Reading this post might give you a panic attack and get you fired. Proceed at your own risk.

My newest obsessions as of late are the following:

1.) Kevin Yang. But that's kind of a given. (Side note: I got a text message from Ruby last night in which she called me "the Yang of her life." I can honestly say that in my 25 years of living, I have never received a compliment that made me feel as complete and whole as that one did. Do with that what you will.)

(Also, while on the phone with Tulane Chris tonight, he asked me, "Meg, can you at some point take a picture of a naked Asian guy and use Kevin Yang heads to censor his nipples and junk?" Yes Chris. Yes, I can.
Oh. NSFW, by the way.)

2.) Kerning the invitation for my sister's bachelorette weekend in Miami. Stop it, Meg. Just stop. It looks fine. Print. Assemble. Send. Move on with your life. Because I could do this indefinitely. I wish I were kidding when I say that I've spent at least two hours every night, for the past four nights (and yes that spans over a weekend...) sitting in front of my computer, obsessively kerning this god damn invitation. And the thing is, I'm completely aware that nobody else is going to notice if the space between the L and the A in our last name is expertly distanced (and it is), the reason I kern it over and over again because it feels good. I have a physical reaction to kerning letters. It's just so god damn satisfying. The reason for me doing this project has moved past wanting to do something nice for my sister and dangerously into "Hi, I'm sexually attracted to typesetting" territory. And I don't know what to tell you about it. Some 25 year old girls have sex, I have kerning and Kevin Yang jokes. This is a night of bold statements.

(WOW. Sorry to self-interrupt, but I have to share: I seriously just thought to myself, "Man, wouldn't it be totally awesome if there was a job where you just sit there and kern shit all day?!" Uh, hi. That's a petrifying statement. Because not only is there a job that is exactly that, I had it. Remember that pesky year when you were a layout artist at a magazine in New York, Meggles? And remember how every day that you didn't attempt to flush yourself down the toilet to escape and swim free with the dolphins was a personal victory? Tighten the cilice on your leg and go meditate in your room for five hours for ever wishing that situation back upon yourself.) (Yes ma'am.)

3.) Reminiscing about Middle School. I swear to Christ, I really have let middle school go. I don't know what I can do to convince you that I don't sit here all day wearing stove-pipe jeans and baby tees staring at myself in a mirror saying affirmations. I've moved on. It's just that things keep coming up that remind me of middle school and what am I supposed to do? Not freak out about it? Please. Although I do appreciate the fact that I got an email last week from a reader who I went to middle school with apologizing for being friends with Dana P of My Top 5 All-Time Grudges fame and asking me not to spit on the tote bag she had just ordered from the merch store. (Dana P who, by the way, still hasn't apologized to me. Your best friend follows the blog on Twitter. I know you know what's up. And now you know I know you know. Make it right. I was just at a bar this weekend talking to some people from high school and Jessica P, also of My Top 5 All-Time Grudges fame, came up and guess what? I had her back and was singing her praises all night! Did you ever think you'd live to see the day?? I sure as shit didn't. But she made it right with me and that's how it works. You know where to reach me.
meg@2birds1blog.com.) And don't worry, kind reader. I won't spit on your tote bag. Although I do remember being sufficiently jealous of your hair in middle school. But I've let it go! I swears!

That all being said...I did dwell on middle school for a mighty long time yesterday afternoon. But again, it totally wasn't my fault! Helena came over and I put my iTunes on shuffle for some background noise and guess what came up first? The Fly's "Got You Where I Want You." I don't know who set my iTunes to traumatized, but yet again was transported right back to middle school, a la White Town's "Your Woman."

I joked that we should just make a playlist of all the songs that remind us of middle school and 20 seconds later I had a pen and paper in my hand and this list was born. So without further ado, I give you Meg & Helena's Traumatizing Middle School Music Playlist.

- The Flys, "Got You Where I Want You"
OK, Helena didn't remember this song, but I absolutely do. Specifically, I remember that it was really big the summer after sixth grade and Katie Holmes was in the video pushing people off a cliff because it was the single for Teaching Mrs. Tingle. And everything I just said makes me want to vomit.

- White Town, "Your Woman"

- Marcy Playground, "Sex and Candy"
Remember how this video was always on Pop-Up Video? I do. Mostly because every day after school I'd get off the bus, waddle home and proceed to stuff my face with Chips Ahoy! and watch Vh1 for hours on end. Fatty foods and the adult contemporary music channel—sounds about right. I also had the biggest crush on this kid named Whit Ladue in 7th grade and I thought he looked like Marcy Playground's lead singer, so this song will also always make me think of him. His full name was "Ronald Whitney Ladue." Fatty foods, the adult contemporary music channel and a crush on Ronald Whitney Ladue. Oh Meglet. You didn't stand a chance.

- Paula Cole, "Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?"
Shudder, shudder. This song takes me back to such an oddly specific moment. Picture it: 6th grade. A Sunday night in January. I was watching Misery on TBS, eating a bowl of tomato soup and being generally anxious about going to school the next day. When Misery was over, I switched over to Vh1 and I so vividly remember sitting there watching this video while I psyched myself up to ask my mom if I could stay home the next day. I feel physically sick whenever I hear this song because of it. Or watch Misery. (Oh and she said no, by the way. Because if she said yes every time I asked her if I could stay home from school, I'd probably be illiterate right now.)

- Garbage, "Special"

This song will forever remind me of having the stomach flu during the Great Ice Storm of '96. I was so fucking sick and our power went out, so I spent the entire weekend curled up on the couch being nauseous and freezing while listening to a battery operated radio, and "Special" was always playing on HFS because it was the hot jam of the moment. Likewise I couldn't eat Boboli pizza after that weekend because it was primarily what I threw up the first night I got sick. Memories!

- Lit, "Miserable"
Am I douchebag for still thinking this song is kind of good? (Answer: a resounding yes.)

- Lit, "My Own Worst Enemy"
Oh yeah. Summer after 6th grade. Hanging out at Teresa's house for weeks on end and playing on her WebTV because it was like, the most mind-boggling piece of technology I had ever seen. BOOM!

- Shawn Colvin, "Sunny Came Home"

Helena hit it out of the fucking park with this one.

- Jewel, "Foolish Games"
I mean, really anything Jewel has ever done ever reminds me of middle school. "Foolish Games" specifically reminds me of going to Old Navy for the first time in 1996 when one opened up on Rockville Pike and thinking that store was the trendiest thing since sliced Airwalks.

- Cardigans, "Lovefool"
Remember when the Cardigans were on 90210? They were the band that played After Prom at the Peach Pit and I distinctly remember after they finished "Lovefool," the lead singer chick got on the mic and said, "Hey, Peach Pit After Dark! We don't normally do gigs like this, but how could I say no to my old friend Nat?" or some shit like that. That was really irritating. Because if you're going to be the band who makes an appearance on 90210, own it, you know?

- No Doubt, "Don't Speak"
This doesn't have anything to do with middle school, but "Don't Speak" makes me think of "Spiderwebs" which makes me think of the time in 9th grade when I got my first AIM account and put up "Sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking in the spiderwebs, so leave a message and I'll call you back!" as my away message and thought I was so clever until my crush IM'ed me with four simple words: "Wow. You're a fag." I swear to all that's good and holy, that's what he IM'ed me. "Wow. You're a fag." I came back and saw that he'd messaged me and was like, "tee-hee-hahaha he saw how unbelievably witty I am and now I bet he wants to suck face!" And then I clicked on his message and saw, "Wow. You're a fag." Crestfallen. I ultimately got my revenge a few months later though when he tried to hook up with me in my parent's basement while we watched Almost Famous and I shot him down. That'll teach you to disrespect my clever No Doubt based jokes, asshole.

- Eve 6, "Here's to the Night"
Oh man, this reminds me of going to my first real co-ed party. It was a party with all the kids I went to camp with the summer after sixth grade and I asked Becca for advice on what I should wear. She looked up and down at what I was wearing (khaki shorts and a sleeveless button-up oxford shirt with a brown ribbon that I had tied around the collar and into a bow) and I swear to god said to me, "Well first things first—stop dressing like The Colonel." Looking back, that's probably one of the funniest things anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. Ultimately she let me borrow one of her outfits for the night—a white baby-tee with a blue ADIDAS logo on it, bright orange corduroy shorts and a pair of Tevas. I still don't think I've walked into a party feeling as confident as I did that night. I want to be buried in that outfit

- Weezer, "Undone (The Sweater Song)"
I think this is still one of my dad's favorite songs, which warms my heart.

- Soundgarden, "Black Hole Sun"
This reminds me of that one week in '97 when Becca was really angsty and wore a lot of hemp necklaces and silver jewelry. But then again, I was probably dressed like a southern gentleman hawking fried chicken that week, so you know, glass houses.

- Mighty Mighty Bosstones, "Impression That I Get"

- Reel Big Fish, "Sell Out"
I certainly wouldn't hate a ska revival...

- Jamiroquai, "Virtual Insanity"
I definitely first saw this video during one of my late-afternoon Chips Ahoy!/Vh1 binges and it blew my mind.

- Chumbawamba, "Tubthumping"
I'm kind of impressed that I still know every single lyric to this song. And I'm really fighting an incredible urge to go find a karaoke bar to sing it at as soon as humanly possible...

- Aaliyah, "Are You that Somebody?"
Three words: Bat Mitzvah season.

- Len, "Steal My Sunshine"
I'm just gonna put this out there: this is still one of my favorite songs. I'd call it a guilty pleasure, but I don't feel guilty. It makes me want to do E and drive around the boardwalk on a moped. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

- Christina Aguilera, "Genie in a Bottle"
Meagan Hume, this song reminds me of the summer you came with my family to Deep Creek Lake. I remember being really into it and staying up all night girlishly giggling about Richie Rosenberg. All. Sorts. Of. LOLZ.

- Britney Spears, "...One More Time"
This reminds me of our 8th grade class trip to New York City. And whoever invented the middle school class trip was a real asshole.

- Wallflowers, "One Headlight"
I'm sorry, but Jakob Dylan is still all different kinds of sexy. Have you seen that CD of his that's always on sale in Starbucks? Me-ow.

- Deep Blue Something, "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
Yet another song that transports me back to an oddly specific moment: sitting in the back of Teresa's mom's Tercel en route to the Montgomery County Agricultural Fair to race our hermit crabs. You can take the girl outta Maryland...

- Semisonic, "Closing Time"
This was Becca's high school graduation song in '97 and I'm totally jealous of it. Ours was "Lean On Me" which is bullshit because it's timeless and lame. I wish we had something equally indicative of 2003, like Fat Joe's "Get it Poppin'" or something. So unfair...

- Savage Garden, "I Want You"
Helena: "Oooo! Oooo! What was that song with 'CHICKA-CHERRY-COLA?!"

- Hanson, "MMMBop"
This memory is almost so depressing it's not worth sharing. Almost. "MMMBop" will forever remind me of going into my bathroom to puke one morning in sixth grade before school (not because I had an eating disorder, mind you, simply because I was that anxious about going to school) and I turned on this little radio my sister had gotten at Old Navy (FULL CIRCLE!) to cover up, you know, the vomiting sounds and "MMMBop" came on. I remember pausing from vomiting, looking up at the radio and thinking, "Hmm, this song is mighty catchy!" before going back to vomiting. I mean, Christ. It was middle school Meg, not fucking Auschwitz.

- Aqua, "Barbie Girl"
I think this was my ringtone at some point in high school which is retrospectively embarrassing and hilarious.

- OMC, "How Bizarre"
Dude. This used to be me and Teresa's jam. She sent me a postcard from her summer vacation in Ft. Augustine once detailing all of the zany things that had happened on the trip and then put how bizarre at the end and I thought it was like, fucking comedic genius. It's the little things that get me.

- Los Umbrellos, "No Tengo Dinero"
Helena didn't believe me that this was a mid-90's hit, but a quick poll of Twitter revealed that she's crazy, not me. I remember this song got really big when I was taking the Spanish unit in the sixth grade arts rotation and it really chapped my ass because I was all, "NOW WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! 'No tengo' means 'I don't have', so saying 'I got no tengo' is like saying 'I don't have I got no money', which is redundant and grammatically incorrect!" And then I probably puked somewhere returned to tending to my hermit crab.

- Vitamin C, "Graduation (Friends Forever)"

- Everclear, "I Will Buy You a New Life"
Everclear was the band in Loser. We all know how I feel about that movie. I don't want to talk about it.

- Spice Girls, "Wannabe"
This will always remind me of my dad taking me and my sister shopping at Express and buying me wide-legged jeans and grape colored nail polish. I mean, it wasn't a white linen pants suit and a bathtub Mint Julep, so at least I was headed in the right direction.

- The Offspring, "Why Don't You Get a Job?"

- The Offspring, "Pretty Fly For a White Guy"

The Offspring reminds me of watching TRL. God yes.

- Total Eclipse of the Heart (Dance Remix)

This is where the playlist ends because after hearing it, Helena and Laura and I all went to different but equally dark, dark places and had to stop playing this game. Personally, I was reminded of the time I went to my first middle school dance in sixth grade. I was actually enjoying it and feeling pretty good about myself, until I started dancing to this song and Alyssa Kunkel (fuck it, I'm not -schm-ing her name. I hope this is the first thing that comes up in a google search.) brutally made fun of me until I stopped dancing. I went home and told my mom what happened and I can still hear her being like, "WHAT?! HOW DARE SHE! MEGHAN, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL DANCER! WHY DID YOU STOP DANCING?! WHY DID YOU STOP DANCING?!?!" And that's when I looked up and realized that both Helena and Laura were staring at the ground with their eyes glazed-over, reliving their own traumatic first middle school dance experience and this game wasn't fun anymore.

So Jenna and Carla came over and we started drinking. Heavily. Because not being 13 fucking owns.


Anonymous said...

so even though this was ultimately my high school experience (I am a mere 4 years older than Meggles), this was effing PERFECT. And yes, I actually STILL love Len's 'Steal my sunshine'. Along with Spacehog's 'In the Meantime'. Well done, you hit the nail on the head :)

Shelley Senai said...

I love this list of videos, I love 90s songs, I love that we went to middle school at the same time (the EXACT same time, I'm pretty sure), in the same area (I went to Briggs Chaney) (just saying, we have a lot in common).

To the list I might add: anything Third Eye Blind, anything 311, Our Lady Peace - Clumsy and Superman's Dead, most Foo Fighers, Soul Coughing - Circles, Radiohead - Karma Police, Oasis - Wonderwall, Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta, anything Alanis/Jagged Little Pill, Joan Osborne - One of Us, Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside a Broken Phonebooth, all Sublime, all Reel Big Fish, Fastball - The Way.... I could go on and on.

Katie said...

Um, I still like a lot of those songs and I'm not ashamed. Also, I thought "Got You Where I Want You" was associated with the Katie Holmes film Disturbing Behavior, which makes sense b/c there is totally a cliff scene in that movie. And yes, I not only know this, but I'm sharing it in a public forum.

Rayanne Graff said...

I only know about 4 of those songs. Either it's a British thing, or my years of being a high-school Boo Radley mean I can never do the whole pop culture Proustian flashback thing.

You probably need this T-shirt.

B_Mill said...

anyone else in love with K's Choice "not an addict"? because THAT takes me back to middle school. And no i didn't have a raging drug problem at the mere age of 11 (and still don't), but I thought that song was the tits. And even though I had no grasp of what being an addict really meant (much less "deeper you stick it in your veins...") I pretended like I did and anyone who questioned me was clearly "too immature" and "if you don't know what it means then I'm not going to be the one to tell you because you clearly can't handle it"

I was an insecure 6th grader trying to be cool...i hope i didn't make anyone's grudge list like meg's.

Anonymous said...

Thank you. Listening to this list just might make my work day bearable.

Mia R said...

Next post topic: movies we all watched in high school that made me feel so ridiculously uncool as compared to the people in them who were in "high school"

Sarah said...

omg. Amazing list. I'm pretty sure I was in middle school the exact same years as well and thoroughly enjoyed this trip down memory lane. I def still enjoy some of these songs too. I was trying so hard not to laugh loud enough for my boss to hear me while reading the commentary. Nice start to my day, Meg, thanks.

Another middle school dance song? "All My Life" by KC & JoJo. Makes me feel awkward just thinking about it...

Oh and I'm glad you mentioned TRL. While I enjoyed Pop Up Video, TRL was my go-to show for after school with ice cream (my substitute for the chops ahoy). Also, did anyone else have the music channel "The Box"? All videos, no shows or talk. Loved it.

Unknown said...

I quoted "Closing Time" in my Senior quotes sections.... ugh. I thought I was sooo introspective.

And middle school? Curly bangs + Docs + Umbros does not a cool girl make. That shit was MISERABLE.

Anonymous said...

I totally went through a bindi and braclet phase I blame on gwen stefani.

Also, ska revival - yessssssssssss.

Jill said...

OMG Leigh...ME TOO.

I actually want to throw myself out the 9th floor window of my office right now thinking about that...

But in all seriousness I thought I was SO DEEP quoting that song.

Regrets...I have them.

Hails said...

dear lord in heaven this took me back.
a few notes:

1) may belly shirts NEVER make a comeback.
2) speaking of bad fashion, I remember wearing black vinyl pants to school ::shudder::
3) roller rink jams anyone?

Mandi said...

Last month, I was on Everclear's tour bus, hanging with them. No joke.

Also, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with debilitating memories of sixth grade dances. Frak, I hated middle school.

Hails said...

I was such an addict of Pop-Up Video, that I would throw out the random facts I learned in any conversation involving a musical artist.

for example: the floor wasn't moving in the Jamiroquai, the room was moving.

oh jesus.

Meg @ write meg! said...

I started having 'Nam-like flashbacks to middle school just reading this post, and I know I've said it but I'll say it again: I freaking love that we're the exact same age, both grew up in Maryland and are, coincidentally, both Megs, because you're like a hilarious devil sitting on my shoulder and giving voice to all the things I never knew I felt but totally do.

And that was the longest sentence ever. And I'm pret-ty sure it was grammatically correct.

Also, this...

"But then again, I was probably dressed like a southern gentleman hawking fried chicken that week, so you know, glass houses."

...made me laugh until I cried.

Kerri said...

I just listened to every single one of these songs and have equally traumatizing memories to almost all of them... Hilarious. Well done Meg. Well. DONE.

W said...

I'm slightly shocked to find ZERO Monica/Brandy (specifically - the boy is mine) on this list... i also attended middle school during a similar time frame (while wearing adidas swish/tear away pants and t-shirts about "girl power" and a sports bra... every day... even if i had no intention of playing a sport)... That song was such a crucial part of my success/aim away messages/"witty" aol profile quotes.

overall i give the list a 9.7

Teresa said...

I am so glad you mentioned the Savage Garden I was about to freak out for a second. God you take me back to that time. You know I have pictures galore at my parent's house. I might have to dig up a few. If we admit it we would feel better about our awkward pre-teen selves. Girls can be so mean! It is always the summers that bring back these memories. I want a bunch of junk food, my parents hot tub and the billboard chart from June 1998. .....How Bizarre

Lindsay said...

I'm a few years younger than you so most of the list is from when I was in late elementary school. And seeing Jamiroquai on the list brings me back to when Virtual Insanity beat Hanson for the VMA's Best Video of the Year and I was outraged. I held a grudge against Jamiroquai for that for a long time.

Beatrice said...

Did you ever used to 'write' on your school back packs in white-out pens? Cuz I did. And I decided that I wanted 'Chica Cherry Cola' emblazened on my backpack in seventh grade. True story.

Laura said...

"So Jenna and Carla came over and we started drinking. Heavily. Because not being 13 fucking owns."

I love how you ended this. It made up for this post causing me to think about middle school dances again a mere 48 hours after you traumatized me the first time. But 13 year old me wasn't friends with you so it's safe to say that life after middle school got better by the minute.

Unknown said...

minus the naked asian, this post rocks.

Bailey@ peppermintbliss said...

Congratulations on what I deem your best post ever. Although I am now swimming for my life in the deep murky waters of nostalgia. My middle school years were...full of escapism I think would be a nice way to say it. Namely in the form of my Wednesday Night trips to the Cape, so I can't even tell you what The Flys video did to me. I have been toying with the idea of rewatching Dawsons from beginning to end as my Main Goal of the summer, but now am thinking this might be dangerous. For many reasons.

HaterTot said...

Being substantially older than you, I have very different memories of these songs. For instance, I spent the ice storm of '96 trudging to the liquor store in my pajamas and coming home and drinking vodka and peach schnapps while working as a phone sex operator (b/c who could get out to go actually have sex?)and Closing Time became the last call song at every shitty college bar everywhere and it was so cool for the first week, but was very quickly lame again.

But good job on recapturing that mid-late 90s thing here. Even if you were reliving middle school dances and I was fondly recalling getting booted from RFK during HFStival for having sex w/ my boyfriend in the bathroom during Luscious Jackson's set.

Amanda @ It's Blogworthy said...

Listen, I'm risking my J.O.B. over here with that picture of Kevin Yang burnt into the IT guys memory to tell you that this is the most amazing compilation of late 90s songs ever. I listen to 90s on 9 on the DAILY because I'm a little older than you and these jams are my Sophomore and Junior year memories, which were almost as tragic as your middle school memories. But I still love them. I'm going to use these videos to make a 90s playlist on youtube -- you've made my day. I was going to punch everyone until I read this blog.

andrea said...

thought you might want to see this. TURTLE RAPING CROC.


i hope to Christ you check your comments because i feel this would bring you out of your middle school slump ;)

Casey said...

Ummm... no Macarena?! What's that about? That was like the staple of EVERY middle school dance, or as my school called them, "Sock Hops." Ohhhhhh, Central PA.

Nate said...

Whoa, Meist. Whoa...

That entire play list is a terrible flashback to 7th grade through the summer after 8th grade.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go shower and rinse the feeling of social ineptness, jnco jeans, and parting my hair down the middle off of me...


Unknown said...

Holy jumping fucking Jesus, Meg. I'll admit, lately the blog's been a bit of a smirk and chuckle for me (mostly because instead of putting Kevin Yang in a glass case and displaying him in my living room, I just want to slap him), but I was laughing my balls off today.

Specifically at the comments about LEN. And agreeing that "Miserable" is still enjoyable and the pang of shame that comes with that statement. And the time my mom heard me listening to "Sex and Candy" and told me to turn it off because the lyrics were "inappropriate." And the time little Jimlet was totally overcome with emotion because Gwen Stefani's voice was just so beautiful. And how I've hated Chris Cornell's voice for over 10 years now. And how I still miss ska sometimes but don't admit cause my girlfriend would hit me. And the time my grandpa said "Tubthumping" was a fun, wholesome song, and I was too naive to know it was about drinking and pissing all night. And the time my little sister loved the Spice Girls SO much she wanted to see Spice World, but would only see it with her big brother, so that's what I did in 5th grade on Superbowl Sunday. And how I requested The Offspring at a 6th grade dance and thought I was a badass and everyone hated it. And me.

God I hoped you laughed at every sentence of that.

Anonymous said...

I could not have picked a better playlist to capture my middle school experience, but maybe that's because we are the same age and both from MoCo? Oh and the opening of Old Navy was a milestone in my "fashion" evolution as well haha

This list also brought me back to some dark moments, many still make me want to hide in a closet but some of which are funny to me now. In 7th grade we had a group project where we had to explain how cells work to the class and we wrote a song to the tune of How Bizarre...instead of "How Bizarre!" it was "Ribosomes!" and man I was so excited to sing it

Liz said...

So...after I get done reading this blog post (which was fan-freaking-tastic by the by), the internets are now advertising the first season of Family Matters. It comes out June 8 in case you wondered. I've convinced myself that this ad is directly connected to watching 90s videos for the past hour.

Kelly said...

google'd Alyssa Kunkel. By herself, she doesn't show up. but Alyssa and MARYLAND.....2b1b 9th place baby!!!!

Jess said...

Please make the flashbacks stop!

...can't. stop. hitting. play...

Jenna said...

THAT’S when I walked in?!?! You were setting your middle school memories to music?!! Why didn’t you just douse yourselves in Curve and complete the verbal, auditory, olfactory trifecta of hideous flashbacks? Oh. Because you would have then set yourselves on fire using the cologne that my 7th grade crush wore every day? Well, in that case you make good decisions.

See you in a few weeks ;o)

No Faith In Humanity said...

i love. we were just discussing OMC's vocal stylings the other day. ironically enough, that is what I associate with shopping at Express in the mid-90s: black, teal, and "how bizarre"

Unknown said...

Meg this post is pure perfection ... took me right back to 1996. And your comment under Jewel's video, ditto. I remembered when old navy opened on the pike and I got my first official pair of jeans and wore them to the 6th grade dance that night accompanied by a "Central Perk" baby tee. I thought I was pretty much the shit.

Anonymous said...

Please sell this CD at the merch store. K thanks.

Anonymous said...

Fuck the videos! The best part of this post was yang porn!!!

Brittan said...

wow, that was dangerously walking the line between hilarious and deeply upsetting.

also i am 25 and still love hanson so... clearly i haven't gotten any cooler with age.

Unknown said...

omg my dad LOOOOVES the sweater song!!!

Anonymous said...

i get tingles in my vagina whenever i see that pic of the asian

Ali said...

Meg, I have always loved your blog, but this specific post has touched my nostalgic, 19-year old heart in a very special way. (Haha, creepy).

I am the biggest, shameless fan of 90's music (more specifically, 90's alternative rock). However, I was in elementary school when most of these songs came out, so I have fond memories of them (my elementary school was the shit). If these songs had come out in my awkward, hellish middle school years, I'd probably be whimpering and rolling around on the ground in the fetal position right now.

Instead, I'm taking a wonderful trip down memory lane, and am proud to say that I not only remember all of these songs, but already have most of them on my iTunes. :)

Unknown said...

That playlist gave me a mini-god-i-hope-no-one-at-work-can-tell panic attack.

Middle School was awkwarddddd.

Gills said...

Fucking genious! I'm stuck in the airport surrounded by toddlers with inattentive parents and grouchy senior citizens yammering about politics and sounding like wilford brimley, and your post has kept me from cutting a bitch, for that I thank you.

Also, I would add Cake to my middle school playlist, but maybe that was because I was extra super mega awkward...

Deanna said...

I am dying of laughter. Embarrassed, horrified, reliving 6th-9th grade and vomiting laughter. I'm going to go splash on some Clinique Happy and go watch Empire Records and Go for the umpteenth time.

Unknown said...

Dear Meg- You made my day. Thanks for the hair comment. I hate to boast, but I gotta tell you- it has only gotten better. I had no idea how to properly use a hairdryer or styling products in middle school.

Sorry for rehashing FMS memories. I got a xanax with your name on it if I ever see you out and about.

The playlist is unreal. I would like to offer Billie Myers' Kiss the Rain and Butthole Surfers' Pepper as additions. Oh, mid to late 90s... I don't miss you. At. All.

Anonymous said...

Meg - I randomly came across this personal ad on DC craigslist today and as I was reading it I was positive that you wrote it as some sort of joke. If not, then this guy might be totally perfect for you.


LW said...

I think this was one of my most favorite 2birds posts EVERRRRR. I was only half into it until Chumbawomba and that shit is like my THEME song!

Pat said...

Woooooow, this may be the best collection of 90s songs. Ever. Pretty close to my middle school experience and apparently Meg read my mind because despite not having heard it in at least a decade I've had Black Hole Sun stuck in my head ALL WEEK BEFORE READING THIS. Wasn't ever a huge fan, just kept picturing the video in my head at work. Props Meg.

Meagan said...

omg- meg. we watched mulan about 45 million times that week, too. remember how much we LOVED the moment where the king's servant is in a picture with him, pointing at him, all excited? jesus...middle school...

mrs. darling said...

apparently you are 3 or 4 years younger than i am because this is the freaking soundtrack to my junior year of high school...my gosh, talk about flashbacks from Nam when i heard these songs. i suddenly was transported to my high school halls (shudder) and dirty dancing in the cafeteria during winter dance. wow. just wow. (slow applause to you, helena and laura) well done!

Katie said...

Meg, you don't know this, but 90s music is my veryvery favorite, simply nothing is better.

And as such, (even though you have me cracking up daily), the only possible thing you could do to top this post is to build a time machine and transport me back to the 90s so I can listen to these songs in their era. Oh, how these songs make me happy.

Miriam said...

omgomgomg BEST. POST. EVER. I'd also add Bittersweet Symphony, if that hasn't already been said. Huge bangs, wide leg jeans and stretchy horizontal stripe baby tee from Limited Too, dolphin necklaces. Epic.

Fritalian Foodie said...

Slow. Fucking. Clap. Best middle school/early high school compilation ever...saddest part, I still know the choreography for about half of those videos (namely Are You That Somebody?) Thanks Meggles, you just made my week!

Anonymous said...


Nicole said...

Who ever created the 8th grade trip WAS an asshole. Thank you for putting it so bluntly.

And worst idea my sorority ever had in college was to throw a "middle school" themed party with many of these songs featured. You just don't come back from that.

Jules said...

MEG. You know the HFStival's making a comeback this fall, right?

90s-era lineup:
Third Eye Blind, Billy Idol, Everclear,Presidents Of the United States of America, Fuel, Lit, Marcy Playground

I would like to add anything Smashing Pumpkins to the throwback list, as well as the Foo Fighters, because one of my fave middle school memories was seeing them perform in the parking lot of the Rockville Pike Tower Records (RIP). Jamming out to "Monkey Wrench" live was SO FREAKING AWESOME when I was 14. Oh, 1997...

Kelsey said...

God, what a trip down memory lane... I was a little bit younger when some of these songs were popular, but... oh man.

But wait, no love for Smash Mouth?

katyleigh said...

read the blog a lot, but this is my first time commenting because HOLY JESUS this is the best post ever. my middle school experience was not really traumatic (i peaked early, and high school was worse for me), but this playlist and your comments still had me dying.

Caitlin said...

Oh dear Lord this reads like my Great 90s Playlist on my iPod. In that I took VH1's list and made it a mission to get every song on it...I have about 80 of them by the way.

As much as these songs hold memories of being 13, the worst age ever, they are still some of the best songs to listen to. I still freaking love that Savage Garden song.

And speaking of songs that are a bitch to learn the words to, we can't forget Barenaked Ladies' One Week!

And MMMBop is the most played song on my iPod. I clearly will never grow past that age. Screw my iPod, I'm bringing Walkmans back.

Francesca said...

so I havent read the comment thread and may be reiterating something someone already said, but I'm pretty sure "got you where I want you" was from "Disturbing Behavior" soundtrack, also with Katie Holmes, and of a smiler time period. other than that, bravo, pretty awesome eplaylist.

stelajames14@gmail.com said...

I enjoyed this post so much.

Ashley Devon said...

This is probably my favorite post you've ever done! I loved this Middle School Playlist. My best friend and I sat and listened to every track on it. Fun, yet awkward and depressing times!

Cassie said...

I would LOVE a ska revival.

Anonymous said...

I relate to this list so hard. Although it makes me realize that I don't really remember the handover from middle school to high school very clearly. Sure it was a very different thing, but there's no line in the sand or whatever. Which is a bit distressing.

"How Bizarre" is more or less my brother and I's theme song. Which says a lot about both our relationship and our childhoods, I feel.

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