a publisher and quit your shitty job!!!

Wiggs (The Beholder) said...

Welll.....maybe he has friends who are equally as awesome? He's got to. Cool guys travel in packs.

Anonymous said...

So what if he has a girlfriend, you have a little home-wrecker in you some where don't you!?

Jules said...

Ugh. Her blog is so... pink.

LifeIsThisIt said...

Not creepy - endearing and something you can tell your grandkids.

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Anonymous said...

the gf's blog sucks. either that means you could totally take that, or its not worth it if he's dating her.

Elliot said...

Reading the comments on this post has truly been a roller coaster of emotions.

Anonymous said...

A little further gf-blog stalking suggests they haven't been dating that long so it doesn't seem like their relationship is too serious yet. Ergo, it's not too late! He needs to know his soul mate is right here, not in Brooklyn knitting shit.

Claire said...

I flipping love that everyone here is already hating on the gf for Meg's sake. Man we are such a TEAM!

sarah said...

do it. do it. do it. do it.

he seems like the kinda guy to totally be into being stalked, anyway.

Anonymous said...

what the . . . the girl likes jam. and knits . . . and cheats on her dog.

Anonymous said...

k first off - meg do you realize you have like an army of followers ready to cut this beeotch and all you need to do is say the word?

second - whoever said that gf and him havent been together for long is wrong - more stalking on her blog reveals he was in the picture from back in march 2009 - http://www.nipperknits.com/archives/week_2009_03_08.html

anywho, its gf, not like he's put a ring on it. and meggles if you're too nice to be a homewrecker, i volunteer my experience of wrecking 4 homes at your service.

Anonymous said...

Meggles Lupsha

just sayin

Lauren Ashley said...

You won't do it.

I dare you.

Keck said...

so..uh...I hope she doesn't have one of those things that tracks where her blog hits come from. Shit's either gonna get real weird real fast...or sort of awesome.

Lisa said...

Do it! What exactly do you have to lose? If you're thinking "self respect", then I'm just going to remind you of all the times you've mentioned explosive diarrhea in the last two months. mmmk?

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

So what if he has a girlfriend, you have a little home-wrecker in you some where don't you!?
Home wrecking sounds time consuming. It was my turn to cook dinner and host book club this month. I can only handle one taxing task a day.

second - whoever said that gf and him havent been together for long is wrong - more stalking on her blog reveals he was in the picture from back in march 2009 - http://www.nipperknits.com/archives/week_2009_03_08.html
Well fuck me all over again.

Do it! What exactly do you have to lose? If you're thinking "self respect", then I'm just going to remind you of all the times you've mentioned explosive diarrhea in the last two months. mmmk?
This blog is a giant advertisement to not have sex with me.

Anonymous said...

Katie Holmes wrote in her tween journal that she was going to marry Tom Cruise some day. Just sayin. Let Katie inspire you and go for it!

dontgetsentimental said...

Hi Meg,
So I'm not saying I found your screensaver... but I'm not NOT saying that either.

I like to peruse thisiswhyyourefat.com because I like personal torture and clicked through to this:

http://blog.safetyfist.com/2009/08/true-deliciousness-bacon-chicken.html

DONE and DONE. You're welcome.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jen toppe said...

i think em's google idea is brilliant. if nothing else, you'll become bffs. cause who doens't like an internet stalker?

Anonymous said...

Isn't it funny how the world works? Someone gets an idea...tells you...you happen to have a psuedo famous blog and now some girl is wondering why her knitting blog that she abandoned in 2009 has so many hits? Slash she googles her boyfriend one day and gets a huge dose of haterade. Life is rough.

terri said...

it knits pickles. enough said.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Isn't it funny how the world works? Someone gets an idea...tells you...you happen to have a psuedo famous blog and now some girl is wondering why her knitting blog that she abandoned in 2009 has so many hits? Slash she googles her boyfriend one day and gets a huge dose of haterade. Life is rough.
HAH! They're just trying to make me feel better about my creepy internet stalking. Bless their hearts. I apologize for the haterade. I'm just jealous. <3

Brittany said...

It's official.

I have added Adam Lupsha as a friend on facebook.

Meg, this is going to happen.

William said...

TIME on twitter is accepting votes for the top 25 blogs of the year.

Send your vote for 2b1b to @TIME.

I mean we've done it once, why not do it again.

Clare said...

Do it! I double dog dare you!

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kerry a. said...

1. she has gray hair. not that that isn't a great look for some people...

2. she consistently refers to him as "young man." "watching tv with my young man" "out with the young man" (CREEPY)

so, if he has a major thing for my 67 year old kindergarten teacher, mrs. haring (god bless) then you might not be the best candidate. she'd have you beat in that case. if not, you're good.

Sarah said...

If he's into Googling himself (and who isn't?) 2Birds1Blog comes up on the very first page of search results. 'Tis only a matter of time til you guys are clinking Jager glasses and toasting the weird way you met.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

TIME on twitter is accepting votes for the top 25 blogs of the year.

Send your vote for 2b1b to @TIME.

I mean we've done it once, why not do it again.


I LOVE WILLIAM!!!!

Shelagh said...

I spent the majority of this blog post thinking that "he licks a battery" was some cool new saying (such as "seanvote") and then realized it was a literal reference. Either way he sounds like a dreamboat.

Anonymous said...

Howdy, this is Adam. Very flattered by your post. While I'm not available, and in love with a keeper, I would have totally done something creepy like this back in my single days. Kudos for the balls. The creepy, creepy balls. You have a good blog here and it's cool to see so many loyal followers. My boundless celebrity is humbled. Thanks for apologizing for the shit talking, chapped twats that gave my little lady a hard time. We were enjoying reading your post this morning until we got to a couple of careless insults issued by what seemed to be a couple of multi-cat owning, kathy comic reading, bons bons in the tub-style withered slits. I felt bad for the frowning, sweet little girl next to me who has committed herself to my freewheeling, playboy, 5th tier cable appearances. And again, thanks for watching. That was the first part I ever got to write for myself and the boss man ended up liking it. You're fans are welcome to gimme all the grief you want, I'm the one that put the leotard on, my GF just helped me squeeze in. Glad you had a chance to enjoy Reis. He's the one that told me about this post. Good luck with the man hunt. There's a factory in Montana that makes incredible bloated dwarf guys like me in a mold.

Kathleen Hoppe said...

I am searching for a way to get in touch with Adam Lupsha, son of Linda & Greg, and ring bearer in my wedding. I have come across some delightful video of both Adam and his brother, Jonathan. We've not been in touch since their family moved to Hawaii. Without Adam, I never could have schooled my 8 kids properly in the ways of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Adam, if you read this, seek me out at kathleensworld.com

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