1.) If you live in Canada and requested stickers, they're going out this afternoon. I'm so sorry for the delay. If it makes you feel any better, I'm aware of how much I suck. It's just I had to physically go to the post office to see how much extra postage I'd need...and it's really hot out...and the post office is all the way in Georgetown...and has odd hours...so then I asked my mom to do it...and she forgot...and I'm still pissed about the War of 1812, so it wasn't like I was going to remind her...but then she remembered, so now we're back in business! (FYI: postage to Canada is 13 extra cents per ounce. You're welcome.)
2.) So far, best placement of a 2birds1blog sticker goes to Alex for outside the National Archeological Museum of Athens in Greece. Ta-dow:
Think you can beat him? Shoot me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
So I'm hoping someone besides me and Laura will appreciate today's drinking game. A few years ago, Laura and I realized that we both had the same disturbing experience during our formative years with the movie Crash. And I'm not talking about the 2004 Sandra Bullock/Matt Dillon/Don Cheadle/everyone you know Crash, I'm talking about the 1996 James Spader fucked-up-six-ways-to-the-weekend Crash. Laura and I were both exposed to this movie at a faaaaaaaaarrrr too young age via the Independant Film Channel. I watched a lot of IFC as a kid because it showed explicit sex scenes, and that was exciting to me at the time. I never had "The Talk." I had IFC. And it fucked me up good.
There are three movies that specifically disturbed the hell out of me:
2.) Blue Velvet
3.) This movie that I forget the title of, but was about a scientist trying to put hybrids of animals together but he kills all of the cows in his area and runs out of animals to experiment with, so he takes the family dog and combines it with a goat and his wife walks in and there's this half-Jack Russell Terrier, half-goat stammering around the room in pain and she freaks out and I could fucking vomit just thinking about it.
...It's weird when you're 12 and you actually wish your parents had utilized the V-chip because you know you're never going to be able to erase the memory of a stammering goat/dog.
Allow me to share with you the imdb synopsis for Crash:
Since a road accident left him with serious facial and bodily scarring, a former TV scientist has become obsessed by the marriage of motor-car technology with what he sees as the raw sexuality of car-crash victims. The scientist, along with a crash victim he has recently befriended, sets about performing a series of sexual acts in a variety of motor vehicles, either with other crash victims or with prostitutes whom they contort into the shape of trapped corpses. Ultimately, the scientist craves a suicidal union of blood, semen, and engine coolant, a union with which he becomes dangerously obsessed.
The words semen and engine coolant should never be in the same sentence together. Ever. And movies about semen and engine coolant should never be viewed at the tender and impressionable age of 11. Ever, ever. Consider yourself warned. Without further ado, I give you The Crash Drinking Game.
- There's a car crash
- Someone dies
- Someone gets a tattoo
- A famous crash is referenced and/or reenacted (i.e. Jayne Mansfield, Nathaniel West, Grace Kelly, James Dean etc.)
- James Spader and Deboarah Kara Unger have an awkward and frank discussion while having sex
- Someone tries to commit suicide
- Someone is bummed out when said suicide attempt doesn't work
- Someone gets incision-fucked
- "I want really big tits, out to here, so the audience can see 'em get all cut up and crushed on the dashboard."
- You want your childhood back
Shudder, shudder...Welp! Thanks for reading and we'll see you back here Monday morning. Should you be so moved to watch Crash this weekend and need a hug, you can get at us on Twitter, our facebook page or shoot an email. We'll get through it together. Have a great weekend!