My 45-minute Facebook relationship

As I settled into the back of my parent's Jeep Friday evening, worn out from a day of apartment cleaning/re-painting/re-arranging, my iphone dinged letting me know that I had just received an email. Christian C. from the New York, NY network had sent me the following message on Facebook:
"Christian C.
January 2 at 5:41pm
you look cute but we live too far. it would never work!"

Hm. This sent a few red flags-a-flyin':
1.) We don't have any mutual friends.
2.) I was just having a conversation with someone about whether or not it's socially acceptable to use Facebook as a flirting medium with strangers. (My argument is no, that's more myspace's scene. Facebook is good to flirt with people you already know.)
3.) This guy is hot. And British. And lives on the Upper West Side. Normally the random guys who message me on myspace are Latino gangbangers from Inglewood who call me "mami" and wanna do unspeakable things to dat a$$. I mean, I'm not saying I look like Sloth from Goonies, but what the hell is this guy doing wasting his time with me?

Then I realized. He thinks I'm Leighton Meester.
My favorite TV drama archetype is the over-privileged, bitchy, brunette. (The exception of course being Summer from The OC. Rachel Bilson/Summer Roberts = Fail.) Blair Waldorf (as played by Leighton Meester) from Gossip Girl is my personal hero. Not since Dynasty's Fallon Carrington Colby have I seen such exemplary levels of brunette snobbery and good fashion sense. So as an homage, I made her my Facebook picture.

Given I had about 45 minutes to kill in the car with my parents on the way back to their house, I decided to see where a conversation with Christian C. from New York, NY would take me. Below is the entirety of our conversation. Enjoy.

Christian C.: you look cute but we live too far. it would never work!
Meg McBlogger: Well not with that attitude it wouldn't!
Christian C.: Well, i guess so...I'm not going to spend too much time talking about myself, but I'm good looking, muscular, funny, exciting, adventurous, cool, a real man's man -- the kind of man other men want to be, and women want to be with! But most of all, out of everything else, my best trait is...I'm modest! ;-)

Tell me about yourself...Did you do anything interesting for new year' eve?
Meg McBlogger: Yikes, I'm going to have to stop you there. You do realize the girl in my facebook photo is actress Leighton Meester, yes? Don't get me wrong, I consider myself an attractive girl, but Leighton Meester I am not. If I've dissapointed you, she films her show in NYC, so stalking her down is always an option I guess?
Christian C.: Yeah, i realised but only after your first reply but then i liked your response so figured you had to look something like her to add her to your profile!! [editor's note: I do not. And I'm almost positive at this point in our messaging he could just click my picture to see actual photos of me, but I don't think he realized this. I chalk it up to him being a foreigner.]
Meg McBlogger: Yea, sorry about that. Actually Leighton Meester's body plus my amazing personality would be quite the catch. Sorry I can't totally make that happen for you. But yes, I relate to her being a sassy brunette myself. But the similarities stop there.
Christian C.: sounds perfect! [has already sent a friend request] let's be friends so i can c for myself ;)
Meg McBlogger: Oof, are you really ready for that responsibility?
Christian C.: how do you mean?
Meg McBlogger: Here's how I see it. You have a few options here, if you see what I actually look like you can like what you see, or not like what you see. If you don't like what you see, you can either stop talking to me (in which case I know it's because I'm not Leighton Meester-y enough, which is kind of a dick move on your part and I don't know if you want the guilt of ruining a random girl's night) or you can be polite and continue to courtesy message me, and who has the time for that? OR you could actually like what you see and continue to message me knowing this is going nowhere anyway. I mean I'm pretty good with how I look, so it's not a big deal, I'm just thinking of you. Personally, I wouldn't want that pressure.
Christian C.: this is ridiculously stressful. ha ha. i don't know which i should do?
Meg McBlogger: Well, think hard. It's your decision and yours alone.
Christian C.: i guess we should just end it. either way this isnt' going anywhere, but i got more out of this conversation than i ever though i would when i sent you that message!
Meg McBlogger: That's fair enough.
Christian C.: I'm gonna start watching that show now and think of you!! ;)
Meg McBlogger: You'll always be the Chuck Bass to my Blair Waldorf.
Christian C.: ha ha what?
Meg McBlogger: Ugh. Never mind.

Sigh...breakups are worst. Time to rebound with a Latino gangbanger!


Alice in Wonderland said...

That was adorable. I've only seen one episode of Gossip Girl but I think you did her proud.

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That was quite a technological romantic encounter <3

Kristina said...

There are few blogs that make me literally laugh out loud- thanks for the laughs while I waste away during the work day!

ohlookitslisa said...

anyone who throws in that many winkie faces in such a short span of time is not worthy of meg personality+leighton meester body. i think it ended right where it should have... ;)

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