4.29.2010

Dr. Reuben on Birth Control

Before we get to this week's session with the good doctor, it's time to play a few quick rounds of America's least necessary game since The Dating Ref—"Am I Crazy, or Are You?"

ROUND 1!
Subject: Cleaning the lint trap in a shared laundry environment.

My stance: It's common knowledge that you clean the lint trap out after you're done with your machine. Why? Because it takes five seconds, not cleaning it is a fire hazard, the lint comes from your clothing, and nobody wants to handle your personal mystery lint, a-thank you very much.

The challenger(s): Everyone in my building who's not me.

Their stance: It's common knowledge that you leave your disgusting mystery lint in the trap for Meg to scrape and fondle the next time she decides to take her Jack Daniel's pants for a tumble dry. Duh.

Which one of us is crazy? YOU DECIDE!


ROUND 2!
Subject: The phrase "for all intents and purposes."

My stance: Truthfully, I spent a solid 24 years thinking the phrase was "for all intensive purposes," until I wrote a blog post using it one day and got 9,000 condescending emails being like, "Ohhhhhhh Meg. You are unreasonably attractive, but just plain stupid. The phrase is 'for all intents and purposes.' Thank god you have a magnetic personality and an ass that just won't quit, or else I would have stopped reading this poorly written shit years ago." (I'm editorializing slightly.)

The challenger: 2b1b reader and Twitter user, @brytesunshine.

Her stance: Per the following tweet:

brytesunshine @2birds1blog I love your blog so much! (btw, the saying is "for all intensive purposes" not "intents and purposes")

Which one of us is crazy? YOU DECIDE! (And thank you for loving the blog, @bryteshunshine. Despite the blaring fact I just called you out for calling me out, it loves you back.)

I look forward today's blog comments. Phew. Man, I'm glad that's settled. I feel like I can rest a little easier tonight knowing that all of this confusion will soon be cleared up. But where's the fun in that?! Let's get some Dr. Reuben in here to make us all horribly uncomfortable and confused about life and our own genitals again, huh??

What's a dildoe?
[...] The Japanese have about a thousand years head start in the dildoe line and have a good product. Traditionally their market prefers carved ivory, but, ivory prices being what they are, artificial ivory or hard white plastic is well-accepted. While Westerners strive for realism, the Orientals hold out for feeling. Japanese dildoes are available in a wide variety of models from smooth, small caliber versions, for virgins just breaking into this form of sexual activity, ranging upward in size and texture. The advanced models have progressively more prominent carving along with larger dimensions to provide stimulation to mature vaginas. Some of these are thick as a man's arm and over a foot long. They probably exist as a conversation pieces; they are more suitable for consoling a lady elephant. [...]
---------------

This Q&A actually comes from the Masturbation chapter and I bring it up for two reasons and two reasons only:

1.) HAHAHAHAHAHA..."Orientals." Dr. Reuben; you would.

2.) I've just now decided that I want to have twins. And I shall name those twins "Stimulation to Mature Vaginas" and "Consoling a Lady Elephant." Good luck to both of them in Middle School.


What is the best method of birth control?
That, like the perfect martini, has not been concocted yet. There are two recent techniques that have some outstanding advantages. The first one is the "Intra-Uterine Contraceptive Device," or IUD (pronounced "yood"). [...]
---------------

Ok...LIGHTING ROUND!

Subject: How to pronounce IUD.

My stance: Eye-you-dee.

The challenger: Dr. David Reuben, M.D.

His stance: Yood.

Which one of us is crazy? YOU DECIDE! (Please know that it took every single fiber of self-respect in my body not to type, "YOOD ECIDE!" just now.)


What is the best method of birth control? (continued)
[...] The IUD has been in use for about 2,500 years. Arab camel drivers in that era were faced with a difficult problem. The voyages of their caravans often lasted two years and involved many intermediate stops where several camels would be dropped off with their loads. The voyages were marred by a quirk of camel psychology--a pregnant camel refuses under any circumstances to leave the caravan. At stops their burdens would have to be shifted to other camels and the whole caravan rearranged. The camel drivers could not eliminate the female camels since they carried heavier loads and had more endurance.

One day, an anonymous Arab genius thought of implanting an apricot pit in the uterus of a camel. This foreign body effectively prevented pregnancy and was the perfect camel contraceptive. From that time on, every female camel (except those used for breeding) was equipped with her personal apricot pit. [...] About fifty years ago a German doctor, von Graff, decided to try the same approach in human beings [with a] coil of silver wire he inserted through the vagina directly into the uterus.
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Alright, let's talk contraceptives for a moment, shall we? Babies: they've got to be stopped. I hear ya. But that being said, I am in NO WAY on board with IUDs. I know that they're super effective and thousands of women have them and everyone swears upside-down-and-sideways that you can't feel it, but no. Just no. No to hookworms and no to IUDs. And I say this for a few reasons:

1.) I don't want the female contraceptive techniques of an Arabic camel herder or a German doctor named von Graff from the 1920's (who I'm not saying was probably a Nazi, but I'm absolutely not not saying was probably a Nazi) anywhere near my genitals or reproductive organs. ANYWHERE. NEAR. 'EM.

2.) The thought of having an IUD inserted into my cervix seriously makes me gag. Therefore, the thought of having an apricot pit haphazardly shoved up my cervix by a camel herder makes me want to peel all of my skin off with a moderately sized carrot peeler.

3.) I can not find it now for the life of me, but when I referenced how you supposedly can't feel an IUD in the hookworm post, a reader emailed me and said that when she had an IUD, her boyfriend could feel the strings hanging out when they had sex. MODERATELY. SIZED. CARROT. PEELER!
Photobucket


Does the IUD work well?
It's only fair. The rate of protection is about ninety percent. That is compensated for by the convenience--no chemicals, no condoms, no diaphragm, no nothing. However for those who might be inconvenienced by pregnancy, the IUD has its limitations. There are stories of babies being born clutching the plastic coil in their little hands.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....Sick.


Are nuns allowed to take birth control pills?
Only under certain unusual circumstances. In the early 1960s when the Belgian Congo was given its independence, things got a little ugly. Bands of terrorists swarmed over the country killing, looting, and raping. It was the raping part that particularly disturbed the Catholic Church. Many hundreds of nuns manned Catholic missions there and they were the rapists' primary targets. Several hundred half-breed children fathered by black terrorists born to white nuns was an appalling possibility. The Church ordered a special dispensation and birth control pills were distributed to the nuns. they took them obediently.
---------------

First of all, nobody was wondering that, Dr. Reuben. Someone just got a little excited about a fun fact they learned on the History Chanel last night and wanted to put it in their book to make them seem worldly and knowledgeable. It's like if I wrote a Q&A book about life post-college and included:

Is Christmas Island a real place?
Why yes, dear reader, it is. Christmas Island is a territory of Australia located in the Indian Ocean. It has a population of 1,403 residents, 63% of it is a national Australian park and it was first discovered by Captain William Mynors when he sailed past it on a British East India vessel on Christmas Day, 1634, thus giving it it's joly name.

Did anyone ask? No. Does it make me feel slightly better about all of the Wikipedia work I've been doing recently? Yes.

Also, is what we're expected to take from Dr. Reuben's delightful little history lesson here that the Catholic Church wasn't so much worried about the fact that nuns were getting raped, but more so that they were producing interracial babies? And am I also correct in picking up that their solution to the problem wasn't to remove the nuns from the area all together, but rather to send someone down there to put their ho asses on the pill? And did I once have a professor in college who said that black men and white women make "plaid" babies? (I'll answer that one for you: yes. Professor Zuber; god bless your heart.) Because if so: yowzahs. If I were a nun stuck in the Congo surrounded by a bunch of terrorists who's daily goal was to rape the wimple off me and some random guy showed up to give me a few complimentary packs of Yaz and bounce...I think I might ask if I could go with him. Maybe just hitch a ride to the next country over. Nothing too fancy. But then again, I'm not a Woman of God. Perhaps I never heard the calling for a reason: I'm a quitter.

Ahhh the Catholic Church: turning a blind eye to the Holocaust, child molestation and nun rapings for the last two thousand years...


121 comments:

agonzalez said...

According to Wiktionary (first off, mind blown, didn't even know that existed): This issue started with the addition of the phrase "for all intensive purposes" to the "alternative form" section of for all intents and purposes...This "alternative form" is simply an uneducated person's mishearing of the idiom. A malapropism.

Well cool, I was an "uneducated person" until the last week of my undergraduate career.

Love the blog. Like whoa.

ashzilla said...

hahahahaha!!!!! excellent post, as always!

I always thought it was for all "intensive purposes." The other doesn't really make sense to me, so I'm siding with your original stance on this one.

As for the BC, I've tried too many kinds and I'll tell you this, I don't ever want anything inserted as a form of bc ever again (the ring was terrible). Yaz works great for me thank you very much!

ashzilla said...

oh yeah, and IUD is pronounced the way it looks...I U D. What was he thinking???

And I'm on Team Meg about the lint trap thing. All the way.

Harriet Olivia said...

You're wrong! @brytesunshine is wrong! I feel so strongly about this I've skipped past Dr Ruben to read later so I could comment asap on the wrongness! It's "intents and purposes". The other MAKES NO SENSE.

"To all intents and purposes, blah blah" - ie, for every intention or purpose, whatever the intent. It means "in every practical sense".

Why I get so het up about these things, I can't explain. I'm a sub-editor. Sorry. If it helps, for years I thought the phrase went "like sheep that pass in the night", not ships. Sigh.

Lexi said...

Round 1: I have never had a communal dryer where you CAN clean the lint trap, which always annoyed me. But if I had, I'd be on your side. Clean your own damn lint!

Round 2: "Intents and purposes" case closed.

Dr. Reuben bonus round: EYE. YOU. DEE. Also, I know people swear by them but I have never been able to get behind IUDs either. That just looks wrong!

Carla said...

You're right and Harriet is super-right. "For all intensive purposes" doesn't make practical sense. Why would a purpose need to be intensive/what the hell does that mean? And, if it's a particularly laid back purpose, am I excluded from using that phrase? Good for discussions of Word War Two, bad for breaking down the Wiggles latest concert? Also, I've written the phrase "for all intents and purposes" into several legal documents and I've got the justice system on my side.

Sorry for the freakout, I'm going to go read the rest of the post now.....

Tina said...

I'm on team "for all intensive purposes," and I have no justification for this except that it's easier to say.

Also, dryer lint: my roommates don't like to remove theirs, so I clean it off before and after I dry my clothes. However, proper procedure is to remove it after you've used the dryer.

And it's definitely Eye-You-Dee, but I'm going to start calling it a yood because that's just a funny word.

Homemaker Man said...

Wow, you got all political at the end there. And it's all intents and purposes. If you think about the phrase, it makes more sense.

Jared said...

1 - Dryer lint should be cleaned out by the person that created it. Sooo the people in your building just suck (at dryer etiquette).

2 - Intents and purposes. I feel very strongly about this because every time I hear 'intensive purposes' it makes me wonder if people hear themselves saying it. If they do, they don't care that their words make any sense whatsoever. As someone said above, that phrase literally makes little to no sense. ...That was very cathartic.

Patrick said...

If you rub a dryer sheet across a lint trap, all the lint will come up in one or two swipes. True story.

Liz said...

1- While I admit the dryer lint should be my responsibility, sometimes I'm in a hurry because I've waited for like 5 dryer cycles for my clothes to get less-damp and I'm so huffy that I just storm out of the laundry room swearing up and down that I will NOT. be back. So really, you win.

2- This reminds me of the time when my sisters and I were putting on (yet another) musical show for my parents using props in the basement and choreographed motions to songs (yep)...and my sister belted out "Mustard Salad" instead of "Mustang Sally." So, for all you "intensive purposes" users, you sound as silly as mustard salad.

3- If your baby was born holding on to the coil of your IUD, does that mean she will grow up to be a rosary-clutching nun and get raped in the jungle? Just sayin...that's some Circle of Life shit right thur.

ErinnMike said...

intensive purposes....I will be crushed if I've been saying it wrong all these years!

Jenna said...

Another editor piping up to say it is most definitely intents and purposes. A purpose is not something that could be described as intense.

Also, as IUD is an acronym, it's pronounced with the individual letters. You wouldn't pronounce CEO, seeyo. Dr. Whackjob might, but the rest of us know better.

I have to say, though, I think my favorite part was "an anonymous Arab genius." That's just such an absurd sentence.

Ava said...

I just can't stand the idea of something that looks like a pick from a coal mine being inserted through my cervix and into my uterus. My reproductive system cringes...but to each her own.

Anna said...

Whatevs about all intensive purposes. I was told yesterday that it shouldn't be "walking on eggshells" around someone but rather "walking on eggs" because eggs are already broken. I explained that you'd still be walking on eggshells though, there would just be egg inside! Plus who says walking on eggs?

Juan Don said...

You should but always clean off the lint from your own clothing. I suggest you do the most obnoxious thing you can with whatever lint remains in the dryer before you get to it, i.e. duct-taping it to the front of the machine with a large sign and vulgar language stating the unacceptability of the situation.

Number two, everyone knows that "all intensive purposes" just makes you sound like a degenerative retard. I liken it to the idiomatic phrase "I could care less." Which, of course, implies that you care a somewhat. While both are apparently acceptable, I mentally wince each time someone does not use "I could not care less."

Caroline said...

lint trap - you dry it, you clean it.

Intents and Purposes is the correct saying. "Intensive purposes" would not make sense the way the phrase is used. I'm not even sure if "intensive purposes" makes any grammatical sense. Anyway, this is a pretty common mistake so I feel like your results are going to be kind of even.

Are you going to tackle irregardless next? Because that's not even a real word.

Stephanie said...

.......I'm amazed that there is such a thing as an "intensive purposes" team. Seriously? Not only is the phrase "intensive purpose" super awkward (although I suppose that one could have a purpose that was intense...), it MAKES NO SENSE in the context that "for all intents and purposes" is usually said!!! Like... NO SENSE!

I always thought everyone knew that it was a lazy/misheard mistake. Like how no one knows the correct lyrics to Bennie & the Jets. And how my sister for years thought the word "analogy" was actually "ananalogy" thanks to the easy slur between "an" and "analogy"...

gah. lemme tell you, it is HARD being a correct English speaker in America.

Stephanie said...

OMG. yes. The person above me commented while I was typing mine so I just saw -- irregardless is another pet peeve. For once I have to disagree with Merriam & Webster (who say that it is technically a word, just not a popularly accepted one) -- it is not a word. It is an idiotically redundant expression. And it's unbelievable how many professional public speakers use it.

Ok I'm going to go read the rest of the post now.

Ashley said...

Nice post Meg! I'm so with you on the dryer lint issue, AND I agree with the other comment about taping it to the wall. I'm pretty sure there are some people out there that just don't know its proper dryer etiquette. They just need some schoolin' and I think you're just the girl to give it to them.

Denise said...

The lint thing is disgusting - I am squarely, 10000% percent in your court. You clean up your own lint when you take your clothes out of the dryer.

I also thought forever that it was "for all intensive purposes", and quite frankly, I'm still not convinced it's "intents and purposes" like everyone in my life claims it is. So I guess I'm split on this one?

Lastly, for the bonus round - I say NO to IUD's. As far as I'm concerned, no foreign bodies should be headed up that way, unless they're attached to an actual human body.

Kelley said...

1. Dryer lint: you're right.
2. The phrase is "for all intents and purposes," but I can see how one might get confused. You were right the 2nd time.
3. I have a "yood," but I prefer to pronounce it "I-U-D" - score another point for Meg.
Sidenote: if you'd like to discuss the ins and outs of IUDs, hit me up (same Kelley as the mandorm dream email - I'm in your gmail contacts). They're certainly no picnic, but then again, I'm not pregnant. Score a point for IUDs.

Sarah P said...

Round 1 - cleaning the lint trap is common courtesy
Round 2 - intents and purposes
Round 3 - eye-you-dee

Meredith said...

I had to skip the Dr. Rueben post just so that I could say that your Twitter follower is WRONG! I, too, thought the phrase was "for all intesive purposes" until senior year of high school when I was writing it on AIM and realized "Wait... that doesn't make ANY sense." Then I thought about it for a few minutes and came up with "for all intents and purposes," which makes WAY more sense. Now, let's point out something. I'm a journalist. I have used this phrase. My editor did not change it. YOUR TWITTER FOLLOWER IS WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG and I can't get over it! Who corrects someone when THEY THEMSELVES are the one who's wrong!? GAH!

Also, I don't usually clean my lint trap after I'm done. Sometimes I do if I remember, but not usually. I clean it before I use it. I guess it would be more polite to do it your way, but I've never had a problem cleaning someone else's "mystery lint" so I never really thought about it. I've always thought that everyone cleaned it before they used it, and given that there was always lint to clean when I would use a dryer, I feel like everyone in my college dorm felt like I did. But I lived in the "theatre kid" dorm, so we were weird...

Now to read Dr. Reuben.

Amanda said...

lint trap - here's the thing, i always check the lint trap before i dry because of the whole fire hazard thing so i feel like i'll already be there... might as well clean it out. not to mention, all of the clothing have been through the washer first so its not like you're going to get dirt lint. it's fresh clean fluff lint.

so yeah, i guess i am that asshole. sorr about the bag.

Laura said...

It's "intents and purposes." And people should clean out their own lint.

Anonymous said...

I'm on team Meg all the way...

1)Neighbors need to clean up their own lint.

2)The phrase is "all intents and purposes" which is kind of redundant, but regardless, that's the correct phrase.

3)It is pronounced eye-you-dee AND I would NEVER put that thing inside of me even if you paid me a million dollars.

Laylapalooza said...

Intents and purposes. Because it just makes sense.

Sam said...

First, love the blog. I'm a long-time reader and first time commenter.

1- Team Meg all the way. It's inconsiderate not to, and as someone already pointed out, you can use the dryer sheet to get the lint out. It really grinds my gears when people don't clean their lint. Thankfully, I have a washer/dryer in my home now, but the years when I didn't still haunt me.
2- I've always heard people say "intensive purposes" but that never made sense to me so I never used it. I read a book a year or so ago that used "intents and purposes" and I was instantly drawn to it since it made sense. My long winded answer is "intents and purposes."
Bonus: I-U-D not "yood" - The guy never ceases to amaze me.

Jessica Ellis said...

Dryer lint - One SHOULD clean their own dryer lint. Did I ever? Not usually. I guess that makes me an asshole. Sorr about the bag (of lint).

"Intensive purposes" - I can't believe there are even people in this camp. I mean, I guess I can in LIFE, but not in the 2b1b community. People who read this blog are smart! INTENTS. AND. PURPOSES. Think about it. The other way just doesn't make sense.

YOOD - I say eye-yoo-dee, and my BFF does (she had one). And everyone in the world does, except Dr. Reuben. And Dr. Reuben is ALWAYS wrong, so.

Anna said...

meg, i have maybe cleaned out the lint trap at the taj one time. i leave that to blaiken, am i BAD, AM I SOOO BAD?!

Anonymous said...

I have a huge problem with people who use "supposably" instead of "supposedly". I had a roommate who was so completely into keeping up appearances and coming off as this marketing/PR/politico brainiac, and yet her favorite word to use was "supposably". One word completely negated her carefully cultivated image. Hahaha, such poetic justice!

Matthew said...

I used to think it was for all intensive purposes too! Then again, I also used to think the lyrics to Coolio's mega hit Gangster's Paradise were "Can't stand the motion now, living in the Gangster's Paradise."

Matthew said...

If it makes you feel any better Meg, I used to think it was for all intensive purposes too. But then again I also used to think the lyrics to Coolio's megahit Gangster's Paradise were "Can't stand the motion now, living in the Gangster's Paradise."

Laura said...

Ooh, and it's eye-you-dee! I got so amped up about "intents and purposes" I totally stopped reading to comment!

Anonymous said...

Round 1: You should absolutely clean out the lint trap after you are finished. I live in a house with several people and I'm pretty positive I'm the only one who ever cleans it because it is always crammed full of lint when I go to do my laundry. Nasty.

Round 2: I always thought it was "all intensive purposes" - never questioned it in my life until now.

Rachel said...

1. Intents & purposes

2. Agreed, clean up your own damn lint when you're done

Keriann said...

I thought it was all intensive purposes until probably junior year of college. Which is approximately the same time I found out that people have astygmatism rather than an stymatism. I thought it was like having a stye.

Sarah said...

1) Dryer lint: you're right but i always forget so I also think you should check before starting to avoid the fires that are sure to ensue.
2)I always thought it was "for all intensive purposes..." but this intrigued me so I had to resort to Wiki (because obviously wiki is always right) and came up with this http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_the_saying_'all_intents_and_purposes'_or_'all_intense_purposes'
3)Eye-you-dee obviously, Dr. Quack doesn't know what he's talking about. Suprised he didnt' suggest that we continue to use the apricot pit method.

Love the blog, new reader and it has quickly become my new favorite procrastination device at work.

Veronica said...

"If I were a nun stuck in the Congo surrounded by a bunch of terrorists who's daily goal was to rape the wimple off me..."

That line almost made me peed my pants, if I was wearing pants! (cuz i'm in a dress) Another awesome post.

Susan said...

what? there's no "team" here; it's an american idiom. intents and purposes. case closed.

The D said...

Yeah, it's "intents and purposes." If it were "intensive purposes" it would be actually pretty limiting: it would mean that something is only applicable to those purposes which strengthen, concentrate, or intensify. Which, a lot of times when that term, doesn't apply to much.

And yes, you should clean your own lint tray out. Anyone who doesn't can F off.

Heather said...

Round 1: I share a dryer with another couple; they don't seem to think cleaning the lint trap after them is appropriate. Every time I do laundry I'm tempted to leave mine and every time I say, "I. Will. Be. The. Better. Person. Dammit." while clenching teeth. I feel ya.
Round 2: for all intents and purposes. I suppose I could be intensly purposeful some day...but, uh, not the same thing.
Round 3: I have a Mirena IUD. Guess what? the 'strings' are really metal-y wire things that a few days after insertion "soften" and coil up around your cervix. I like it a lot; but it is not for everyone. and it is eye. you. dee. I <3 Dr. Reuben days...they make me and my yood happy. ~off to google babies born holding yoods~

Hails said...

I wrote an entire blog entry about how my roommate doesn't remove the lint. I mean, you are already taking out all your clothes. Which is harder? removing lint or removing clothes? Just, don't even get me started.

and duh to INTENTS AND PURPOSES.

and honestly, we ALL know that Dr. Reuben is wrong about everything so....yeah...what do YOU think?

Hails said...

Oh, can we PLEASE also educate americans on the word REALTOR.

THERE IS NO "A" AFTER THE "L".

IT'S REALTOR.
NOT REAL-A-TOR.

I've heard people with "realtor" on their BUSINESS CARD SAY IT WRONG!

MLeBlanc said...

for all intents and purposes
There's not even anything to argue here. It's just right!
But also, the internets agrees with me.http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-all-intents-and-purposes-mean.htm

and yeah, clean your own damn lint. I find cleaning my lint trap sort of satisfying...look at all that gross lint that is no longer on my clothes! success!

Anonymous said...

"the 'strings' are really metal-y wire things that a few days after insertion "soften" and coil up around your cervix."

Heather...why would you tell us that!?!?!?!?! Seriously?!?!?! TMI

Kate said...

I've always thought it was "for all intensive...", but according to wiki-answers:

The correct phrase is "to all intents and purposes." This phrase dates back to the 1500s and originated in English law, where it was "to all intents, constructions, and purposes." In modern usage, "for all intents and purposes" is also acceptable. The phrase means "for all practical purposes" and is generally used to compare two nonidentical acts or deeds, i.e., "She went to his room and drank with him, which she viewed to all intents and purposes as consent to sex." (In reality, only a sober 'yes' is consent to sex so to all intents and purposes she is a rapist). A shorter equivalent phrase is "in effect."
When used in a strictly legal sense, the wording would be "intent and purposes," as it refers to one's mental attitude/state at the time said action occurred.

could that be a better example?!

Francesca said...

am i from the future or isn't there some kind of IUD that you can have implanted in your arm? i can make things up sometimes, but i find it hard to believe that i would invent a new form of functional birth control all on my own. if i did...patent pending.

also, the idea of touching someone else's hairy lint trap lint made me shout EWWW! at my computer. smooth operator.

Lia said...

excellent post!
@brytesunshine. it is NOT for all intensive purposes.

LadyLinzee said...

I love how in the video Cher is just tapping her right foot along to the beat of the music... while sitting on a horse... in a Halloween costume...

Heather said...

@anonymous re: Heather...why would you tell us that!?!?!?!?! Seriously?!?!?! TMI

you. are. welcome. :)
I read it in a leaflet before I got the thing. same leaflet also told me to make sure doctor doesn't cut them too short because if they were they could poke a sexual partner.
yup-you could end up with a weapon...

Rosalyn said...

I grew up with 'intents and purposes', but I guess I can understand 'intensive purposes'?

Either way, they both make sense. What doesn't make sense is the malapropism that I've seen sprouting up for 'side effects', in the form of 'cydifecs'. My ex texted me that spelling, and while I'm not saying it played a part in my breaking up with him, I'm not not saying that.

eye-you-dee gets a checkmark next to it as quick as the 'maybe' under a 6th grade 'do you like me' note from my crush, RJ. well played, me. well played.

Kerri said...

Round 1: I'm a senior in college and for the past 4 years of communal washer/dryers I've always had to remove the lint at the beginning of my dryer cycle because the previous user never removed it. That being said, since I already removed lint once I figured why should I have to suffer and do it twice so I guess I'm "that guy" who leaves the lint for everyone else. But I swear it's not my fault! Everybody else is doing it!

Round 2: Ok, I've never heard of "intents and purposes" until today. My mind is BLOWN. I too have always thought it was "intensive purposes." So now on top of my mom telling me I'm uneducated (she called me yesterday to tell me I misspelled something in my Facebook status and it made me look uneducated and as a soon to be college grad I should be more aware of these things... It was a typo though!), Wikitionary is also telling me I'm uneducated. Maybe it's a sign?

Bonus Round: So far I'm 0 for 2, but I can say with confidence that I just KNOW that it is I.U.D. Like the letters.

Great post!

Rosalyn said...

Oh, and Hails, re: real-a-tor.

I want to jab Q-tips into my ears, past my eardrums 'til I can't push no more whenever I see a commercial in which the voice-over lady says real-a-tor. 4 srs, kill me.

Anonymous said...

The term is "intensive purposes." If you're a moron.

Jennifer said...

i'm not going to lie, this is pretty disappointing since i assume we are all within a similar age bracket/ share a similar educational background... if you are online to write a comment then just google the damn phrase. "intents and purposes." i don't know why but i find this infuriating!

Katie said...

Babies: they've got to be stopped.
My favorite thing I've heard all week. You are right about the lint, by the way. And I always thought it was "all intents and purposes."
I love Dr. Reuben.

Monica said...

1) While I see the logic to your lint argument Meg, I have always encountered new lint every time I put something in the dryer, so I sort of thought it was normal for the next person to clean it out. But maybe I'll be a little more courteous next time I do laundry...

2) Intents and purposes. While I may or may not have said "intensive purposes" for the better part of 20 years, I learned the error of my ways.

3) I.U.D. - it's an acronym not an awkwardly spelled word.

I may or may not have burst out laughing multiple times while sitting at my desk at work reading...I'm sure my office mate thinks I'm completely normal.

Leigh said...

It is totally "for all intents and purposes". I feel strongly about this.

But then again, I also felt strongly about the Cuban Shuffle... which as I found out this week is the Cupid Shuffle. Lame.

Anonymous said...

1. You are right about the lint.
2. I always thought it was "all intents and purposes"
3. EYE YOU DEE

...several camels would be dropped off with their loads.

Ha Ha. Maybe if they wouldn't have dropped their loads, then the whole camel pregnancy problem wouldn't have existed.

Anonymous said...

1) Correct, obviously you are supposed to clean up after yourself (in this case, de-lint after yourself). It's common courtesy.
2) I also spent the better part of 20 years thinking it was "intensive purposes," but have learned the error of my ways. "Intents and purposes" is correct.
3) Eye. Yoo. Dee.

Stephanie said...

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA the Cuban Shuffle.

I'm sorry. It was just funny. Maybe because Cupid is from my area. We're a whole lotta things down here in Louisiana, but Cuban isn't generally one of them.

Anonymous said...

HOLD ME CLOSER TONY DANZA

That Kind of Girl said...

I ... I don't understand how "intensive purposes" v. "intents and purposes" can even be a debate. The internet isn't just for reading blog. It contains KNOWLEDGE that is ACCURATE and RESEARCHED. No dictionary of etymology has ever condoned "intensive purposes". Because, as pointed out here, it makes no sense. What is wrong with people that they're so dead-set in their malapropisms that they flout hundreds of years of lexical knowledge?

People who ask the internet questions instead of just googling stuff make me sad. (Not you, Meg -- you're just amusing the troops and bringing an issue to light. But other people.)

Jimmie said...

Another editor here, you're right for all intents and purposes.

Thoughts...if you need to use an YOOD to clean out the lint then BC is NA.

Jessica Ellis said...

Anonymous - "HOLD ME CLOSER TONY DANZA"

That made me LOL and I had to make it my chat status. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I always have thought, and to some extent still think, that the refrain of "All the above" was "I'll be your bud" Anyone? anyone?

Stephanie said...

1) For all intents and purposes. I want to hold hands with Harriet because she voiced exactly what I was thinking.

2) I have an irrational fear of my dryer exploding into a fireball if I leave lint in it so I am fanatical about removing it every time. And I HATE. people who leave that shit in there and I go to clean it before I start the dryer (just in case, ya know) and there's a black fluffy wall of dryer poo blocking the way. GOD

3) yood? what the fuck??????

Becky said...

"For all intensive purposes" makes my ears bleed.

Jules said...

For all intents and purposes, cleaning the lint trap out after you're done doing laundry is not only good etiquette, but prevents dryer fires. And speaking of preventable disasters, eye-you-dees are a great method of controlling birth.

PS: My grammar pet peeve is "should of" as in, the person means "should've," but spells it phonetically. GAG.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about how you pronounce IUD but I do know how to spell CHANNEL, not CHANEL.

Anonymous said...

I really really enjoy your blog. That being said, you have been seriously struggling with grammatical correctness lately. Your it's/its, you're/your, whose/who's errors are taking away from the hilarity of your blogs. I know you are intelligent and know how to write well, so I'm thinking you've just gotten a little careless with your life being so hectic. In any event, keep up the overall good work.

Tiffany said...

Anonymous - Wow, get over it.

1. Clean the lint!
2. "Intents and purposes"
3. EYE YOU DEE

FIN.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous"I really really enjoy your blog. That being said, you have been seriously struggling with grammatical correctness lately. Your it's/its, you're/your, whose/who's errors are taking away from the hilarity of your blogs. I know you are intelligent and know how to write well, so I'm thinking you've just gotten a little careless with your life being so hectic. In any event, keep up the overall good work."

chill the eff out grammer nazi

Anonymous said...

INTENTS AND PURPOSES

Other misuses that annoy me...

-irregardless (just regardless)
-Altimer's Disease (Alzheimer's)
-Valentime's Day (Valentine's)
-liberry (library)
-Mute point (moot point)
-And generally the whole your/you're and their/they're/their thing

Anonymous said...

... oh and conversate (just converse)

Courtney Alexis said...

Oh dear, sweet Meg ...

My boss walked by my cubicle right as I had the detailed picture of a uterus up on my computer screen.

That makes this entry even more high-larious according to my exceedingly high comedic standards.

And in terms of dryer lint? Just thank the good Lord it isn't bellybutton lint ... or at least isn't anymore.

Anonymous said...

1) clean your own dryer lint-point meg
2) intents and pruposes -another point meg
3) eye-you-dee and meg again for the win

thank you to all the commenters also sharing their frustrations with this, "i could care less" and irregardless. can i also add people who say "anyways"? it is anyway!

poopface said...

The correct phrase is "to all intents and purposes." This phrase dates back to the 1500s and originated in English law, where it was "to all intents, constructions, and purposes." In modern usage, "for all intents and purposes" is also acceptable. The phrase means "for all practical purposes" and is generally used to compare two nonidentical acts or deeds, i.e., "She went to his room and drank with him, which she viewed to all intents and purposes as consent to sex." (In reality, only a sober 'yes' is consent to sex so to all intents and purposes she is a rapist). A shorter equivalent phrase is "in effect."
When used in a strictly legal sense, the wording would be "intent and purposes," as it refers to one's mental attitude/state at the time said action occurred.
A common malapropism is "for all intense and purposes", (also, "for all intensive purposes") a result of the original phrase being misheard and repeated. The word "intense" is used here incorrectly; "intense" is used in English to indicate a degree of intensity, i.e., "As the afternoon passed, the fire grew more intense."

Carla said...

Jules, I would like to nominate your comment for some sort of award.

Kristina said...

I feel as though "intents and purposes" vs. "intensive purposes" is not nearly as bad as when people can't understand the differences between there/they're/their, your/you're, lose/loose, etc. Let's all take grammar & spelling lessons...and move on!

Anonymous said...

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_the_saying_'all_intents_and_purposes'_or_'all_intense_purposes'

Santa Chiara said...

#1) I definitely had to hastily pull up a spreadsheet since a bunch of coworkers walked by my desk right as I hit the uterus photo.

#2) Someone, probably my mother, once told me that dryer lint was like a giant fire hazard and could make your dryer explode, so now I'm paranoid about it. Sometimes if I put in a load of laundry and go to bed without remembering to check the lint trap, I'll lie there stressing about the possibility of being burned to death in my own bed as a result of a freak dryer explosion, but too lazy to actually walk down to the basement and fix it.

#2) In Catholic school sex ed, we learned that babies can be born with IUD's COMING OUT OF THEIR HEADS. Whether fact or fiction, I'm kind of astonished Dr. Reuben passed up an opportunity to horrify us with that. When I saw the thing about babies clutching the IUD's in their hands, my first reaction was, "Oh, Dr. Reuben. You're just phoning it in today."

Santa Chiara said...

Oh, also, it's "intents and purposes," as all the lovely intelligent people before me have already proved beyond a shadow of a doubt. Thank you, fellow Grammar Nazis. I'm grateful the world has so many of us.

Courtney said...

Ok, so I always thought it was "for all intensive purposes" and then I read your post the other day, and thought to myself, NOT AGAIN. I apparently got another common saying wrong. Since I was a wee one I always thought the saying "Play it by ear" was "Play it by year." I guess I have a hearing problem, and am a general Slows McGhee...

Anonymous said...

Has anyone else ever heard someone say the letter "H" as hey-ch? That's a huge pet peeve! Along with birfday instead of birthday...it's a th, not an f...

Caroline said...

Meg! I've never commented before even though I faithfully have read your blog for almost 2 years now... the amount of entertainment you have provided is ENDLESS and I appreciate the countless times you've made me laugh sooo very much. You rock, never change.

I just had to share that while reading this post while procrastinating writing a 20-page paper due tomorrow, this made me laugh for five minutes straight in a coffee shop while people stared at me like I was crazy:

"There are stories of babies being born clutching the plastic coil in their little hands."

.....WHAT?

Anonymous said...

Okay, love all the grammar nerds (^Claire, I think you should go ahead and apologize to Catherine immediately for using the word Nazi to describe people who aren't actually Nazis. Please and thank you, and I'm done managing Willett pet peeves) because everyone needs a grammar nerd around. However, I'm shocked that the entire slew of commentors have gone without making a single dildo joke/comment. My friends and I have used "dildo" as a term of endearment since we were 12 years old, as appalling as that is, and it was by far my favorite part of today's post. That being said, perhaps Meg should save dildo-related hilarity for their own posts.

erin said...

1. You are crazy. Everyone knows you clean the lint trap out BEFORE you put your clothes in the dryer. Don't trust anyone else to do it. And, after all, what happens if it doesn't get cleaned out? Oh right! It CATCHES ON FIRE. Is that a risk you're willing to take? No more Jack Daniels pants b/c some ass didn't clean out the lint trap? I don't think so.

2. Everyone has their world shattered when they discover that it really is "intents and purposes." Anyone calling you crazy is just a late bloomer.

PS. Thank you for the giant image of my reproductive system. I started a new job this week. While my last job loved all things inappropriate and 2b1b was a common point of conversation around the office, today was the first day I've had the guts to read a post at work. Best welcome-back gift e.v.e.r.

Anonymous said...

I don't really understand why cleaning out other people's dryer lint is so offensive. Like other people have said, it's lint from clean clothes, and it's been further sterilized by the 45 minutes of exposure to hot dryer air.

Casey said...

i'll just add ONE more post to the billion to say i ALWAYS thought it was "all intensive purposes" until like last week. i'm 21. no big...

pook555 said...

1. Meg, I love your posts, they never fail to cheer up my day!

2. All intents and purposes. The end.

3. People need to clean the lint trap (yes, I have a fear of my dryer exploding, so I clean the link trap obsessively).

4. Is there anyone that Dr. Reuben fails to offend in his book of made-up sexual urban legends? Even elephants?

5. I.U.D. Dr. Reuben (as usual) is an inept moron (though I think I may add "yood" to my list of words to describe such morons). I love it when he says "for those who might be inconvenienced by pregnancy"...inconvenienced?, like seriously?

6. Who gets the idea to stick an apricot pit up a camels hoo-hah anyways? And who would do such sticking?

7. Uh, IUDs totally scare me too, like hookworms.

8. When I read your tweet about reuben eggrolls, I kept thinking Dr. Reuben eggrolls for some reason...

Anonymous said...

YOUR MOM'S PURPOSES ARE INTENSIVE

Meghan (hooray for M's with large boobies!) said...

I am sort of bummed that most of the comments for this post were about "the phrase". My whole life I have have used, "for all intensive purposes" someone apparently taught a bunch of us wrong. Get the fuck over it already! Only pretentious people try to make people feel bad about the misuse of a phrase.

Nobody has anything to say about the Catholic Church? *cries*

chultgren said...

Ok, sorr I'm late to comment...I've been gone and am just catching up on my reading. I have a friend who has a friend who just got pregnant again for the fourth time...she didn't plan to get pregnant, she was on the IUD (eye-you-dee). Then my friend proceeded to tell me they couldn't find the IUD. What do you mean they can't find the IUD?! My friend told me they had done ultrasounds and everything and couldn't find the girl's IUD! They asked her if it had fallen out. She says there is no way it fell out. Imagine pulling back your sheets and finding your IUD laying there. Anyway, they still don't know where the IUD is!

Colin said...

It has to be I.U.D. Because Yood sounds ridic. Unless you're my girlfriends roommate, who thinks its UID. Which is funny because i think "Uterine Identification Device."

I, too, could feel the strings and didn't like it. It was weird. And then it fell out. Which made me say "no" to IUDs. Then my friend got pregnant with one in. No. Just no.

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if you want your ex back.

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if you want to gain weight.

if you are barren and you want to have a child.

if you want to bind your husband with you forever.

binding you and yourhusband forever and lot more ..

he is very powerful,his solutions has no side effect and his solutions comes within 72 hours...

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Curtis Ruben said...

For the past 3 months now I have been looking for good and geniue spell to bring back my ex lover back and also help me to win lottery. and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Dr Trust who gave me powerful prayer and assured me that it will take two days before the spell will be effective, truly 2 days later, my Ex Lover rang me, i answered the call, he started apologizing, we are together Now. Thank you for making her to know that we are meet to be together and also making my dreams come true. And he did a spell that make me to win lottery. Please if any body needs LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PRENANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL, GET YOUR PARTNER. BACK AND MANY MORE YOU MAKE NEED. Email him now for your own help. Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call him +2348156885231 All thanks goes to DR.Trust for the excessive work that he has done for me

Curtis Ruben said...

For the past 3 months now I have been looking for good and geniue spell to bring back my ex lover back and also help me to win lottery. and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Dr Trust who gave me powerful prayer and assured me that it will take two days before the spell will be effective, truly 2 days later, my Ex Lover rang me, i answered the call, he started apologizing, we are together Now. Thank you for making her to know that we are meet to be together and also making my dreams come true. And he did a spell that make me to win lottery. Please if any body needs LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PRENANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL, GET YOUR PARTNER. BACK AND MANY MORE YOU MAKE NEED. Email him now for your own help. Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call him +2348156885231 All thanks goes to DR.Trust for the excessive work that he has done for me

michelle samlim said...


wow it has been a great and good thing know this man called Dr abulu the love spell caster who helped me get my husband back after two years . it all happened when my husband traveled to Canada for contract and during his stay in Canada him said him is no longer in love with me any more at first i thought it was a joke but after two months him finally said it was over and i was pregnant having his baby inside me and him abandoned me , i cried all day and night because i loved him so much and i never wanted to put to birth without the present of my husband , so i started to seek help from every source and even had to contact some other spell casters but no help until my friend who is currently schooling in Africa told me about this man called Dr abulu of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com,and i decided to give him a last try as i have tried many before , but to my best surprise after two days of telling him my problems and him told somethings am to do and i did them my husband mother called me asking after my child and after two hours my husband called begging to forgive him say he has been under a black magic spell from one other woman so this was how i manage to gain the love of samlin my husband back , so with this great help rendered by Dr abulu i promise not to rest until i share his good work to the world wide okay
if any one is out there passing through same or similar situation should also contact him today for help

his email; abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com
webs ; abuluspiritualtemple.webs.com
Michelle Samlin

albert Uwa said...

my name is Amanda Sharif My Ex-husband dumped me for a new woman 3 years after our marriage. And i was totally devastated and cried all day and night for aid. My Love life completely turned out to be a mess, because i couldn't just carry on with it anymore.. I was at the point of doing whatever thing that will save my Marriage and make him mine again, because i knew he was my soul mate and i fell deeply in love with him. We were both head over heels and over the moon for one another, and his feelings for me was so strong and he promised me love eternal. Life and pressure got in the way about two weeks before my birthday, And was pressured by his Mother to divorce me, and forced me to sign the divorce papers after seeing the attorney.. For weeks after our divorce he still remained in contacts with me, and after some times he no longer (calls nor texts) anymore. So i had no other choice than to cry out for help to Dr aluda the spell caster i found online, and to my best of luck, he was right presently here in united states.. so he did cast a spell for me and he assured me positive result after 48 hours.. For the first time in 14 months my ex husband did called me for apologies, and he felt so sorry and remorseful for ever leaving me, and he told me how much he love and miss me. And his spells made me so unique in the Sight of my husband, and did open his eyes and made him remember why and how we fell in love in the first place..Thank you for your help! From the depth of my heart of hearts I know we are meant to be. your spells truly helped me and brought joy to my life once again. Email aludaspelltemple@gmail.com from Usa

albert Uwa said...

my name is Amanda Sharif My Ex-husband dumped me for a new woman 3 years after our marriage. And i was totally devastated and cried all day and night for aid. My Love life completely turned out to be a mess, because i couldn't just carry on with it anymore.. I was at the point of doing whatever thing that will save my Marriage and make him mine again, because i knew he was my soul mate and i fell deeply in love with him. We were both head over heels and over the moon for one another, and his feelings for me was so strong and he promised me love eternal. Life and pressure got in the way about two weeks before my birthday, And was pressured by his Mother to divorce me, and forced me to sign the divorce papers after seeing the attorney.. For weeks after our divorce he still remained in contacts with me, and after some times he no longer (calls nor texts) anymore. So i had no other choice than to cry out for help to Dr aluda the spell caster i found online, and to my best of luck, he was right presently here in united states.. so he did cast a spell for me and he assured me positive result after 48 hours.. For the first time in 14 months my ex husband did called me for apologies, and he felt so sorry and remorseful for ever leaving me, and he told me how much he love and miss me. And his spells made me so unique in the Sight of my husband, and did open his eyes and made him remember why and how we fell in love in the first place..Thank you for your help! From the depth of my heart of hearts I know we are meant to be. your spells truly helped me and brought joy to my life once again. Email aludaspelltemple@gmail.com from Usa

sonia tucker said...

Hello to the world i am very happy today that things are moving on fine with me and my family i am Mrs Sonia Tuck and i am from the carribean i was having problems with my husband who i have been with for over 10 years now the problem started when i wasn't able to have babies we went to so many hospitals and nothing was wrong with us then the mother started troubling me and saying i must leave her son alone i was sad and felt very alone and my husband was drifting away from me and he started having affair with other women i was very downcasted and i sought for help until help came my way in the form of Dr Arewa of arewalovespelltemple@yahoo.com he told me he will make my husband love me again and make me have babies i believed him because he was the only hope i had and true to his words i gave birth to twins my husband loved me again and things started to work for the better for me i am so happy that i chose the help of this powerful spell caster you can contact him for all your problems for he is ready to solve them for you okay here is his mail one more time arewalovespelltemple@yahoo.com your daughter from the carribean Sonia Tuck

linda allen said...

Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. by the help of a spell caster called Dr aza, i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy.i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a woman called mercy, saying that Dr aza helped her with a spell that make her to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com you can call him or whatsApp his number +2348107155060

 
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