$1,699. How many make out sessions is that?

Ok, so I'm having some money issues. I'm having a fiscal moment, if you will. The extreme delay of yesterday's post proved that I really need to man-up and find a way to get myself a new laptop. I can't operate to the best of my ability on this abacus, bless it's pre-Colonial heart. A few kind souls have suggested that I get a PayPal account and put up a donate button on the blog, but I just genuinely don't feel comfortable doing that. Let's not pretend I don't communicate with you people all day and know you like the back of my hand; you're just as broke as I am, if not more. I don't want your money. I just want your votes. That's right, I need you to vote 2birds1blog for another competition. IT'S IRRITATING AND SELF-SERVING, I KNOW! But follow my logic:

2b1b gets featured on a "Best Of" list or wins a competition —> more readers and more publicity —> odds increase that the blog will land in the lap of someone who
can pay me —> money —> purchase new laptop/able to pay Comcast bill/buy Adobe Creative Suite/buy podcasting tools —> more blog posts, website upgrade, weekly podcast (2birds1podcast WILL happen this year, god damnit. It has to. Creating it was my New Year's Resolution. Oh shit, am I not supposed to say what my New Year's Resolution was? Are resolutions like birthday wishes? Did I just ruin everything? Damnit...) = YOU ARE A HAPPY LITTLE CAMPER ENTERTAINED IN YOUR CUBICLE ALL DAY! So really, your happiness is my end game here. I'm just thinking of you, baby.

So if you could be a lamb and go here (Washingtonian magazine's Best of Washington 2010), scroll down to the bottom and fill in 2birds1blog for
#52: Best Blogger, I would appreciate it immensely. I swear it'll take two shakes and you'll be automatically entered to win tickets to the Best Of party and dinner for two at one of Washingtonian's 100 Very Best Restaurants. Which is actually pretty cool. It's like Washingtonian bribed you for me! That was awfully nice of them. I'll still go into the woods tomorrow and ask the Jäger Deer if we can do another giveaway Friday though. Just in case dinner and a cocktail party is too classy to get you to vote; Jäger and I got you covered.

Oh! And speaking of me and Jäger and my money woes! You know what is incredibly irritating? I got a copy of my letter of termination in the mail the other week (after I left it on my desk while trying not to pee my pants the day I got fired) and one of the official reasons I got fired was: "Working for other companies while employed by us including Jager."

That fucking gets my goat for so many reasons. Reasons that I will share with you now:

1.) That is the most bullshit reason to fire someone I have ever heard in my entire life. I mean, the entire firing was kind of bullshit, of course, but that specifically is the most bullshittiest reason of them all. I wasn't allowed to work for another company while working for them? Oh, REALLY? I don't remember signing anything. I call shenanigans. Also, do you know how many people in this world have second jobs? A shit ton. You can't fire someone for having a second job. And if you want someone to just work for you, you need to pay them more than 32 cotton swabs a year with no benefits, for Christ's sake.

2.) I never had a second job! I worked for them and only them. Granted, I didn't work very
hard, but that's not what's being argued here. That was argued about two lines down.

3.) It's Jäger, not Jager. If you're going to take the time to draft an adorable little professional-looking letter of termination, at least take the time to find the umlaut. It just shows that you give a fuck. And I assume they
do give a fuck or else they wouldn't have slaughtered an entire forest printing out the blog to slam on my desk for dramatic effect, fired me or threatened legal action in the first place. Insert > Symbol > ä. God, I even have to show them how to fire me correctly. That office must be a mess without me.

4.) Most importantly:
I DON'T WORK FOR JÄGER! That's the entire fucking problem! I have worked my ass off trying to show Jäger what an asset our community would be to them and I haven't seen a single penny as a result of it. So the fact that I got fired for being on their payroll makes me want to fill a swimming pool with the resulting irony and drown myself in it. Now, I realize I could possibly solve my fiscal problems by suing them for wrongful termination, but alas—I'm not white trash and my answer to everything isn't to sue everyone. In the immortal words of Destiny's Child: "My momma taught me better than that."

So. I already work and write. I can't do freelance design because I don't have the necessary design programs on my abacus. There has to be an additional way to get $1,699 fast. Here are my ideas thus far:

- Hooking. OK, HEAR ME OUT! Blow jobs? Hand jobs? Ugh, no thank you. I barely do that for love, nevertheless money. I'd consider having sex for money. At least with sex I get something in return. But sex for money with
strangers? 'Eh...it's a bit much. I'd totally make out with someone for money and maybe have sex with them if they're attractive and we get along. I'm pretty sure that's just called "hooking up with someone," but either way, I'm into it. You could just take the money you'd spend buying me drinks and hand it directly over to me in cold hard cash. And shit—if there's a connection between us, there's always the chance I might blow you! A black man is President; anything's possible! So what I'm trying to say is, option #1: become a make out hooker.

- Before you suggest it, stripping is out. I can barely do 30 minutes on the elliptical, I'm not physically grinding a pole all night for all the tea in China.

- Also selling my eggs is out. I looked into it. You have to do five months of daily hormone injection shots first. Uh,
no thanks. Sometimes when I'm at my parents house, I'll stick one of my mom's disposable insulin pen needles in my arm to get attention and I seriously have to psych myself up for like a solid five minutes first to do it. Then once I do it my mom's never impressed because she has to do it in her stomach, so I try to stick it in my stomach and puss out every single time and then get yelled at for wasting another needle without even injecting myself with it. Oh well. At least I get the maternal attention I so desperately crave. (This isn't an adorable Meglet story, by the way. The last time I did this was in February. Yeah, I'm 25. What of it?)

- Sell my plasma. You can get $36 a trip for selling plasma x the twice a week donation cap = $72 a week x 4 weeks =
$288 a month; $1,699 ÷ $288 = 5.8 months. Psh, that's actually not that good. Plus I'd have to pass a drug test which is just laughable. Sigh. I just really wish I had sperm. I'd hit up every single fertility clinic on the eastern seaboard and jizz my way to MacBook Pro victory. But plasma's a start, I guess.

- This next idea is Helena's and I think it's fucking genius: Stay at Helena's house or, ideally, house sit for someone loaded and rent out my apartment. I'm not going to lie to you, my studio is fucking sweet and I'll pimp her out to the highest bidder. I mean, hi, I was at the Cherry Blossom Festival last Friday; this town is fucking packed to it's Dockers wearing balls with tourists this time of year. Why stay at a cold, informal hotel when you can stay in someone's sweet and incredibly well decorated (if I may say so myself. My friend Jenna also once described it as a "museum of cool." HER WORDS, NOT MINE.) studio?? We're talkin' luxury bathroom, full kitchen, a bed nicknamed "Operation Max Comfort" because I have designed it specifically to be the most comfortable place on the fucking planet, fully stocked bar AND refrigerated Jäger machine, cable, DVD player, wi-fi, rooftop pool with amazing view, security and most importantly, located AN single block away from Dupont Circle and the metro. I mean, please. I don't think I'm asking for a lot when I say I want $150/night. Splitting it between four people to make it cheaper? I don't give a shit as long as I get my money. Put two in the bed, one on the couch and bring an air mattress. There, I just solved that for you. And you're welcome. (As are tips.)

The only problem with this, of course, is the moral and ethical questions it raises as this is technically my sister's apartment. Technically, meaning that she out-right owns it. 100%. But Becca knows what a wile, shifty little character I am, right? She finds it charming! Right?...RIGHT?!

- Get a development deal for my own reality show. I'm actually not sure if having your own reality show pays monetarily, but it certainly pays in product placement. People throw free shit at those reality ho-bags all the time hoping it'll show up on TV and I will gladly use anything Apple throws my way. Perhaps a new 15" MacBook Pro? Oh, hey thanks! Just what I needed! Getting a reality show can't be that hard, right? It seems like everybody has their own reality show these days. (Side note: remember when Nick Hogan was shopping around a reality show about getting out of prison and he wanted to call it Real Ality? That never fails to make me laugh-out-loud every single time I think about it. It's like Old Faithful.) Plus, nobody can seem to make a reality show about living in DC that doesn't either get canceled before it even airs (Blonde Charity Mafia—R.I.P.) or make people want to stick freshly sharpened pencils directly into their eyeballs. (Real World DC. You tried. You tried real hard.) I've got this, right?

Although Helena raised the good point of what would they show when I watch TV all day? My idea:

- Find an eccentric millionaire to fund my blog, buy me all of my technological needs and in turn become the Patron Saint of 2birds1blog. I'm over finding corporate sponsorship. OVER IT, I say. Corporations aren't hip to the fact that blogs are a good investment and nuts to them for it. Thus, I just need to find a good-old fashioned patron of the arts to keep us afloat. A patron of the boner-joke arts, true, but that's an art. Right?

Oh my god I'm so fucking screwed. This is never going to happen, is it? But like, ever. Like in the greater scheme of things. I'm so depressed. I'll be passing out fliers about my make out services in the greater Dupont/K Street area if you need me.


Cassie said...

So, question re: your old bosses.

Are they suing you or what? If they are, you should definitely sue their asses back.

We got your back, Meg. You just tell us what we can do.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Aw, Cassie. <3

Anonymous said...

A.) This was an amazing post and I love you.

B.) How did you and Chris meet? Somebody else asked that last week and you never responded. According to the friend application he's from Mass and didn't go to AU, but he seems to be pretty close to your college friends for someone who moved here last week. I'm confused. Explain!

Unknown said...

I am loving this new job schedule you have, cause when I check this shizz in the middle of the night there are sometimes new posts. Soooooooooooo happy.

Anonymous said...

have you considered theft? you could be the sweet talking bonnie(or sawyer from lost)-type con-woman. that would be amazing.

also, you might want to scout another area - aren't there hookers on k street that claim their spot as soon as 530/6pm hit? clearly lawyers and lobbyist are a loyal clientele.

Anonymous said...

You could use Google AsSense... I don't think anyone would mind having ads on your blog! It may not pay much, but it's something!

Anonymous said...

I'll have you know that not only did I vote you for best local blogger, but also best local hero. Which is completely true, by the way.

If you're not comfortable asking us directly for money, why not through a fundraising shindig? Have another party at a bar (Big Hunt?!) or something, come up with a gimmick (the more clothing you wear the more money you have to pay to get in), break out your lovely Jager tap, and you're magically in business!


Katie said...

So your sister has a sweet-ass studio apartment and just lets you live you there for free? Because that is awesome. I have little money and scant advice on how to get any, but if you're ever in Reston, I'd totally buy you shots.

Sarah said...

Suck it up and get some ads, yo. I'd click that shit, like, four times a day.

Also, you can't post late anymore. I read your post last night before bed, and then I had a dream in which there was some sort of bar/party and you and Alex were dancing ironically to country music and you started telling stories about how we were all so tight in high school and all the shit we used to do together and I didn't want to ruin your mojo or anything but I was thinking, "This girl's a little nuts. I don't even know her in real life, and she's telling people we are BFFs from way back? Maybe it's all for fun."

And then I woke up and realized I am the crazy one because I dreamed about people I don't even know.

Soooo ... um ... whatcha wearin'?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ushma said...

I totes agree with A. Rue! You should have a fundraising Happy Hour. I hate paying covers, but I'd def pay a cover to hang out with ya, Meg! <3

Anonymous said...

Meg, if you did PayPal, I'd totes donate. I can't disclose how much, but I know I would donate.

Elisa said...

I seriously considered donating plasma in college. Mainly because I was poor as fuck and I had no idea what plasma even was. "Sure, take my plasma, I don't need it!" Then I realized that the only people giving plasma were the bums who wanted to run next door and use their plasma money for booze (like who am I to judge, I know)... and so if they don't need plasma then I sure as shit don't need mine! But then they wanted me to bring my SS card (why? why does it matter whose plasma it is?!) and the whole thing creeped me out, and I thought and maybe they're using plasma to clone us... so I didn't donate it.

And I stayed poor as shit. So, moral of the story is, you should probably donate plasma and tell me how it goes, and if they don't clone you then maybe I'll do it too.

Lizzieroy said...

To go with old school radio line - "Long time reader, first time commenter!"...

A.Rue is absolutely right re a fundraiser. If 5 months of plasma donating = your new computer, so does 85 people at $20 a head. You could team up with a number of bars in the area to offer drinks specials for your group. There are about a bajillion folks in this town who understand how fundraisers work - might as well speak the language, eh?

Glad to help if/when you agree to this!

Anonymous said...

I bet the combination of selling plasma and panhandling could land you a new computer in a couple months. Make a witty sign, go to a public place and the nickels and dimes will add up eventually.It is no eccentric millionaire but it might work.

Ashley said...

Sounds to me like your ex-bosses didn't really read the blog at all. You clearly weren't employed by anyone else. Anyone that actually reads this blog could have told them that.

And Elisa your comment made me LOLZ! "the whole thing creeped me out, and I thought and maybe they're using plasma to clone us... so I didn't donate it."

Becky said...

Why do you need a fancy-schmancy Mac when you can get a PC for like half as much? Haven't you seen those commercials with that shrieking red-haired girl?

Travis said...

What's a PC? If it's not a Mac it doesn't exist

Mia R said...

If you want the skinny on how to rent out your apartment--I did just that, granted this was during the inauguration when EVERYONE and their mother needed a place to stay.

Side note: they were friends of family friends so I wasn't worried about renting it to them.

I netted about 400 a night, roughly 1600 for their little stay down here...only 2 weeks of plasma pimpin = laptop!

Downside: waiting for the next inauguration to get the dough for a new laptop might as well be an eternity.

Market your apartment to our demographic, 20 somethings in town visiting their friends. You'd probably be able to rent it out at least 2 weekends a month. Added bonus: for an extra $20 they can get a kiss from Meg of 2b1b.

Or, considering my boyfriend's mother is staying with us for all eternity (literally, last Wednesday until this Thursday) next time she books a trip without asking us first, I'm knocking on your door with checkbook in hand.

Or hell, at this point, I'D move out for the length of her stay and pay you a hefty amount (read: the two pennies I found while cleaning and thought that the student loan agency would laugh at if I sent that to them) to have my own space.

Anonymous said...

Let us know how else we can get your blog out there - post links other places etc. Im sure we are all ready and willing to help pimp out your blog and help increase traffic!

Unknown said...

no idea if this is real or works but if your desparate, give it a shot http://free-macbook-pro.com/

JillyB said...

For f-ing real, put up a Paypal link. Just get over that shit and do it. It's not like one person would be donating all the $--if your readers donate $1 each, you'll be more than covered. You provide something for others' enjoyment for FREE. A teeny tiny donation towards a purchase that will keep you providing that something won't break anyone's bank. Do it! You can take it down as soon as you've reached your goal, and you can declare "rules" for how you will spend the money ahead of time and publicly, if that makes you feel better. You deserve a new laptop. Give that aspie's clip a home he can be proud of.

Anonymous said...

I gotta ask, more straight up, why don't you have ads? I read your blog every single day, this is the first time I've ever commented. I love it, and would still love it with a few banner Even though you're holding out for Jager (don't know how to umlaut on my computer, sorry!!), you could make a pretty penny off of just a few ads.

I'm pretty sure you've got some impressive traffic numbers, so use it to your advantage. I bet even like, local bars would be down with paying you money to talk them up? This blog is a totally untapped money maker (even without sketchy paypal donations).

Anonymous said...

I made beer money in college by posing for art classes. You just sit around nekkid (or in you skivies, your call) for 3 or so hours and you make around $50, and there's usually a good chance you can talk some art kid into buying you a drink after, but then you do have to listen to their art student drivel...pros and cons...

Nick H. said...

For real, go with the paypal donation. I only donate to causes I feel passionate about, and this would be one of them. (Rain forest trees and starving kids in third world countries be damned!). You've been cracking my shit up since the very appropriately timed Baby's First Business Trip, and that's worth at least a few bucks.

Also, in regards to the mac book pro, are you looking at Apple's certified refurbs? I picked up a 13.3" MBP loaded to the gills for about $1200 earlier this year. A lot of people are squeamish about buying refurbs, but with Apple it's the only way to go as far as I'm concerned. If you want more info about it, drop me an email. (nick dot hooten at gmail dot com)

Anonymous said...

Don't do the plasma donations! A friend of mine did and she still looks like a heroin addict because of the track marks it left on her arm, and she passed out more than once waiting for the bus afterwards!

Dan C. said...

Ok, first off, people: ALT + 0228. Commit it to memory. Jäger will thank you. As will Spanish folk metal band Mägo de Oz.

As for the cashmoneys, absolutely agree ads are cool and the 2B1B fundraiser/party needs to happen. I'm in for 1 tickets worth and I'll bring extra money for whatever base you're selling trips to at the time.

Lorna said...

Not sure why no one's mentioned this yet, but why don't you just ask someone with the Adobe Creative Suit if you could load it on your computer? You get like 4 installations with that. I've got it for my Mac and I'd be happy to share!

Julia said...

I realize I'm useless for being born and raised Jewish and still having absolutely no money-raising suggestions, but I call shenanigans on you tricking me into watching Steamboat Willie. WHY DID I WATCH THE WHOLE 7 MINUTES?

Adria said...

It's all about networking, Meg. Put yo'self a PayPal and whore yourself out to us for it. Seriously, if we got something back in return I bet more people would give small donations. I don't know what people want, but maybe they'd submit a question along with their money or something. No shame in PayPal.

I'm dirt broke and I'd shoot you $10, you know why? Because in a few months I might need to do the same thing, and I know some other poor girl would do it for me. ;)

Unknown said...

I was too sleepy/high last night to remember to say this when I commented but YES to the Paypal idea. I would donate and I am the cheapest and laziest person on the planet. So I feel like if I'd do it, other people would too. You need a computer to get the funny to us and that is a price I will gladly pay to keep 2b1b in my life.

Alexandra said...

PAYPAL! get over this crap-i'd gladly throw a few washingtons your way. The LAST thing i want is your computer to die and I have to go without 2birds1blog. I have no idea how i'd get through the work day!!

Anonymous said...

your blog is f'in hilarious! I am going to take advantage of my current pms-ing to tell you that I often wonder why people like me? Because hey, I'm kind of an asshole. I laugh when people fall, constantly make fun of others in my head, and think putting tape on my cat's paws is entirely entertaining. But then I read your blog - and I like you! and clearly other people do too. It gives me hope. really. it does. So THANK YOU. :D

Mrs. P said...

I was unemployed/depressed for the last 8 months. I was terminated under equally frustrating terms. I have a job now, and I would love to donate to your new computer fund. If it makes you feel less guilty I'll write it off on my taxes. O wait... I already did. Guess it's time for me to pay up!

Anna said...

What about working for ChaCha? http://answers.chacha.com/careers/job-opportunities/

You only make like 12 cents per question so you can't earn fast cash - but it does count as cash and you just surf the internet...

I've gotten everything from why do they paint barns red? to who has the world's largest vagina? (some giantess in Germany)

And who wouldn't want to look up the world's largest vagina?

Kate said...

in hopes that we will convince you of this, im totally commenting. PAYPAL PAYPAL PAYPAL. im a fairly broke college student (just cashed one of my bonds to pay bills) and i would be more than happy to donate at least $10. for serious. put your pride aside and let us help!!! we love you!!!

Unknown said...

I don't know if this has already been ruled out, but why don't you do the payment plan on apple.com? I have the worst credit in the history of time (like, refused to pay thousands in medical bills from Sibley for about 5 years, bad), and they still set it up.

Obviously it's not as rewarding as owning something outright, but I'm sitting typing on my new 13 inch MBP and paying only $61/month.

Patrick said...

I'll join the others in pledging some money to the Meg needs a new Mac fund.

Just pay everyone back in hugs and high fives at the next 2b1b party.

Anonymous said...

Meg - I understand your hesitation to put up a paypal account or put ads on the site and as an economist, I would tend to agree. In order to get people to spend a tangible amount (1700/$10 a piece = 170 people to freely give which is less than plausible) you need to be able to give them something in return other than what they have been getting for free all this time: i.e. your writing. And unless you are CNN.com, there's isn't any way that ads will pay for a new laptop. Therefore I have two ideas that might help you.

First is you can start a membership club and have a graduated scale for perks. Say $10 gets you a sticker, $50 gets you a mix CD made by Meg, $500 gets you a date, etc. Most of the money will be made by the big ticket items and people will spend more than they usually would because they love and want to support you.

Secondly, you could institute a raffle based on items you have mentioned on the blog. $10 bucks to enter and the offerings are a mini flag, pogs, Tylenol PM with your writing on it, and the grand prize: Evie (just kidding).

Just a couple thoughts from a lover and supporter of 2B1B

Anonymous said...

OOHHHH I love the sticker idea. Who doesnt love stickers... Pimp out that fab logo and make some promo products we can all buy - then its like additional advertising for YOU!

And host another party ;)

Anonymous said...

wow-- whoever commented before me has some really good ideas. i agree re: paypal!

Casey said...

I have to say I agree with all the urging for PayPal. You could make it a fun little game, even, if you felt guilty about it. Like, for every $100 you do something silly. I don't know, just shooting out ideas here.

But I do know that you have a lot of readers - myself included - who'd toss you a little dough just because you brighten our days. When you read someone's blog every day - whether you know them or not - they start to feel like a friend.

Anonymous said...

If you sold a 2Birds1Blog bracelet / tank / tee / stickers - I'm sure people would buy them. Great idea to Anon above! The personal Meg Mix Cd is fabulous!

Unknown said...

it took me awhile to realize you meant sell your own human plasma, not plasma tv. i love you/miss you it will all be ok!

Mandi said...

Alternately, couldn't you hackintosh a $300 netbook?

NotablyNeurotic said...

You have a buttload of comments, so I didn't take the time to read through all of them to see if someone had already mentioned my first thought. What if you approached a DC magazine or newspaper and offered to write a regular column or article? You could offer to do a pro-bono piece once or twice just to get your name out there and strut your stuff. Since you are the high-larious voice of 20-somethings everywhere, it could be the perfect gig! Kind of like Carrie Bradshaw, but with less sex (or more).

Do you have a free lance website set up with links to this blog and visa versa?

You could even do something as silly as, "If you donate $5 to my website and tell me a few things about yourself, I will email you personally
with a play-by-play description of our dream date would be like."

Just ideas ...

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

B.) How did you and Chris meet?
Chris went to Boston College with a friend of mine from high school. He came to DC for a visit one summer, we met, it was instant biffles-ship.

I'll have you know that not only did I vote you for best local blogger, but also best local hero.
HAHA, amazing! Thank you!

So your sister has a sweet-ass studio apartment and just lets you live you there for free?
No, I pay rent.

there was some sort of bar/party and you and Alex were dancing ironically to country music
Sounds about right.

Let us know how else we can get your blog out there - post links other places etc. Im sure we are all ready and willing to help pimp out your blog and help increase traffic!
God I love you.

I gotta ask, more straight up, why don't you have ads?
Because nobody wants to advertise with me.


Anonymous said...

PayPal. Just think, this could have been me putting $10 in your pocket instead of writing a redundant message urging you to serve your own best interets.

Katie said...

Bummer on the rent-paying.

Anonymous said...

I, for one, would pay $500 for a date with meggles. Because although you are going to pay five time the normal amount to take a girl out, you are getting 100 times the entertainment and awkward stories. Plus she's got a big rack! As Michael Scott would say, "Win-win-win"

Patrick said...

I'd put in $10 if you start a raffle for Aspie's clip or Weekend Hair.

Jules said...

I thought Meg didn't have Weekend Hair anymore?

b.b. said...

Just heard about this on the radio: housecareers.com. you could professionally live in mansions basically...

Karly said...

OMFG!!!!! I would SO buy a 2B1B Tee! Zazzle.com! DO IT!

Anonymous said...

LOL - awesome idea - http://www.customglamgirl.com/tops--custom-tanks.html

I still think the Friend Application was amazing :o)

Joanna said...

Meg, it's time for you get the drunken DC ghost tours up and running! You'd make $1600 in a weekend!

Kara said...

What if you charged an appearance fee for events? I would literally pay you to hang out with you (it sounds creepy when I re-read what I wrote but you get it... I think haha )

<3 2birds1blog

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I, for one, would pay $500 for a date with meggles. Because although you are going to pay five time the normal amount to take a girl out, you are getting 100 times the entertainment and awkward stories. Plus she's got a big rack! As Michael Scott would say, "Win-win-win"
Oh my god, it would be so awkward and I'd get so drunk. I'M IN IF YOU ARE!

I'd put in $10 if you start a raffle for Aspie's clip or Weekend Hair.
Oh my god. I'd raffle Chris away before I'd raffle Aspie's Clip or Weekend Hair away!!!

I thought Meg didn't have Weekend Hair anymore?
Original Weekend Hair is dead, but Weekend Hair 2.0 and 3.0 are very much alive and kickin'. Embarrassingly enough.

OMG GHOST TOUR!!! I need to get back on that ball...

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I need to stop saying "Oh my god" or variations of.

Anonymous said...

You don't need a MacBook Pro hun - I just got the regular MacBook, (which is totally revamped, btw) and the guy I was chatting with at the store was talking about how it's the SAME thing as the Pro, just in a different case, with a different screen and (YES, the MacBook) has almost double the memory. The Pro, besides looking prettier, has a Firewire connection, which is pretty unnecessarily. Basically, unless you're doing work with photos or videoediting, the MacBook is the way to go. And it's only $999. $899 if you can coerce a college aged reader to buy it for you with their ID.

Just think about how many fewer awkward people you'd have to date to buy one..

Anonymous said...

So, after much stalking, I managed to find out what your real name is. CREEPY, right? Well, I think I may have found out how your ex-bosses found your blog. If you type in your first name, followed by your last name into Google, its search auto complete will AUTOMATICALLY (auto=automatically) add whatever it is that it thinks you might be searching for... using its omnipotent powers/witchcraft. (in this style http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWuqH4Sc6Qk)

So, what automatically came up after Meghan [your name last here] when I typed it into Google, you ask?


2birds1blog (NO JOKE)

What's even more ridic is that "Meghan McBlogger" did not yield any results.

ashzilla said...

Ok, the last anonymous comment while meaning to be helpful, seems creepy. That is definitely interesting though, I wonder if that is how they found you. Things that make you go HMMMMM!

Anyways, I would totally donate too and I'm super cheap. Karly had it right with 2b1b shirts and stuff on zazzle! Its free to make and set up and buyers can even customize things further. I know a few of us here at my work who would totally wear a 2b1b shirt!

Anna said...


Unknown said...

Meg, I think you should run away to Europe. No joke. When I was 25 and didn't know what to do with my life I decided to be an aupair (you say old, I say "experienced" and "mature" pfff). I moved to Switzerland for a year & I never looked back. I don't even actually like kids, I just liked the prospect of being in Europe so here's some reasons why I think this is the job for you:

1. living rent-free. (ok you may earn a meager salary but NO BILLS and FREE FOOD)

2. Just imagine all the shenanigans you could get yourself into when you don't speak the language or know the culture. Or, the comedic genius you could provide when regaling us with the tales of your sure-to-be whacked out host family who have no sense of reality whatsoever. (You think Ava Cutrone is bad, wait til you see the kids decked out in baby Gucci and their mothers who are botoxed more than "H Pratt with a capital P." wearing their furs to the g store).

3. You can smoke doobies/drink pretty much anywhere you want really. No silly laws or pesky porkchoppers getting in the way of your fun.

4. You will be closer to the birthplace of Jägermeister. which brings us to....

5. ä à é è ö ü all those letters right there on your keyboard. no more searching for an umlaut, just press the button RIGHT THERE (mine is next to the P button). think how much time & energy that will save!

6. Because I missed the Jägerball (easy breezy uuuuumlaaaaauut) and feel left out. If you come to Europe & party with me I will buy all the Jägerbombs we can drink (in one night. without puking. cause red bull is expensive ya know).

7. You will be 5-6 hours ahead of the US, which means 5-6 extra hours to post your blog before the natives become restless for their daily fix.

8. Prostitution is legal and healthcare is mandatory. So when you get mono for kissing people for money (legally) you will be covered and won't have to worry about using the one free parent visit.

Aaaand, I'm spent (but I can come up with more reasons later if you aren't convinced by the above to root up your life and move to a different continent fo sheezy).

Sally said...

So, to sound completely un-original and repeat what has already been said but must be said again by me because I am a Jewish woman and it is in my genes to be a harpy:

1. Your ex-bosses are a bunch of dumbasses. I've gotta believe they are still stalking your blog daily. Why don't they just go suck it? (I read your blog daily, too, but I am way cooler than them. I think)

2. Put that Paypal link up. Put it up, I say! Just in these comments alone, you can count on some Mac-Moola.

3. I funded a great deal of my living expenses through graduate school by selling all my shit on eBay. Anything and everything that I didn't want and people would buy. You'd be surprised what people will bid on. I know that they have gotten stricter with their regulations and blah blah, but books, clothes, and pez dispensers are still allowed, right?

LifeIsThisIt said...

I just mailed Apple (Media.help@apple.com):

Subject Line: big fan needs help


2birds1blog.com is written by a very clever young woman. You would need to invest some time to read back entries of her blog but her latest entry is an opportunity for Apple to support talent.

From a fan of 2birds1blog.com

Please read it!

Anonymous said...

Just do the PayPal! We're all broke but I'd totes pay. No shame. And/or the fundraiser. Anddd we should all email Mac. Pleaaase?! OR you could be like me and ebay all your winter clothes...I'll have to go nakes next winter but I made like $3500!

Anonymous said...

Has no one suggested phone sex operator? You get paid to just talk dirty, while potentially in pajamas eating cheese fries. Win win!

I also second the au pair comment. I did that for a year in Italy. It was an incredible experience and gave me tons of material for the book I delude myself into thinking one day I might actually write.

Chad said...

Have you looked into publishing on the Kindle yet? The iPad might have similar publishing applications.

Free and easy to do. Maybe even round up all the old posts and sell them on the Kindle in book format? Again. It's free. You do not have to pay any money to do this.

Now tell me where I can go donate sperm?

Anonymous said...


"How to Turn Your Blog's Readers Into Paying Customers"

Anonymous said...

So, not sure if I should post this since it's totes illegal, but I'm just going to throw it out there. If your dinsaurusrex of a computer can handle it, have u tried downloading a torrent for CS4 from like isohunt using utorrent? Because I have a copy of that shit (poor college student), and it works better than the licensed versions on the school computers. Just sayin. Plus there's the whole uh... free aspect...

John said...

For what it's worth, you don't need to take a drug test to donate plasma. They test you for diseases (HIV, Hepatitis, Syphilis, etc) and ask you if you have ever used IV drugs (heroin, etc) but don't test for them anymore.

We don't clone people with your plasma :) We make drugs, mainly for people with immune deficiencies (think Bubble Boy who doesn't need to live in his bubble anymore because you donated plasma)

So win-win! You get $ and save lives. But you can get some needle marks if you donate long-term. Use lotion with Vitamin E to help that. Or just don't donate for years and years, those are the people that generally get marks. Plus smaller needles are used these days.

ps love your blog!

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