Some housekeeping & Thoughts I Couldn't Flesh Out Into Full Entries

First and foremost, I just want to thank you guys for the surge in votes and support after Monday's "unpleasantness." That whole episode taught me two important things: 1.) It's not just me; Suzy's a total fuckin' asshole and 2.) I fear the 2b1b reader's wrath. For it is a mighty, mighty wrath. Seriously. When you guys get pissed off, you get shit done. You put out fires. And I like it. But I also fear it. Soooo I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing and pray to the sweet Lord almighty that I don't fuck up and piss you off. It's kind of like a horribly abusive relationship that could be made into a Lifetime movie. I'd like to think I'd be played by Tracey Gold and you'd be played by Andrew Shue. Mmkay, well I'll be in the kitchen making your dinner where I belong. Love you baby.

- Next item of housekeeping: I got the following email from 2b1b reader, Chad, Tuesday morning:

Subject: Question about the Criagslist Coffee Challenge
Hello Ms. McBlogger…

I have a quick question about your posting on Craigslist requesting a philanthropic soul to bring you coffee. I was discussing this post with a friend of mine this evening, and she pointed something out that I hadn’t noticed before. (Obviously she’s much better with fine details than I am.) Why does the timestamp on your CL post say 5:16 p.m. if you needed your coffee between 12 and 4 p.m.?

My friend says that the story is a fabrication, just to have a cute story on the blog. While that explanation is conceivable and plausible given “the best answer is often the simplest”, I am offering the benefit of the doubt with the rationale that maybe the post in the picture was actually a second re-post on CL, a cleaned-up and better organized version of the original post that made for an easier image to place on the blog.

Of course neither of us actually dug around to track down your post on Craigslist to see what the timestamp really is, but I figured I’d just ask.

Thanks Meg. You’ve provided us with needed entertainment. Have a splendid Tuesday.

Chad and his friend bring up a completely valid point, and now I'm nervous that other people noticed the timestamp and think I'm a Frances Fabricator, so allow me to share my response in order to clear up any confusion:

Dear Chad:

That's a good question, with a good answer. The Craigslist Coffee Challenge really happened and you have my word on that. I originally posted the ad at approximately 1 o'clock in the afternoon and received my coffee at approximately 4. However, my ad was flagged and deleted by Craigslist before I could take a screen shot to prove that I actually posted it (please see forwarded email below). I felt the screen shot of the ad was crucial to the effectiveness of the post and thus re-published it, solely for getting said shot. I didn't realize the time stamp would be incorrect and I'd look like a liar. Which is upsetting, because it really happened. Man is my face red. Sigh...

I hope this clears up any confusion. Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt, unlike your friend, who I deduce is an asshole.

Just kidding.

(Not really.)

Love,
Meg

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: craigslist <noreply@craigslist.org>
Date: Wed, Jul 29, 2009 at 4:58 PM
Subject: flagged & removed: 1295359165 (domestic gigs) Need someone to bring me coffee!
To: meg@2birds1blog.com

Your posting has been flagged for removal.

Approximately 98% of postings removed are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines.

Please make sure you are abiding by all posted site rules, including our terms of use.

In conclusion: the Craigslist Coffee Challenge really happened, I'm an idiot and Chad's friend is probably not an asshole. Okay? Well all on the same page? GOOD. Moving on.

- Whenever I flip by an ad for the TV version of 10 Things I Hate About You, I always think it says 10 Things I Hate About Iraq for a solid fraction of a second.



And what's weirder is that in that fraction of a second, I'm not confused. It makes sense to me that there would be a TV show called 10 Things I Hate About Iraq. Because I can think of 10 Things I Hate About Iraq:
1.) It's hot
2.) It's sandy
3.) It's where the Pauly Shore movie In the Army Now was filmed
4.) Just kidding, that was Chad/Libya
5.) Further research shows it was actually Imperial Valley, California
6.) It's all war-torn and shit
7.) Our troops are there
8.) But are not quite welcomed
9.) Have you ever seen a camel spider?
10.) I know, right?!

Although if 10 Things I Hate About Iraq actually was a show, it would be ABC Family.

- I'm jealous of my sheets because they're back on my bed and I'm not.

- The other day I got what I thought were eye makeup remover pads, but turned out to actually be Noxema astringent pads. This isn't going where you think it is; I didn't burn my eyes out with astringent. (Thank Jebus.) What stopped me was that familiar stingy Noxema smell that prompted the most intense flashback I've ever experienced in my entire life. One minute I'm standing there in 2009 and the next it's 1996: I'm 11-years-old, defniately own a lava lamp, am wearing board shorts, Airwalk sneakers and a Johns Hopkins lacrosse camp t-shirt and I'm standing in Mrs. Jordan's 4th period science class researching the most effective and time efficient way to kill myself to escape the pain and torture that is The Middle School Experience. Snap back to 2009. I put the lid back on the brand new bottle of Noxema, walked it out of my apartment, down the hall and threw it down the trash shoot where the scent could haunt me no more.

I then spent the rest of the night blowing my nose and thanking god I finally developed breasts.

The Craigslist Coffee Challenge

I have a recurring problem at work: I want coffee but don't want to get up to get it. First of all, I hate the coffee we have in the office and refuse to drink it. Although I was unemployed for six months, I would say the worst part of the Recession is that my office is forced to cut corners and buy Staples brand coffee. It's disgusting. As Boss #1 infamously said, "it smells like pencil shavings and cooter." To which I say no thank you. Ergo, I'm forced to venture out into the world to get a drinkable cup of coffee.

My office is located equidistant between a Caribou Coffee and a Starbucks, both being about two blocks away. I realize that doesn't sound like that far, but when you're right in the middle of a crucial episode of Dynasty and you're kind of sleepy and it's anyone's guess who stole Crystal's baby, it might as well be a mile away. Normally when I get "coffee lazy," I just complain to a few people via gchat, feel sorry for myself for a little bit and then work up the adrenaline needed to get up and walk the two blocks to Starbucks. And then everything's fine. Yesterday, however, was a horse of a different color.

Not only did I have a vicious case of "coffee lazy," but I couldn't leave my office even if I wanted to. Boss #1 and our VP of sales were headed over to the office between the ambiguous hours of 12 and 4. Obviously, because I'm me, the second I ran out, Boss #1 and VP would inevitably come waltzing in and pee their pants that I left the studio unattended. So I decided not to risk it and stayed put.

As the hours went by, I fell deeper and deeper into caffeine withdrawal. I briefly considered making a pot of Cooter & Shavings coffee, but just couldn't do it. Knowing that Helena had the day off, I offered her $100,000 cash to bring me a latte. She respectfully declined as a.) it was her day off b.) she lives on Capitol Hill and I work in Metro Center and c.) she didn't want to put pants on. I understood completely. So, I did the next logical thing and called my mom to see if she would do it. And she hung up on me.

What was a girl to do? Then I got an idea...what if I posted an ad on Craigslist for someone to bring me coffee? Could I really rely on my fellow man to help me out in my hour of need? Are people really that selfless? I took to gchat to consult Helena:

me: helena, i'm honestly considering posting an ad on craigslist in random gigs for someone to deliver me a latte
Helena: do it
see if it works
what's the worst that can happen?

And that's about all the convincing I needed. Ten minutes later, I had posted this ad in "domestic gigs":

(For those of us without 20/20 vision, it reads "So, I'm at work and desperately need a cup of coffee but I can't leave my office. You can see the predicament I'm in. None of my co-workers are in, none of my friends can do it and my mom refuses to drive in from Maryland. I would really, really appreciate it if you could swing by and help me out. I'd prefer a quad venti skim latte from Starbucks, but I realize that beggars can't be choosers. I can pay you back upon delivery. As a bonus, I can offer you a bevy of free office supplies including, but not limited to, promotional packs of gum and extra-heavy card stock paper. Thanks!"

20 minutes later, I got my first response:

KEEP ON DREAMING HEHEHAHAHEHEhahahehehahahehe

Reading that burned like Chlamydia. Come on asshole! If you're not going to bring me coffee or at least give me advice on how to get coffee, why take the time to email me at all? This was essentially a digital version of pointing and laughing and I did not appreciate one bit.

Luckily a few minutes later, I got another response:

ad was funny.. why not get a coffee pot and lil fridge.. there are pots you can make by the cup when you want em lil coffee packs of diff flavors go in em.. go look in kohls or sears or such pricy but worth it..

'Eh. I guess this one is more constructive than the last, but didn't I explicitly state that I can't leave my office? How do you propose I get to Kohl's or Sears to get a "lil" coffee pot and "lil" mini fridge? Clone myself? And if so, does the clone have her own money to buy kitchen appliances? Because I sure as shit don't. I appreciated the sentiment though.

Then this response rolled in:

how about you suck my dick,,, and we call it even

Now, I like coffee. And I also happen to like dick. However, I'd prefer to keep my interactions with coffee and dick separate. And by the way, I don't really think exchanging a blow job for a cup of coffee really is "calling it even." How much does a cup of coffee cost? $5 max? I'd like to think a Meg McBlogger blow job could fetch more than that, thank you very much. I'd expect a biscotti too, at the very least.

Just when I was giving up hope, I got this:

hey do you still need coffee? - phillip

SCORE! An offer that didn't involve laughing at my misfortune or sucking dick! I jumped on it. But before officially accepting the offer, I quickly looked this Phillip character up on Facebook to make sure his picture wasn't him holding a giant butcher knife, wearing a t-shirt that says, "IMMA CUT YOU!" Luckily for me, not only was he not wielding a knife or menacing t-shirt, he used to work with Alex and is currently the assistant manager of American Apparel in Chinatown. How crazy is that? I briefly considered asking him to bring me a romper and leggings with my coffee, but decided not to press my luck.

10 minutes later, Phillip the delightful hipster delivered me my delicious quad venti skim latte. When Boss #1 and VP showed up a few minutes later, they were none the wiser.

Score:
Murphy's Law: 0
Craigslist: 1