- J-Stud #1: 90 votes
- J-Stud #2: 58 votes
- The Cat: 1 vote
So, the consensus seems to be that J-Stud #1 is hotter, as long as he doesn't open his mouth or write down his thoughts.
I really appreciate you guys taking the time to vote and you all showed some real moxy! Here are some of my favorite voting justifications:
"You run the risk of JStud #1 being one of those surfer hippy guys that only wants to talk about yoga and vegan footwear." - Anonymous
"Contestant #2 clearly has the more interesting personality and sense of humor based on his prose. His looks are more likely to make me want to break out a game of RISK then video tape ourselves having scandelous interwebs sex though. And his shirt looks like it had gastric bypass surgery with all those mysterious tummy rolls. Minus points for not having the fortitude to pull your shirt down and toss the anime lookin kitty off your lap." - AnonymousI'm assuming you've guessed by now, but if you haven't figured it out, Anna chose J-Stud #1 and I chose J-Stud #2. I like how flagrantly obvious this was to everyone who knows us. Apparently Anna has a penchant for dating pretty-boy surfers and I just scream "I love sarcastic, jaded, slightly-off putting and super insecure Jewish boys!" (I don't know why I just wrote that in a sarcastic tone because that's the truest statement that I've ever written down in my entire life.)
"#1, while maybe more physically attractive, would probably want to show you songs he wrote on his guitar all the time. Which might sound nice at first glance, but his songs would probably all be about surfing and/or hats and/or his uncanny resemblance to what would happen if Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey had a lovechild somehow. And you'd have to sit there in silence for 7 minutes (his songs would surely include a bitchin' 3 minute guitar solo) and then give an Oscar worthy performance about how great it was and how you've never heard a song that successfully rhymed every line with the word "ocean" before." - Nate
"So my vote? Um. I guess #1, but only because he seems less likely to go nuts and follow you to and from work, show up unannounced at your apartment, and carve your name into his arm if things don't work out between the two of you." - Anonymous
"Putting aside the fact that most bios on any dating site are vague and banal, I think I would rather shoot myself than go anywhere with JStud #1. Here's how I imagine a conversation with him to go:
Me: So… where do you live?
Stud #1:Well, I only really feel at home in water. I think it’s some innate ability of mine to communicate through our evolutionary history. We came from water and water is just a part of us, you know?
Stud #1: Oh look at that flower. The way it’s the only daisy in a field of daffodils really says something. I should take that picture. Don’t you think it really explains the way we all see life?
Stud #1: I can tell by your silence that I am really making you think about things you’ve probably never thought of before. Don’t worry, I have that effect on people. Sometimes I think I’m just on another level than the rest of the world. It makes finding a relationship difficult, but I’m really looking for someone who can see the inner linings of things and be contented.
Stud #1: I guess that’s why I’m really into meditation. I can communicate with the deepest level of my subconscious and it helps me become a more enlightened individual. It helps me see when other peoples shakra’s are out of sync and I can adjust myself accordingly. It means I can make people feel relaxed just by adjusting my body language and my biorhythms.
Stud #1: You know what? You look like you could use some music. I first thought of this song while I was deep in meditation. It’s soothing like my spirit animal; the lemur. :proceeds to play song involving only 3 chords so that he can maintain eye contact:
Conversation with Stud #2:
Stud #2: There are kittens in my lap… want to touch them?" - Danielle F.
"#2 is a dreamboat...if you like sinking ships. " - Les
# 2 wins. who says "I enjoy humor most of all and have been able to keep people smiling all my life thus far." what does that even mean? - slootastic
"I say #1 because he won't care as much when you realize he is a human parasite and you stop calling him. #2 would be all like, "can we at least be friends? can we hang out some time? is it still alright if i send you flowers? why aren't you calling me back?" - patrick
"i don't trust any guy who uses "quite" and "thus" in the same paragraph. Plus no. 2 is just cuter and funnier." - My Mom
"...and seriously, j-stud #1? fedora's went out of style 3 years ago. also, #16: The Accidental Self-Photographer Shot." - hannah
"And aside from the potential danger associated with such tendencies, some stalkerish moves can serve to boost the stalkee's ego. (Stalkee's phone rings during dinner with friends. Friend asks, "Who is that?" Stalkee replies casually, "Oh just my stalker." Friend exclaims "Oh girl! You and your men!" Secretly, friend wants a stalker, too)." - Anonymous
So Anna wins, I lose. Damnit! Although, I stand firm by my statement that J-Stud #1 looks like a weathered, gin-soaked Spencer Pratt who doesn't hold a candle to my stud. My stud who has kittens! And looks like Edward Norton (around the eyes!) And knows the definition of "sentence structure!" Gawd. As per the terms of the bet, I guess this means I have to email the old kitten-fucker. I'm not exactly sure how long a relationship between us could last, given that me and 170 of my closest friends publicly debated whether or not he was the least offensive douchebag in the douchebag contest. But if there's one thing that Freddie Prinze Jr. taught me, it's that solid relationships can be built on dating someone because you lost a bet.
...Although I still might choose the public nudity. As long as I can speed-walk and not run.