If you only know two things about me, I want you to know the following:
1.) I love John McCain. A lot.
2.) I'm a dreamer and a schemer. It's a vicious and generally fruitless cycle that goes as follows:
- Step 1: Think of a random and lofty goal that will be entertaining, yet in no way helpful to my life (i.e. go on a kayaking trip with Barry Bostwick.)
- Step 2: Convince myself that I can so totally make this happen.
- Step 3: Get encouragement from my friends.
- Step 4: Spend an obsessive amount of time and energy researching how to make this happen.
- Step 5: Get bored, give up, and go back to Step 1.
That being said, there is one dream of mine that I have yet to give up on, and frankly don't think I ever will. True, I took a slight break from my obsessive research and such, but thankfully my passion was re-ignited at a recent dinner party and now I'm more fired up than ever!
I, Meghan C. McBlogger, will hug Senator John McCain before the end of 2009.I feel no need to justify why I love J McC more than I already have in previous posts, but today has provided me with yet another reason to be all about him: I'm at work right now. And it's bullshit. Have you been outside today?! It looks like the level in Donkey Kong that gets progressively more snowy and windy, making it difficult to jump from barrel to barrel and yet I'm somehow expected to jump in a barrel and shoot myself off to work? I think not! This is DC! We're a district of house cats who don't like to get our paws wet. Apologies to the almighty Lord Obama and his decree that DC is full of pussies because he's from Chicago-land where they bar-b-que and wear Bermuda shorts in this kind of weather. So now we're all embarrassed and trying to man up, so I had to come into work today. Thanks a lot asshole. That wasn't the kind of change I signed up for. However, something tells me that if a little old man from the sunny state of Arizona were in charge, I'd be in bed all cozy in my Jack Daniels pajamas, sipping an Irish Coffee, watching Center Stage right now. GAWD!
I spent all weekend brainstorming about ways to make Hug John McCain 2009 become a reality and I've come up with a few ideas. Here's what I've got so far:
- Contact J McC via twitter and explain that I'm not a crazy fan who's going to carve things into her face for him or anything (thanks for ruining it for the rest of us Obama Girl,) I just want to tell him I think he's a great American and get a hug. No more, no less. The problem with this plan is that although I'm following J McC on twitter, he's not following me so I can't send him a private message. Also, the odds are pretty high that a helper monkey runs his twitter for him, so this plan might be pretty pointless.
- Email the contact address on his website. Sadly, there's a 99.7% chance that if the email ever does see the light of day, it will be read by a jaded intern who'll forward it to the rest of his internship program with the subject: THIS B!TCH IS CRAZY! That or the helper monkey will trash it.
- Hit up my friends who work on Capitol Hill. This seems like the obvious answer given my location, except that I really only know people who work for Democrats. That really doesn't help me here. Also I'm not sure if anyone is willing to exhaust their Rolodex for the sake of my slightly off-putting third-grade shenanigans. I guess I get that.
- Ask my aunt to hook it up. My aunt's like all important and shit, right? She's the right hand-man to a more important person, who's website prominently features praise from non-other than Johnny McCrizzle himself! However, as much as my aunt loves me, I don't think she loves me enough to ask her boss to convince John McCain to hug me. I am more than willing to make this my birthday and Hanukkah present for the rest of my life though. Which is a good deal because it won't cost her anything! Except for her credibility, I guess. And dignity. And career. Ugh. Blood is thicker than water, my ass.
- Seduce one of McCain's staffers into hooking it up. Unfortunately I can think of a lot of adjectives to describe myself and "seductress" isn't one of them.
- Buy a ticket and attend a McCain fundraising dinner. I think this is a pretty decent idea, but according to Alex, it doesn't guarantee that J McC will be there, nevertheless even talk to me. Frankly, that's a risk I'm willing to take, but I can't find a McCain fundraising dinner to save my life. And even if I do, the odds are pretty high that a ticket will cost a few thousand dollars. I mean, I love him, but I'm not in love with him...
- Establish residency in Arizona, join the Army, get sent to Iraq, shoot myself in the ass with a handgun, blame it on an Iraqi insurgent, return to the US, write a touching letter to McCain, get a hospital visit and hug. This, sadly, is actually the most promising plan I have thus far.