3.27.2009

It's Drinking Game Friday, bitch.

Drinking Game Friday. It's about god-damn time. I think the highlight of this work week came at the hands of my co-worker Mike (I emphasize co-worker, although in his mind he's my boss as he treats me like his personal assistant/rottweiler). You know how sometimes you feel so insignificant in your office that you joke around that they don't even know you're name? Well Mike literally does not know my name. I've worked here for three months. I see and interact with him every single day. Fuck me.

Mike forgot my name in the middle of giving me an offensive and patronizing lecture about graphic design which concluded with, "but why am I telling you all of this? You took graphic art classes!" First of all, I did not take graphic art classes, I took graphic design classes. Calling a graphic designer a graphic artist is like if I called you a professional pillow-fluffer even though your card says Interior Designer, asshole. Second of all, I didn't just take a few night classes at the local Y for shits and giggs. I have a BA in graphic design. I took more classes than "a few." There's a slight difference.

And then he forgot my name. And it wasn't in like a, "oops! I'm having a senior moment and called you Maggie! L0LZ!!!1" kind of way, but in a 100% who-the-fuck-are-you-again? kind of way. After watching him struggle for about 20 seconds I informed him that my name is Meghan. You know, the girl who sends you 50 emails a day responding to your various inane questions ranging from "where can I buy a blank canvas tote bag" to "what will get this meat sauce out of my shirt?" The girl who you recently asked to make duplicates of your house keys because your nephew is coming to stay for the weekend. The girl who's considerate enough to keep the refrigerator stocked with Mountain Dew because you're apparently a 12 year-old boy with ADD and that's all you'll drink. My name is Meghan. And you're crushing my soul.

The one thing that got me through this week was going to see BrItNeY SpeArs in concert Tuesday night. You can talk all the shit you want, but I will never feel ashamed about my love for Brit Brit. She's not Chopin, I get it, but sometimes I just want to hear a stupid, repetitive song that makes me want to get up and shake my ass on the dance floor. And it takes a lot for me to get up off my ass, nevertheless shake it. Sometimes I think if this building were burning down I would seriously be like, "meh...it's chilly in here anyway and I'm in the middle of a really crucial game of Snood. I'll stay put, thanks." So, hats off to you, Ms. Spears.

In honor of her performance, this week we'll be playing the Crossroads Drinking Game! Crossroads has to be one of the most underrated comedies of all time. Once you've accepted the fact that you'll be laughing at Crossroads, not with it, then and only then can you appreciate it's genius. How could it not be amazing with it's grab bag, shit show of an ensemble cast? A movie starring Britney Spears, Dan Aykroyd, Kim Cattrell and the chick from BoomKat sounds like the set-up to a dirty joke I'm dying to hear the punchline to. And did I mention there's a scene where Britney reads the lyrics to her song "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" as if it were poetry, all slow and meaningful like? That scene alone deserves an Oscar, Grammy, Pulitzer Prize, Tri-County Pie Eating Contest trophy and whatever other honors you've got lying around.

So without further ado, I give you the Crossroads Drinking Game!
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Rules!
Shoot up your meth when:
- Any of the girls' serious issues are addressed (i.e. pregnant, no momma, used to be a fattie)
- The gang makes a stop
- Anyone makes a phone call
- Lucy's notebook is shown or written in
- There's an argument
- Ben plays his gee-tar
- Anyone sings in a car
- Anyone sings karaoke
- Kim Catrell shows up looking like Khaki Kari on a suburban safari, because that shit is L0LZ:
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- Mimi loses her baby ["They said I lost my baby. Lost it. Like it was my keys or something." No? Just me? Fair enough.]
- Britney triumphantly records her hit poem, "I'm not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"

As always, thank you so much for reading (and emailing, and following me on twitter and joining the facebook page) and we'll see you back here Monday morning!

16 comments:

Anna said...

you can get a blank canvas tote at AC MOORE for 5.99. i hope that helps. and that you make a copy of that key for yourself. and you break into mikes house, hide a dead cat under his sofa. that will teach him a thing. or two.

Talia said...

we did NOT not see that the night it came out in theaters when we were 15/16 and got free posters b/c we were first in line..

Annmarie said...

it's refreshing to know that there are people out there who think the same way I do... everytime I read your blog i'm refreshed with some sort of inner confidence (even though it'll be eventually crushed by some insignificant womp womp moment at the office). Hats off to YOU, m'dear.

-Annmarie
http://uncannie.tumblr.com/ (starting to tumbl more than blog...oops)

Anonymous said...

It might make you feel better to know that the CEO of my company used to constantly mix up the names of the only 2 black men in my office even though they looked nothing alike and one was his assistant. Our old CFO also used to call the Graphic Design department at my company the Arts and Crafts department. Yeah...

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

THE ARTS & CRAFTS DEPARTMENT?! I would rip his fucking balls out.

M said...

seen amelie? revenge can be had with a set of duplicate house keys.

Patrick said...

I'm a federal government intern and I travel around the country working at different Army posts and NO ONE EVER TRIES TO REMEMBER MY NAME.

I've been in Orlando since January 5th and since I've been here, I've worked with this ONE GUY. Well, during his time, he has called me Phillip, Matt, Rick, and Aaron (all at least 5 times).

He has 9 official work days to figure out my real name before I stab him in the cheek with a paper clip.

Enjoy the weekend!

Talia said...

WHAT?! I even know your name and I've never even met you.

A* holes my friend. A*holes a-plenty. <3

Talia said...

Shit I didn't mean to post that as Talia. This is Meg on Talia's computer bee tee dubbs. Mah bad.

Nora said...

I'm so glad that someone else in this world shares my appreciation for "Crossroads". I've been talkin' that shit up for years. My absolute fave line is when they tell one of the girls that she has to do something and when she asks why, they answer with: "Cause we all voted and you lost!" I manage to use that line about once every 10 days in social situations. Try it.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

True story: when I was imdb-ing Crossroads to get the movie poster, I browsed the memorable quotes and saw that line and immediately made a note to use it more often.

Patrick said...

I just realized you wrote, "Shoot up your meth when:" instead of the normal, "Take a drink when:"

Must have been one of those weeks.

Laurie said...

I also unashamedly love Britney Spears. I really wanted to go to her concert when she came to my town earlier this month, but unfortunately I couldn't drag anyone w/me. :(

rachbrandon said...

Jesus Christ LOLZ! I have to rent that shirt again, shame on you Kim Cattrell!

Anonymous said...

When she read her "poem" my friend, who is coincidentally named Megan, leaned over to me and in the most dramatic way said "Dirty. Pop."

Anonymous said...

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.(Those who are vulnerable should not attack others).

 
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