So the other day I'm sitting on the couch when all of a sudden I hear a loud shriek coming from the bathroom, where the BF was, you know, doing what you do in the bathroom. I hear water running, I hear muttering, I hear flushing, I hear more muttering.
“I got poo water on my hand” he said, as he came out looking slightly shaken up.
Um, excuse me? Turns out the BF was finishing up when his hand accidentally dipped in the water in the toilet. Not knowing how/why one’s hand even gets that close to toilet water in the first place I had to ask for further explanation. Apparently, while wiping, his hand touched the toilet water since he's tall and our toilet is short and gee he wishes we could get a taller toilet bowl … Yeah, he lost me at “while wiping.”
“Soooo …. You wipe sitting down?” I asked, horrified.
“Uh YEAH, don’t you?” he replied, equally horrified.
So not to tell you too much about myself (too late) but I most certainly do NOT wipe sitting down and the mere fact that some people do has turned my world upside down. The sky is blue, water is wet, and people wipe standing up – this is how it is and how it shall always remain? Yes??
I would think that the threat of dipping one’s hand in toilet water is the most obvious reason not to wipe sitting down. Gross – I don’t want my hand that close to what’s in there. Not to mention leverage – it’s kinda hard to wipe front to back when your back is, you know, way back. PLUS there’s the threat of getting “poo water” as the BF so descriptively called it on your hand – did I mention that one already? Poo water?
But now that this whole new world has been opened up to me I'm beginning to see subtle signs of the “Down Wipers” everywhere. For instance – my office has automatically flushing toilets. It senses your sitting – it does not flush. It sense you have stood up – it flushes. This has always flummoxed me as an “Up Wiper.” Just cause I'm standing up doesn’t mean I'm done! This show’s only at intermission my friend. What inevitably happens is the toilet flushes mid wipe so I am forced to toss the paper into the bowl then lean over, putting my hand over the sensor so it thinks “Oh! She sat back down again” and then remove my hand so that if flushes, careful to IMMEDIATELY remove my face from the vicinity of the toilet so I don’t get poo water on my face. Dude.
You know the only time I wipe sitting down? When I'm at a house party with my girlfriends and we all cram into the bathroom together and take turns going. I wipe sitting down in that instance so I don’t flash me wiping my crotch to all my friends. Sure I’ll bet we’ve seen crotch every now and then but wiping crotch? Disgusting. And I’ll never forgot the steamy humidity inside that toilet bowl as I wiped as carefully as I could without making a southbound detour into the golden pond. Dude.
I need to know, dear readers, I need to know what in the hell is going on here. Do you wipe sitting or standing? Is there a method to your madness? Have you ever gotten poo water on your hand? We here at 2B1B are dying to know. An unofficial survey is being taken with the hopes of settling this Down Wiper/Up Wiper thing in the near future. Please advise.