Drinking Game Friday Needs a Drink. Or Five.

Last spring, I went to visit a friend in San Francisco, and we took a day to go tour the wine country. We stayed with a friend-of-a-friend, who dropped us in town around noon and picked us up after she was done with work. “Hey, guys, did you get in a couple of wineries?” “Buh, tuh. EIGHT.” We then asked for a ride to the store to get beer. When we sobered up, we realized that we’d made her uncomfortable. She thought we had Gone Too Far, and that we were on the verge of Having A Problem. Bah. We’re just from the South. Drinking is like sex and ice-skating. Done well, you have an awe-inspiring result; done poorly, you’re sore and an object of scorn. So in the spirit of Ladies and gentlemen, Self-Referential Entertainment Presents: The Problem Drinking Drinking Game! Drink when/if: - You’ve made a conversion chart that shows, for each hour of the day, a world city in which it is already five o’clock. - If someone has ever confronted you about drinking in the day, and you’ve mumbled something about daylight savings time. - Your trash bags clank as you put them by the curb. - You’ve started tailgating for sports with a very limited local following, such as jai alai or women’s darts. - “I’m not drinking. This is just beer.” - At your house, every dessert has brandy poured over it. They are never lit. - “You call this a Seven and Seven? This is an eleven and three at best. - You get drunk to make everyday tasks easier. I once paid my bills drunk, and when I got the canceled check back I found that on the memo line of my check to the gas company, I had written, “for Grace and Beauty.” - You’ve ever gotten drunk while sick with the reasoning “alcohol kills germs.” - Wine savers mystify you, because who doesn’t finish their wine? - You have a bottle in the trunk of your car “for emergencies” that is significantly more accessible than the spare tire. - “We could divide this into actual Jell-O shots, or we could just refrigerate the whole bowl and eat it with a spoon.” - “Pshh. He’s 21 in dog years.” - “No, it’s more efficient to put the Kool-Aid mix directly in the vodka. Then you can just stir it up.” - You beef up softer drinks, like mimosas, with a shot of vodka. (Ex Co-Blogger Eddie does this and it’s delicious and effective.) - Mosquitos bite you, take a few uncertain steps, and fall to the ground. - “I find that if I swallow the mouthwash I lay down a good base buzz for the morning." - This happens: Meg returns Monday! Have a great weekend everyone!


Sandra DC said...

oh my god. i love this drinking game.

my friends and i came to the conclusion that there's always at least one person in every family known as the "family drunk." we also came to the conclusion that my friends and i are our respective family's "family drunks."

i'll cheers to that.

randomguy said...

Well, Larry Hagman didn't die (yet), but this did: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36740125/vp/34328514#34328514?from=en-us_msnhp&GT1=43001

YOU are clearly responsible!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

You know, San Franciscans call a section of town in South of Market "Wine Country." Notably because of the quantities of Thunderbird, MD 2020, and Wild Irish Rose sold there. That's what I thought you were talking about initially. I thought you had spent your day going from liquor store to liquor store drinking Mad Dog with the homeless. Who knows? It could be fun, right?

I've never been there, just read about it, so if it's not true, sorry.

Caroline said...

Tulane Chris - thank you for this quote: We’re just from the South. Drinking is like sex and ice-skating. Done well, you have an awe-inspiring result; done poorly, you’re sore and an object of scorn

Laura said...

My mom switched to drinking wine out of boxes because she got worried the neighbors were judging her for all the empty bottles in the recycling bin.

Mademoiselle Hautemess said...

Favorite Drink of All Time: "Scremosa" - a mimosa with 1-2 shots of vodka...sometimes I use OJ concentrate to avoid "watering down" my booze.

Anonymous said...

All I gotta say is Tulane Chris, this is the first time you've brought me close to peeing myself. I like you and all is well and good, but damnit, I've come too close to too many of those 'drink ifs' so thank you for that :)

Anonymous said...

It's 3:08 PM and Larry Hagman is ALIVE !! Thank goodness

Unknown said...

you are my hero. my biffle and i used to watch the ice skating just to see them fall. + your sex/ice skating quote. AND THEN you follow it with the best DGF (sorry meg i love you too, more than anyone i've never met and i hope you're having an amazing time in ireland :). it's currently 12:45 pm and i recoiled in horror when my boyf told me he had to open the shutters to let a bit of light in to make breakfast. tells you how many ticks i may have checked on your box xoxo

Anonymous said...

"For Grace and Beauty"....i literally can't stop laughing about that.

Chunkles Fernandez said...


Anonymous said...

Aaaaaand Meg returns Monday with a No-Post Monday!

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