I got in an Internet fight with the chick who took the last babka on Seinfeld.

I was truly having a wonderful Sunday evening last night. I was sitting on my couch writing letters to you fine people, sipping a glass of Shiraz and watching The 40-Year Old Virgin on TBS in peace. But my brief moment of bliss was interrupted by an email I received from a fellow blogger nominated for the Blogger's Choice Award: Best Humor Blog. It was from a woman named Suzy. It said this:

Subject: Humor Bloggers thingamajig
Message: Hey, a few of us have noticed that your blog just leapfrogged all the other humor bloggers in record time.

*ZACK MORRIS STYLE TIME OUT!* After reading that, I immediately thought to myself, "Wow. My readers are fucking badasses." I gave myself a pat on the back and you a standing ovation. I thought maybe Suzy was writing me from one humor blogger to another to give me kudos. After all, we humor bloggers have to stick together, right? *TIME IN!*

Usually that is a sign of cheating.

Ah. Wrong.

Upon further examination, most of your voters have only voted for 2 blogs, both of which are yours.

Just an FYI, if all your votes are coming from one or two IP's, they will not be counted, at least that's what former people have told us. It's taken me 3 months to get to 115 so how could you get to second place in 3 weeks?

I just thought it was only fair to give you a head's up.


I was fuming you guys, fuming. Because of course I didn't cheat! Lord knows I got a lot of time on my hands (let's not pretend I don't,) but I don't have so much time that I'm able to create 288 fake email accounts to win an Internet award. I mean, maybe if I still lived at home, sure, but I do occasionally have a social life. Occasionally. So I sent Suzy back the following:

Dear Suzy:

Most of my readers do not read other blogs. Ergo, they only voted for my blog and the two categories I was voted for. I managed to get so many votes in so little time by asking my readers to vote for me. And they did. You should try it.

Best of luck and thank you for your concern,


And I was ready to let it go and move on with my life. I was still pissed and offended, of course, but I chalked it up to Internet shenanigans and felt better.

Later, as I sat at the bar of Tryst enjoying a lovely tuna melt, chatting with friends, my phone's email alert dinged and my relaxing Sunday evening was interrupted by Suzy, again:

In a message dated 8/2/2009 4:03:07 PM Pacific Daylight Time, meg@2birds1blog.com writes:

Most of my readers do not read other blogs.

One of your readers is one of my readers and Vodka Mom's readers as well. Kathy B!, and she also voted for me and Vodka. It's kind of ridiculous to think NONE of your readers read anyone but you two. You guys really are in your 20's aren't you? :)

Well, good luck anyway...s

And with that, Suzy ignited the fiery, cold-hearted, bitch within. Before she had only ignited the snarkess within, which of course isn't that hard to ignite, but with just two careless strokes of the keyboard she took it to a whole other level. Which strokes, you ask? I have three words for you: colon, end, parenthesis.

As I've discussed before, I have no time for passive-aggressive people. If you're going to be an asshole to me, just be an asshole. Don't try to LOLZ it off at the end and add a smiley face like you're just joshin' around. Because Suzy wasn't joshin' around. She was accusing me of being a liar and a cheat. And now, immature. Which of course I am, but frankly you're the one researching the statistics of who voted for me for an Internet award on your Sunday evening and emailing me to start shit. But either way, kudos to you for calling me out on being young and immature. However, why add the :) ? :) is on the same infuriating level as when Mark-the-Big-Gay-Co-Worker laughs after he says something rude to me. Busting out a :) and/or laughing after you say something rude does not negate the rude statement you just made. Same goes for when people say "No offense but..." or "With all do respect..." before they say something rude. It's like an insurance policy that if I understandably react with anger, you can always be like, "WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! I was just joking around!!! JEEZ, calm down! LAMAO HEHE :P " And that, my friends, is cowardly. Because if you're going to start shit with me, it's only fair that you be prepared to take the shit I'm going to give you back. Asshole is a two-way street. You give it; you get it.

I threw my delicious tuna melt down in anger. I felt sick. I had lost my appetite. (Just kidding, I obviously finished it later.) How dare this woman 1.) accuse me of being a liar and a cheat 2.) then accuse me of being immature and finish it off by 3.) adding the ever passive-aggressive :) ?? I raged. It was one of those situations where you're sitting there talking to your friends about it getting angrier and angrier and thinking about all of the passive-aggressive people in your life and all of the hypocrites who piss you off on a daily basis until your hands are shaking and you're finally like, "WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS PERSON THINK SHE IS?! NOW TASTE MY PAIN, BITCH!!!!!" So, I sent the following back:

"It's kind of ridiculous to think NONE of your readers read anyone but you two."

That's not what I said. I said:

"MOST of my readers do not read other blogs."

And just so you don't make this mistake again--per Websters Dictionary:
Most (Adj)
1.) Greatest in quantity, extent or degree.
2.) The majority of.
(i.e. not NONE)

'You really are lonely, jealous and in your 30's aren't you? :)' I'm
genuinely SHOCKED you don't have more votes.

Best of luck trying to prove my sinisterly evil master plan of rigging the Blogger's Choice Awards. ;)

- Meg

Before you email me all "WHATEVER BITCH, 30 IS THE NEW 20 AND 20 IS THE NEW 10 AND YOU'RE THE NEW ASSHOLE!!!!" I obviously don't think 30 is old. Given Suzy's dig at me my age, I assumed she was in her 30's. So I made the executive decision to exploit that fact. It's like when you're mad at a friend so you call her fat even though she's obviously thin. You don't mean it, you both know it's not true and you both know you're only saying it out of anger. Was it a cheap shot? Yes. Was it deserved? Of course! But if you didn't want me to take a cheap shot, you probably shouldn't have taken one at me. It's my You Started It Principle.

Her response:

In a message dated 8/2/2009 6:31:13 PM Pacific Daylight Time, meg@2birds1blog.com writes:

'You really are lonely, jealous and in your 30's aren't you? :)' I'm
genuinely SHOCKED you don't have more votes.

Spoken like a 20 year old. I've read your blog, why haven't you checked mine out?

To be fair, I had read her blog. I read the most recent post about how irritating the AT&T rollover minutes commercials are (which I disagree with. That kid is adorable) and then read the next post, which opened with:
"Bloggers have, over the years, asked me how I manage to be consistently funny (lie). Did I have any tips for them to bump up their funny? Being lazy, I ignored those emails completely."

After that I gave up. Because this chick kind of sounds like an asshole. And if I'm reading any asshole's blog, it's Meghan McCain's.

Besides, Suzy was getting off topic here. So I sharpened my knives and responded:

Spoken like a senile old grandma who's just makin' shit up. When did I say I never read your blog?

Her response:

Out of curiosity, why are you so angry in your emails? s

That statement was basically just a more eloquent version of a :). She was throwing her asshole-car into reverse and trying to get herself out of the situation she had started. I just will never understand people who start shit and then act so surprised when I get mad and act accordingly. It's just mind boggling. Steven Hawking should study it.

Alright Grams, lets recap what's happened in the last 4 hours: you went out of your way to accuse me of cheating and rigging a blog election, then passive-aggressively called me immature for God knows what reason. Don't start shit with me and act clueless when you can't keep up with your own accusations.


Her response:

I was trying to warn you, sorry you took it the way you did. You're on your own now.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SO. INFURIATING. Because Suzy wasn't trying to do me a solid and help me out. She was accusing me of cheating! That's rather different than offering heart-felt blogging advice (that I never asked for.) And how else was I suppose to take it? "You're a big liar and a cheat and I'm going to investigate all of the people who voted for you and stalk down their IP addresses and disqualify you from the competition, negating two years of hard work. But you can't get mad at me because I'm adding LOLZ ;)"

K. Thanks again for the selfless accusation. It totally wasn't offensive at all. Let me know if you want stickers.

And that was the end of that. Later that night, I tossed and turned as I struggled with the dirty feeling of having been in an Internet fight. I realize being a blogger I'm already skirting on Losertown and Nerdville, but a bona fide Internet fight/blog war? That's not really my style. But she just enraged me so much I couldn't take the higher road and not fight back. Ugh...unclean...unclean!

One thing stuck with me though: why was she so concerned that I hadn't read her blog? Was there something on there I missed? I went back and read it more carefully. And that's when I saw her bio:
My name is Suzy Soro and I'm a comedian. I'm the woman who got the last chocolate babka on Seinfeld. I'm also the person that Larry David called a very bad name on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Hm. So I was completely incorrect in my thinking she was some random chick in her early 30's living in LA struggling to make it as a comedian. And then I immediately felt like a complete asshole. But I didn't feel like a complete asshole because I had pissed off someone established who could hurt my future career. I don't want to be a comedian or an actor or anything that Suzy's connections could blacklist me from. I felt pissed off because her being older and established made all of my age jokes completely un-ironic and just...mean. And I'm not mean. Snarky? Yes. Elitist? Of course! But mean? Not at all! Because being mean on the Internet is something I am in no way interested in. It takes the wit and intelligence of a glue gun. It makes me no better than this:

I feel horrible. I feel dirty. And I feel mad. Again. Because now I feel so guilty, I'm obviously going to apologize. But me apologizing takes away any and all of the excellent points I made about what a total asshole she was and kind of makes me look like a pussy.

God. I can never win.

Suzy Soro: I'm sorry I called you old. Because you're not old. Andy Rooney is old. I accidentaly stooped to an all-time low, and for that I apologize. Because I only wanted to stoop somewhat low. I mean, after all, you were rude and patronizing, which of course is your own fault. But I shouldn't have called you old. And for that I'm sorry.


Sigh...Guess it's time to edit this list:

Meg's Enemies:
The bartender at Axis
Meghan McCain
Suzy Soro


M.R. said...

Oh my GOD that chick is NUTS!

jessica lynn said...

you know, i wasnt going to vote at all for the blogging awards. but, because suzy is being so lame i'm going to go ahead and give you a vote from my little ole ip address. take that suzy.

kelea said...

sooo how to i vote for u? i just want to piss suzy off.

i have like 6 email accounts already (i know it's sad but i do). and i will gladly use them ALL to vote for u

Katie said...

Does this mean that Suzy is now on your Top 5 grudges list? Or does the fact that you offended her negate that?

Skippy said...

Wow, this blog world is vicious. I can only hope to get into a Internet fight with someone "famous"...maybe I can track down the Soup Nazi, or the Chinese Restaurant Owner, or the old lady that George knocked down during the fire at the kid's party...that will be my new goal for our blog. Get into a written internet fight with an old(er) ex-sit-com extra. Another vote for 2birds1blog.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Oh wow. I was actually nervous you guys would lose respect for me for being so blatantly mean to her. SILLY ME! How dare I forget you guys are pretty much the best people ever? J. Lynn & Kelea- you can vote for me by going here:


It's a pain in the ass to sign up, I know. If you send your address to meg@2birds1blog.com, I'll gladly send you a thank you note and some stickers. Because despite my recent actions, I'm actually a pretty decent person.

Anonymous said...

Just voted for you. Suzy has an unpleasant personality.

Cassidy said...

For future reference, I only read your blog. Take that Suzy. I look forward to my stickers.

Laura said...

Dear Suzy,

I am in my early twenties. Not only is Meg's the only blog I follow, but there are whole days that I would not go online if it weren't out of a desire to read her blog. If our entire electrical grid went out I would only miss Meg's blog and the ability to book an appointment at Bang Salon online. And maybe watch Dead Like Me on Hulu.

Love and kisses,

Cassie said...

I so wish I could vote for you again! You did nothing wrong. P-A personalities boggle my mind and are down right irritating. There was nothing funny about her blog, btw. You know how many random people were in episodes of ER or 24? They're called extras. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

I will now be voting out of spite. Which is the same reason for which Jerry tries to return a blazer, but is refused. I don't believe she was in that episode.

Anonymous said...

ugh, her blog's not even funny.

my definition of funny is coworkers giving me weird looks when i laugh out loud (LOL!) in my cube.

which your blog causes daily.

Unknown said...

i only read your blog. i've been putting off voting because i am that lazy, but suzy just gave me some motivation. bitch.

Anonymous said...

I already voted for you. I checked out her blog. It sucks.

As for the "It's taken me 3 months to get to 115 so how could you get to second place in 3 weeks?"

I think that has more to do with the fact she isn't very funny.

Travis said...

Just Voted

.tina. said...

I definitely just signed up and voted out of spite. Suzy crossed the line.

Caitlin said...

I also don't read any of the other blogs on that website, and I voted for you!

And my boss is known for putting smileys at the end of every email. Needless to say, I detest them. Nothing like an "urgent" email with a "thanks :) k" at the end. No, don't smile at me, you just screwed up my day! Totally condescending.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

1.) Seriously, as I originally thought, you guys are fucking badasses. Hell hath no fury like a 2b1b reader scored. Love you guys.

and 2.) My mom just emailed me this and I thought it was cute:

hi meg... went to suzy's site. didn't read it because i don't need lessons on how to be funny, thank you very much. she isn't joy behar's friend. did you know that at the top of her blog she has a statement followed by "do the math"? who did that first? or is it just one of those sayings that a really old lady like me wouldn't know. she's not "old", don't be too apologetic, i can show you "old". talk to you later, baby.

...Like I always say. Don't fuck with a McBlogger.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

By scored I meant scorned. By the way. Although you guys might be full of fury after you score as well.

Bev said...

I just started reading your blog and love it. Didn't even think about voting until your suzy post. Just went and voted for you and I hope Suzy realizes that by what she said she probably got you many more votes. Who is the dumb one now?

Laurie said...

I tried to read her blog when I first heard of this BCA but it did not hold my interest.
I also may have to reevaluate my Curb Your Enthusiasm marathons On Demand knowing that she tainted the show if only for an episode.

Cassie said...

Oh, and one more thing. Not only are you my favorite, but I have you on my favorites list :)

Yah, I put a smily face.

Adriane said...

i am 20something. i also only read your blog. and i voted. i really hope suzy's reading this. because for her to have been in an episode of seinfeld does indeed make her old to me. so take that, suz.

don't feel bad, apology not necessary, meg. i would've kept the e-fight going. she clearly wasn't just "doing you a favor". she's just jealous her life isn't as blog-worthy as yours. i'm not even going to give her the courtesy of going to her blog to check her out since, well, i only read YOUR blog.

viva la 2b1b!

Anonymous said...

ohh already voted---i'll send this around though---you've got to win now.

also, just read her blog, and to quote your new friend suze: "I'm so grateful that you follow me and have pumped up my votes to 110 I could kiss you all with tongue."

maybe thats why she's struggled for months to get anyone to vote for her...sickennning

Margo said...

Dear Suzy,

Please give me the 3 minutes of my life back that I just wasted reading your un-funny blog. ;)



Anonymous said...

You're hilarious. Ms. Suzy Soro's accusations seemed to work adversely for her. Your blog just shot into 1st place.

Lazy One said...

That was definitely in my top 5 of funniest 2B1B blogs. I wasn't going to vote before because typing in my email address and all was so much work, but I think I've worked up enough energy after reading today's blog to go ahead, type in my email address and vote for your blog

SLynnRo said...

No one had it coming more than this chick.

jes said...

i'm 20 fucking 8 and i voted for you. but i've always had love for this blog ever since oh errol ladies told me about it. you have heard this. but now it counts because i voted...and i haven't felt this good about a vote since obama.

and saying you were an extra on a show in the 90s is like me saying i was once on stage with NKOTB when i was 8. real cool, but who the fuck cares? i don't think it's scored me any dates, and her stint def didn't score her any votes. boo ya suz!

Warren said...

Add me to the list of people who were too lazy to vote before but am suddenly finding renewed vigor based on Suzy's douchebaggery.

Saramarie said...

The funny thing is the IP address threat...every computer where I work has the same IP address because that's how it's networked. So she's saying that all of our employees could vote for you but none of them would count since they're coming from the same IP address?? I smell 30-year-old bullshit (and it's STAAANKY)

Tony B. said...

I read lots of blogs, but I only voted for yours based solely on this Suzy chick's poor attitude. Nothing is more frustrating than an internet fight! I'm sure she's over at Larry David's house right now crying her eyes out- wait, what's that? She's not best friends with Larry and her Imdb has 6 items since 1991 and one of those is a "special thanks?" Wow, what a real power-house she is.

KellyAOsborne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kerri Anne said...

I believe there is a special place in Hades for people who routinely get down with the Passive Aggressive. Suzy has secured her spot, and you: are hilarious.

KellyAOsborne said...

2.) I VOTED, and was thrilled.. to support you.
3.) bribery works. can't wait for some sweet ass stickers to stick on to my lisa frank trapper keeper cause i am that 23 yr old who really acts her age.. aka.. 12 yrs old...
Lastly.) suzy sucks.

Lyndsey said...

This made me very mad on your behalf.

Suzy S= No Ma'am.

Jessie said...

I wonder if she e-mailed the writer of that cake blog site. Seriously I don't understand it, Cake is winning like 3 different categories and I can't for the life of me figure out what it's even about. If anyone's cheating its the awkward cake lady.

But Whatevs yo, 2birds kicks Babkas arsssssssssse!

Allison said...

The back of my aunt's head was featured prominently in the movie, Tuck Everlasting. She wasn't even NOMINATED for an academy award. Can you believe that? Oh, wait, I guess it makes sense - she was just an extra. Like Suzy. Steps she had to take to get this role: A.) Bring in a picture of herself. B.) That's it.

I read ONE blog. I read it every day. And it's winning because it's amazing. But, what do we know guys? We're in our 20's, bless our little hearts.

Jade said...

Suzy needs to quit drinking her hater-ade...

You have my vote, Meg McBlogger.

P.S. when you make it to the big leagues, don't forget about us little people. I hate how big Perez Hilton's head is now!

P.P.S. A little piece of my soul dies when I see "This post has been removed by the author" under the comment section. I want to see! Just sayin'..... :)

Rae said...

A few days ago I created an account and voted ONLY FOR YOU. But after reading this today I tweeted this post and a link to the voting site, PLUS i posted it as my fb status. That's how we 20-somethings do, Ms. Suzy.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't going to vote because I was honestly too lazy to register and didn't want to get a bunch of random blog spam but seriously Suzy is a bitch and needs to get a life! So she has encouraged me to register and vote for you!

Caitlin said...

You know, the more I think about this, the more I smell bullshit. If she actually read your blog, she would know you've been asking us and bribing us with stickers to vote.

Plus, wouldn't she see all the comments we leave for you? Does she think you do all that yourself too? Sheesh!

Ushma said...

Oh Meg, well obvi I voted for you as soon as the first blog entry came out asking...I tried checking out the other blogs that were in contention because I figured if they're in the same league as yours they must be good. Wow, I was totally wrong...they were dreadfully boring. I found myself just re-reading your older entries just to keep myself entertained. Love you Meg!

LG + PL + LF said...

So, this is my first time commenting on your blog - but I have been a loyal reader since March 25, 2009 when my friend happened to stumble upon your blog. Anyways THIS IS THE ONLY BLOG THAT I CONSISTENTLY READ and the only blog I voted for...

TeamDisasterHH said...

why did you apologize? It should be on like donkey kong/ Now I have to go vote for you. J

And i forgot to ask my X-BF how to snapshot the computer screen so (how) can i still get stickers..?

Heather said...

I also signed up (and voted) after reading this section. I am 32...but seriously, funny is funny. You are funny. Sadly, she is not.

Christine said...

You should feel approximately 0% guilty. This woman went out of her way to act like a dumb whore and make you feel like you don't deserve any success you've achieved just because she sucks at life and the only person who's voted for her is actually her cat.

Way to call her out on her douchebaggery, it was definitely the right call.


P.S. Dear Suzy, no one cares that you once appeared on Seinfeld. It's been over a decade; I think it's time to let go. Also, you are not funny. The end.

Rachel Blum said...

Ouchie. As a member of the 30++ community (we're so far beyond 30, we get two pluses!), I have to say: you fight a mean internet fight.

Then again, as somebody who lives in L.A. and has to contend with "entitled actor syndrome" (I'm looking at you, Mr. Spade!) on a daily basis: Good on you, and well done.

So, as a result I will:

a) vote for you
b) hate you for writing a blog that is actually funny. 'Cause that means I have one more blog I must read.
c) Have a coffee. (OK, just threw that in to check if you're still reading)

Good luck with the award thingamabob....

bird said...

i went to the blogger's choice site one day last week but gave up before i started to register.
i had every intention of voting eventually... promise
i finally voted today after reading suzy's desperate attempt to rain on your parade.
eff her. i tried to get through a few of her posts but really, she's NOT funny! not even a little bit. and i'm not just saying that because i read your blog religiously... promise.
you should've just told her to AKRITE.

we love you! <3

Meagan said...

i had the best of intentions. for the last week +, i really have intended to create an account and vote for you guys. really, i did. but i hadn't. until an hour ago, after i read your post, that is.

so, add one more vote to your already numerous (and completely deserved) votes.


Fritalian Foodie said...

Even before the picture and reference to the last Babka on Seinfeld (I'm a Seinfeld buff to the point where it's actually pathetic) that is EXACTLY how I pictured her. It also finally got me to sign up and vote for your blog in the 2 categories (don't worry, I was going to regardless.) Still making me laugh daily... love the blog!

Reading Wolf said...

You have every right to be offended by this lady. The reason she emailed you is because she doesn't take you seriously as a blogger. Basically she doesn't think you have the cohones to go against her blog. I think you do. I think the fact that so many people have voted for you is proof. And unlike Suzy....you don't write posts based around mundane things. You actually write from your experiences and retell the story in the most entertaining way. We all get into internet fights once in a while. Shit happens. And for the record....being the woman to take the last (whatever it was) on Seinfield....isn't like starring in an Oscar worthy movie. It's called being an extra. Suzy should get over herself. :)

*Sorry guys I was so annoyed and short on time that I just posted this and didn't look at the other comments so if anyone has said anything exactly like what I have said I apologize and agree with you whole heartedly.* (lovely run on there)

Erin said...

Good God is she a L-O-S-E-R or what??? Taking the last babka on Seinfeld is her CLAIM TO FAME?
This is ludicrous. I'm going to have to admit that I haven't voted yet, but now I will, for you. On all 3 of my e-mail addresses. And you can count on a company wide e-mail from me as well promoting your blog. That will be good for, oh I don't know, a few dozen extra votes. Go Meg!!!

mir said...

Amazing Monday afternoon read. I hope you win the awards (I'm too lazy to vote).

Marianne said...

For the record I ONLY read your blog, so many of the other humor blogs have too much of what I call "mommy shit". I'll admit that I have been pretty lazy about this whole voting thing but after reading this post: IT'S ON!

maria said...

she deserved what she got; being on Seinfeld was a good claim to fame in the 90s, but at this point, who gives a shit unless you're actually Jerry Seinfeld? my favorite part is that she's painfully unfunny, I don't even know whether her self-righteousness makes me want to laugh or cry.

also, it warms my heart that I'm not the only one who was motivated out of spite to finally register and vote. shockingly, the free shit isn't what got me. I'm a terrible Jew.

Anonymous said...

maybe we dont find her funny because we aren't old enough yet?

haha nah, i'll still be funny when im in my 30s and wont find that shit the least bit hilarious.

im the laziest person and not only did i post a comment today, i voted for you.

Kori said...

I voted for your blog right after you made your first post asking us to vote. Why? Because despite the fact that I do indeed read other blogs, this is the only one I truly look forward to everyday. I also recommend it to all of my friends as "something that will get you through the day, seriously."

You were totally justified in getting pissed. Hell, I'm pissed for you. Long Live Meg and Chris!

Unknown said...

Nothing like a nice Internet fight to jack up those numbers!

And I don't mean that negatively towards you in any way, Meg. For someone who "has read your blog," this woman obvs isn't too familiar with 20somethings or you. Of COURSE you'd blog about this and of COURSE it would motivate your snark-loving and grudge-holding readers to vote more. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, Ms. Middleageypants.

Cupcake Blonde said...

I have been reading you for quite a while and have never commented before. I did not intend on voting because I don't really believe in those types of things but this post changed my mind. I just voted for you in both categories. Suzy needs to go DOWN!

Tyng said...

Dear Meg,
2b1b is the only blog I read. I was too lazy to vote for you before, but now I think I might "ctl T" my way to a sweet ass sticker. t

Anonymous said...

Your blog description says "brought to you by two post college twenty-somethings"--I don't get why saying you're in your 20s is supposed to be a dig. It's like saying, "You really are a human being, aren't you? :)" Anyway, since passive-aggressiveness is my biggest pet peeve, I got over my lazy and voted. Because while I read several sites daily, this is the only personal blog I read and more importantly, the only nominated blog I read weekday-ly (although Cakewrecks did help me find my dream wedding cake).

Lydia said...

Meg, I love you so much I would have your love-child. And that's saying a lot, because I won't even have my husband's child, 'cause pregnancy and child-rearing scare the bajeebers out of me. Like most other people, I've already voted, and dug up my grandma so that she could vote too. But in the interest of fairness (and boredom) I tried to read Suzy's blog, and "I just. I can't." Here's why I thought her blog was unintentially hilarious in a pathetic kind of way:
1. She has a boring, unfunny entry about how you can't fix boring and unfunny. And it's not even edited well, (e.g., "Can anyone be a boring blogging?") which proves it's so dull she can't even proofread it.
2. She accused you of cheating on a blog contest, which admittedly, means jack shit in life, and then says that she "cheated through high school."
3. I'm not even an actress and I have better movie creds than she does. Seriously.

She should retitle her blog to "Where HUMOR Comes to Die."

Unknown said...

i think you should storm cracked.com.

a) you are funnier than them
b) you already have some countdown lists (facebook poses, offensive snuggie-esque products, bad office personalities, need i go on?)
c)if you get an article posted they will link back to this site and give you more readers
d)they are always looking for guest bloggers
e)they are a bunch of smug asshole boys who could use being brought down a peg or two by the awesomeness that is meg mcblogger

do it. doooo ittt

Anonymous said...

I would just like to point out that this is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING: http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p186/CanadianBill/ANIMATED%20YOU/SuzySoroHollywoodWhereHotComesToDie.gif

P.S. Meg, you are beyond awesome. 2b1b forevaaaaa!!!

Kelly said...

I've never continuously read a blog before aside from yours. Actually to be honest, I'm a little embarrassed I strayed away from my stubborn "I will never read and/or write a blog in my life" attitude. Even more embarrassed that I'm actually COMMENTING on a blog. This one's for you Suzy: up yours.

emilyb said...

i only glanced at suzy's blog: a) not funny, b) self-serving and c) she only has a few comments per post. should she be surprised that she isn't winning anything?

i'm on the verge of 30, but i think your blog is one of the most hysterical things i've ever read. it's truly funny for bringing out things we see in ourselves, and not blatantly obvious and bitter, trying to find humor in the same shit female comedians have been sourcing for the last 30 years.


emilyb said...

oh yeah also, i only read your blog.

well, i read gawker, but i don't think that counts since it is like CNN for the immature 20s set.

Brian said...

Ditto the other comments.

I went to vote, but turned back at the registration point.

This post motivated me to overcome the registration and vote for you.

Take that, babka.

Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment said...

Agreement for all of the above. I used to have a blog of my own, and stopped updating when I stopped reading other blogs. Yours is the only blog I read. Aside from, you know, that celeb gossip blog that I'm ashamed of reading. I'm generally not the type to vote in online polls/contests (probably because I get too wrapped up in the results), but I'm voting for you.

Erin said...

Well played and no apologies needed.

Also, I'm glad I'm not the only 20-something lady who loves tuna melts. I thought it was me and the 80 year olds. You really ARE a 20-something, aren't you? :)

Ro Bell said...

I looked at Suzy's blog and couldn't even make it through one entry. Your blog is by far the better blog. And I do, too, only read your blog. It's the only thing that keeps me sane at work, so kudes to you.

Anonymous said...

I too ONLY read this blog - it's the only one worth reading - and the ONLY one that really does make me laugh-out-loud (LOLZ). I sometimes wish Meg had her own reality TV show....anyways, just voted and passed the link on to friends. So, Miss Suzy...maybe you shouldn't have gotten your panties in a wad!!

Anonymous said...

sound like you've been trolled

Anonymous said...

i'm in my 30s and i think your blog is effin funny. voted for you, too...

Anonymous said...

Dude, that bitch IS old! She's just jealy that a 20 something is beating her 80 something wrinkly ass. For the record, your blog IS the only one I read... soo boooo ya, Suzy "I've had a million plastic surgeries so that I can look like a 20 something" Soro-slut. :P!

Pseudo said...

I came here to check you out as I did notice your placement in the blogger's choice awards and wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

You are pretty funny. And I am old. Way older than 30. I'm acutally enjoying being 51 even more than I enjoyed my 20's.

I suppose it is fortunate that I can appreciate the humor of young people, or what I do for a living would be a fucking nightmare.

Heidi said...

i read lots of blogs but i rarely vote. This no name 1990's has been really has too much time on her hands because really? is being the person who got the last chocolate whatever on seinfeld something to write home about? i'd remember the guy who Elaine stopped at the movie theater for jujubes when he was in the hospital over this broad (lie. i don't remember either but that is one of my favorite episodes)

Just for that, i'm going to go vote. I think i'm registered.

p.s. i wouldn't want to get into an internet fight with you! Bad.Ass.

Unknown said...

What. The. Fuck. Time to cut a bitch. That was so lame. Especially coming from a 90's has been that is't nearly as funny as you guys at 2birds1blog. I already voted like last week but if I could turn back time, make myself more lazy, and then get angry enough to finally vote today...I would

Caroline said...

i voted the first day you asked us to. but slutty suzy needs to take a serious chill pill. she was on seinfeld, so what? i was on dawson's creek and if you ask me nicely i can get you an appearance on a new lifetime sitcom. 2b1b is the only blog i follow, and it's because it's the only one i've found that is so freaking hilarious. i feel bad for slutty suzy, she's probably having a mid-life crisis and is just jealous that meg is a) funnier than her, and b) has bigger boobs. via 2 birds 1 blog!!!

jen toppe said...

i LOVE the fact that mrs seinfeld herself is in the end probably going to help you actually win the contest. i wonder how many people that never would have taken the time to vote in the first place have voted now just to spite her. and by the way, you are pretty hardcore. way to kick her ass cyber-style.

question: when does the contest end? and what do you win if you win (which you will)

Elizabeth said...

COINCIDENCE -- I was reading comments on one of your funniest posts "20 Male Poses of Facebook" (it's slow at work, yes), and saw this one. IS IT HER?! --

suzi said...
I don't get much time to surf the net, but when I came across this post, I absolutely LOVED it! - by far, the BEST I have seen in months! VERY creative and whacky like your blog title! Thanks for the fun and the laughter here in my little office! I am going to bookmark this and add you to my next post to share. You are a hoot! Have a great weekend, Suzi

February 6, 2009 1:39 PM

Casey said...

I go away on vacation for a week and this happens?????

And don't feel bad - personally I would have skipped the 30's insult altogether and went straight for the looks department. That's significantly more immature, but bitch has a straight-up 1985 Glamour Shot on her blog. Come on.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...


Way to find that!

Reading Wolf said...

If anyone is interested in watching her Oscar Worthy performance on Seinfield, here is the link:


It's a bit grainy and I can honestly say from what little performance she gave here...it's no wonder she acted childishly to Meg. "I'm gonna tell them how rude YOU are..."

Unknown said...

I was about to say "I was out of town for a week and look what I missed" but Casey beat me to it. (I was not out of town with Casey for the record)

This is the only blog I read. Take that Suzi. I have seen every episode of Seinfeld (many more than 1 or 2 or 3 times) and could not pick her out of a lineup, sorry.)

I love this blog.

You are funny as shit.

I will just assume you are hot since funny and hot is a great package.

I am 35 but will let your insult of my demographic go.

I had already voted for you and if I wasn't so lazy would do so again from other IP addresses just cause.

Keep the funny times coming!

Lenny said...


I'm not quite following here...

Are you saying that when I tell someone to go fuck themselves or when I tell someone to eat a dick, I shouldn't proceed either of those phrases using "with all due respect"?

Cause that shit's like my go-to.

- Lenny

Unknown said...

Coincidentally... After reading your 5 Top Grudges and commenting (**ali) I signed up on that site just to vote for you in those categories.. so THERE it does happen. chick is bitter crazy because she got dealt the loser card.. and your votes only made her feel worse about herself! Your blog is getting forwarded via email to many ppl that's growing your following.. not to mention on FB!

DaveHM said...

I ALWAYS add a smiley face at the end of my flames because I am honestly amused sometimes at how angry some people get over shit that won't matter tomorrow. :) I think you approached it quite nicely. Had it been me, I would've gone for the jugular.

Anonymous said...

I JUST read this post (I am catching up) omfg that Soro person is SO LAME. You described her to a T!!!!! I was yelling outloud at the computer for you NOT to apologize to her, but then I read what you said and you responded like a lady and fighter. Well done. You, as always, rock.

Anonymous said...

I know this post is old, but I just wanted to say that I have had multiple run-ins with Suzy and I can completely confirm that she is a petty, insecure, self-entitled, unsolicited-advice giving bitch.

Thank you for saying what I couldn't. I wish I had half your spine.

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