Drinking Game Friday you guys! Drinking Game Friday. Who's psyched? This girl!
So I was relaxing after work last night, curled up on my couch with a box o' wine watching 30 Rock, paroozing gawker when I found this video: (oh and do me a favor, if this video has already been around for a while, kindly don't give me shit. For someone who writes a blog, I'm completely disconnected from the young kids and their "viral hits." I'm always that asshole at the party all, "did you guys know there's a hee-larious dancing hamster on the interwebz?!"...God I hate my life. Am I still typing? Here's your damn video.)
Yes. Yes this is a youth group talking about overcoming their masturbation addiction through Jesus. And yes they are publicizing this with "EX-Masturbator" t-shirts. Man, black people can even make being Jesus-freaks look less lame. There's something about 45 minutes of a digital camera-weilding Christian pastor asking young people if they masturbate that's so wrong, it is 100% right. Everytime I thought things couldn't get more ridiculous, another person would testify about their "sinful bondage to masturbation." Normally when I hear "bondage" and "masturbation" used in the same sentence I think "Ooo, is it Saturday night already?!" but this shit is a L0LZ of a different color! I reccommend you grab a bottle of sacrimental wine, take a cold shower and think about your Grandma, because it's time for The Passion for Christ Movement's "The New Ex-Masturbator Shirt" Drinking Game!
- Pastor asks someone if they're going to wear the EX-Masturbator shirt
- Pastor says "cats"
- DJ Sweathshop rambles on in the world's most soothing voice, which kind of makes you want to touch yourself...Good job DJ Sweatshop, way to defeat your own purpose (PS: "defeat your own purpose" is my new code for masturbating.)
- DJ Sweatshop says "most boldest" and the English language rolls over in its grave
- The group mumbles in noises of agreement (HAHA just kidding, you'd die)
- An old weathered-looking white woman talks about achieving orgasms alone without touching herself, causing your eardrums to explode and heart to pack up it's bags and jump out of your chest for Mexico
- Pastor refers to Larrell (aka LaReezy) as "liquid courage"
- Pastor says he'll blur the company logo on someone's work shirt, then zooms in on it...unblurred...and repeats the company's name a few times for good measure
- Someone avoids answering a question by saying that they'll "pray on it" (which is my new official excuse for anything)
- Homosexuality is referred to as a "fad," thereby putting it on the same level as Hoola-Hoops, Crystal Pepsi and Razor Scooters
- You childishly laugh because the scripture that says masturbation is a sin is 1st Corinthians 6:9
- Somebody admits to masturbating while reading the Bible
- You uncontrollably shout "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" after LaKai says, "Everytime I read the Bible, it would come on me."
- Frat house circle jerks are discussed
- Pastor says, "I don't know anyone who can masturbate and then come in the presence of God."...I guess pastor's friends have shitty aim. HIII-OHHHHHH!!!!!
As always, thank you for reading, thank you for telling your friends, have a great weekend and I'll see you back in the office Monday morning. I'm gonna go jerk it now.