8.25.2010

Queer Abby Says Relax (Don't Do It)

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Dear Queer Abby,


I'm a 24 year old woman, and I've been dating a guy my age for almost 6 months now. I'm absolutely head over heels in love with this boy, I've never been this happy. (Yay!) My friends like him, my mom likes him, my sister likes him, but then there's my dad. My dad seriously seriously does not like this boy! Mind you, my boyfriend hasn't done ANYTHING to warrant my father's strong feelings, it's just how my dad is. I usually just kind of ignore my father's rants, but this is really starting to get to me. I know that I should be like, "Hey dad, I'm 24, there's nothing you can do so drop it," but that won't stop him.


I need some help on how to handle this. I don't want to get into a screaming match with my dad over this, but I want him to stop rolling his eyes and giving me the silent treatment every time i mention my boyfriend's name. Please help!


Sincerely,

Frustrated

If you want your dad to see you as a mature and responsible decision maker (in terms of who you’re dating or whatever else), then you need to make sure you’re addressing him as such. So yea, a screaming match is not in your best interest and it won’t be effective. The truth is, he’s always going to see you as his little girl and, therefore, a lot of the guys you bring home won’t cut it. You need to recognize that’s where he’s coming from and reach out to him with that in mind. If you want to change someone’s mind you have to meet them where they are, and try to pull them along slowly but surely by addressing their concerns as though they’re valid, not absurd.

So, approach him about it next time you’re together. Be calm, respectful and non-confrontational and just say, “I noticed you seem to have a problem with Boy Friend, why is that? I know you want what’s best for me and I respect your opinions, so I just want to understand where you’re coming from.” Really listen to what he has to say and respond to it rationally and honestly. Maybe he doesn’t have a good reason, but you can’t tell him that and just expect him to be like ‘wow, she’s right.’ He has to get there on his own. It might take a couple of conversations, and he might not change his mind right there in front of you, but with any luck he’ll start to soften up a little. And even if he doesn’t admit it, you might notice it in the way he acts toward you and Boy Friend.


Eventually, if these conversations don’t work then you’ll have to take a harder line and say something along the lines of “Listen, I love you and I want you to be proud of me, but at some point I have to start making decisions for myself and I hope eventually you’ll start respecting and supporting them.” But even if it does come to that, Frustrated, just remember that Dad isn’t going to like BF anymore than he does now if he thinks BF is driving a wedge between the two of you. So, stay close with him, remember he just wants what’s best for you and continue to act like an adult about it all… which means acknowledging that sometimes people disagree on things but that doesn’t mean there has to be any respect or love lost.


Aw. I'm kind of jealous of you. Not only have my hippie parents ruined my life by being 100% supportive of me and my fart blog (thereby robbing me of my god-given right to resent the hell out of them,) my dad also doesn't believe in weighing in on his daughters' love lives.


Before Geoff proposed to Becca, I was in charge of setting up a dinner between him and my parents so he could officially ask them for her hand in marriage. (I came with. We all got drunk and ate hamburgers; it was awesome.) After it happened, I asked my dad how he thought it went, and he took such an obnoxiously Free To Be You and Me way out of the question. He was like, "I appreciate him asking, but he didn't have to. You and your sister are your own women and who you want to be with is, and should not be, my decision. It's not like we live in the days when we'd have to barter you for goats or anything." (Although don't speak too soon, sir. I don't seem to be a "hot commodity", so I wouldn't go ebaying your livestock and fine table linens quite yet.) I was like, "O...K. A simple, 'I'm happy for them' would have sufficed, Mz. Steinem."


Similarly, my dad and I were out to dinner a few weeks ago at a restaurant where my parents are regulars and when the owner came over to say hi, she looked at me and asked my dad, "Oh! Is she one of yours?" "She is and she isn't," my dad answered. Which is when I began nervously shifting my eyes around the room and intensely regretted eating something so cream-based if I was about to find out I was adopted in a public Italian restaurant. Thankfully, my dad continued, "She's my daughter, but she's not 'mine'. I don't own her." Ughhhh...HIPPIE. I rolled my eyes and gave her a look that said, "Please apologize to the rest of the restaurant for the scent of patchouli wafting from our table," but she was like, "Awww, no, I think that's sweet! Your dad clearly respects you and thinks of you as your own woman!"


And while that's true and I do appreciate it, every now and then I kind of wish my dad would lose a few teeth, grab a shot gun and adopt a, "NOBODY'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR MAH LITTLE GIRL!" attitude, so I can be like, "Dad, I'm 25-years-old and can make my own decisions! SNL and Groundlings alum Chris Parnell and I are in love and you're just going to have to accept that and learn let go." Then my dad would sigh heavily, shake his head and somberly say, "I know, I know...I just don't want to lose you. You're my little girl!" "That's just it, DadI'm not your little girl anymore. Besides, [playfully nudges him] you know you'll never lose me." "I know. Maybe I have been a little too hard on 30Rock's Chris Parnell." "He's a really amazing guy, Dad. I think if you just talked to him, you'd realize that." "Well, why don't we all go out to brunch tomorrow?" "We can't, Dad. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story's Chris Parnell and I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get our first sonogram." "Sonogram...? You mean" "That's right. I'm pregnant." [Hugs] "You know something? You're right. I'm not losing a daughterI'm gaining a son and a grandchild." AND SCENE!


I don't know, it still needs workshopping, but isn't that how that shit works? If I were you, I'd Netflix the Meet the Fockers movies; Father of the Bride 1 and 2; and Guess Who immediately and be prepared to take a lot of notes.


Queer Abby,


Holy fuck do I need a good, clear, honest opinion. I don't want to bore you with a lot of back story because the question is pretty short and simple but here's a little bit any way:


I have a guy that I sleep with on a regular basis. We're not together, so "Fuck Buddy" probably does it justice. The sex is great, I do my thing, he does his and we're good. However... Dun Dun Dun... I've been with 3 guys off and on in between him and the sex is hot, it lasts, we're both into it, or so it seems, but the guys aren't getting off. The first guy, it just didn't happen, same thing with the second one. And now the last guy had to finish himself. This is after some pretty intense oral, too.

What. the. fuck.


I've never encountered this problem, and now it's happened 3 fucking times. I'm to the point where I'm sure it's me. But why the hell keep it going for so long if you don't find me attractive, or whatever the case may be? I mean, I know there's a ton of reasons for a guy to not get off, but seriously? 3 people? I used to think I was pretty good in bed, but now I'm not so sure.


Help Amy! Put me out of my misery or tell me sweet stories of how this isn't a disaster.


- the Girl That Can't Get Him Off

I’m sorry, I don’t know how to respond to this except to say I hope you’re using protection. I’m not judging—your hobbies are your own, I’m 100% pro-sex, and again, I don’t know your timeframe on all of this, but anytime you’re running the risk of ending up on MauPo’s monthly Who’s My Baby Daddy episode, maybe you should be asking ‘why am I doing this?’ not ‘are they enjoying themselves?’ ... I'm not trying to be an asshole, I just can't say for sure that the main issue that needs to be addressed here is whether or not these guys are getting off, and I don't want to encourage your behavior without knowing where your head's at and whether you're being safe.


'Eh. I don't really have any morals or ethics. I'll address it. First of all, let's all let out a good hearty laugh at the thought of me giving someone sex advice. It's OK; just let it out. Let your laughter shower down upon me so we can all move on. We good? OK. Now, onto your problem.


You're rightthere are plenty of potential reasons why Bachelors 1-3 didn't finish. And truthfully, without me and Amy in the room with you to be like, "OOO, YEP. That's it. Your vagina has teeth. There's your problem.", neither of us can really tell you for sure if it's you or them or what's going on. However, I will tell you thisI've been with a someone who couldn't finish twice: the first time was because it was a horrible one-night stand and it was kind of awkward and uncomfortable and after a while it just boiled down to: "This is boring and my hair is frizzing. Can I go home now?" The second time was because drugs and alcohol were in play.


Orgasms are something like 90% mental (I knew all that Real Sex would pay off some day...) so when you compromise your mental state, whether it be with drugs, alcohol, or lack of a connection, it's certainly not helping anyone get there any faster. I bring this up because it seems like the dudes in your life who aren't orgasming are the ones who are your casual "Fuck Buddies." Eff Buddies are good in theory (and Lord knows I wouldn't hate one right now...) but in practice, they're kind of awkward. You both know you're only there for sex, so there's all this weird pressure involved and nothing ruins sex more than pressure. Plus, I don't know about you, but in my experience, alcohol normally preludes a hook up with an Eff Buddy and alcohol + mild awkwardness + pressure = baseball, cold showers, MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY! MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY!


So unless you're literally lying there trying to shove his dick in your ear while you recap last night's episode of Antiques Roadshow in a cockney accent, I'd chalk it up to the situation. If you continue to hook up with one (or all of them; I'm not here to judge) and the problem persists, communicate with him/them. I'm not suggesting you take one out to Caribou, sit him down and be like, "So. Steve. I notice you can't achieve male orgasm. Do you want to [lean in, put your hand on his] talk about it?" But talk to him in bed about what he likes and what you can do to make him feel good. Not only is that hot in and of itself, it'll (hopefully) speed up the process. (THIS IS ALL WHILE WEARING CONDOMS, of course.) Help me help yourself, Steve.


Deer Queer Abby,

Meg, I want to start out by saying I’m madly in love with you and when I read your words I feel like you’re a slightly exaggeratedversion of myself… and that makes me feel safe. (Aw, thanks!)

I fell in love last year and dated this oober fantastic guy who is possibly my soul mate and I say that term lightly because I also thinkthat I should marry onions and Jack Donaghy from 30 rock… Any ways, I’m really in love. For realz. This boy that I love is delightfullyawkward and through the course of our relationship my outside life became a literal shit pile and through my inability to deal I became depressed… and so did he. We got to the point where we didn’t enjoy each other anymore because of the depression, but I didn’t knowwhat else to do… remember, outside life, shit pile…

So, we broke up. But it’s never clean, is it? My best gay friend is now his roommate because he needed someone to help with rent and the bgf needed a place to live. They are now in totally gay bro love and there is no way I can come between that. Boobs hold no ground in gay bro love, none, Also, he wanted to stay friend, and since I’m so stupidly in love I can’t say no to that proposition.

He says he still loves me, just can’t date me right now because of how bad things really got between us. He is still attracted to me, and he loves spending time with me, in fact we love spending time with each other, I‘m so much happier now that the break up forced me to deal with my real life. Except I can’t not think of him romantically. I can’t “just be friends” because I feel real heart wrenching life changing monumentally necessary love for him. Friendship is a part of every love relationship, I just feel so much more seeing him as only a friend is impossible.

Not to mention that I’m hornier than a toad and he refuses to even hold my hand let alone play with my lady bits…

So here is my question: Should I stay friends and wait it out because that’s what the love of my life wants and if I was in his position I know he’d wait for me to be ready? Or, should I try to wean him out and see if by dating multiple people at one time I can ease the pain of the fact that the guy who is enough for me all by himself doesn’t want me right now and may never want me again? Should I try dating and stay his friend so I can have him but a little lovin’ on the side that is only minutely as satisfying as relationship sex? Should I move to Africa and wear a water jug on my head and no shoes or a bra ever again? I have so many options, I just don’t know what will make me happier in the end. Because I hurt now, no matter if I say or leave.

Is this the part where I make up a witty name?

-the girl who still wears shoes and a bra… for now

I vote moving to Africa…but if you aren’t going to do that, take it as a euphemism for creating some distance between the two of you and starting with a clean slate (independent of him).


You can’t count on this situation turning out how you want it to. AT BEST your odds of getting back together are 50/50 and, even if you do, I’m unconvinced that you guys wouldn’t slip into the same pattern as before. I’m not sure that a few months is enough time to take a pile of shit and sculpt it in to anything but a slightly more decorative pile of shit, or that it’s enough time for you to discern exactly how it got to that point so you can prevent it from happening again.


More importantly, though, he said he doesn’t want to be with you. I don’t care if “right now” followed that statement, you can’t count on this guy deciding he wants to be in a relationship with you later. All you have to work with is what’s in front of you, and that excludes the option of being with him. So find closure in whatever you guys had and concentrate on making your life what you want it to be without him. That doesn’t mean you have to date around, but if you do don’t jump to the conclusion that it will be meaningless and unfulfilling with anyone but your ex…and if it is, then don’t waste your time. If your life is as squared away as you say, you should be fine enjoying it for a while, as is, until an option comes along that you truly believe will make it better. Wasting your time pining over someone who doesn’t want to be with you will only prevent that.


Look, I'm of the school of thought that I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. And I tend to be extremely militant about that. I'm a total bridge burner and I have absolutely no problem cutting you out of my life if I get the feeling that you don't want to be in it. Whether it be with friends or lovers (vomit. Worst word ever...) if you're out, you're out and it's not my job to convince you to stay.


But as OH HEY STRONG SISTAHHHH!!!! as that sounds, it's not actually a part of my personality that I enjoy. Because like, nights are hard. When you cut someone out like that, you don't get any closure and more times than not, I just lay there at night wondering why those people didn't want to be in my life and just feel terribly lonely. But that's why god invented Nip/Tuck at 3 o'clock in the morning, am I right or AM I RIGHT?!!?!?


I bring this up less for sympathy and more so because I feel like there has to be a healthy medium between being hung up on someone and pushing people out of your life for fear of being hung up on someone. I think it's a good idea to be cordial with your ex, but absolutely get your ass back out there and on the dating scene again. And if you don't feel ready to be your ex's friend, then don't. There's a difference between being friends and being friendly with someone. I don't know, dude. It's going to suck either way. That's just the nature of the beast. But Netflix will always love you.


Jesus Christ, that was depressing sentence. I hate when we end on a WAMP, WAMP. Uh...here are some erotic pictures of Chris Parnell to cleanse the palette:


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Got a question you'd like Amy and Meg to answer? Shoot an email to QueerAbby@2birds1blog.com!

34 comments:

raquel said...

Woo first comment! The early bird gets the worm @ 2birds1blog.
I felt like I could really relate to letters two and three this week, so here's my two cents.
1) Meg is 100% right: if inappropriate teeth aren't involved in your sexing, its probably all mental - drugs, alcohol and anonymity do not always good sex make. Trust me, I have toooo much experience to be wrong.
2) If you don't want to be friends with your ex, don't force yourself into interacting with them under the guise of friendship. This will only create awkwardness for you later, when they actually expect you to do friendly things for them (crash on your couch, get drinks, etc). Politely and gently cut that d-bag out of your life, unless you're ready to actually be their friend.

PS Meg you're the best!

Anonymous said...

Guess Who is a phenomenal movie, RIP Bernie Mac

P. Walter Thomas III said...

Girl who can't get guys off, its probably them, not you. I had sort of the same issue (we're all friends here, right?) after I got out of a 4 year relationship. I just started getting after it with as many girls as possible, as I'd only been with that one girl, but I wasn't getting off. I more or less had to fake it, (guys do that to). For me, it was more like a situation where even though I was going home with girl X, I knew I didn't want to be going home with her, but I also wanted to have sex, so I was going to do it anyway. Fast forward 2 years later, I found a girl i'm really into and we have awesome sexual chemistry, no issues. Which should tell you maybe you should have the talk with the first guy..

Anonymous said...

I think maybe you can't get those 3 guys off because deep down you really like fuck buddy number 1 and you subconcious is trying to tell you not to be with those other 3 guys

amy said...

PWT3, that's EXACTLY the scenario i was imagining with her-- that these guys are doing it because the option is there, not because they are super fired up about it. which leads me to think: why be that for them-- an obligatory fuck that they're taking on because they're guys, not because of you. save it for someone who's totally in to you that you can actually talk to about what does and doesn't work for them, etc.

that said, given due honesty, mutual respect and precaution, i say have all the sex you want... as long as it really is what YOU want ultimately. my immediate concern was that a lot of times when girls are soliciting, entertaining and/or settling for attention like that all over the place, there's something else going no with them. i FULLY realize that may not be the situation at all here, in which case i would gladly say, "get some-- but if he's had pills, amphetamines or a lot of alcohol then be advised he might not be able to preform." unfortunately, i didn't have enough info to feel good about saying that in this case.

erin said...

I once had a summer fling with a guy who just wouldn't come. I thought the sex was great, but was worried I was doing something wrong. Turns out he jacked off like 4 times a day, and couldn't come without a little help from his hand.

There are worse problems for a girl than a guy who wont come... At least he doesn't come disappointingly fast.

Generally it's his problem, not yours.

Anonymous said...

abby should be fired for not doing her job on question number 2. or punched in the face. who are you to judge, you're a lesbo

kerry a. said...

i can not express the amount of disgust i feel in response to the above anonymous comment.

Endellion said...

Wow, "Anonymous" who posted at 12:01pm --lay off. Amy did exactly what she was supposed to do in this situation, and I appreciate that. Also, let's not name-call or assume people can't relate to certain situations because of who they're attracted to. I'm quite frankly amazed that you read this blog if those are your feelings.

CourtneyLyn said...

I spent all of this past Sunday morning in my sweat pants and a tank watching father of the bride one and two. My husband has finally come to terms with the fact that whenever these movies are on he leaves me alone. Yes even after I got married I have to watch them. oh George Baaannnkkkssss a party pooper....

Anonymous said...

I have to say I was also quite stunned by Abby's advice to question #2. I agree that above all, we should all be having safe sex. However, I felt the response was incredibly judgmental. I'm a female who swings and have many anonymous encounters. I do not think that I, or anyone for that matter, should be made to feel like our choices are "wrong," as Abby has had to struggle, I'm sure, not be made to feel her choice is wrong. I felt her answer lacked sensitivity and was less advice than lecture. I love the Queer Abby segment and was disappointed by that particular "advice." I also find many anonymous encounters extremely fun and fulfilling but of course, not all of them are. I think Meg's advice was spot on. The best thing to do is to talk to the man in question. If you're asking what they like while you're in a position to give it them, chances are, they'll find that quite sexy!

Susan said...

i absolutely agree with the commenter above.

you can't invite readers to submit questions to what you've led them to believe is a judgement-free zone, then lay that on someone.

not cool, QA. not cool.

Queer Abby said...

all apologies if my response came off judgmental, as i said in my initial answer, and as follow up to PWTs comment, i take a sex-positive approach to most things. swinger? cool. poly? fine by me. celibate?.... uh, ok? whatever floats your boat as long as you're being honest with yourself and others. i just don't know her relationship to these people AT ALL or the circumstances surrounding their sexual encounters, and it's very unclear to me whether this is a thoughtful lifestyle decision or not. So, I 'm not going to respond to a question like that without, first and foremost, pointing out the obvious safety concerns (both physically and emotionally). i didn't call the girl a whore or something; i don't think she is. and i, for one, HATE the double standard that sets highly sexually active men up as 'ballers' and their female counterparts as 'sluts'.

that said, i think it's perfectly legitimate (and even necessary) to expect people to be thoughtful and intentional in their sex lives since the consequences can be pretty fucking serious... if this is a carefully considered lifestyle choice for this girl, by all means go for it, but a) take pride in it and point that out in asking a question of this nature and b) you shouldn't have a problem with asking yourself 'why am i doing this' if you've thought about it and are comfortable with the answer.

i've been an advocate for sexual health and freedom AND worked with marginal sexual communities for 10 years now (and, not that it's anyone's business, but to the person who said i don't know what i'm talking about because i'm a 'lesbo', i'm actually bi but didn't feel the need to clarify until now.) and regardless (or maybe even because all of that), i think i'd be remiss and irresponsible to deny some fairly obvious and entirely legitimate concerns just to avoid sounding like a prude. i'd rather advocate responsible, recreational sex.... and once that's been established as a baseline, i'm happy to give advice on how to maximize the enjoyment of all parties involved.... in which case, i would likely agree with Meg and the last anon, whole-heartedly.

Queer Abby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bill said...

Judgmental? Maybe. But if you open yourself up by writing anonymously to an advice column, with an open forum where anyone can write anything without repercussions, then don't you expect to receive some judgment?

Granted Abby's response may have been a bit uncouth, but in my opinion she was spot on. Far be it for me to tell someone they can't get theirs, but if she doesn't like what Abby had to say, move right on to Meg's advice and choose which is more appropriate to your situation.

Girl That Can't Get Him Off said...

How excited was I to see my question posted. I was hesitant to send it in, but I’m beyond relieved that I did. To know I’m not the only person who’s experienced this makes me feel a helluva lot better about it. This is why I love this blog and our Meggles.

And just to clarify some of the discussions: What I meant by “why the hell keep it going for so long” was the actual sex. I only sleep with the one guy (F.B.) regularly. The other 3, excluding one, were just casual *SAFE* hookups, with sufficient time in between to ensure I wouldn’t end up on MauPo’s “Who’s Your Baby Daddy” episode. I’m just single and taking advantage of it, albeit a little frustrated by the outcomes obviously. Even knowing at the time nothing was going to go any where between them, it would still be nice to get the satisfaction of knowing I did my job too. Oh well, I guess that’s just how it goes sometimes and I can say that thanks to all the great advice. So thank you 2b1b and its readers!

On to the next one…

Anonymous said...

Obviously, question number 2 had no advice given whatsoever from abby. just because its not what "abby" thinks is right, she still should have answered the question. Personally, Abby doesnt give good advice.

Aimee said...

So I never post on here EVER! Im one of the lurkers. However, after reading through the comments it actually got me PO enough to post a comment.

I think that all the anonymous comments should grow a pair of balls and let their identies be known if they are going to shit talk. Why hide behind a curtain if you're going to be an ASS

So I too was first shocked by the fact that QA didnt really answer the 2nd question but to say she is being too judgemental is ridiculous. Just because she is an advice columnist doesn't mean that she doesnt have the right to 1) have her opinion and 2) decide not to answer questions. Meg gave a great answer to that question so it wasnt like they were leaving the girl high and dry.

Oh and what really inspired me to write this comment was that I cant believe that in todays day and age someone (especially a 2b1b reader) would be so intolerant and stupid to state "who are you to judge your a lesbo" I wanted to climb through the screen and punch that person in the face. Blah im so sick and tired of intolerant people

Anonymous said...

dude! one time in college i was at a harvard lampoon party and CHRIS PARNELL WAS THERE. and perhaps even more importantly, was straight up holding hands with an undergrad and flitting around like he owned the joint. so what i'm trying to say is that you probably genuinely could hit that. because he's kind of a creep.

Adria said...

Oh Meg, I have the same issues with my dad! More like that he just doesn't get phased by the idea of me with a boyfriend or a man or anything.

He caught me making out with a guy in our driveway in high school and high fived me. HIGH FIVED.

He told me that my boyfriend and I should write an article for PLAYBOY about the Top 10 Places to Have Sex Between New York and Los Angeles on our upcoming road trip/move to LA.

So yeah, effing hippies. Well, my dad more just thinks I'm his 3rd son, but still, I feel your pain!

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Alright, alright. Let's back off Amy...

Ms. Martha said...

"I’m sorry, I don’t know how to respond to this except to say I hope you’re using protection."

"...But anytime you’re running the risk of ending up on MauPo’s monthly Who’s My Baby Daddy episode, maybe you should be asking ‘why am I doing this?’"

"I don't want to encourage your behavior..."

Read: Judgmental. At least condescending. Your "apology" implied you withheld advice as a quasi-punishment until she shows her sexual cards. Your advice/comment makes more assumptions than I could wag a stick at in this comment box. But mainly, your response implies that anytime someone writes about sex s/he is a self-affacing sex monger who doesn't use condoms/take birth control. But where was that assumption when responding to Girl Who Still Wears Shoes and Bra? Is GTCGHO unworthy of your advice because she has multiple sex partners that she's not in love with? I'm shocked by your amateur advice and your willingness to perpetuate the harmful stereotypes you "HATE."

My amateur advice? Listen to/write to/call up Dan Savage. He mentions the importance of using condoms and being safe and loving yourself, but then gives real advice. Btw, maybe it's worth checking with Girl That Can't Get Him Off if she's orgasmed every time. I'm generalizing here, but many times women don't even expect an orgasm on a one-night stand or fake it because at times achieving one requires an amount of communication and diligence you might not want to give up in a casual setting. Or maybe the orgasm doesn't need to define the sexual act and intimacy and fun can win the day. That'd be my advice anyway.

Anonymous said...

So... "OOO, YEP. That's it. Your vagina has teeth. There's your problem" MIGHT just be my new motto for life/the line that comes to me when I'm masturbating and has led something I'm going to call a gigglegasm. (Pleasant!)

melissa said...

Regarding letter #3, how sadly ironic! I just got dumped for the same reasons (i.e., happy with him + miserable with my life = "umm... I think we need to see other people") I may not have to compete with a bgf, but I've noticed something: I wasn't happy in the relationship. We just didn't have anything in common, even though we were both good people. I'll still be sad for a while, but I'm glad one of us recognized when it was done, so we could move on. Hope sender of letter #3 feels that way someday, too.

Anonymous said...

i can't get over how much i hate queer abbey. WOW. she's just awful!!

Anonymous said...

I'm late to the party but why is everyone hating on abby?

The first writer is clearly validating her self worth through sex. While a healthy and active sex life is wonderful, it is obvious that this is not the case for her. She can't get one guy off so she moves on to the next, and the next. Her problem isn't her inability to make men cum, it is her self esteem.

She's being extremely reckless and I pray to g-d that she's using every contraceptive known to man before something bad happens.

My advice: get into therapy and find out what's causing the under-lying need for male attention to validate your self worth. Nothing is sexier than confidence. Once you have it on your own, independent of peen, you'll have no problems getting your partner(s) off.

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