1.29.2010

Will the real Steven Carrington please stand up?

FIRST THINGS FIRST! T.G.I. Hagman, bitchezzz!!!!1 T.G.I. Hagman.


As of 12:55pm on January 29, 2010, Larry Hagman is...alive! SCORE ONE FOR PLANET EARTH!


Moving on.

I think we can safely file the subject of today's post in the "Only Funny To Me" category, but it's gonna happen anyway. So just go with it. (Which seems to be the theme of this week's blog. First my...
unpleasantness, then I introduce you to Aspie's Clip and Weekend Hair. God bless all of your tolerant hearts.)

So, Alex gchatted me this morning in a bit of a tizzy:

Alex: MEG
MEG
MEG
me: alex
Alex: I need you to hold me
me: OK!!!!
what's going on?
Alex: Meg
the actor who played Steven Carrington on Dynasty
me:
don't
don't
don't you dare say it
Alex: plays Noah Bennet on Heroes
me: OH.
Alex: no he's not dead
I'm completely blown away
me: the original steven carrington? or post-oil-accident steven carrington?
Alex: original
how did I not know this?
I just
can't
ugh
how did this get by me?

So I did some research.



Considering my job is essentially to sit here alone (god willing) for eight hours, watching reruns of Dynasty while I fantasize about my Jack Daniel's pajama pants, I pointed out that that's actually post-oil-accident-baby-stealing Steven Carrington, played by Jack Coleman and not pre-oil-accident-flagrant-homosexual Steven Carrington, played by the great Al Corley.



(NOT)




This sent Alex further into an emotional tailspin, b
ut it also got me doing some heavy Al Corley research. And let me just say: time well spent. Here's what I found:

1.) Al Corley isn't gay; he's married with three kids. That's shocking.
2.) His wife's name is Jessika Cardinahl, which is the most unnecessarily complicated spelling of Jessica Cardinal on the planet.
3.) Father Time was not good to Al Corley:

4.) Al Corley released a 1984 electro-pop single called "Square Rooms," which hit #1 in France, #6 in Switzerland, #12 in Italy, #13 in Germany and #15 in Italy (so you know it's good.)
5.) This was the cover:

...I would like to go back in time and instead of doing my favorite designer paper for Graphic Design History on Fred Woodward, do it on whoever the fuck designed that. Because oh my guh. It's such a simple image, and yet I can't pick which part is my favorite. I think it's a tie between the queer little pennant with AL CORLEY on it (ps: my only weekend plans are the following: go to Michael's; purchase felt; purchase rod; purchase puffy paint; make an AL CORLEY pennant; go to a sporting event; and wave that pennant with pride) or the god awful expression on Mr. Corley's face. Seriously? Of all the shots taken at the photo shoot, that's the one they went with? It looks like a still from a slightly homoerotic eye exam.
6.) THERE'S A MUSIC VIDEO. AND THAT MUSIC VIDEO IS ONLINE AND AVAILABLE FOR FOR YOU TO VIEW. And it is good. I've seriously been watching it on repeat for the past two hours and I honestly think I'm a better person for it. I'm praying to the sweet gods above that Square Rooms is available on iTunes because it would make a mean strut to work jam.

Fully aware that this is probably only funny to me (and Alex) (maybe. His interest seems to be dwindling,) I present to you the return of Drinking Game Friday: Al Corley Square Rooms Music Video Edition!



Rules:
Drink When:
- There's a shot of the eiffel tower
- Someone slides a modest taupe shoe on
- A shot is recycled to save money
- Paris is gay
- Al Corley sings while disinterestedly squinting into the sun
- Al Corley wears lip gloss (DRUNK.)
- Al Corley violently beats two drums while forcefully swaying his genitals back and forth
- DANCE SEQUENCE! DANCE SEQUENCE! DANCE SEQUENCE!
- Al old woman gets a patted on the bottom to the beat of said violent drum beating
- Al Corley robotically kisses a woman on the mouth because he knows in his heart of hearts Meg's right and he's gay
- You don't understand what the three disappearing bushes are supposed to symbolize
- Somebody looks like they're having a baby and/or an abortion while sitting in a chair. A chabortiony, if you will.
- A square room doesn't listen or care, if a man is in despair

Ok. Well that was fun. For me. As per usual, thanks for reading, following us on Twitter, joining our facebook page and such and such. Have yourself a great weekend and rememberfor every friend that you recommend this blog to, Al Corley shoots up one more spot on the Italian pop charts. Buh-bye.

(PS: I leave you with a bonus video! Al Corley's follow up hitCold Dresses! And you're welcome.)

45 comments:

cvillebackpacker said...

FYI--There's a longer version (7 mins 48 sec.) on Youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZBAOMZVFhc) with a shot of an old man tapping his wife on the ass on beat.

The D said...

The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I

Anonymous said...

Holy MC Hammer Pants Batman! That was a serious use of some purple cotton!

Hails said...

you have no idea how mad I am right now that my office has no speakers on any of the computers.

livid I say!

dontgetsentimental said...

OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE SONGS MORE THAN I CAN EVEN DESCRIBE IN VERBAL TERMS.

Anonymous said...

now 2.5 people like it!

Meagan said...

My office life would be 100% better if there were some type of 'African' dancer violently flailing around.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

now 2.5 people like it!
HAHA!

SogniSorrisi said...

I don't even know who this guy is but that was one hilarious post.

Stephanie said...

I FRICKING OWE YOU!!!!!!!!! ohmygah! 80's music is one of the reasons I get out of BED not to mention strut to work, and these songs are going on my playlist. Like now. And if I can't find them then I will also resort to playing the video on repeat. But I'm sure I can find them, this is 2010 for goodness sake. And we still have a whole lot to learn about sweet, addictive beats from the 80's.

Sabri said...

" Somebody looks like they're having a baby and/or an abortion while sitting in a chair. A chabortiony, if you will."

I almost died laughing. Like I actually almost died choking on my sandwich I was laughing so hard. I think that makes me a horrible human being, but hey you wrote it, i just laughed.

James said...

Ladies and Gentlemen: You're Welcome.

Dirpy let's you rip audio from Youtube videos and save them as files on your computer. You know, to put on your ipod. And strut to. Enjoy!

http://www.dirpy.com/

Kristina said...

James -- I think I'm in love with you. Both my wallet and I thank you for sharing!

B said...

You should definitely add
"drink upon the appearance of 80s parachute pants" to the list.

glorifiedsecretary said...

Oh sweet gentle Jesus. It's only 4:15 and I've finally run out of 2B1B archives. WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??

pattypunker said...

al corley may not be gay, but george clooney is.

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queenmargot said...

So did you notice that under the song title it says Corley/Woods/Faltermeyer?

FALTERMEYER? AS IN THE COMPOSER OF AXEL F. This song is so full of win.

Caroline said...

Alright, I fail at constructive criticism because my brain is tired, but I thought you should know that despite your fears, I found this just as funny as your regular posts. ie. This was hysterical and my abs got a nice workout from laughing.

Amanda B said...

That was horrible. This song will haunt my memories forever!

MadVet said...

So I don't have sound on my computer & not sure if it made the video better or worse...all I can say is it didn't look like they had a good night...maybe he used benzocaine-coated condoms (yes I have been reading some of your old posts and LMAO - how's that for a blast from the past?)

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Melanie said...

The dad from Heroes totally came up in conversation Saturday night at the bars. I was able to casually mention that he used to be quite the 80s hottie. Thanks for making me look good.

Anonymous said...

I'm sad to say I have to stop reading your blog because you never put up your posts on time and half the time they aren't even from you or funny anymore. Plus you never put up the pics from jager ball. it's all a bunch of broken promises :(

Elizabeth said...

Wow, anonymous, your complaining is about as cool as your username. And if you no longer read the sweetness that is called 2b1b, then why are you commenting on the most recent post?

Quit drinkin that haterade!

Natalie said...

i second that emotion! you can take your 2b1b hate somewhere else; you'll find no audience for it here.

James Robert said...

I don't know who this either AND... I don't have the ability to watch or hear the video. The IT shmucks figured out a way to black out any and all video here. Fucking communists.

Meghan said...

I've had square rooms stuck in my head all day. Thank you. (and I mean that sincerely)

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I'm sad to say I have to stop reading your blog because you never put up your posts on time and half the time they aren't even from you or funny anymore. Plus you never put up the pics from jager ball. it's all a bunch of broken promises :(

I write this for free. I don't see a red cent from it. It creates tension between me and my parents. If you want regular posting and posting of more quality you have three options:

1.) Email Kate Laufer at Jager and ask her to fight for our sponsorship:(klaufer@sidneyfrank.com)

2.) Pay me out of your own pocket

3.) Think of an alternative so I don't have to work a full-time, distracting job

Looking forward to your solution,

Meg

leminx said...

... Meggie dear, that fact that someone dissed your blog hurts me to my very core! This is free entertainment, you can't get snappy with 2b1b. Of course I wish that I could have running meg commentary 24/7 :) You are my fav and I'll totes email anyone you want us to email so they can see your talent! :) Keep it going sista!

Anonymous said...

Hi Meg,

In case Anonymous got you down, look at this: http://dealbreaker.tumblr.com/ (I enjoy the American Apparel Model entry)

Or has this already gone viral and I didn't know?

Anyways, enjoy.

Vo

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

It did get me down! Wrong week to get sassy with me.

Thanks for your support, guys. <3

Anonymous said...

Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

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