2.19.2010

A sobering Drinking Game Friday

Today I've got some good news and I've got bad news. Which would you like first? Bad news? Bad news first so we can end the week on a high note? Mmm hmm. Yep. I like the way you think. Let's do it.

Bad news: I'm pregnant.

Bahahahaha. Just kidding slash I
wish. Maternity leave sounds awesome right about now.

The bad news is that I legally died of embarrassment last night. Yep. I'm dead. Dead as disco. And I will spend the rest of eternity haunting this blog and Co-Blogger Chris in a
Ghost Dad style plot line. (PS: I like how I just chose not to haunt Chris in an erotic Ghost kind of way, but rather in a kooky, Bill Cosby-at-the-door-with-pudding kind of way. And you're welcome, Chris.)

Remember that whole my-ex-hook-up-was-my-nurse-when-I-had-explosive-infectious-diarrhea-in-the-hospital thing that was so traumatizing it gave me emotional hepatitis? You know, that old chestnut? No? Well get yourself acquainted here. Are we all on the same page now? We all up-to-date on bowel movements? "Good." So Ex-Hook-Up Nurse sent me a message on Facebook yesterday afternoon basically being like, "MEGGLES! Sort of a random way to see you a few weeks ago. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It's illegal. Blah blah blah. It was good to see you. We should hang out soon. Yada yada yada." First of all:
fuck. That message made me relive the entire experience all over again and guhhhhhhhhhhh...it burned. After I finished reading, I literally just writhed around my office chair, scratching my face and audibly moaning for a solid three minutes straight. It was horrible. Because writing about that experience here on the blog was my way to exorcise the embarrassment, let go and move on. And I had successfully done so!...Until that message, that is. I decided the best way to move on (again) would be to pick myself up, put the pants I had just writhed out of back on, embrace the embarrassment and laugh it off. Because that's what I do best, right?

So, I wrote back:

"Ugh, of course when I see you again after all this time I'm in the hospital for fucking explosive diarrhea and look like shit warmed over. Jesus Christ....I was 16 distinct different kinds of embarrassed. But! Yes, I agree we should be friends again. Any time you want to hang when I've actually showered and aren't in the hospital dying, that would be cool. - M"


"Kudos to me!" I thought as I pat myself on the back for confronting the situation head on. Now we could both have a good laugh about it and move on with our lives. All was well in the world.

...Until a few hours later when I got this message back:

"Actually I had no idea what you were there for. I didnt look."


.................GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY?! WHY DID I HAVE TO "EMBRACE THE EMBARRASSMENT"?! AND WHY DIDN'T THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH LOOK AT MY CHART?! I would have! But then again, I'm a piece of shit. Ugh. So I unnecessarily told him that I had infectious diarrhea. I guess that's what I get for underestimating people. So fuck me. But not really because I was hospitalized with
diarrhea and who wants to fuck that girl? Not me. And I am her.

But! I have good news. The good news is that today is Friday, which means it's time for the most magical part of any week—T.G.I. Hagman!



As of 12:09pm on January 19, 2010, Larry Hagman is...alive! AND GOOD! Good. More Hagman for me and you!

Now normally this is where I'd give you your Friday drinking game, but in honor of Alex and I recently starting our month off from drinking, there will be no drinking game this week. Yep, that's right. An entire month with no alcohol...And I have no idea what we're thinking either. Well, I do actually. Both of our doctors explicitly told us we need to cut back on drinking and Becky and Andrew are always taking a detox month here and there and they seem to have their shit together. Plus Becca and her fiance did it in January! I mean, I feel like it might be good to give the old liver a break once in a while...right? Especially since Alex and I wake up 3/7 mornings like this:



God I'm going to miss that homeless woman...

So, I guess your drinking game this weekend is to just slam a few extra back for me and Alex. Pour one out for your fallen homies, if you will. Thanks. We appreciate it. And we appreciate you reading the blog! But if you
really want to see us appreciative, you should totally follow us on Twitter, join our Facebook page and forward us to a friend or two! Man that would be nice. I mean, I don't get anything out of it, but you would. KARMA. Sexy, sexy karma. Welp! I'm gonna go join a prayer circle or something equally sobering. Have yourself a fantastic weekend and we'll see you right back here Monday morning. (Awkward sober) kisses!

24 comments:

Grant said...

Doctors are always telling you to cut down on stuff. That doesn't mean you have to listen.

Anonymous said...

Meg-just needed to share this gchat convo with you. it was a double dog dare so clearly i had no choice. Love the blog!

me: Bad news: I'm pregnant.
Bahahahaha. Just kidding slash I wish. Maternity leave sounds awesome right about now.
Megan: katie!
me: its from 2birds! chill
UGH now its saying you didn't receive my chat.
I said its from 2birds so you can chill.
Megan: hahahahaha
me: gchat should not fail when i am making pregnant jokes
Megan: i havent read
me: i do kind of want to post this as a comment along with a 'we should be friends because i already have a friend named meg so i wouldn't have to work hard to remember a new name' comment
Megan: hahahahahaha
do it
i double dog dare you
me: well clearly i have to now

Sarah P said...

Soooo ... you're Lenting it up with the Catholics now, eh?

MARJORIE said...

i sent my son a link to yesterday's blog (2/18) and got this reply: "that was the perfect thing to cheer me up after an hour-later-than-usual closing of the restaurant that involved a large woman vomiting much sangria all the way down the hall to the bathroom...

OMG. this was my fave part:

Things I Routinely Scrub:
- Pots
- Pans
- Sinks
- My bathtub (if company is coming over...) (And apparently Helena ≠ company)
- Stains out of sweaters

Things I Do Not Routinely Scrub:
- MY GENITALS
- MY GENITALS
- MY GENITALS
- MY GENITALS
- MY GENITALS

She is just too much! Thanks for reminding me about her blog, lost some bookmarks in the transition to new computer."

karly said...

HAHAHHAHAH (awkward sober) kisses.
HAHAHHAHAHAH writhing.

Heather said...

So, dying to know: Meg, do you tell the people you date (or just do) about this blog? So, do you think nurse-boy read this post? *edge of seat*

Stephanie said...

duuuuuuuude. I've given up alcohol for Lent before. It sucks, I feel your pain. The next year I gave up soda, having wised up to the fact that giving up mixer would be better than giving up the straight stuff. (hello, bottles of wine.)

but you can do it! I promise, you really do stop thinking about making a drink eventually. Wow, I sound like a total alchy. YOU CAN DO IT, MEG!!! (& not to be a total downer, but my grandpa died of liver failure from a lifetime of "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" so if your doctor is recommending a cut-back at your tender age of 20 something, please do listen to him. For all of us out there who love you so anonymously but whole-heartedly.)

Odium said...

I work as a concierge in the west coast and I read your blog posts almost every day. I work in a high visibility area of the hotel and often find myself muffling my giggles but today? GOOD GOD you made me ROFLOL out here. I had to tell the guests who looked at me with raised eyebrows that I received a sweet e-mail from my dead grandmother.

James said...

I'm practicing Atheist Lent. I'm taking up an indulgent habit for 40 days.

andrea said...

so your blog is awesome. you should join twenty something bloggers (http://www.20sb.net/) to expand your reading base. because everyone should know about 2b1b ;)

p.s. i just drank a beer for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm drinking a beer for you RIGHT NOW and making all my friends toast to 2b1b :)

Jessica Ellis said...

This is one of your posts that makes me LOL and then sigh and say, "Oh, Meghan..."

Oh, and I also wanted to tell you that I read your post from yesterday aloud to my Grandmother. I did this because:
A) She is cool as shit and has a great sense of humor and nothing on Earth offends her, so occasionally, I try to offend her, just for s's and g's.
B) She's old and stuff, and remembers when that book came out, but never read it.

I have never seen her laugh so hard. She loves you now, too. You're welcome.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

i double dog dare you
me: well clearly i have to now

BAHA! And I'm glad you did!

Soooo ... you're Lenting it up with the Catholics now, eh?
I'm a godless detoxing wonder. Alex is the one going all the way to Easter. And he's Unitarian. Weird...

i sent my son a link to yesterday's blog (2/18) and got this reply: "that was the perfect thing to cheer me up after an hour-later-than-usual closing of the restaurant that involved a large woman vomiting much sangria all the way down the hall to the bathroom...
Awww! Poor Matthew!

So, dying to know: Meg, do you tell the people you date (or just do) about this blog? So, do you think nurse-boy read this post? *edge of seat*
HAHA, what's "dating"?? No, The Nurse does not know about the blog. I mean, he'll probs figure it out at some point, but really how much worse can I look at this point?

YOU CAN DO IT, MEG!!!
Thank you Stephanie!

I had to tell the guests who looked at me with raised eyebrows that I received a sweet e-mail from my dead grandmother.
My sweet, sweet grandson. (Or granddaughter. You have a gender ambiguous blogging name.)

so your blog is awesome. you should join twenty something bloggers (http://www.20sb.net/) to expand your reading base. because everyone should know about 2b1b ;)
Excellent tip, thank you!

I have never seen her laugh so hard. She loves you now, too. You're welcome.
I love your grandma too!

austin said...

This little stunt better be over on March 26th. You know what I'm talking about.

Anonymous said...

TGI HAGMAN!!! A-men. That is all.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

funniest blog I have ever read. I <3 it. I've spent most of my lazy Sunday getting caught up on your lives. Thank you so much for providing such entertainment!

Bailey @ peppermintbliss said...

Oh.My.God. First of all. NurseBoy is a dick. The only kind thing to do would be to FAKE that he knew. I mean surely as a member of the medical community he must know that one can literally die of embarrassment. He sounds like a sadist. I think you should report him to whatever committee monitors NurseBoys.

Anonymous said...

After reading you site, Your site is very useful for me .I bookmarked your site!
guide to buy shoes
buy cheap shoes
[url=http://www.guidetobuyshoes.com]buy shoes[/url]

Casey said...

In my opinion, the "giving up drinking" news is the bad news part of today's post... I mean, think about it, won't you be alienating your main sponsor, Jager?!?

But good luck and props to you! I don't think I'd be able to do it...?

Dr. Chunks said...

@ Anonymous 2/22/10 10:03am: Cheap shoes‽ I'll bite...

karl simpsons said...

12 month direct lenders is the source of quick cash for people with bad credit history and low credit rating.

1 year loans no credit check
loans for 12 months bad credit
12 month pay day loan
1000 pound same day loans

karl simpsons said...

Anybody can be ensnared in abatement of weekend loan lenders when it sudden happens to meet some excess expenses at the weekend. This is a tough time during holidays. For further information about loans please visit us:-
http://www.12monthloansdirectlendersuk.co.uk/weekend-payday-loans.html

Gege Dai said...


15.07.27fangyanting
true religion
fitflops sale
cheap oakley sunglasses
burberry outlet
tory burch handbags
gucci handbags
burberry handbags
michael kors purse
chanel outlet
louis vuitton sito ufficiale
ray-ban sunglasse
pandora charms
ralph lauren femme
longchamp pliage
cheap jordan shoes
gucci belt
pandora jewelry stores
gucci uk
prada shoes
ray bans
pandora jewelry sale
coach outlet store online
prada outlet
coach outlet
longchamp sale
michael kors outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
michael kors handbags
michael kors handbags
tory burch shoes
michael kors
michael kors
michael kors bags
ray ban sunglasses
true religion


 
Clicky Web Analytics