1.20.2010

I poofed my hair for this?

Today is going to be a grab bag of a post. Because I'm so fucking hungover. Probably going to vomit. Hope nobody's in the bathroom when I do. Hurts to make sentence structure. Want hug. But not too hard. Or will vomit.

- First things first: remember last Friday when I jokingly asked somebody to make me a ringtone of The Situation whispering "That's a lot of pickles" from Jersey Shore? Well reader Candace M. actually did. BOOM! So, thank you Candace. Give me your address and I'll send you my first born child.

- Re: my jobI got an email this morning from Boss #1 and #2 saying that we need to sit down and have "a talk" this afternoon. This does not bode well for me. I'd go into how I called my mom crying and how my stomach feels like a 300-pound man is breakdancing inside of it, but where's the humor in that?

- Instead let's talk about what a bust J-Woww and Pauly D's appearance at McFadden's last night was. What the fuck was up with that, you guys? Dan, Andrew V (not Andrew of The Great Juno Debate fame) and I got Gudio/Guidetted up (seriously, check out Andrew's Pauly D hair. It was a work of art,) drained my
Jäger tap and headed over to the bar at about 10:30ish. First of all, there was a line to get in. STEEERIKE ONE! I have a theory that any establishment with a line, cover charge, or raffled happy hours is probably about as cool as a pair of Bugle Boy jean shorts. So, basically speaking, my theory is that McFadden's is probably about as cool as a pair of Bugle Boy jean shorts. HOWEVER! You don't get the opportunity to fist pump with J-Woww and Pauly D everyday and I'd do just about anything for a good story (or a free t-shirt,) so we got in line. Then we found out that the cover charge was $40. STEEERIKE TWO! 40 fucking dollars?! Are you kidding me?! I was ambivalent when I thought it was five! I don't think I'd pay 40 dollars to get into a burning house to pull a family member out, nevertheless gawk at two reality TV stars across a crowded Bro bar. We briefly considered pulling a "I'm somewhat-borderline-almost-kind-of-just-a-little-bit-of-a bloglebrity. Wanna knock a zero off for me?" but I think the only person impressed by that is my mom ("impressed"..."upsest"...semantics) and it probably wouldn't pull that much weight with the bouncer. Plus he point-blank told us we were asking him too many questions and to go away. That was also a nice little clue. Suddenly cameras started going off in front of the entrance, as J-Woww and Pauly D had shown up and were doing a TV interview with Christ only knows who on the saddest little cat fashion show of a red carpet I have ever seen. I took a picture with my digital camera but it wasn't nearly interesting enough to justify searching through my closet to find the USB cord to upload it onto here. Sorry about that. After a few minutes the dynamic duo went inside and we decided to take advantage of the line of people and promote the blog. And when I say "we" promoted the blog, I mean Andrew V and Dan promoted the blog while I awkwardly lurked by the trashcans playing with my hair because self promotion makes me heinously uncomfortable. And then we ran out of stickers. And started sobering up. STEEERIKE THREE! We were outta there. We hopped in a cab and went over to Big Hunt (where our ironic Guido outfits were no longer obviously ironic) and drank our dissapointment away.

Final summation: Jersey Shore night at McFadden's was a total bust and in no way worth the 10 dollars I spent on the powder blue cheetah print hoodie and matching bra strap headband I wore to it.


(Turn up sound!)

Welp! Off to go have my meeting with The Axis of Evil. I'm going to channel my idol, Kelly Cutrone, and utilize some of her many words of wisdom: "Be brave and always tell the truth. And don't take any shit" and considering what's probably about to happen, I will specifically be utilizing: "If you have to cry, go outside." Will do Ms. Cutrone. Will do.

136 comments:

James said...

Fuckballs. Will an ehug do?

Good luck with "Jo no se" and the herp-factory, dear.

Patrick said...

You're the best...arrroound...

No one's ever gonna get ya dooown.

Karate Kid? Anyone? I like to imagine my bosses getting hit by trains or wrecking balls when they deliver bad news to me.

Good luck.

Nate said...

E-hug too!

I'm sorry. If it helps any, I'm pretty sure that my next door neighbor lost her job recently because now during the day the hallway constantly smells like pot and I hear her having sex a lot more often... So maybe there's a silver lining to this cloud...

Also, this is completely missing the point of everything you wrote, but BUGLE BOY JEAN SHORT. Helloooo 2nd grade! And Hyper Color t-shirts.

Also, my Jäger tap was delivered last week and I'm trying to invite friends to come christen it with me. I will be sure to document the results. And if no one comes, then I guess I'll just get wasted by myself and still document the hilarious, albeit much sadder, results.

Anonymous said...

even though you fed up/huh, you gotta keep your head up

...

your bosses suck balls. you rule!and we're rooting for you.

Sarah P said...

Hope it's better than the convo my hubby had with his boss yesterday, which was, "Hi, remember how you have a job? Well, in five months, you don't. Good luck feeding your kids."

Also, DON'T CRY. But if you do, make it a scene, so everyone else in the office feels sorry for you and treats your bosses like lepers for a couple weeks and also maybe starts looking for other jobs.

But, on a serious note? I hope the talk is not at all painful. Good luck.

Kori said...

So glad I didn't go last night. Was totally thinking about it and then reminded myself that the only bar I hate worse than Rhino Bar is McFadden's.

Big Hunt 4-EVA.

Margo said...

E- hug! Good luck!

Rachel said...

can you post the ringtone of pickles!!!!!! Jobs are overrated, dont worry.

Julie said...

ugh i hate 300 lb men in my stomach after a night of jager...feel better!

chin up!

Chris said...

Delurking to say, my coworker was let go yesterday for no good reason at all, and I really wish she had told our asshole bosses what she really thought of them. So please, if (I hope not) that's what happens to you today, PLEASE tell them exactly what kind of awkward a-wipes they are. K? K.

Carla said...

Okay, Nate. I don't know you, you don't know me, and I mean this in the nicest way possible: if your friends don't want to come christen the sweet, sweet Jager tap you have sitting in your house, you probably need new friends. Cooler friends, friends with their alcoholic priorities in order.


...That is all.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

You're the best...arrroound...

No one's ever gonna get ya dooown.

Stuck in my head. All day.

Hope it's better than the convo my hubby had with his boss yesterday, which was, "Hi, remember how you have a job? Well, in five months, you don't. Good luck feeding your kids."
<3

Was totally thinking about it and then reminded myself that the only bar I hate worse than Rhino Bar is McFadden's.
Haha. Rhino Bar.

can you post the ringtone of pickles!!!!!!
Ooo...not sure how to embed a file or whatever. Email me and I'll send it to you: meg@2birds1blog.com

PLEASE tell them exactly what kind of awkward a-wipes they are.
My mom specifically told me not to do that! But then Becca said I should. And you do too. INDECISION!

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Also, blanket statement thank you for everyone's support and concern. <3

Daniel said...

In the words of Uncle Frank:

Luv ta luv,
don't ever change.
ttfn.

Patrick said...

You're welcome for the awesome 80s montage song.

I can't use an Ipod while I run because my right ear can't seem to hold the damn ear bud in my ear (awkward) so I basically just sing songs from 80's movie montages in my head over and over. When I get to Eye of the Tiger...game over.

Hails said...

ok your thoughts on bars with lines and covers?
you stole the words outta my mouth.
if it makes you feel any better, I just started the Great Job Search 2010 and so far I am ready to die, so, I FEEL YA.

Anonymous said...

If you get peaced out, all I want for Christmas 2010 (a smidge early) is for Boss 1, Boss 2, and the higher ups at your company to become aware of this blog. Really hope you stay employed, but if not, enlightening these folks would bring me laughter all day, everyday for at least five days.
Love, your #1 fan, IA, USA

James said...

Fuck that! Join me in the Great Unemployed Summer of 2010! Then again, after the Several Stressed Unemployed Months of 2008, I can understand why you'd want to take a pass at that.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

In the words of Uncle Frank:

Luv ta luv,
don't ever change.
ttfn.

YOU'RE FINALLY A HYPERLINK! And it happened organically, just like I said it would! Looooooooooove you.

If you get peaced out, all I want for Christmas 2010 (a smidge early) is for Boss 1, Boss 2, and the higher ups at your company to become aware of this blog.
I've been fantasizing about giving them a sticker all day...Too bad I'm so fucking paranoid about defamation lawsuits.

Santa Chiara said...

So what happened? Did you get fired? Were they awful? Are you okay? Chin up, little soldier, we all love you!

Sabri said...

Good luck with your "talk". Hey, at least you're not 13 and getting "the talk." This time you have jagger to coddle you afterwards....

Anonymous said...

Oh Meg!

I really don't see how we can't turn this into a full-time job. I mean if Julie and Julia got turned into a movie, certainly we can find a sponsor.

Lisa said...

I think it's safe to say we're all on the edge of our seats waiting for the news of the talk...

Margo said...

Sweet God, it's almost 5:00- please update!

Cat said...

Seeing as it's after 5 where you are, I hope the force was with you for that meeting. Fingers crossed for you.

MadVet said...

Yeah telling them what you think of them is a 2-sided coin. If you're never gonna see them/need reference again I say GO FOR IT.
In my case I wanted to let my ex- boss have it but held my tongue, and found out a few days later that he was biffles with my future boss and had put in a good word for me so they didn't even want my CV just told me to "come on up". So yeah, pretty glad I dodged that bullet!

Elliot said...

I thought that first sentence said "Today is going to be a boob grab of a post" for a second

Katie Quinnsky said...

Hope it all worked out today. I got the old heave ho back in Sept from a VP position at a construction company and have been watching Maury ever since. Had to cancel my cable. They found me just as I was about to apply pressure on the blade, but 6 channels grow on you. (Pffft who am I kidding.) But don't burn those bridges, a good recommendation is critical! Its a decision that requires your big girl pants to make, but worth it. Ill keep my fingers crossed! On the plus side, all those extra hours give you plenty of time to start your favorite blog back from Post 1. Oh wait, nevermind.

Katrina said...

Please please please share that ringtone with the rest of us. That was the first episode of Jersey Shore I'd actually watched myself (instead of reading online recaps, hey!) and my phone needs some Jersey love.

Clare said...

I've been on eggshells all day for you! At times like this you just wish life was like a bandaid - and you could just rip off these crappy situations, even if you lose a little hair and skin . . .

You're blog help gets me through every day of my hellish job :( If you are fired can recrap the daily soaps and the Price is Right for us? Hugs no matter what!

Toco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I is SMAU !! said...

Hello!! I know it's a wee bit too late in the day but I felt compelled to leave a comment.Your writing is intelligent, witty and super funny..Of course, you already know that! You've managed to put zing in most of my screaming days and on this yelling day of yours, thought it would be right to say - you're absolutely fantastic! It's not just the writing or the brilliant ideas..your views are an impeccable mix of enviable IQ and EQ! You Rock!

Anonymous said...

honestly, i really dont want you to get fired because job hunting sucks the big one, but i would lovelovelovelovelove it if you had more free time to write a blog or a book or host more 2b1b events. i'm sure someone can find you a sponsor. we <3 you !

James Robert said...

As your newest follower and hopelessly optimistic friend I will say... at least you got a great blog posting out of it and a snazzy hoody.

I thoroughly enjoyed it while sipping coffee and dreading a similar meeting.

Jools said...

I got in to the McFaddens thing. Honestly, you saw more of JWoww and Pauly D than I did, and thank god you refused to pay $40! I paid $15, and was so effed up I had to take yesterday off work. So there's that.

In case you got sacked and need to take comfort in the warm bosom that is alcohol:

http://www.towntaverndc.com/event-signup.php?id=51

You're welcome.

melissa batzner said...

Waiting anxiously.... hope everything is ok!

Lindsay said...

PLEASE tell me you've seen j-woww's website, where she's selling her personally designed "sexy and edgy" shirts. www.jwoww.com --check it out!


yiiiikes.

Kelly said...

Meg! im that girl that was reallly drunk outside of the jersey shore party and kept trying to hook up with your gay friend. It was nice to meet you, though!

Daniel said...

Final summation: Jersey Shore night at McFadden's was a total bust and in no way worth the 10 dollars I spent on the powder blue cheetah print hoodie and matching bra strap headband I wore to it.

Then clearly you didn't the pleasure of seeing Meg McBlogga, the sweetest bitch you eva knew.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Meg! im that girl that was reallly drunk outside of the jersey shore party and kept trying to hook up with your gay friend. It was nice to meet you, though!

You were so cute!!!! It was nice to meet you! :)

Fritalian Foodie said...

Yeap! My ex-boyfriend and I call it McGayden's...God I hate that place...

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