8.13.2009

Thoughts I couldn't flesh out into full entries:

- From an article entitled "Asteroid Program Lagging" in this morning's Post Express:

"NASA is charged with spotting most of the asteroids that pose a threat to Earth but does not have the money to complete the job, a U.S. government report says.

That's because even though Congress assigned the space agency that mission four years ago, it never gave NASA the money to build the necessary telescopes, according to the report released Wednesday by the National Academy of Sciences.

Specifically, the mission calls for NASA, by 2020, to locate 90 percent of the potentiality deadly rocks hurtling through space.[...]NASA estimates that there are about 20,000 asteroids and comets in our solar system that are potential threats. They are larger than 460 feet in diameterslightly smaller than the New Orleans' Superdome."

Hi. I currently have 45 dollars in my bank account. NASA: you are more than welcome to 35 of it. I just need 6 bucks to get a salad this afternoon and 4 bucks to get my "Yay! You made it through the week!" Friday morning latte, and the rest is all yours. Because I've seen Deep Impact. If I were lobbying for NASA funds, I would simply walk into Congress, sit down my laptop, ask people to gather 'round and show the following scene:

Then I would shut my laptop, do an "AND WHAT?!" chest-bump to the crowd and walk out.

- One of my life dreams is to be a tattoo artist. Tattoos and tattoo culture are probably the most fascinating thing in the entire world to me. I know I only have three tattoos, but If it were up to me, I'd have a half-sleeve by now. But it's not up to me. Because I fear my mother's wrath. Diane is one of God's chosen people, so automatically she's not too keen on the idea of tattoos. Plus I think my parents still associate tattoos with criminals, sailors, prostitutes and prison dykes. When I was living in New York, my (completely magical, wonderful, amazing, miss him everyday) therapist, Bart, was really into the idea of me pursuing this dream, so I started sketching more and more and even put together a drawing portfolio so I could get an apprenticeship. When I moved home last year, the dream will still very much alive. I started researching tattoo apprenticeships in DC and found a woman-run studio in Southeast that was hiring apprentices. Now, you could not ask for two more supportive parents than mine. They support all of my wacky dreams and kooky antics and somehow remain proud at the end of the day. Not all parents would be cool with their daughter calling them up all "Yo! I'm quittin' my job and shacking up with you two to write a comedy blog, sooooo you need to come help me move out. KSEEYOUSOONBYEEE!" But they thought that sounded like a great idea. So kudos to them! However, they do not like the idea of me becoming a tattoo artist. I wouldn't even say they don't like it. I would say they don't even tolerate it. They've made it very clear that if I were to seriously pursue this, they would cut me off. I've always kind of resented them a bit for this. I mean, it's not like I want to be a stripper or a hit man. And my parents are both artists! And I'm an artist! And they've always supported that! I'm just switching my medium up. I feel like they should get that. But they don't, so I get all emo and angsty and writhe around in my bed listening to DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's Parent's Just Don't Understand, screaming at the wall about how no one gets me and my life is a lie. But then I read this in the Express this morning (man, relevant morning for the Express, huh?):

Police: Tattoo Artist Shot Husband to Death in SE [tattoo shop]
The co-owner of a Southeast tattoo parlor has been charged with fatally shooting her husband in the head and back. Kristin Kozak, 36, known in the tattoo world as Liquidity Jones, was charged with second-degree murder in the death of a 56-year-old Michael Burnett. Police say Kozak told officers that Burnett was not armed or trying to attack her when she shot him.

Yes. That is indeed the tattoo shop I was thinking of apprenticing at. Hmm. Mom and dadpoint taken.

Score:
Meg: 0
Parents: 1

- Allison and I want to start a Christian folk-rock band and call it "Thunder Cunt." I can objectively say this is the sixth best idea I've ever had.

- I just had an epiphany. Every time I watch More to Love, I can't help notice that there aren't any minorities on the show. I mean, Kristian is a little ambiguously tan and The Tranny is Israeli, but I don't know if that would fly past the Reverend Jackson. A tan chick and an Israeli tranny = weakest Rainbow Coalition ever. Anyway, in doing More to Love research yesterday, I stumbled upon a bunch of M2L reject audition interviews. They were sad and priceless and LOLz-worthy and I was going to post them today so we could all point and laugh, but then I saw this one:

And that's when I realized, there aren't any black women on the show because black women are too confident. Being heavier in other cultures isn't a huge deal (pun intended,) so they don't have the broken spirit of the over-weight white woman. And this show is all about exploiting that broken spirit for entertainment purposes. How fucked up is that? Imagine how different the show would be if there was a sassy black chick in the mix. Luke would be all, "I know Prom was a very special event that most of us missed out on
" and this chick would interrupt all "BITCH PLEASE! Not only was I there sweeping the floor with it, I was the entertainment:"

Really though. I think Fox should have to legally change the name of More to Love to Homely, Unfortunate White Women in a Dating Situation.

33 comments:

dontgetsentimental said...

I would totally lez out with Kat Von D. But I'm a Jew too and my parents have personally told me if I even think about getting my foot music note tattoo that I would be swiftly removed from their gravesite (awkward) and not allowed at any more bat mitzvahs. It was obviously the latter part that stopped me.

Katrina said...

Wow. If the black chick with the cut off jean jacket was on "More to Love," I might actually have someone to root for.

jessica lynn said...

loooving the you tube M2L videos. and you are totally right that c. clear would totally bust out a bitch please to any of luke's lame one liners.

Natalie said...

hahaha, rainbow coalition. luke is obviously not into girls with self-esteem, cause all the girls that don't hate themselves get sent home with the quickness.

liferehab said...

Ummm, seriously? The gov't is spending how much money to keep car companies and banks in business, but they can't afford to pay Nasa?! Not sure about everyone else, but I'd rather be alive and with a foreign car than in a car smooshed by a comet.

Anna said...

1. i had a huge crush on elijah wood after that movie
2. old flower head is carrying a F21 bag! man that store is gold!

Melissa said...

Thought you would get a kick out of this given your feelings on NYC Prep and their eye situation...

http://www.dlisted.com/node/33355

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Swastikas are totally the new black.

(That was RE: Melissa's NYC Prep/Hitler link, by the way. I just realized saying "Swastikas are the new black" after a post about how I'm inconvenienced by being Jewish might be a little uncouth.)

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Oh shit. That link wasn't even about the NYC Prep Hitler pictures. Well shit. Now I just look like a flaming anti-semite.

Stephanie said...

Was anyone else as nervous as I was about a nip slip out of old flower head's shirt during her scat session?

Anonymous said...

"i love a woman with low self esteem."

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Gah! That's an old school McBlogger family inside joke! Did Becca or Dad leave that??? WHY DO PEOPLE COMMENT ANONYMOUSLY! We're related! Leave your name!

Anonymous said...

made you crazy, huh? diane mcblogger strikes again

Ben said...

It must be interesting to be a member of the Mcbloggers...

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

OH MOM. You anonymous minx, you.

Julie said...

Clear C was amazing...her near nipple slip was not.

Skippy said...

i just watched an epsidoe of More to Love this past week...by accident. Now I LOVE television, and especialy reality shows (see my latest post), but the batchelor on More to Love seems very horndoggish to me. I am just sayin.

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Asteroids and comets in our solar system that are potential threats....

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I would be swiftly removed from their gravesite ...why will it happen?? :(

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Is there any proof that Asteroids and comets in our solar system that are potential threats? once I heard that but I do not sure about the fact.

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That's because even though Congress assigned the space agency that mission four years ago...

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They support all of my wacky dreams and kooky antics and somehow remain proud at the end of the day.

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