2.24.2010

The Winter Olympics are Ruining My Life

I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a huge Olympics fan. I don't mean the wear-red-white-and-blue-facepaint-for-two-weeks-chanting-USA-insulting-other-nations fan (me? not insulting minorities? who knew, right?). I just mean the watch-each-and-every-broadcasted-minute-of-Olympics-coverage-and-have-strong-feelings-towards-Bob-Costas type of fan. Which is strange, because I'm not exactly what you would call an avid sports fan. If there's a game on a television in my periphery, chances are I'll watch it, but I would never schedule time to sit down and watch a football game. With the Olympics, however, all bets are off and you can find me in front of a TV watching any number of NBC and its affiliates. I'd like to say this has something to do with the world unity the Olympics represents or something equally cheesy and Coke commercial-esque, but I don't think that's it. The Olympics is just so impressive to me because it's each nation's best athletes competing against each other to be named the world's best at whatever sport they specialize in. And I have a secret infatuation with watching people's hopes and dreams come true. At least, this is what I imagine happens whenever someone wins a medal.

But I'm going to be honest, I was a straight up hater of the Winter Games for a long time. The Summer Games ended back in '08 and I immediately was thinking about 2012, because who gives a rat's ass about the Winter Olympics? Why? Because let's face facts, the Summer Olympics just oozes sex appeal. Sure all Olympians have to be in top physical form to compete, but in the Summer Olympics I, the spectator, can judge that with my own two eyes. There's nothing overtly sexual about watching women's volleyball or men's gymnastics or Greco-Roman wrestling (lies, Greco-Roman wrestling is a Cinemax subscription away from softcore gay porn), but when Misty May and Kerri Walsh bumped, set, and spiked their way to gold....Can someone out there honestly tell me they weren't even slightly turned on? Google image Jonathan Horton (gymnast) and tell me he's not adorable slash could probably punch a hole through a steel door.

Now think about the Winter Olympics. What comes to mind? Probably curling, because everytime I've brought up this argument to anyone they say "The Winter Olympics is so boring. I mean, curling? Really?" But after you think of curling, there's probably a whole lot of lycra in your mental images right now. And not sexy Lycra. Weather-proofing Lycra. I'm told Bode Miller is a decent looking fellow, but how would I know that when he's wearing head-to-toe insulation? Besides, would you even care? I know that with all that snow on the ground, the first thing that comes to mind is shrinkage. Not sexy.

I will say, however, that over the course of the past 12 days, I have 100% changed my mind. The Winter Olympics are pretty durned great. After the miserable Opening Ceremony two Fridays ago (really? Irish-step dancing fiddlers? Really Canada? Sarah McLaughlin? This is what you're bringing to the table?) I was ready to throw in the towel and pat myself on the back for properly hating the Winter Games from the get go. But what turned it around for me? Believe it or not, it was curling.

I cannot tell you how much curling I've watched the past couple days. It's almost embarrassing. But the funny thing is that when I say "Oh god, I've been watching SO MUCH curling," the person I'm addressing has inevitably said "OMG ME TOO!" In a very scientific poll I just conducted, 4 out of 5 people polled have said they've become a "fan" of curling. I use the term fan loosely because it's hard to become a fan of something you're going to watch for a week and then not again for 4 years.

You are probably all expecting me to say, "And you know what else I love....ICE DANCING! ~*~Johnny Weir~*~" because I'm nothing but a walking stereotype. But quite frankly, after the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding debacle of '94, I just haven't been able to appreciate ice dancing/figure skating as much. It lacks an element of danger. Not like the skeleton. I cannot watch the skeleton because the thought of shooting down a tube of ice at 90 mph headfirst makes me want to throw up, binge eat out of nervousness, then throw up again. I was having a conversation with someone re: the difference between luge and bobsled, and then someone brought up skeleton saying "I like that one where they go headfirst." I proceeded to ridicule this person because I was convinced that was far too dangerous to be a sport. Looks like I'm the idiot (Anonymous commenter, I guess you have a point).

In short, these Winter Games have changed my mind drastically. However, I'm still 100% in the Summer Games camp. Do I have a countdown to the 2012 games? Maybe. Is it the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning? Perhaps. Is it because I have a vivid fantasy involved me, Ryan Lochte, some Greco-Roman wrestlers and a bottle of Crisco? .....ANYWAY, I'm excited to see the Closing Ceremony this Sunday, because the Olympics has been sucking up so much of my life these past two weeks. Not to mention the fact that I've had some serious Liz Lemon withdrawal. In the meantime, there's still five more days of competition...four of which involve curling. You know where I'll be.

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've been obsessed with curling, I watched it pretty much all weekend. Also, has anyone else noticed curling fans have the best hats?

Rosalyn said...

Curling has likewise become my life ... and will subsequently stop at the end of the week - although, I will admit I did seriously look into going to the free 'learn how to curl' event in DC this weekend. Before being lazy and watching curling on teevee instead. Commentator saying "the ice is fudgy in the middle" > playing shuffleboard on ice.

Plus, come on, the Danish chick cried.

Margo said...

I have often thought the winter games need more nudity. But not from the Danish women's curling team. Those chicks should strap on a parka or 5. (shudders)

LP said...

I have become completely obsessed with curling. Such drama! Well, when the game is close. Otherwise, it's like any other sport...snoozefest.

Also, the Danish skip has nude pics, if that helps your sex appeal. Just sayin'...

William said...

Friday night drinking game at the bar involved shots for each USA point...they won 6-4 in "overtime" so needless to say the jagerbombs were flowing

Leigh said...

Why do I know what a Hog Line is, and that there's only 30-40 more years worth of granite to make the best curling stones? Why, why, WHY???

MorganRourke said...

Not only have I learned to love the Games this year, but it has made me a wimp. I cry during: every heart tugging personal story, when the gold medal winner cries, and every single time that P&G moms ad comes on. I had to drink my feelings after Lindsey Jacobellis crashed.

I have given up my social life for the Winter Games, and I am not ashamed.

Leigh said...

OMG, I cried like a little bitch at figure skating - the Canadian girl who just lost her mom like 2 days ago had me and Scott Hamilton boo hooing like little girls.

Semi-Anonymous Soapbox said...

First time I have EVER disagreed with a 2b1b blog. A little piece of my soul just died, Chris. It just DIED. Curling is an over-sized bar game, which would make it kick ass if tequila were being pounded before each shot. Unfortunately, it is not. Ergo as much as I LOVE the Olympics AND 2b1b, I cannot stand behind this blog post.

I still love you, Chris. You still own the 50% of my heart which is unoccupied by Meg, but I might just cry myself to sleep as a result of this post.

Anonymous said...

You realize it all boils down to the fact that everyone's bored out of their skulls this month. We're all in the thick of work, rancid piles of leftover snow, no decent upcoming holidays. February can snowblow me.

maggie said...

i never understood why people loved the summer games more than the winter! i mean, yeah, there's the bared skin, the tanned and taught muscles, the gymnastics and volleyball, sunshine…but STILL! the winter games' luge and skeleton = hurtling down a tube of ice at almost 100mph, the figure skaters who either piss off the judges or wear controversial costumes. really?! winter olympics are awesome in my book

Andrea said...

I'm definitely a summer sports girl. I think its probably because I know enough about those sports to really notice the differences in what people are doing. Things like the luge and skeleton and bobsledding are cool to see about once, after that they all look the same. Either they do it right and look like everyone else, or they do it wrong and horrible things ensue.

Anonymous said...

Chris, in a few months (June 12th!) we have the World Cup...which means more to those people than the Olympics do. Meaning, it's the lifelong dream of these people and their nations to win the damn thing.

It consists of men in peak physical form trying to physically out run and out muscle one other and is nothing short of amazing. Big bonus? The uniforms aren't nearly as baggy as they were 10 years ago, and err on the side of form fitting. Some (African) countries even have uniforms entirely made of the sexy summer spandex you referenced.

And yes, it is not uncommon for players to take off their shirts at the conclusion of a match.

Ready, set, gooooo!

Kerri said...

i too have seen the light and have become a winter olympic lover! is it weird that i get so involved with the games that i feel as if i have personally gained when a fellow american wins a medal? probably.

ps - whats wrong with irish step dancing fiddlers? you basically described my well being! i'll let it slide this time.. it isn't for everyone

Nate said...

The link I'm about to post contains boobs, so don't look at it while you're at work. Unless your job involves looking at boobs regularly. In that case, can I have your job?

Anyway, THIS is why I think curling is awesome. I can't read whatever language the article is written in, but I'm pretty sure it's something about a hot women's curling Olympian. And that's all I need to know.

Am I allowed to post links that have boobs on here Meg? I'll delete it if not...

James said...

Chris - I chuckled a few times on this post. It wasn't LOL funny to me, cause I haven't gotten into the Olympics much, although I did have a strangely silent dinner out last night because the entire table was watching the Olympics broadcasts, so I can relate.

I did, however, burst out laughing at "Bob Costas is a sex daemon." Partly because you spelled it "daemon." That was totally a half-court shot at the buzzer to win the game. Awesome.

Nate!
Only Meg's boobs. Come on, son.

Anonymous said...

I love love love the Olympics. So much so my friends stopped inviting me to hang out over these 2 weeks because they know they will be immediately shot down....so if cross country skiing is on and and I DO go out...they will only hear about figure skating. Being a former figure skater I favor the winter games, but I have never been accepting of curling. SHUFFLE BOARD ON ICE. are you kidding me? i try to watch. i really do. but the whole "who can scrub the fastest" thing just does not hold my attention like watching a Swedish skier plummet 80 mph down a mountain on her ass.

Mollie said...

Have you seen doubles luge?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfE5fhfi25E

Gayest sport in the Olympics.

Anonymous said...

ryan lochte makes me cream uncontrollably

Hails said...

my friend and I have been texting each other over which country has the cutest curler.
So far, the hipster on the men's american team with the emo swoop, diamond earrings and tattoos is my favorite.
speaking of, it's time for some googling.

Hails said...

HOLY SHIT
so I just mentioned the "hipster" from the USA Men's Curling Team
copy and paste this
http://curling.teamusa.org/athletes/chris-plys
because HEMP NECKLACE
LOLZ FOR DAYS

Anonymous said...

Clearly you are not Canadian - stating that the opening ceremonies was boring. It was Canadian Patriotism - that was the point. All you had to see to bring you to tears was Betty Fox carrying the olympic flag. It moved every Canadian's heart. If you don't who that is google Terry Fox. We aren't flashy, we are homey and proud and that's what they reflected. and REALLY CURLING? REALLY? REALLY? SIGH

Ashley R said...

Curling is SOFUCKINGAWESOME! I've always liked it but this year I actually bothered to figure it out and understand the rules and the goal. It's just so much more epic now that I understand it!

And yeah...I'm trying to remember what TV and life were before these Olympics since they've sucked me in. So far, I'm not sure I remember anything before the malfunctioning opening ceremonies...

Angie said...

In two words I can sum up why Canada is just sad (in Nelson Muntz point and laugh kind of way) and how exactly the opening ceremonies depicted it as such.

Slam. Poet.

Anonymous said...

(really? Irish-step dancing fiddlers? Really Canada? Sarah McLaughlin? This is what you're bringing to the table?)

Listen, we tried to get Celine Dion, but she declined. (Not sure why... she was giving it away 5 days a week in Vegas).

And figure skating has the element of scandal! Our pair was robbed in 2002.

scrub and uggs said...

so when you say strong feelings for bob costas... i hope (REALLY REALLY hope) you mean negative feelings. riiiight?

Anonymous said...

OMG I have this massive vendetta against curling. I will destroy it. I will single-handedly crush it I hate it that much. Why? Because there are people in these winter olympics that are literally risking their lives (ONE GUY EVEN DIED) for their gold medals and then old guys can push a rock down ice and win a medal and have it mean just as much.

I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE OR I'M GOING TO PUNCH A WALL. DIE CURLERS, JUST SLIP OVER ON YOUR ICE AND DIE

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Bailey @ peppermintbliss said...

I thought it was just the amount of wine I have consumed while watching the Olympics that have made it so entertaining, but I am glad to see I am in good company. Whodda thunk that the glitz and glam of Johnny Weir (aka THE CHILD CATCHER FROM CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG...am I right??) could be eclipsed by curling...

Anna said...

http://graphjam.com/2010/02/24/funny-graphs-popularity-curling/

Nicole said...

Thanks Mollie for the luge video. I was wondering why Chris didn't mention the double luge, also.

Anonymous said...

I quite liked the opening ceremonies. And yeah, Betty Fox totally made me cry, because that was just awesome.

Anonymous said...

The US curling "hipster" is definitely a cutie, but if you look at the link Hails provided, some of his musical tastes negate his hotness for me...POS, Gretchen Wilson...really?!? On the other hand, I've never heard of the band 10 ft. Ganja Plant, but it partially redeems him in my mind.

pattypunker said...

i'm so with you here. less clothes and more bodies like michael phelps. and wathing Misty May and Kerri Walsh slap each other's ass was spellbinding and i'm not even bi.

but these brother and sister ice skating duos creep me the fuck out.

TinyDancer said...

Yeah but that Evan Lysacek is one tasty dish.

Tiffany said...

http://perezhilton.com/galleries/index.php?pgid=88601

Shirtless Olympians, you're welcome!

Anonymous said...

Meghan. say it ain't so! Your bosses discovered the blog? Well if they're reading this right now, YOU BLOW.

Britt said...

Ummmm could not agree more. Misty May is hot...especially when spiking.

Anonymous said...

Um Apolo Ono is HOT!!!

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