3.12.2009

The Great JDate Debate: We have a winner!

The results are in:

  • J-Stud #1: 90 votes
  • J-Stud #2: 58 votes
  • The Cat: 1 vote

So, the consensus seems to be that J-Stud #1 is hotter, as long as he doesn't open his mouth or write down his thoughts.

I really appreciate you guys taking the time to vote and you all showed some real moxy! Here are some of my favorite voting justifications:

"You run the risk of JStud #1 being one of those surfer hippy guys that only wants to talk about yoga and vegan footwear." - Anonymous
"Contestant #2 clearly has the more interesting personality and sense of humor based on his prose. His looks are more likely to make me want to break out a game of RISK then video tape ourselves having scandelous interwebs sex though. And his shirt looks like it had gastric bypass surgery with all those mysterious tummy rolls. Minus points for not having the fortitude to pull your shirt down and toss the anime lookin kitty off your lap." - Anonymous

"#1, while maybe more physically attractive, would probably want to show you songs he wrote on his guitar all the time. Which might sound nice at first glance, but his songs would probably all be about surfing and/or hats and/or his uncanny resemblance to what would happen if Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey had a lovechild somehow. And you'd have to sit there in silence for 7 minutes (his songs would surely include a bitchin' 3 minute guitar solo) and then give an Oscar worthy performance about how great it was and how you've never heard a song that successfully rhymed every line with the word "ocean" before." - Nate

"So my vote? Um. I guess #1, but only because he seems less likely to go nuts and follow you to and from work, show up unannounced at your apartment, and carve your name into his arm if things don't work out between the two of you." - Anonymous

"Putting aside the fact that most bios on any dating site are vague and banal, I think I would rather shoot myself than go anywhere with JStud #1. Here's how I imagine a conversation with him to go:
Me: So… where do you live?
Stud #1:Well, I only really feel at home in water. I think it’s some innate ability of mine to communicate through our evolutionary history. We came from water and water is just a part of us, you know?
Me:…
Stud #1: Oh look at that flower. The way it’s the only daisy in a field of daffodils really says something. I should take that picture. Don’t you think it really explains the way we all see life?
Me:…
Stud #1: I can tell by your silence that I am really making you think about things you’ve probably never thought of before. Don’t worry, I have that effect on people. Sometimes I think I’m just on another level than the rest of the world. It makes finding a relationship difficult, but I’m really looking for someone who can see the inner linings of things and be contented.
Me:…
Stud #1: I guess that’s why I’m really into meditation. I can communicate with the deepest level of my subconscious and it helps me become a more enlightened individual. It helps me see when other peoples shakra’s are out of sync and I can adjust myself accordingly. It means I can make people feel relaxed just by adjusting my body language and my biorhythms.
Me:….
Stud #1: You know what? You look like you could use some music. I first thought of this song while I was deep in meditation. It’s soothing like my spirit animal; the lemur. :proceeds to play song involving only 3 chords so that he can maintain eye contact:
Me: :Dead:

Conversation with Stud #2:

Stud #2: There are kittens in my lap… want to touch them?" - Danielle F.

"#2 is a dreamboat...if you like sinking ships. " - Les

# 2 wins. who says "I enjoy humor most of all and have been able to keep people smiling all my life thus far." what does that even mean? - slootastic

"I say #1 because he won't care as much when you realize he is a human parasite and you stop calling him. #2 would be all like, "can we at least be friends? can we hang out some time? is it still alright if i send you flowers? why aren't you calling me back?" - patrick

"i don't trust any guy who uses "quite" and "thus" in the same paragraph. Plus no. 2 is just cuter and funnier." - My Mom

"...and seriously, j-stud #1? fedora's went out of style 3 years ago. also, #16: The Accidental Self-Photographer Shot." - hannah

"And aside from the potential danger associated with such tendencies, some stalkerish moves can serve to boost the stalkee's ego. (Stalkee's phone rings during dinner with friends. Friend asks, "Who is that?" Stalkee replies casually, "Oh just my stalker." Friend exclaims "Oh girl! You and your men!" Secretly, friend wants a stalker, too)." - Anonymous


I'm assuming you've guessed by now, but if you haven't figured it out, Anna chose J-Stud #1 and I chose J-Stud #2. I like how flagrantly obvious this was to everyone who knows us. Apparently Anna has a penchant for dating pretty-boy surfers and I just scream "I love sarcastic, jaded, slightly-off putting and super insecure Jewish boys!" (I don't know why I just wrote that in a sarcastic tone because that's the truest statement that I've ever written down in my entire life.)

So Anna wins, I lose. Damnit! Although, I stand firm by my statement that J-Stud #1 looks like a weathered, gin-soaked Spencer Pratt who doesn't hold a candle to my stud. My stud who has kittens! And looks like Edward Norton (around the eyes!) And knows the definition of "sentence structure!" Gawd. As per the terms of the bet, I guess this means I have to email the old kitten-fucker. I'm not exactly sure how long a relationship between us could last, given that me and 170 of my closest friends publicly debated whether or not he was the least offensive douchebag in the douchebag contest. But if there's one thing that Freddie Prinze Jr. taught me, it's that solid relationships can be built on dating someone because you lost a bet.

...Although I still might choose the public nudity. As long as I can speed-walk and not run.

11 comments:

Anna said...

VICORTY! I WIN WIN! Although honestly, I'm sure I'll be the one that ends up streaking through the quad. And you love a drunken me so I'm sure you won't mind shoving a Guinness down my throat tomorrow night. AND, who DOESN'T want a She's All That Bromance?!? I think we all know who the real winner is, and that winner is YOU! CONGRATS! You've won an all expenses paid, roundtrip ticket on the Titanic Love Boat. We hope you have an iceberg of a good time!

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Yea, basically we just won a normal weekend in our friendship: joint public intoxication and nudity.

And you know I'll take it!

Well done madam. Your Jimmy Buffet dump-show really scored you one hell of a victory. Better email him and ask if he wants to talk about the ocean and how super duper cool it is.

Emily said...

I'm laughing so hard. I loved this! I hope there's an update after the guy with the kitten is contacted.

Nate said...

AHH!

You quoted TWO of my comments! (The anonymous one under my quote was also by me... it was in the same comment when i posted it... it's okay, i still love you).

Anyways, you made me day.

Which is sad. Or awesome.

So thanks :)

Also, I'm moving to NYC soon... Any tips or advice (besides not going)? And when I get there, can we meet halfway between DC and NYC someday and drink heavily? My liver has gotten too soft lately and my only friend waiting for me in New York is named Jim Beam.

OK this is too long. Bye Bye Bye (N*Sync style).

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Sorry Nate! I should have given you credit for both comments. I suck.

NEW YORK! It's amazing. I support anyone and everyone moving there. I hated it because my job was 100% torture and it would have been physically and emotionally healthier for me to have been a hooker in an alley behind the dollar store. Also I lived in the middle of nowhere in Brooklyn and it took an hour and 15 minutes to commute to the city everyday. Twice a day. And that crap-ass apartment was expensive as sin and I made like $2/hr. ALL SITUATIONAL! I can see myself moving back when I have my shit together a little more.

So my advice is to enjoy it and have me over for drinks when you're all established in your new apartment.

Nate said...

Hmmm... Much to think about...

Actually, in all seriousness, I have about 3597345 questions about NYC... I've only been there once with my ex-gf (she wasn't an ex at the time... that would be weird), and some my experiences included trying to fall asleep while the girl we were staying with fought with her bf throughout the whole night (I assume they were fighting... but maybe they just like weird sex?), being dragged to the Miss Sixty store multiple days in a row, and getting mono. Seriously. Effing mono.

Soooo I'm going to send you an email sometime tomorrow, if you don't mind. And if you DO mind, I'm still going to send it... JUST TRY TO STOP ME. *muahahaha* (That's either maniacal evil genius laughter where I throw my head back twiddle my fingers and then pet my fluffy white cat that sits on my lap at all times or a horrible Krusty The Clown impression).

meg at two birds one blog dot com, right?

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Well I would be happy to answer your questions. Actually Chris (of Recrap Tuesdays fame and my estranged roommate,)will be staying with me in DC this weekend, so we can curl up together and answer your questions. He still lives there, so you can get the "I left NY!" perspective and the "I'm not a quitter! I stayed!" perspective.

Oh and Miss Sixty store...bbbahahaha..I died.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Oh and my email is Meg@2birds1blog.com

Julia said...

meg, can you post your nyc versus dc thoughts? i moved to nyc from dc for work, and i love it so far. but, i am not entirely convinced that it's good for me. and by me, i mean my liver. and by good, i mean not fatal.

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