Drinking Game Friday!

So I think I'm ready to put myself back out there. Dating wise. I guess. I haven't really been making the effort since moving back from New York because telling someone you're an unemployed blogger who lives with their parents 45 minutes outside of the city is about as attractive as a dollar store enema. You have no idea how hard pulling the "wanna come back to my place and watch a movie?" card is when "my place" equals your childhood bedroom and "watching a movie" equals watching a VHS of Turner and Hooch on a TV you got in 1996 in a twin bed with Winnie the Pooh sheets. Although who doesn't love Turner and Hooch?

The problem with "getting back out there" is that I'm so painfully lazy. I've gotten way too used to being like "'ehh, I'll wear this potato sack to the bar and sit in the corner and do this daily Jumble I found on the metro because what's the use?" Now I have to like...brush my hair...and talk to people 'n shit. But I should make the effort. It really is getting slightly ridiculous how complacent I've become to singledom. I'm like "a party? No thanks, I've got hot pockets and two seasons of Gossip Girl on DVD, I think I'm already at the party, a-thank you very much."

It's just that making the effort takes so much...effort. I wish you could date someone and completely skip the stressful first few months of the relationship and go straight to the "well this is comfortable!" zone. I realize the first few months are the "exciting" ones, but my god! The games! The emotional effort it takes! Plus, I get winded from butterflies. And! How are you even supposed to meet people? I never meet people when I go out. I just talk to the ones I already know and make fun of the ones I don't. I guess that's where the whole effort things comes into play again. It's just hard when a good 70% of you would rather go home to your parents house on a Saturday night and snuggle with their cat and steal their soup because you're poor and can only afford Campbell's but they spring for the Progresso home-style in the big cans and would never notice if you load up your bag with like eight cans and a box of cereal. (That's the hypothetical "you" by the way.)

I need to watch a movie that makes me want to put myself back out there. Not Sex and the City. That just reminds me how poor I am. Let's take it back. Grab a bowl of stolen soup, pour yourself a martini and remind yourself that you're so money baby, because it's time for the Swingers Drinking Game!
Drink When:
- the following phrases are said:
- Money
- Beautiful baby
- Vegas, baby! Vegas!
- This place is dead
- Dewers on the rocks
- Double down
- The words Big Bad Voodoo Daddy are shown on the screen
- Someone cries
- Mike's ex-girlfriend is mentioned
- Someone gets a number
- Mike checks his answering machine
- A girl is referred to as "business class"
- During the following line, simply because it's my favorite and I wish I had a reason to say it more often: "Haven't you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot."

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend! See you back here Monday morning when I won't be working on a bunch of freelance illustration and design projects and I can actually post on time. You're forgiving, and I love you for it. Thanks!


Ms. Liddell said...

you have summed up my life perfectly. thank you.

L said...

I am right there with you on the whole dating thing. I absolutely hate the first date...the awkard convo, the painful silences, me getting sloppy drunk to make up for all the awkwardness...doesn't bode well for me.

kim if by sea said...

there is no party like a gossip girl screening party! forget real life altercations!

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I just need to find a dude who wants to snuggle and watch Gossip Girl. I think that's technically a gay man, sadly.

Sir Fantastic said...

This post says everything I wouldn't ever admit to anyone unless I was really trashed or up at 4am and wasn't thinking about the consequences of how I came across. So good.

BumbleBeeRunning said...

Just found your blog & love it. This post had me cracking up!

Unknown said...

do you ever watch the show 30 rock? I understand this is not a complement, but you remind me of Liz Lemon.

Unknown said...

Fast Payday Loans are short term loans. These loans are unsecured in nature. The terms and conditions of the loans too are quite flexible.

Selfie Stick with Remote said...

The patent is for technology that would make the plastic antennas in the phones look like metal, creating the illusion of one smooth continuous piece of aluminum. The new material wouldn't interfere with any wireless signals or touchscreens, the company states in the patent.

Clicky Web Analytics