4.12.2010

I HAVE BIG NEWS!

I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at laughing at myself and all of the soul-rapingly embarrassing things that happen to me on a daily basis. Typically when I blog about something embarrassing, it's like I purge all of the bad energy associated with whatever happened and as other people find it funny, I find it funny too. It's a wonderful little win-win situation. That being said, there remains one event that is still not funny: Sorr about the bag.

"Sorr about the bag" happened Sophomore year of college in my Computer Literacy for Design class and is still unbelievably traumatizing to think about. Shortly after it happened, I documented it in my LiveJournal and last year I wrote about it again in the blog post An Annotated Anthology of Awkward. That means I've purged the negative energy twice, yet it's still too soon to find it funny. If only you could coke-douche emotions...

From An Annotated Anthology of Awkward:

  • I forgot to bring a jewel case for the CD that my design project is on. So what do I use to protect my CD? A ZIPLOCK BAG WITH LITTLE BITS OF CRUNCHED GOLDFISH CRACKERS AT THE BOTTOM I FOUND IN MY MESSENGER BAG FROM GOD ONLY KNOWS WHEN. Who the fuck does that? And then to compensate, I wrote "sorry about the bag" on it, but I forgot the "y" in the word sorry. So I had to draw a little carrot and a y, making myself look like an even bigger asshole. So now I'm that girl who came into class 20 minutes late the first day, who's computer is never connected to the server and who presented her first project in a ziplock bag with bits of goldfish crackers and "sorr about the bag" scrawled on it. I am so fucking awkward. [note: I damn near had a panic attack remembering this incident. The next time our class met, the professor (whom I had such a huge crush on) held up the bag in front of the entire class and delivered a five-minute lecture on how disrespectful I was and how designers who don't take pride in their deliverable should change their major. I have never felt so stupid in my entire life. I went back to my dorm room and cried my fucking eyes out. Oh my God.]
That's not funny. You know how when something really traumatic happens you can remember really oddly specific details from it? Well, not only can I remember exactly what I was wearing the day my professor berated me in front of the entire class, I remember what he was wearing and the girl next to me. And when I close my eyes, I can still see what was on the to-do list next to my computer because I remember staring at it while crying my face off thinking, "what's the use of doing any of that because I clearly don't have what it takes to be a graphic designer!" Oh my god. Seriously. To former graphic design adjunct professor Tobin Lehman: go eff yourself, you pompous little twit on a power trip. You have no idea how much you scarred me for life. Because, dude—a private note on my grade sheet would have sufficed; you didn't have to ream me out in front of the entire class. Stupid, sexy Flanders.

Unfortunately for me, my friends really, really like "sorr about the bag" and ever since blogging about it last January, not only does it get brought up (a lot) in every day conversation, it's actually become incorporated into daily vernacular as a way to say I'm sorry. And no one finds it more hilarious than Tulane Chris.

Whereas 97% of all text messages/emails/gchats/voicemails I receive from Ex-Co-Blogger Eddie are updates on Larry Hagman's health, 97% of all text messages/emails/gchats/voicemails I recieve from Tulane Chris are him saying "sorr about the bag" in various contexts. On one hand I'm glad I can bring so much joy and laughter into Tulane Chris' life, but on the other, I really hate this constant reminder of the most publicly embarrassing failure of my life.

From a typical gchat conversation with Chris:


Chris: I know it was really embarrassing for you
But sometimes I imagine "sorr about the bag"
And lol to myself
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
omg
that story causes me so much anxiety
Chris: I can hear you saying it
I with that was your catchphrase
4:40 PM me: Meg McBlogger: sorr about the bag since 1985
Chris: Meghan McBlogger, how do you plead?
"Sorr about the bag, your honor."
Chris: I was so tickled with that one I had to leave the room and collect myself.
It's so awk to like LAUGH at your own joke
4:45 PM me: let's get matching tattoos that say "sorr about the bag"
Chris: Meghan McBlogger, 1985 - 2060. Friend, Wife, Sorr about the bag.
Chris: Something old, something new, something borrowed, sorr about the bag
4:48 PM me: omg. i'm so tense right now. you're killing me.
and for the record, i'm still sorr about that bag
and i'll be sorr forever
4:51 PM Chris: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 24 years since my last confession. I am sorr about the bag.
me: you need to stop.
Chris: ON your deathbed:
Do you accept our Lord, Jesus Christ? Do you renounce the devil, and all his empty promises? Are you sorr about the bag?
Chris: Has the jury reached it's verdict? We have your honor. What say you? We the jury find the defendant, Meghan Catherine McBlogger sorr about the bag.
5:00 PM Chris: I, Meg McBlogger, being of sound mind, am sorr about the bag.

And using it as an everyday replacement for "I'm sorry":

Chris: I have a favor to ask. I need someone to sign for some papers I'm having sentWould you mind doing it and then just regular mailing them?
3:02 PM Like it just needs to be that someone got them
It's a bank thing
But no one I know is HOME IN THE DAY
3:05 PM If it's a hassle no big
I know it's annoying
3:06 PM Sorr about the bag

Cracking himself up. Again.

Chris: We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, ARE SORR ABOUT THE BAG
I want to do a "sorr about the bag" of that "oh my god shoes" thing
6:56 PM I'm snickering aloud in the computer lab


And finally, from a text message I received the day I got fired:
Photobucket

While I'm pretty sure Tulane Chris is extremely satisfied with himself and finds this all hilarious, it's still way too soon for me. Four years later.

Flashback to this past Friday. I got home from a long, hungover and generally rough day at work and all I wanted to do was put on my Jack Daniel's pajama pants, crawl into bed and make love to a sandwich while watching Dynasty. As I walked into my building, Henry at the front desk motioned me to stop and got something out of my mailbox. He handed me an envelope and I was baffled—it was an extremely urgent FedEx envelope with a return address of American Telegram in Las Vegas.

What? Who would send me a telegram? Truth be told, I didn't even think you could send telegrams anymore. Suddenly my heart dropped into my butt—was I finally being served by my ex-bosses? It looked so official, it had to be something to do with that. But don't I have to be there to be officially served? Isn't that what Pineapple Express taught me? WHAT THE FUCK COULD THIS BE?!?!?! Either way, it probably wasn't anything good. I got into my apartment and tore it open, all the while thinking, "like this day could get any worse."

And then I saw what it was:
Photobucket


That's right. Tulane Chris FedEx-ed me an urgent telegram stating, "SORR ABOUT THE BAG".

..............................................................I literally put the telegram down and—completely alone in my apartment—started a slow clap. This kind of dedication to an inside joke isn't stupid; it's art. And thus, today after work, I came home, framed it and hung it on the wall directly underneath my Dr. Dre stickers.
Photobucket

So with that, I announce my big news: On the ninth day of April, in the 2010th year of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ, "Sorr about the bag" officially became funny to me.

Thank you Tulane Chris. Thank you.

58 comments:

Ali said...

Meg, thank you for reminding me why I love this blog so much. I was laughing as soon as you mentioned the awful "Sorr about the bag" situation you faced, which I immediately recalled from An Annotated Anthology of Awkward (which is the first post I read on this blog, and admittedly still my favorite).

I was cracking up throughout the entire entry, but the picture of the telegram almost had me literally ROFL-ing.

I'm glad you find it funny now too. :)

Stephanie said...

Hahahahaha, a telegram, that's so so good. Congrats on making peace with sorr about the bag. It's a huge step.

pook555 said...

OMG I love the telegram - that was hilarious (and I didn't realize you could send telegrams anymore either - see I learned something new on your blog LOL)!!

Sarah P said...

Well done, Tulane Chris. Well done.
Telegram = style.

Michelle said...

I bow to you, Tulane Chris!

Anonymous said...

Is tulane chris straight? If yes, will he marry me?

Katie said...

HIlarious.

harshbanter said...

I really just thinks this proves what I have suspected since I started reading 2b1b: that Tulane Chris is a straight-up gentleman and a scholar. Holy hell, that is frickin' hilarious. I'm so excited he's going to be blogging more.

GovtMinion said...

A telegram! Why didn't I think of pranks via telegram before? Tulane-Chris is now declared to be a genius- double so to Meg for having the idea of framing it for all time!

Elisa said...

"Sorr about the bag" is one of those inside jokes that I am just DYING to be inside of (damn, that sounded awkward) on a regular basis. I want to integrate it into my friend group so badly you don't even know. Too bad that would be so damn creepy.

Congrats on finding the humor in your own failures... people force me to do that on a consistent basis. It's... humbling... or something.

Sabrina said...

Meg, you make me feel so much better about myself. It's comforting to know there's someone else out there who is just as awkward and weird and generally bonkers as I am. It gives me hope :)

toppe said...

remember when i had that weird obsession with miss schindler? even though i never had her for a teacher or spoke to her once in my life? all because she played guitar and sang and wrote and that made her my high school idol? and then we saw her outside of rock n roll and i screamed "MISS SCHINDLER!" and threw my hands in the air. then realized that i had in fact screamed it loud enough for her to hear. and i DIED. i'm pretty sure i was embarrassed about that for YEARS. i mean seriously, what must she have thought?!? i still feel awkward thinking about it. so, basically, i feel your pain.

and i want to meet tulane chris and shake his hand. roadtrip with him to charleston. and do a 2birds 1blog week from the road. DO IT!

Lauren said...

I just had to excuse myself from my office because I was laughing so much (which I often have to do anyways!) What an awesome blog post - thank you!!!!!

Hails said...

I think I have to step up my game with inside jokes. I'm still unemployed until next week and I have a FULL book of stamps.
Time to mail some letters.

Ashley said...

Mad props to Tulane Chris! Well done...well done!

Meg said...

I laughed so hard while reading this post, I had to cover my mouth and push my head against my keyboard so my coworkers wouldn't see me quaking with giggles. Meg, you're all that is good and holy about this world.

-From another (quite different) Meg. I always feel weird commenting in case people think I'm you or you're me or... something. But I'm (fairly) sure we're totally different people!

Anonymous said...

Can I be honest? I'm a grad student in the middle of seminar right now and instead of participating in a narrative theory debate I'm reading this blog.
And instead of showing respect to the blowhards in the room clinging to the ivory tower like a sinking lifeboat I'm snickering quietly in the back.
And rather than save this little gem for post-seminar LOLz I chose to soldier on and read it through, and THAT is when I burst out laughing and received the 8 most toxic glares of my life and quite possibly utter and disgusted hatred from my esteemed professor.

Worth it.

THIS. BLOG. WINS. AT LIFE. Please don't ever leave us, McBlogger.

Brittan said...

Tulane Chris has officially changed my life. Brittan's new favorite form of friend harassment: Telegrams. With a capital T because they are that awesome. I am legit googling "how to send a telegram" right now. Also, I hope you know that your female readers are going to be hardcore crushing on Tulane Chris now...

Elliot said...

This might actually be the funniest post in 2b1b history.

I'm changing my twitter username to SorrAboutTheBag

dontgetsentimental said...

First of all, if you go to Tobin's LinkedIn profile, he calls himself an:

"Independant Online Advertising Professional"

Last time I checked, "independent" doesn't have an "A" but then again WHAT DO I KNOW? Clearly he can't be too great at his work if he's illiterate on his on fucking resume.

Becky Mochaface said...

OMG I am so going to have to use the telegram to send jokes to my friends because that is fucking hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Wow. I DIED. Amazing.

I think telegrams may see an rise in popularity because of this.

Anonymous said...

Do you, Meg McBlogger, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; Are you sorr about the bag?

James said...

We hold this truth to be self-evident, that Meghan McBlogger is sorr about the bag.

Lia said...

Words do not express how amazing this story is. I usually read your blog in criminal procedure because it keeps me from taking notes and making noise on my recording. today however, there are definitely some snorts of laughter on the recording.

Anonymous said...

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Santa Chiara said...

I think the inevitable next phase for Tulane Chris should be song lyrics. I have some thoughts:

Bon Jovi-style: "Whooooaaaaa, we're halfway there/Whoooaaaaaa, we're sorr about the ba-ag . . ."

John Denver-style: "Country roads, take me home/To the place I belong/West Virginia, mountain mama/Take me home/Sorr about the bag."

Broadway-style: "And in this labyrinth inside my mind/The Phaaaaaaaaantom of the Opera is here/Sorr about the bag."

Also, this note is via Facebook from my friend Evan, on whose wall I just posted the link to this post: "My attempts to stifle laughter in the jury room have caused the middle-aged man doing a freaky jumbo square crossword to get up and move to a different seat."

Well-played on all counts.

tassie said...

Dude. I've been reading you for months, but I've never commented...

But, reading this, today? Had me in tears of laughter. Fricking perfect, and something my friends would do to me in a heartbeat.

Epic. And well played.

Rosalyn said...

Tulane Chris, I humbly bow to his prowess. Most definitely beats my usual harassment of sending a shipment of 25 priority mail flat rate boxes from the post office website to someone anonymously.

Anonymous said...

I am proud of you for accepting this inside joke! However... are you REALLY sorr about the bag?

Steph said...

hahaha good lord that man's god skill! never in my 23 years of existence have i ever even CONSIDERED sending a telegram! Tulane Chris, I applaud you. epic win

Vanessa said...

We welcome Tulane Chris with open arms after this, this post was AMAZING. Also, my co-reader friend and I have now made "sorr about the bag" our new way of apologizing to each other. For these additions to our lexicon, 2birds, your readers thank you.

mona said...

props, tulane chris, props.

I thought mythbusters last night changed my life in immeasurable ways but this blog post has totally changed the way I see the world and how I will go about inside-joking with my friends from now until I die.

Homemaker Man said...

Oh my goodness I laughed hard at this. Tulane Chris is hilarious. My wife and I are walking around saying Sorr about the bag to each other for no reason at all, really.

thelivlife said...

Tears again at work...from laughing! Thanks!

CER said...

..this entry absolutely had me in fits of giggles & I looked like a monkey at my desk. Man, it is painful to try and stifle such hearty laughter in a very quiet office. Meg, it really is SO funny and Chris -- well played.

Jennifer said...

Good God Meg. That is fantastic. I for one am not sorr for reading.

duchessbelle said...

That is just masterful from beginning to end.

Ally said...

Ha Ha...I went to high school with him and he dated one of my best friends. What a tool!

Sammi said...

PLEASE add this to fan favorites! It's my favorite entry of all time! I'm on Skype with my friend and I made her read that entry and she literally had an aneurism because she was laughing so hard!

We absolutely love you and the blog!!! :)

Anonymous said...

I just want you to know that "SORR ABOUT THE BAG" was posted on my facebook wall this morning and totally made up for the awful news I just received... who knew Anderson Cooper was ACTUALLY gay? There goes my life plan of moving to New York to be his mistress...

sumpterje said...

MEG. We don’t know each other, but after a few days of reflection on “sorr about the bag” I have to write. Let me just say, I am so NOT sorr about the bag. I’m glad you’ve come to appreciate how absolutely hilarious this story is, because it has already given me and my friends hours of enjoyment. Hours, Meg.

We're relatively recent followers of 2b1b (metro-pole-leaners was my first time reading) and I have to tell you: We. Just. Love. It. I would be lying if I said that reading 2b1b isn’t part of my to do list at work every single day.

I’m just sayin…In the past 24 hours “sorr about the bag” has been uttered in various contexts by a handful of chicks in the capital of the confederacy at least once every few minutes. And I don’t see this stopping any time soon. Don’t you dare be sorr about the sorr about the bag incident ever again.

…and tell Tulane Chris he is an evil genius.

Malisams said...

You guys make me laugh so goddamn hard, I love it. God bless this blog. And the bag. GOD BLESS US ALL

Dickay said...

I am so on the telegram thing. The site is iTelegram.com and they're like $19. Yay.

Anonymous said...

Chris did you an enormous favor, now all that's left to do in order for you to heal completely is to change your blog name to "2 birds, 1 blog and a bag"....

Tyng said...

It took me an hour to read this because I like to follow the links you add just in case I've missed something, which leads to more links and more posts, so at any given time I could be six or seven posts deep and god help me if I lose my internet connection because I'd never find my way back, but thank god I did. This whole post with the back story links is a work of art. It's like an Epic Novella Tragi-comedy, with an ending that moves you to take your own life because you'll never get this kind of closure again.

Anonymous said...

i am a voluntary designer, is there a chance you would like to show some of my photos? i guess it would be nice and fit on your articles :-)
really like your page! send me a email please in case you want to colaborate

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