6.09.2010

Greetings from an Internet Cafe in Hell.

Hi there. Shit has not been good recently. At this very moment, for example, I can't tell if I'm about to vomit, cry, spontaneously combust or a unique combination of three. Why? Because I have a ton of important things to take care of before I leave for Ireland tomorrow and 99.9% of them rely on me being able to use my computer. What's the problem with that, you ask? This:

Photobucket

My computer has a "panic kernel." Which is computer jargon for "being effed in the a." I can't turn it on without it freezing on that screen, which means I don't have access to any of my files, including but not limited to: the artwork that needs to be uploaded to order your merch, all of the writing I've ever done ever, important business proposals and perhaps most importantly: my file of Kevin Yang
pictures. JESUS, GOD, NOOOOOOOO!

I have an appointment at the Genius Bar in Bethesda this morning and Alex thinks they'll be able to snag my files, but doesn't think they'll be able to fix it completely without it costing an arm and a leg. And you know what really sucks? I need to make money to be able to afford fixing my computer, but I can't make money without the computer that needs fixing in the first place. BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! IT'S SO DEPRESSING IT'S COMICAL!

So that's stressing me out. That and, you know, (per one of yesterday's comments) I'm not funny at all, I'm more obnoxious than the fictional lovechild of Snooki and Jon Gosselin, I don't fact check anything and thank Christ I'll be out of the country next week because every day that I'm here and blogging for free, a majestic Bald Eagle dies mid-flap, falls out of the sky and lands directly onto a 6-year-old child's birthday cake, thereby scarring an entire party of America's impressionable youth. So fingers-crossed that my plane goes down and I drown in the icy waters of the Atlantic tomorrow so we can finally live in a world where I don't strap each and every one of you down in a straight-jacket every morning, hold your eyes open with hooks and force you to read this blog, A Clock Work Orange style. Plus if I don't die, Lord knows I'll only go on to spend 10 days face-fucking the entire continent of Europe with my I HEART GEORGE W. BUSH fanny-pack while line-dancing all over priceless works of art and pissing Miller Lite directly into the mouths of the locals as I shout, "THAT'S WHAT FREEDOM TASTES LIKE! YIPPEE KI YI YAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!"

So, you know. That doesn't really help anything.

But despite all of that, I have two positive things worth noting:

1.) After tweeting that Al Franken was at the Conan O'Brien concert on Tuesday night, I got the following email from my mom:

did you know that back in the day dad and i got stoned with al franken, his wife frannie and his comedy partner tom davis?

And as I wrote back to her: I did not know that, but it certainly sounds about right.

2.) UM, Whit Ladue, of my-middle-school-crush-who-I-thought-looked-like-the-lead-singer-of-Marcy-Playground fame, emailed me yesterday. I got it right after I realized that I had just spent $80 on the wrong printer cartridges and the bottle of Snapple I had thrown on my bed was actually open. (That was a rough 30-seconds.) As I stood there staring at my iced tea soaked sheets, the email alert on my phone went off and I looked down to see this subject line: This is White Ladue - swear to god. "Well this is an interesting turn of events," I said. Out loud. To no one in particular. As I was completely alone in my apartment at the time.

I hopped over to Facebook to see what he looks like these days and this is what came up:

Photobucket

And if that isn't the Ronald Whitney Ladue in question, I will be sorely, sorely disappointed. Because we could have lived out my of unfulfilled middle school fantasies and exchanged Colonel-inspired fashion tips. If that's not the definition of a summer fling; I don't know what is.

57 comments:

Stephanie said...

Who the fuck thinks you aren't funny? This was a depressing post. But still hilarious. I love the shit out of your blog. Hope the computer works soon. Get pregnant in Ireland. (Thats instead of saying "have fun in ireland" because, really)

Grant said...

I'll admit, I was pissed about your lack of posting. Because I'm an ungrateful asshole. Sorr about that.

Enjoy Ireland.

Mademoiselle Hautemess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mademoiselle Hautemess said...

Honestly, why go to Ireland if you DON'T plan to face fuck the entire continent while riding the tip of dingle?

Simple solution to this computer problem...facefuck the Genius first for possible freelance work?

Laura said...

So... You write a blog for disenchanted 20 somethings, but somehow these people don't understand what it's like to get bitchslapped by life now and then? Must be nice...

cj said...

wow, my apologies if i comment i left bugged you enough to go on some passive aggressive rant about crashing in the atlantic. fyi, there's plenty of twentysomethings and twentysomething blogs that don't make us look like morons, still comically dealing with every day life. the truth is i enjoyed your blog for a time until it became laden with inside jokes and self-indulgent banter. a better blogger would have ignored the comment and continued on with her life. enjoy ireland!

Casey said...

Relax, CJ. You're creeping everyone out by how emotionally invested you are in this blog.

Anonymous said...

eh, he's not creeping me out. i think cj's funny.

[wah, go drown in a vat of viscous oil, Anonymous.]

predictable.

spare me.

Anonymous said...

CJ must be a Kevin Yang blog follower....or his lover...or both.

Anonymous said...

Internet fights are the epitome of cool.

Go fuck yourself CJ.

Andrea said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that Anonymous is cj's alter-ego...

On a lighter note, I'm in a bag toss league (bc it's Wisconsin, we don't got much else) and we had our first meeting on Tuesday. We all had to submit names for our team and I tried to name ours "sorr about the bag" but IT WAS ALREADY TAKEN! So apparently you have a couple sleeper cells of fans out here in the boonies. Kudos.

GovtMinion said...

CJ, if you don't like the blog, why come here and make snide comments? There are a lot of sites on the internet- find a different one. Unless you're one of those people who secretly enjoys Meg's writing and just complains because he thinks it's 'cool'. In which case, I assure you, it isn't working.

Kimberly said...

CJ have you ever thought that maybe these 'inside jokes' you keep ranting on about, aren't in fact inside jokes, but jokes you can not understand/comprehend? Everyone else seems to be getting them fine.

Also you are now acting as if meg is over reacting by mentioning you in her blog. Can I just remind you that she is not the one to take time out her life to write spiteful douchbag comments on other peoples blogs. Get things in perspective, you are the asshole with the obnoxious comments and too much time, Meg is the normal one.

And as a final note, I'll echo what everyone else has said.

Go fuck yourself CJ.

Mary said...

I wouldn’t even bother addressing “CJ” in the comments because you know, “CJ” clearly doesn’t like the blog so logic would dictate that “CJ” isn’t reading it right? Oh but WAIT, “CJ” IS reading it and apparently reading it voraciously Every. Single. Day. And then commenting on the post, and then coming back to read the comments, and then reading the next day’s post, and then commenting on THAT too. I mean my word, “CJ” sure knows how to effectively drive their point home about how lame it is to like/read the blog. Dude, way to really stick it to Meg by…continuing to read her blog??

Anonymous said...

Maybe CJ is boss #1? Or boss #2? Otherwise I don't know why you'd actually schedule time in your day to read stuff you don't like and then comment on it. That just seems silly. And unhealthy.

LifeIsThisIt said...

Seriously - I am willing to give you $50 to soften your computer and money woes...I haven't tithed to NPR in awhile and I get more enjoyment out of checking to see if your site is updated and then reading once you (and I) make it over the Monday not Blog Post and Tuesday/Wednesday chance of catastrophe pattern of yours!

Paypal?

"Mike" said...

That's what you get for using a Mac. Should have gone with a Windows machine, tsk tsk.

Leigh said...

Dude... take yourself a little less seriously. So enjoy the blog, or GTFO.

lauren said...

Expert Mac Repair just revived my MacBook and they were aweeeesome. They even come to your house. So if the Genius Bar quotes you a huge number and/or you just want to spend your money with a local kid instead of Apple, I'd totally recommend you give them a call. www.expertmacrepair.com

Anonymous said...

I had the exact same thing happen to my Mac a few months ago and immediately freaked the eff out. I took it to the Genius Bar in Clarendon and they magically fixed it in 30 minutes for the awesome price of FREE! Good luck!

Nate said...

Meist,

My computer died last October, and I freaked out too because my laptop is my life since I run my company through it. I started using a service called Backblaze that automatically backs up everything you ever do on your computer... It's like $50 per year or something, but totally worth it when something like this happens...

Just throwing that out there...

Love,
Dr. Sinners

Anonymous said...

Do people still not back up their hard drives? I'd understand if you said you lost everything you did over the last week, or even the last month, but ever? I mean it sucks, but you can't be completely surprised, computers crash all the time.

"Mike" said...

Yeah seriously, externals are cheap nowadays.

Anonymous said...

Sure wish CJ would like his/her blog or website so we could go flame him/her. I think that would only be fair. Joining the "Go Fuck yourself, CJ."

Francesca said...

I also think that CJ might like to take notice of the fact that Meg's comment was in no way passive aggressive. She singled out your comment, got what she needed off her chest, and carried on with post. It was a pretty dick comment, and it was directly addressed. The many many blog fans are the ones carrying this on, as I am. We all love the blog, and are standing up for our "friends" (is that creepy?!) because YOU suck, sir.

Nicole said...

cj (you don't get CAPS), everything about you sucks and you should die.

Evan said...

You guys realize that every time you mention CJ he gets a boner, right? Just ignore him and his circa 1999 internet chatroom lingo - he'll go away, just like a stray animal.

Hillary said...

SO excited to see the store up! It looks great (as I expected it would) -- excellent job, Meg. Will you bring back pictures of the tip of Dingle for us?? Please?

Grant said...

Don't feed the troll, kids.

pook555 said...

Enjoy Ireland Meg (though we will miss your posts, so try to post while you are there at least once pleassssse!!). And cj, we know you are Kevin Yang or his lover, so get over yourself (sorr to feed the trolls)...

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I'm totally planning on posting from Ireland! No worries!

Kelley said...

Evan & Grant: Thank you.

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I would like to exchange links with your site www.blogger.com
Is this possible?

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